Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Overheard on Yahoo today

"Overheard" on Yahoo this afternoon....

But my cookies are sweet and taste better

That's all I'm saying.

Syd, the floor is yours.

A conversation with Princess

On the phone with Batman last night, he was helping Princess change into her new Hoodie we bought for her.

Do you know who helped me pick this out for you?





Who's her favorite driver?

Kasey Kahne

Oh, well then, my favorite drivers are Tony Stewart and Kasey Kahne.

How sweet is she?

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

A little redecorating

I was getting kind of bored with the same 'ole same 'ole. I needed a change, something different, something not the usual cookie cutter look.

I found a new templates here and loved it. Although it's going to take some getting used to.

So, I've done a little rearranging, a bit of redecorating. Cleaning out some of the clutter, and tidying up the place.

I tried to copy and paste all my previous links to this new template, and I hope I haven't forgotten anyone. PLEASE, if you don't see your link in my sidebar, and would like it there, send me an email, I will be more than happy to add you.

So, tell me what you think of the new look?

Just asking....

If this was the burning question of the night at the Oscars, why is it I'm just now hearing about it 2-almost-3 days later?

Yeah, a bald head only makes the news when Britney does it.

Sorry Jack.

Just my thoughts

I tried to get around to everyone's blog today, and leave a comment. If I didn't leave a comment, that doesn't mean I didn't visit, I may have been called away from my desk, or god forbid *gasp* actually had to work.

I forgot my mom reads my blog, so imagine my surprise when I got an email from her today asking me "Man, did you really pay 3 figures for those sunglsses?" Uh, yeah, but I didn't pay full price! (like that makes a difference at this point) *sheepishly admitting the truth* Oops!

The drama around me swirls, but it's more of an annoying brisk wind vs a mad tornado. Of course, it still has the power to leave things changed in it's wake. The changes wrought by a thunderous explosion are yet to be discovered, as the debris has yet to fully settle.

And when I speak of this drama, there are 2 couples in the midst of change and drama. Both are on the outskirts of my life, although at different distances. Life is like the ocean, ebb and flow, high tide and low tide. Sometimes if I allow myself to think about it, I know there has to be a balance in the universe, and is it really that far of a stretch to think that my good fortune had to be counter balanced by their drama? Maybe that's just giving me and my life too much importance in the grand scheme of things.

Waiting, patiently waiting

He's not there yet.

We're together, we're a couple, I'm even his girlfriend (that still sounds so Jr high-ish) but things are different.

I knew they would be, they have to be. We're different. There is still residue from the past drama between us that isn't gone. And I'm not entirely sure it should be gone. There is lessons learned there, and the reminders are there.

The feelings are there, but the words aren't. Not yet. I spend a lot of time with him biting my tongue holding back the urge to shout out I LOVE YOU as loudly and proudly as I can. I don't say it for several reasons. I don't want to hear the silence that follows because he can't/won't say it back to me yet. I don't want him to feel pressured to say something he's not ready to say. It will happen when the time is right. Patience, the universe is constantly teaching me patience, and well, I wish it would hurry up and get this over with.

We have a blog we share. OK, we have a blog, I post to all the time, and he reads it. I wrote this post on there,

Once again, I find myself biting back the words I long to say to you. You sit there, just across the room from me watching the race. When I am done with this, I will go to you and join you. I will curl up beside you, cuddle into you, and my heart will swell with..yeah, I won't say it yet.
I am home again. I am grounded, I am centered. I am calm, and I am secure. I won't take it for granted.
So much to say to you, so much I feel for you, but I'll wait. Hard as it is, I'll wait, and I believe it will be worth the wait. You were. We were.
Until then I lov...well, you know.
Last night when he called to tell me good night, he told me... "I read our blog you know."
Yeah, I know
And you can say it, if you want to. I'm not there yet, but I know you are.
No, really, I'll wait
You don't have to, you can say it. It won't bother me.
Ok, but not now, I'll wait.

I want to believe he wants to hear it, but I don't know. That may be just me projecting my wants and wishes onto him.

I'll wait. Difficult as it is, I'll wait.

Hat Trick Meme

I found this meme on Attention Whore's blog, and well, I stole it. I thought it would be fun for a Tuesday morning. Rules? Three word answers, hence the Hat Trick (for all you hockey fans out there)

1. Where is your cell phone? In my purse
2. Boyfriend? Together again, YAY
3. Hair? Blonde, straight, wonderful
4. Your mother? Brave and strong
5. Your father? emotionally, physically distant
6. Your favorite item(s)? Camera, hats, hoodies
7. Your dream last night? I don't remember
8. Your favorite drink? Batman's perfect margarita
9. Your dream guy? One I have
10. The room you are in? hot stuffy office
11. Your fear? heights, clowns, rejection
12. What do you want to be in 10 years? Happy, settled, safe
13. Who did you hang out with last night? Newt and Tate
14. What are you not? rich, lonely, dead
15. Are you in love?absolutely, beyond doubt
16. One of your wish list items? a new Beemer
17. What time is it? not late enough
18. The last thing you did? stole this meme
19. What are you wearing? black inside out
20. Your favorite book? Nora Roberts books
21. The last thing you ate? tacos for dinner
22. Your life? coming full circle
23. Your mood? bored, waiting, happy
24. Your friends? great, fun, dramatic
25. What are you thinking about right now? Batman tomorrow night
26. Your car? big white bus
27. What are you doing at this moment? blogging and chatting
28. Your summer? moving from here
29. Your relationship status? second time around
30. What is on your TV screen? better be nothing
31. When is the last time you laughed? earlier this morning
32. Last time you cried? been a while
33. School? could go back

Monday, February 26, 2007

Pictures coming soon...I promise

I want to say thank you very much to those of you out there who have been patiently waiting for almost a week now for pictures from Daytona. I was more than a little busy playing catch up when I got back into town last week, and was still giddy with the afterglow of a dream realized.

Now that life is settling back down into a semi-normal routine I was all prepared to go through pictures this week and get them all posted. Until yesterday afternoon, when Batman went to load new software on my hard drive only to discover I don't have a hard drive. Well, I do, it's just refusing to work. Everything fires up lights up, spins and whistles like it should, but the hard drive just doesn't connect. My pc won't boot up.

