Monday, October 24, 2005

Who the fuck died and made her queen?

I can’t say that I didn’t ask for it, but God Damn, who died and made my sister the authority on everything!? Since when did she get the right to preach to everyone about how they should live their life? I guess we all should get down on our knees and pray to our higher power (who can not be named Elvis, because that’s her higher power and she has apparently cornered the market on that name) that we can all live up the standards of life she has deemed the good, the right, and the only way.

If we don’t live up to her standards, she writes you right on out of her life. Ask our only living grandmother. My loving and forgiving and righteous and holier than thou sister has not bothered to speak to our grandmother for a year because there was a conflict that involved said grand mother’s dog, and said sister’s children.

To quote my sister verbatim (I would not want to be accused of getting it wrong, in any way or ‘borrowing’ anything that is strictly and completely and totally without question hers) I got the following email from her. My thoughts and responses are in White within the text.

It's annoying that you have taken on aspects of my life as your own(using Elvis as a higher power?? You are now saying "Dear Elvis??" (I used Elvis when talking to you, or about a conversation we had just to keep things clear. Frankly, my ‘higher power’ is bigger than Elvis. My higher power is God, who died and came back to life. Elvis died. He has no power. Higher or otherwise) Come on, that was all my creation during my days at Al-Anon.) You wrote in an email last week all upset about your life and you said that "people you know have things so much better than you" and then you listed MY friends (Jill, DeeDee, Velma.) (I used Jill and Velma because I had read their blogs. I didn’t realize that you owned them as well and I needed your permission to read what YOUR friends had posted on the web for public viewing. I’m so fucking sorry to have treaded on your personal territory. I didn’t know you owned them too!) I know that you do not have girlfriends and you have mentioned that you would like that to change, but you cannot just take mine and act as though they are yours! (I’m not trying to take you friends. Besides if they’re your friends I’m sure I would have nothing in common with them anyway and would find no reason to form a friendship. I was just in awe of them being powerful and strong women. Excuse the fuck out of me. Trust me, nothing against them, I’m sure they are great –based solely on what I read- but if they are your friends there is NO fucking danger of me taking them. As if they are possessions) I work hard every single day at maintaining these long lasting enduring friendships. I have shared joys and pains and elation and rage and hurt and grief and way too many drinks with these women for them to be something that I share as casually as tic tacs. If you were to actually meet them and hang out with them and then develop your own relationships with them, then WONDERFUL! (Rest assured, me hanging out with them will never happen, because I would never want to be accused of ‘stealing’ friends from you. Here’s a fucking clue Ms High Priestest, you don’t own them, they are their own person and can make their own decisions. ) I'd be so thrilled if that were the case - but to just take something that I have that you want without the effort is, well, annoying and childish. (You have nothing that I really truly want, in my heart of hearts. I was just sick at the poor pitiful me, my life is awful because I have a husband who doesn’t pick up laundry or do dishes. Get the fuck over it. You get to stay home with your boys day in and day out. You get to actually raise your kids while your husband makes a living working to make money to pay the bills, to buy the wonderful house you get to live in. I am busy fucking working just to put food on the table for my children. Cry somewhere else about how awful your life is. I’d like to see you make it a month in my shoes. How often do you eat mac n cheese and hot dogs because THAT’S ALL YOU HAVE IN THE HOUSE AND PAYDAY IS 4 DAYS AWAY???? How many meals do you skip so that your kids can have food to eat for the next day or two? I’m willing to bet not many. That is a monthly occurance in my world. MONTHLY!)

This is not coming out the way I want it to - it sounds so grade school. But you know what I'm talking about? Get your own phrase, your own personality, your own friends, your own life and please stop taking mine. I've worked hard to get where I am, to have the friends I have, to have the personality that I have. It's ME. You should want to have your own and work to make it so. God knows that I never got anywhere by hitching a ride on anyone else's wagon - when my life was all fucked up, I tried like hell to cling on to other folks' realities. Know where it got me? No where good (first husband, too many drugs, lots of booze, etc.) It wasn't until I started living my OWN LIFE that things got better for me. You cannot live through me - and, while you might not be trying to do so, all appearances show that you are. (I’m not trying to live through you, nor do I want to be you. I couldn’t handle being judge and jury of the whole world. I wouldn’t presume to tell people how righteous my life is and how they are doing it all wrong. I can’t even begin to live up to the standards you’ve set for all of us. I’m not even going to try. And don’t come running to me when you get lonely after you’ve told everyone they are wrong. I won’t give a fuck then either)

I know it might not sound like it, but it is really hard on me to write these kinds of emails. I don't like being curt and objectionable. I don't like confrontation - but I'm not afraid of it, either. I understand that this email was probably really upsetting to you, but I have been really upset for some time about these issues. I cannot control (nor would I want to control) the way you feel, but I also cannot sit by and let myself being taken advantage of. I care too much about myself for that.

Fine, I asked for it, I got it. Now, you have nothing else to worry about. It seems to me that you are capable of writing people out of your life, such as our grandmother, so I will once again borrow, steal, whatever you want to call it, I will take one last thing from you. I will write you completely out of my life. You will no longer have to worry about me calling you for anything. I will no longer be a drain on you, your precious family (which is so much better than mine and yet you have the nerve to bitch about your horrible life) I will no longer be a thorn in you side. You have just freed up an incredible amount of time and energy that you seem to think was a waste. Don't worry. It won't happen again. EVER!


1 comment:

Deb said...

We have family members like this too...I guess all famlies do. I think the key is not to give in. Hang in there :-)