Wednesday, June 29, 2005

She is the Sunshine of my life

Yesterday was my baby's last day of pre K summer school. The change in this child is amazing. When she first started, she was a bit uncertain, scared and embarrassed to admit it. She did not like the structured environment, did not like the 'rules' because she has spent 5 years being fiercely independent and marching to the beat of her own drum, living life on her terms, and taking things in her own stride.

But along with being independent and tough and strong, and a real go-getter, a part of her was still clinging tightly to her 'baby' status and would cuddle up next to me at night and watch tv, still call me Mommy, crawl into my bed after a bad dream. I could still see glimpses of the baby she used to be but they were getting harder and harder to find.

Yesterday, I had to drop her off alone, as her brother was at his father's house, and on her last day of school she had to walk in alone. My heart swelled with pride, and my eyes misted up as she reached up hugged me good bye "I love you Mommy" (still the baby) got out of the car and proudly, bravely walked into school alone, no longer the baby, but a very self assured 5 year old.

I know the days of cuddling, and my 'Mommy' days are numbered. I know that soon she will be 'too old' for such child-like language and displays of affection. I know that I will lose even more of my baby when the school year begins and she makes new friends and experiences new adventures. I know that the best way to love her is to be sure her feet are firmly planted on the ground and give her wings. I just want to hold and love my baby just a little bit longer.

For a child who was a surprise, she has become my greatest joy. She never fails to bring a smile to my face, turn a bad day around, warm my heart. She offers the simplest sweetest hugs and kisses when I need to be loved the most. She laughs with me, cries with me, and gets angry right along beside me, often turning my anger into laughter and smiles.

I am fiercely proud of her. While I hate to lose my baby, I am so excited and curious about the child/person/woman she will become.

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