So, my wonderful computer geek boyfriend is going to hopefully tear into it tonight or tomorrow and see what can be done to save it.

In the mean time, I have a crappy piece of shit back up tower at home, and I'm hoping it can hobble through the process of getting some of the pictures off of the memory card and posted here and to my photo website. (If I can remember how to log on and my password...shit, that could be a problem.)

I know there are more than a few of you out there waiting. Thanks for being patient. I promise they will be up this week, come hell or high water (or snow, sleet or hail...whatever)

My seriously ridiculously overpriced, but oh so worth every penny I spent on them shades

That is a picture of me in my new shades. Bought in Orlando (yeah, it may have been cool down there, but the sun was still bright)

I have a reputation of losing my shades. Therefore I never spend a lot of $ on them (we're talking $5 at Wal-Hell at best) Batman's theory on that is, if you spend a lot of $ on them you take better care of them, and you don't lose them. (sounds to me like an expensive lesson to learn and a hell of a lot of money to throw away when I prove him wrong, but eh, we'll see if he's right)

So, it was his mission to find me a pair of shades. Thank god we found a place 20%-80% off. But even at those discounted prices, I about fell the fuck over. Of course, when it's my shades, and my money, Batman's tastes knows no limit. I was thinking a $15 pair of shades was good enough to keep me from losing them. Oh hell to the no. He saw these, and said those magic words....
"I love them on you, you look sexy in them." and I went "Duh, OK"

Needless to say, even at close to half price, they were still 3 figures. (yeah, don't ask, I won't admit it out loud) But I can promise you this, I will never lose these damn things. and he better like them, he' s going to look at the for a lllloooonnnngggggg time.

Random and Odd, out of sorts

Your emotions need some nurturing, so make sure you don't play crisis counselor for anyone else except yourself right now. The life you fix needs to be your own. It's time to focus on your agenda.

That's my horoscope for today.

I've got a lot going on around me right now. For once, the drama is happening in other people's lives, instead of mine. But being who and what I am, their drama effects my life. I don't get drawn into it, but I am aware of it, and end up offering help in dealing with it.

Sometimes it's more than I can handle and more than I can deal with. My drama is enough for any one person to contend with. But I find it hard sometimes to shut the door on other people's drama.

Sometimes I know I have to, to preserve my sanity, and my relationships and my family. Hard as that is to do. Much as it breaks my heart.

I've barely gotten Batman back in my life, and well, that relationship is still new, still fresh, and still fragile like the newborn that it is. It is precious to me beyond words, and I will do all in my power to protect and nurture it.

My countdown is getting smaller, which means my new life is coming closer and it's time I get serious about that, and start thinking and looking ahead and planning for that day.

I spent a wonderful weekend with Batman, but I know that next weekend we will be apart, for the first time in 3 weekends. Not looking forward to that at all, but I know I'll get through it. Somehow.

Other things happened in people's lives around me. Things not unforeseen, but the timing was unexpected. Now that the bell has been rung, it can't be unrung, and words spoken in the heat of the moment, can't be taken back, the damage is done. Whether they were truly meant at the time is irrelevant. The thought had been there for the words to be spoken. This is not new territory, just a little unplanned.

I've gotten spoiled in the past couple of weeks, having Batman to chat with on line while we're at work. For whatever reason, he's unavailable right now, and has been most of the day. I am sure there is nothing wrong between us, but his silence is unsettling at best. I'm not worried, I just miss him.

I was Home again this weekend, and Sunday afternoon rolled around, that sick to my stomach feeling came back, at the thought of leaving him, coming back here to a place I barely exist any more. I'm a shell of myself here now, with my heart being with Batman. Soon, though, soon, I'll be so much closer to him. Just not soon enough.

Uh, yeah

Yeah, I'm speechless.

Totally speechless.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Owning my life, making it my own

Once again, I am borrowing words from my sister, (and giving her full credit, and posting a link, and making sure she gets all the credit due her because she's brilliant beyond words sometimes.) just because she put it into words so perfectly, and it gives me a good starting off point.

In October of '05, sis wrote this post. Uh, yeah, she was talking to me. Maybe, just maybe she was talking about other people too, but yup, that's me right there, in Some people never get it and You can not see or hear. Dead on, bulls eye, direct hit.

There are people out there that just don't get it. I used to be one of those people. I used to be the one that would whine and cry about how awful my life was, and yet, I did nothing to change it. I continued to make the same choices, and get the same results. I continued to react to the same situations in the same way, and get the same results. And I continued to be miserable. And I continued to expect other people to sympathize with me, or fix the problem.

The very definition of insanity is Doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results. It's not going to happen, folks. If you don't like the way things are going in your corner of the world, it's up to you to change it. Change you, change your surroundings, change the people in your circle, change the circle you're in. A rut is just a grave with the ends kicked out.

I wanted her life because it looked so much better than mine and I didn't like mine. It was easier to steal hers than it was to change mine and make mine what I wanted. Funny thing is, it doesn't work that way. I couldn't have her life. I needed to fix mine. I needed to do the work to make the changes to make my life better. I wanted her to come in and fix my life, and well, that doesn't work either.

I wanted to make her friends my friends, because I didn't know how to make my own. I, stole bits and pieces of her life. Why? I wanted what she had and I didn't want to do the work to get it all for myself. The problem is, her life doesn't fit me, and I don't fit her life. We're just too different.

Eventually I got it. Eventually I realized that I needed my own life. I needed my own friends, and I found them, I made them, I've worked hard to cultivate friendships, and I work hard to maintain them. I enjoy them because they are mine. I found my own things, my own hobbies, my own interests, my own voice and it all means more to me because they're mine. I have my own music, I have my own style, I have my own life, that is not my sister's.

I did the work, I made the changes and I'm standing on my own two feet now. That also means when I fall, I make my own mistakes, and I learn my own lessons. I pick myself up on my own, and go on. If I need help, I ask for help. I don't want someone to come in and make it all right for me, but if I can't do it on my own, I get the help I know I need. Nothing wrong with asking for help. That's a sign of greater strength.

Yes, I started this blog post with my sister's words. I didn't steal them. I borrowed them. I linked to them, I gave her full credit.

The rest is my own.

I'm just saying

Once again, I've the the 2-hours-left-to-work-it's-nice-outside-I'm-going-to-spend-the-weekend
with-my-honey-and-I've-got-nothing-to-do-at-work blues.

With Britney in rehab, and Anna Nicole on her way to the Bahamas, there's nothing on the blond train wreck news front to report.

I promise there will be NASCAR pictures posted from Daytona next week. I just have been busy every night this week and haven't had time to get through them. With 400 pictures to go through it's going to take some time.

I'm bored out of my mind at work. Nobody is in the office this week, but me. So, there's nothing to do.

I have things I want to blog about, but not sure how to handle the situation just yet. May have to think about it some more.

I didn't exactly see this coming

But in the bizarre world of blond train wrecks, it doesn't surprise me.

Apparently, there is a video taped message from Anna to Britney when they were both pregnant, saying she would like to meet the Pop Princess and become friends.

I knew those two had a connection somewhere.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

She's BACK. Third time the charm?

Reports are surfacing again that Brit is back in rehab. Maybe with K-FedEx scheduling an appearance in family court, possibly about the boys, it was enough of a wake up call, that she's actually going to stay longer than a few hours.

Mama Spears took her in today (last night?) after K-FedEx refused to let Brit see their sons last night at his house.

Maybe the thought of losing those boys is enough to rattle her cage, shake her up and get her on a fast track back to reality.

We can only hope.

Who gets the body?

The judge has ruled on who will get custody of Anna Nicole's body. (Hey, now that Anna's going to find a resting place, maybe Brit can settle down too)

I told Batman all along, they should just cremate her and divide her up between all the interested parties. That way everyone can bury Anna where ever they want to.

They came damn close.

The judge compromised and gave custody to attorney Richard Milstein, the guardian for Smith’s 5-month-old daughter, Dannielynn.

Now, what he will do with the body is anybody's guess.

Perfect Sense

When does the logic part of the brain develop and become active?

I mean to me it all makes perfect sense. To the girls? It might as well be greek.

Homework. I'm not a tyrant about it. I believe it should be done when we get home. If they need help, ask for it. HELP. I will not do the homework for them. I've done elementary school. And passed. I don't need to do it again. They, apparently do.

To me, homework is not done until the work is complete, I've looked it over, signed it, and it's back in the home folder, and in the book bag ready for tomorrow. To the girls, it's done when the work is done and it's left on the table (or the floor, or the sofa, or the chair, or their bed, or your guess is as good as mine). That usually means there is a mad search for homework just as we're trying to run out the door in the morning.

I've tried to tell them until I'm blue in the face, put it in your home folder the night before, but well, they have more important things to do. Such as torment their brother when he's home, throw clothes all over the floor, argue with each other about stupid stuff I don't even want to know about.

Oh, and like TN Becky I didn't realize that shoes now belong in brother's room, and in the bathroom closet and every now and again, they belong in the kitchen. I would have never believed the one place they didn't belong would be the girls' closet.

I figure a few more days of left at home homework, and a couple of days without shoes, and clothes (I can't wash what I don't have) they might begin to change their ways. I can only hope

It's not the fall that hurts, it's the landing that's a bitch

The fall isn't fatal, but the landing sometimes can be. In this case, the fall has been more than a little uncomfortable for the world at large watching.

It's a long way from this

To this

I know that earlier this week I joked about this being a publicity stunt to get back into the spotlight, and kick that dead body out of the news headlines, but really, this is a cry for help. A serious cry for help.

She's a little girl lost.

Remember when this was the most controversial thing she had done?

Doesn't seem so bad now does it?

It wasn't that long ago that Brit and Madonna were pretty tight.

Maybe Madge could come back to America for just a short visit, invite the fallen Pop Princess back to her palace (after rehab, of course), away from the prying eyes of the paparazzi in America, and spend 6 months with Brit. Brit needs to be completely out of the spotlight, and who better to help Brit clean up her image than the Queen of reinvention herself?

A big part of me feels sorry for her. I know what it's like to feel like your life is a complete failure, a total mess, and to be completely out of control. I hurt that she is losing her children. As a mother that pain is beyond words and description. And while I know its best for the boys, that decision will only add to her feelings of worthlessness and failure, and will only add to the downward spiral she's on.

Another part of me finds little sympathy for the fact that she's having this breakdown in the public eye and in front of the media. There are plenty of places to go to get away, and heal. It will take time, and it will take work. Relax Britney, the media will still be there when you come back. Go find yourself, get help, become someone worth watching, and following.

I don't know how much further she call fall, before she hits her complete and utter rock bottom. My only hope is that once she hits bottom, she bounces.

Horoscopes and such

When you push too hard to make something happen, it never turns out exactly the way you think it would. Why not let go of your expectations and let this situation evolve more organically? You'll be happier. Feeling insecure is normal, but you have to deal with it in a grown-up way. Projecting it onto someone else will cause more trouble. You don't want to ruin something potentially great because of your unconscious panic.

That is my horoscope for today. It's a lesson hard learned, but one I've learned, or am learning. Patience paid off. Not pushing too hard, letting things evolve on their own, paid off. Learning to deal with my insecurities in a mature way, paid off.

In Spades.

Standing on the precipice of life altering events, wanting to leap forward with gusto, but finding patience to wait it out, got me here.

I have traveled a long, winding broken road to get to Batman. Not just in the past 6 months, but in the past 38 years. But it was the last 3 months, that have been the most significant. I had to find a way to free myself from the clutches of my past, physically, mentally and emotionally. I had to finally get free from The Forces of Evil. I had to find the patience to do this calmly and rationally when what I was fighting was anything but calm and rational. I had to find the logic and the calm when all I wanted to do was rage and storm. I had to be the adult, when I wanted to sit and throw temper tantrums.

I also had to learn patience. If Batman and I were to find our way back to each other it was going to be on the Universe's time table, not on mine. I had to wait for things to fall into place. I had to learn to be patient, to not push. I learned I have faith, and I learned all about trust. Trusting him, trusting the Universe, and trusting myself.

It's been a long winding and broken road, full of pot holes and road blocks, but I'm here. I know there are more lessons to be learned, more pot holes, stumbling blocks, and road blocks in the way. Just because we stand side by side, together again, does not mean the path before us will be easy, but we will walk it together now. The Universe has brought us back together, like I always believed it would. The Broken road led me straight to him.

I think about the years I spent, just passing through
I’d like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you
But you just smile, and take my hand
You’ve been there you understand
It’s all part of a grander plan that is coming true
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Other’s who broke my heart, they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms
This much I know is true
God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

~Rascal Flatts


My girl Dixie, has tagged me with this little gem. 7 weird things about me with a twist. This time, 6 will be true, and 1 will be a lie. It's up to you to figure it out.

I am a numbers freak. I will do random math problems in my head while I drive. I will find patterns in numbers. The 9's multiplication table fascinates me because 7x9=63 but there is a pattern.....7-1=6, 6+3=9, 7x9=63. See, I'm a freak.

If it weren't for spell check I would look like such an idiot.

I love Orange juice with a little milk, sugar and vanilla mixed into it. Tastes like a poor man's Orange Julius.

My absolute favorite pizza ever? Pizza Hut's canadian bacon with pineapple. Batman says pineapple doesn't belong on pizza, so we usually get supreme (my 2nd favorite), with extra cheese. (always extra cheese).

I still exchange Christmas cards with my 7th grade boyfriend, although now his wife and I send the cards and pictures of the kids.

Every once in a while, I love to eat my potatoe chips dipped in ketchup, and my fish sticks (the kids love them, and they are fast and easy, get off my back) dipped in mayo.

I love swimming in the ocean and I was sorry it was TOOoooo cold while we were there last week to do it.

There ya have it and there ya are. 7 weird things about me, and only 6 are true. I'm not going to tag anyone, but feel free to steal this if ya wanna.

ETA: 8:15 PM Dixie and Celebrate Woo-Hoo are the two that guessed it right. I HATE swimming in anything that does not have chlorine in it. I HATE swimming in the ocean, or The Lake, I will however wade in a creek or a stream if the water is clear.

Way to go Girls!

Thursday 13, Final Edition

13 Things overheard in the Stands at the Daytona 500

1. Michael Waltrip is gay.
No he’s not, he’s just brain damaged.

2. Jeff Gordon is gay.
But he’s married to a hot chick and she’s pregnant.
She’s a front and the baby is Jr’s

3. Hey, did you get a picture of that? Yeah, Jr’s car. Being towed in. Yeah, it’s wrecked. Get a picture of that? I got one if you didn’t.

4. Jr says that #99 is out there driving like he’s playing a video game

5. I could actually like a Bush brother for a split second. He just took Tony Stewart out of the race.

6. It’s freakin’ cold when that sun goes down. This is Florida not Michigan.

7. That dude is so damn drunk, he won’t see the start of this race, let alone the first wreck. (surprisingly enough, he was upright and stumbling.. the entire race)

8. Hey Guys! Did you pay for front row seats? NO? Well, I freakin’ did, so I didn’t have to look at the back of your heads, now move it!

9. Oh Dude! Puking right here would not be a good thing. Not at all.

10. Well, now that Jr’s out of the race, might as well go home and beat the crowd.

11. Man 1 to Girl: Hey, didn’t you hear him bet me $40 that 29 would finish ahead of 8?
Girl: Uh yeah, sure.
Man 1 to Man 2: See, I told you, you did bet me!
Girl to Man 1: Ok, now you owe me half for lying for your ass. Pay up!

12. You know it’s cold when it’s too damn cold for beer at a NASCAR race.
Yeah, but it didn’t stop some of these idiots from getting wasted now did it?

13. Damn, what a wild finish that was!

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

This Just In....She's out again

Just read that Britney has left rehab again, less than 24 hours after checking in for a second time. Guess they didn't serve the right kind of Patron.

The Weather Girl and Poindexter

Race day dawns, and it's raining in Daytona. Not a big deal really, it will blow over, the track will drive, and we'll be green flag racing by 3:30.

The temperature that morning? A cool 38 degrees. (yes, I know, in reality, it's cold. In relativity, it's not bad). There was a wind chill factor.

Yes. A wind chill factor.

Oh hell.

We don't have wind chill factors here until it get's below freezing, and then our wind chill factors tend to be below Zero.

A wind chill factor at 38 degrees?

Good Grief.

And what I wouldn't give to be able to find a picture of Poindexter the weather dweeb we watched on Friday morning. He was wearing a shirt that was either denim or velvet, (it was hard to tell, but either one was bad enough) with a bright red tie.

God Bless Al Gore (don't tell Batman I said those 4 words) and the internet. I found Poindexter the weather dweeb here. I took one look of him and spewed coffee all over the mirror.

The Car Wash

Batman has a new car. New to him. Well, relatively new, 6 months new. Nice.

We left behind 10 inches of snow on the ground last Thursday, and weather too damn cold to talk about. But we also drove away in a car that had salt and mud residue all over it. EW, but we looked just like everyone else around us.

That is, until we hit Orlando. Yeah, even though those people looked like a blizzard was coming for them, it hadn't actually hit yet. Their cars were clean. Not just clean, shiny clean. First order of business? Car wash.

We found one of those full service, inside out, we do it all for you car washes that only cost a small small fortune, and got 'er done. (I can't believe I just typed that. I am such a red neck..and so embarassed)

Waiting for our car (yeah, notice our car...*giggle* ours) Vinnie and Guido come in. I swear they were straight out of Jersey. The whole Godfather accent, the suits, the chains, the shades, couldn't have been a worse stereotype.

And here's Batman behind me, whispering under his breath so only I could hear him, doing voice overs for Vinnie and Guido, "So, Vinnie, did you talk to Sal?"
"Yeah, I did. He said he'd take care of it."
"Good. I don't want the details."
"It's been taken care of Boss."
"That's what I wanted to hear."

Took everything I had to stand there with a straight face and not bust a gut laughing my ass off.

Palm Trees

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Barely crossed the GA/Fl border before Batman starts looking for palm trees. "I don't see any palm trees. We're in Florida, where's the palm trees? Oh! There's one!"

Then it was "Palm tree" all weekend. He'd randomly see one and yell "Palm Tree". Or come up to me and tap my shoulder,
What Babe?
Palm Tree

Coming home, half way through Georgia, he starts in with "I miss the palm trees".

Wonder how Palm trees do in snow?

Biting a bullet

Maybe I'm growing up. Maybe it's being in love. Maybe it was just the good vibes I picked up on vacation. I don't know.

The Slug actually had to take the girls this past weekend (it was my weekend to have them) while Batman and I went to Florida. To most parents it wouldn't be an issue. Most parents would jump at the chance to spend extra time with their kids. Not always so with Slug.

He agreed to take them but based on past performances from him, I expected some drama. I did all that I could before leaving to ensure there would be none, but the few days leading up to departure were questionable at best. So I prayed.

And while I was in Florida, at the race, I spent some money on a Tony Stewart hat. Let me tell you, how huge that was. I spent $$, my $$, on a hat of a driver I don't really like, to give to The Slug, who has added more drama to my life than TNT has in it's nightly line-up of Law & Order. But I bit the bullet and bought the hat.

When I got back into town and picked up the girls we called him and asked him if we could come by, we had something to give him. He reluctantly agreed. So we went. The girls showed him their shirts and their hats from Florida (No NASCAR stuff for my girls-some times I wonder if they're mine) and then we gave him his hat.

I hope you don't already have one
I wanted to be sure and get you something from there, to say thank you for taking an extra weekend with the girls.
And to say thank you for not causing a fuss about it, and not giving us a hard time about this trip. It was very much appreciated. And I just wanted to say Thank you.
You're welcome.

I think I caught him off guard.

Later I got a text message from him. Thanks for the hat. It was nice of you.
Told you I was done fighting. Just want to get along for the girls.
I agree. Thanks again.

Uh, now he caught me off guard.

Wonder how long the truce will last?

I don't care

I'm back at work today.

The weather is colder today than I have been in a week.

The girls forgot homework this morning, lost shoes, couldn't find the right jacket, and we were running late all morning long.

It's going to be 80 degress in Florida today, now that we're home.

But you know what? I don't care.

Know why?

I have a boyfriend. *giggle*

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

We're Home (start reading here)

It was an incredible vacation and there are lots of stories to tell. I was going to write it all in one blog post but I was afraid that I'd miss something or forget something. So I'll write it out in individual blog posts. There will be many.

It was a great week for so many reasons. It was an INCREDIBLE race, and unless you've been hiding under a rock this week, you've seen the awesome finish! The first half was a snoozer, but damn if the boys didn't entertain in the last half.

I took over 400 pictures on this trip (Mostly at the track) so it will take a day or two to get through them all, but I promise there will be many posted here, and a link to a photo website for the rest.

The weather was much much warmer than what we left behind, but once you get used to it, it's still cold. We had to laugh at the weather girl on race day. They were calling for temps in the 50's (58 to be exact) and the weather girl was telling people to dress in layers. Like 7 layers, shirts, sweaters, sweatshirts, coats. OK. I'll agree, when the sun went down, it got cold. 3 layers cold (henly, hoodie, jacket) but not 7 layers cold.

When we rolled into Orlando Friday night, it was 46 (And yes, I know, 46 is cold. But compared to 2 and 10" of snow that we left behind in Mo, 46 was rather pleasant.) We got so tickled at the people walking the streets bundled up in parkas, scarves, hats, and gloves like it was freezing cold. Batman and I were in tee shirts, and jackets with our windows rolled down.

Much to tell, many laughs and memories to share, and pictures too. So, grab a chair, get comfortable, and I'll tell you a story or two.

She gets an A for Effort

Before we left on the trip, we had Batman's satellite radio installed so we could have his 'traffic bitch' and his 'weather bitch' wherever we went. (and damn, it was nice to have too) but that also meant we had Fox News Radio too. Since we're both news junkies, we listened to a lot of Fox News.

Unless you were hiding in a cave this weekend, you know that up until Friday afternoon, the talk of the town wasn't the War in Iraq, or who would be running for President. It was who's going to get Anna Nicole's body. Anna Nicole ad nauseum. Finally I looked at Batman and said, "Where's Britany, flashing her vajayjay when you need her?"

10 minutes later, there was Late Breaking News! The Pop Princess had checked herself into rehab! Way to go Britany! Tired of having Anna Nicole be center stage, Brit tried her damnedest to steal the spotlight.

When rehab didn't knock Anna out of the circus, Brit tried again, by leaving rehab 24 hours later! Gotta love my girl for giving it her all. Once again, the rehad rebound wasn't enough to change the topic of conversation from Anna Nicole to Brit herself. So, what's a girl to do?

Obviously, shave her head. (and am I the only one to make the joke now the curtains match the carpet?) What else can she do? That at least garnered some attention. But not enough to remove Anna Nicole from the spotlight. Of course there is much speculation about the why and the WTF behind Brit's stunt, but I know, it's really just trying to get the attention off of Anna Nicole.

As long as Brit doesn't hire Howard K. Stern as her atty in the divorce from K-FedEx, she stands a pretty good chance of surviving it.

The Race

The race.
It was a snoozer.
At least the first hundred laps.

Then it got exciting, and that's why I love Nascar.

I'm sure I'm going to upset some of my friends, and for that I'm sorry. I know that everyone has their driver. I have mine. (Kasey Kahne) Batman has his (Mark Martin).

I HATE with a passion that burns brighter than 1000 suns, the whinning rat bastard Bush brothers. Batman hates Jimmy Johnson. He hates Tony Stewart too. (I'm not Tony's biggest fan). We both like Carl, and Jr. Can do without Jeff.

So, (and again I'm sorry) when Kurt Bush took out Tony Stewart, I busted my ass laughing! For a split second I actually liked a Bush brother, because he put Tony Stewart into the wall, and then hit the wall himself, and took them both out! Two for the price of one. 2 down, 2 more to go!

I was sorry to see Jr. mess up his car so bad. It was funny too. When Jr. wrecked, and was out of the race, it was mass exodus in the stands. Every single Jr fan, packed it up and left. Fine by me, the more that left early was fewer I had to fight with after the race to get to the car.

I was damn was glad to see Jimmy Johnson out of the race too. (3 down) Just 1 more whining rat bastard brother to go. But it wasn't meant to be.

Then there was the finish! Batman's boy leading the pack! At that point, it didn't matter how cold we were (and yes, once the sun went down, it got cold) and it didn't matter how much our legs hurt (from walking around the track on the 31 degree bank) we were staying to watch that finish! But we didn't. When we were 3 laps from the end, and they red flagged it. We waited, and waited. And froze, and hurt, and Batman finally said, "I don't care, I can't do this any more" so we started heading to the car. But we could hear it. And if we could have, we would have kicked ourselves in the ass for not standing there a few minutes longer. (Shut up, all of you! I know, we should have stayed, but you weren't there, cold and tired and hurting too much to stand knowing we still had to walk 4 blocks to the car. He said he was ok with not staying.)

And while our guy didn't win, it wasn't a disappointing finish! Holy close call Batman! It was exciting!

Traveling under his alias....Batman

This is the very first picture I ever saw of Batman, when I first met him in August. Yeah, you can go ahead and say it. He looks an awful lot like him. You won't be the first to say it, or the first to notice it. I noticed it. I said something. He says he get's that a lot. So much so, he signed more than a few of his credit card rcpts this weekend KB. I believed him, just never experienced it. Until yesterday.

We stopped for lunch got get some famous wings. No big deal, really, until the manager came by our table. He stopped. Looked. Looked again. And we chuckled, but looked at him, and did a double take. He came up to our table and said "Kevin Bacon! That's who you look like!"
SSHHHH! Not so loud! I'm traveling under my alias. But you should know that, Steven.
Uh, yeah, I get that a lot too!
Yes, the manager was the spitting image of Steven Spielberg.

Batman Returns

Last month, I posted this here, and I sent a similar email to Batman with the exact same picture.

He sent me back an email that said, "I just can't right now. That's not to say some day maybe, but right now, I can't"

It was the response I expected, but I still felt I had to try. After all, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Apparently, it got him thinking. A lot.

He asked me before Christmas to gain some of the weight back I had lost when we broke up. 5 pounds was all he was asking. He promised to make it worth my while. He told me last week that I would get my surprise on this trip.

He came through for me. He kept his promise, and he made it all worth while. Today.

On our way to his house today, with only an hour to go before I had to leave to come home, he made it all worth my while.

Let me go back. Batman was absolutely wonderful this weekend. Opening doors for me, getting up early every morning to go get fresh coffee for us. He asked me about my trip to The Daytona 500 last year, and then made it a point to do everything in his power to make this trip better, to do absolutely nothing like last year. He would reach for my hand and hold it as we walked around. He would hug me for no reason. He would rock my world with soul touching kisses just out of the blue.

Finally today, he asked me, You know what your surprise is don't you?


You should. Haven't you picked up on the hints, the clues?Do you know why I want you to come down this weekend, with your girls?

Uh, you want to see me?


Well, I know things have changed


I know things are different.


But I want you to tell me. I want to hear you say it.

Ok, well, I'm not quite ready to say....those three words, but I want to give us a second chance. I want to try to make this work. I believe is us, and I want us. I forgive you for what you did before. Don't do it again.

That's good enough for me for now.

Later, in a text message, I asked him. "So, does this make me your girlfriend again?"

and his reply?

Very simply...


I don't think so

The sign just to the right there, says We've moved! Temporary new location is blah blah blah.

At first I was like, Really? No shit? Moved huh? Wonder why, aside from it looks like the place was torched.

Then I noticed the name.

Wonder how many people actually go looking for this place?

5 pounds? No problem. Eating our way to Florida and back

Batman promised to make it worth my while to gain 5 pounds, and I did. (and he did, Oh god did he ever, but more on that in a minute) Even if I hadn't, this weekend I'm sure I did.

I love Batman, don't get me wrong. But that man does not believe in grabbing a quick burger, anywhere, unless there's just no other way!

We ate this trip, and ate, and ate.

Thursday was Waffle house, Hooters, and McDonalds (at 9:30PM we were tired)

Friday was Waffle House again, Pizza Hut, and T.G.I. Friday's

Saturday was IHOP, local Mexican joint (they had Margaritas 2 for $4!) and then Outback (still in search of the Perfect Margarita. I know where they are...B makes them)

Sunday (race day) was Bob Evans, Burger King, and Denny's for dinner. (That man LOVES his breakfast food and can eat eggs, bacon and pancakes 3 times a day)

Monday found us at Cracker Barrel, Hooters, and we skipped dinner because it was already late by the time we stopped for the night.

Today, we ate at Miss Scarlett's (local restarant, great food) and we were home by lunch.

Finally, I got to the point I had to tell him, I'm sorry, I've reached my food quota for the week. I can't eat any more. I just couldn't eat another bite. Between all those meals, was driving, and coffee, and energy drinks. I'm glad to be home, I don't have to eat three squares any more. I can take a break, and skip breakfast if I want to!

Saturday, February 17, 2007

We're here!!!

We're HERE!

Finally got on the road around 4:15-4:30 Thursday. And drove to just past Nashville. (Yes, TN Becky I tried to call you that night to say HEY We're here! But your phone was off!) We got to Orlando last night around 6:30 local time.

It's funny to see everyone running around here in coats, hats, gloves, scarves when it's 47 degrees. I know that is technically cold, but when you leave 2 degree weather, 47 feels wonderful. So last night, Batman and I are crusin through town with tee shirts and jackets and windows down enjoying the 'heat wave' and laughing at everyone acting like it's cold.

Tomorrow is race day. Today, is play day. The most pressing plans we have is find a car wash. Batman has issues that his car has salt and snow residue on it and nobody else's does. So, after car wash, souvies, and breakfast, the day looms before us with endless possibilities. High today is supposed to be 62. Gonna go find me some sun.

Thursday, February 15, 2007


We were supposed to leave at noon today. Then maybe 1:00. Now there is an URGENT conference call Batman has to be a part of at 4:00. I'm not sure I'll ever get on the road.

Oh, and did I mention it's f#@king insane cold here today? Yeah, and we can't even leave for the warm Florida sun for another hour, at least.


Thursday 13

May I please be excused from participating this week? I am soon to be on my way to Florida and well, my mind is already in a warmer, sunnier place.

Thank you

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

My Aristocratic Title

Thanks to Stacy, I stole this. I wonder if I can get Batman to call me this all weekend long? Wouldn't that be too fucking much? Yeah, think I'll try it.

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
Imperial Majesty Rebecca the Nimble of Wimblish upon Frognaze
Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

The problem with asking him to use my title? Yeah, he might make me use his, and well, it would just go to his head, and he'd be impossible to live with.

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
His Most Serene Highness Lord Batman the Crepuscular of Molton St Anywhere
Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

Packing issues

This morning, plans got changed, in a good way. My departure time of 12:00 noon tomorrow, got suddenly moved up to 5:00 tonight. (Give or take). You know, when a deadline looms large on the horizon, motivation is increased, tremendously.

I talked to my sis this morning, and when she asked if I was packed, I laughed. Then she said "Well, don't overpack" to which my reply was "Too Late! I have packed, over-packed, unpacked, repacked, over-packed again, unpacked, and repacked, and I'm not completely packed." Her repsonse? "Geez! You've got packing issues" Well, duh.

So, when plans changed, I had to finish packing in a hurry. That I can do. It's when I give myself too much time to pack, I tend to over-think every thing that goes into the suitcase. I plan things too closely. When left with only a few minutes (read 30) to finish packing, instinct kicks in and I just start throwing things I know I'll need in a bag.

I went home at lunch and topped off the suitcase, grabbed all the bathroom gear, the camera, the lenses, the lens caps, shoes, hat, jacket, everything in 30 minutes flat. Even had time to pick out an outfit for each of the girls in case they end up spending the night at my mother's on Monday. (who knows what we'll run into on the road)

What I don't get done tonight, (nails, wal-mart) I can do tomorrow, Batman has to go into to work for a couple of hours. I am finished with my apartment now until Tuesday. Wahoo. (Yes, I remembered to shut the computer down)

I'm off, in an hour and a half. There will be blog posts from the road, and pictures. I can't believe it's finally here.

Oh, yeah, one more thing, this is the weekend I finally get to find out exactly what he's going to do to make it worth my while to have gained back the weight I lost. HHMMMM... I know what I'm hoping for.

Stay Tuned!

Holy Change of Plans Batman!

Yes, you read that right. Change of plans. Don't panic. It's all good.

B and I are chatting, making final plans for this trip of ours. I was originally going to drive to St. Louis tomorrow morning, and meet him at work. I was going to forgo tonight, Wednesday, Valentine's day, with him, in exchange for the weekend.

I guess he has other plans.

He asked me if I could possibly come down tonight, spend the night (4th Wednesday and Valentine's Day) with him, go to work with him for a couple of hours tomorrow and leave from there.

hhmmmm... Valentine's Day with Batman. More than I could have ever hoped for.

Happy Valentine's Day, Just because

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Just because it is. I normally try to skip over this day, but this year, I need this day (more time to finish getting ready). I didn't/don't expect anything from Batman this year, just because we are still so undefined.

But at 7:00 this morning, he called me, to wish me a Happy Valentine's Day. And that was more than I expected, and it was kind of sweet that he thought to call.

I gave him a card that said "Just for you" and inside it says "Just because." And I signed it "Just because, uh, just because, well, you know" (yeah, thanks Jose for helping me wax poetically there...more like wax pathetically)

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

My newest cutest outfit

The top is Batman's favorite of all the stuff I bought this weekend. The Capris I already had. Together I'm thinking they are just too perfect for words.

Please try and refrain from making the usual and expected Little Red Riding Hood jokes. Yeah, I've never heard that before. Ever.

Brick wall

This is insane!

I should be packing a suitcase for my trip. I have dresses picked out by the readers of this blog. I have new clothes bought this weekend specifically for this trip. We leave in less than 48 hours. And yet, I can not get anything in that suitcase.

I can not decide what outfits to take, what tops to wear with what bottom. Jeans? Shorts? Skirt? Dress? Halter? Tee? Sweatshirt? Tennis shoes? Loafers? Sandals? The only thing I do know for certain? I will be taking my Kasey Kahne hoodie and hat. After that, I might as well be naked.

Then there is the list of things I still need to do.
*I need to charge my camera battery.

*Get the extra lenses.

*Get the cooler out, clean it up.

*CD's to burn pictures to

*New notebook journal.

*Books/magazines to read

*phone charger and bluetooth charger

On top of everything else, the girls have chosen this night to fight like cats and dogs. Newt's list of student names from her class is missing. She swears Tate touched it last. How is she supposed to do her Valentine's for school tomorrow without that list? I go into their room to look for it, and can't find the floor, once again. Can't see the top of the dressers. All of my missing towels are laying in a damp heap in the middle of their bedroom floor. No wonder Newt didn't have anything to wear today, all of her clothes are thrown all over that room. Anybody got a match?

Tomorrow the kids all go to their dads until I get back. I should have plenty of time to get it all done, but I know, I will be sitting here again tomorrow night, with packers block. I have to get my manicure tomorrow and tan one last time. I have to pay the electric and the water bills. I have to make arrangements to pick up my paycheck early and if that is not possible, have my mother do it for me.

And in the middle of this hubbaballoo, I have to remember to breathe. (OH SHIT!! THE TICKETS! Be sure they get packed!!! Wouldn't that be horrible? And Sharpies! We need sharpies for autographs.)

I need a margarita.

I need a vacation.


A happy thought


I am at home right now!

Now, off to start packing!


I'm Connected

Mother Nature brought the snow, and the entertainment gods brought the guys who hooked up my cable and my internet at home.

So, tonight, My girls will be in heaven watching American Idol. I will be able to blog to my heart's content and till your minds are numb and full of worthless drivel.

Now, the only reason to come to work every day is to collect a pay check.

Just letting you know up front

It seems that I was the only brave soul (read IDIOT) to make it to work today. And since I like my paycheck, I'll stay for the day. But since no one else is here, there will be nothing to do but surf the web, and post meaningless drivel to my blog.

Too bad I couldn't bring all my stuff here, and start packing....

Let it snow! Let is snow! Let it snow!

Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!

Because I leave in 2 days for sunny Florida.

Ah.. Mother Nature is at it again. Throwing snow at me, trying to make me worry about my trip. Not going to happen this time. It's Tuesday, and they are saying the snow will end today, so the roads will be clear by Thursday.

I've been watching the weather down there all week. And it's not going to be as warm this year as it was last year, (60 vs 84) it's still going to be warmer than it is here. (And there won't be snow)

Mother Nature, you don't phase me now. Nothing is going to dampen my mood. Florida, here I come!

Monday, February 12, 2007

He's doing it again

I've mentioned my photography a time or two here. I will be honest, since Batman and I broke up, I've neglected it some (ok, a lot) because it was so strongly connected to him. But I've been trying to get back into it, and separate it in my head at least from him.

Last week, he sent me a message, telling me he found me a copy of the new photo editing software I use so much. So, he got it for me, just because he knows that the program I have now is out of date, and limiting me. Because he just gets me, he found a newer version for me.

I had mentioned in the past I would like to learn to turn digital photos into paintings, or at least give them the painted look and there is a software program to do that as well. Today, he told me he found the new software for me to do just that and is trying to get it for me. Just because I mentioned maybe, and he listened and he knows, he gets me.

So, if I ever get good enough I can actually go into business behind my camera, I guess I'll have to make him a partner. If for no other reason than to keep my software up to date. (yeah, that will be the reason)

He just gets me.

And blows me away.

Is it any wonder I love him?


So, Batman and I were talking the other day about our age. Turns out I'm older than he is, by exactly 5 months and 17 days. He said, "Well yeah, you're older than me. "
Yeah, by 5 months and 17 days
Oh, really? I thought you were 40 already.
Good thing you're so damn cute.

So, shopping Friday with A, we're talking to a sales girl and I mention A is 'helping me spend my money.'
And that stupid sales bitch says to A, "Helping Mom spend her money? Lucky girl!" (I am 38, A is 22, so yeah, it's possible, but hello?)
Oh hell to the no you didn't just say that.


Things I have done today:
Checked my email
Visited everyone's blog
Drove home from Batman's this morning
Checked the weather forecast for here, for St. Louis, for Daytona Beach, and for Orlando this week.
Posted a few things to my blog.
Left a few comments on some blogs
Chatted on line with my Girl M, and with Batman

Things I have not done today:
Anything resembling work
Not. A. Damn. Thing.

Things I need to do today:
Start laundry
Start packing
My nails
Parent teacher conference # 2 for Newt (yes, Slug will be there)
Burn some CD's for the trip
Charge my Nikon battery

Too much to do to be bothered with 8 hours at work...aside from the fact I need the paycheck.

Is it Thursday yet?

Worth it all

Don't you love it when the reaction from the gift you give totally makes every dime you spent worth it?

I had Batman's new stereo system and XM radio installed in the new car for our road trip this week. It was quite the process, but it's done. It cost a couple of pennies, but not more than expected.

Driving home that night, watching him go through everything, and tweak the sound, and adjust the levels, and get things set 'just right' for the new car, and seeing how much he loved it, and how much fun he was having and how happy he was to have his stereo back, made the 8 hour wait, and the pennies spent, totally and completely worth it.

Just to see how much he was enjoying it made it worth everything to me. All I could do was sit back and smile ear to ear, and occasionally giggle at him. (Couldn't talk to him, that stereo was CRANKED. I'm sure you all could hear us....)

Worth it all.

Without a doubt.

Home, not like it used to be

I went home this weekend. And just like the saying goes, it's true, you really can't go back home. Things are different now, as they should be. We are different now. There have been pain, and anger, and betrayal, and now, there is forgiveness, and patience, and faith.

I know that I spent a lot of time wishing I could go back, back to the happier days, back to when things were good between us, back to the way things used to be. But now, I know I can't go back, and really, I wouldn't want to go back.

I had to learn some really hard lessons, some really painful lessons, but good lessons. I had to let go of some things from my past. I had to learn to react differently to situations. I had to grow up.

Things are different between us now. Different in a good way. Some things are much the same, and I take great comfort and find hope in that.

Yes, she is still dead.

Ok, so we all know that Anna Nicole Smith died last week. Shocking. (yeah, that it wasn't Lindsay Lohan...but I digress).

You would think someone important died. Every time I turn on the news, or the radio, it's more Anna Nicole Smith. Hey guys, guess what? Yup, she's still dead.

So, what exactly did she do with her life? I mean, we know who she did in her life, apparently everyone. (Does anyone know where Ted Kennedy was the day she died?) Now that she's gone, and that poor baby stands to become un-fucking-believably rich, every man who's ever been inside Anna's whatever, is crawling out of the woodwork.

My theory? Yeah, that paternity test was going to be enforced, and the world was going to learn that neither guy was the father of that baby. (yeah, big surprise there). And after she had been on ET claiming Howard K Stern was most definitely the father. She was going to look like a total idiot. Oh wait, too late. Then it would be an open cattle call for every man in the world to line up and have his DNA checked against that baby's DNA.

The woman is dead. She did nothing to contribute to society. She made no contribution, she was just a one-person freak show. Do we really need hourly updates? Yup, bitch is still dead. If that is the most pressing news we have in the world where candidates are announcing their intention to run for President, our priorities are screwed up.

He still gets me

Can I just say that even now, Batman still gets me, and he's still just absolutely wonderful? Friday I was off work, so I left here early, hoping to get some serious shopping done, before meeting him at work. I didn't tell him when I was leaving, I just told him I'd meet him at work.

I left here at 9:00 hoping to hit at least 2 malls in St. Louis before meeting him at work. At 9:15 he called to ask when I was leaving. "Uh, I'm on my way right now actually, but I want to stop at a couple of malls first before meeting you there."
Oh, well, I was hoping to get out of here early. Can you just come here to the store?
Yeah, I can, I guess. (I'm thinking, I'm still shopping and there's no way he's going to want to go with me, but OK).

I got to the store, and shortly after I got there, C came into work, and brought his fiance` with him. Batman handed me the keys to his new car, and said "Why don't you and A go shopping for a while, C and I will stay here. I'll call you when I'm ready to leave."

He had made arrangements for A to come in and go with me, so I could hit more malls, and I wouldn't have to shop alone. He gave me his car to drive, and said GO, have fun.

Even now, he knows what I need or what I want, and he provides. I had so much fun shopping with A, it was exactly what I needed, a day out with a girlfriend. And while it doesn't seem like a big deal to him (or to anyone really) it is huge to me, because he stops and considers me, and provides.

I had a wonderful day, I spent a lot of freakin' money, but I bought a ton of cute clothes for the trip (and now it's probably going to be too cold to wear them) and I was touched that he made the day possible for me.

I know you want it, you'll just have to wait

I know that many of you are dying for details and updates on my weekend spent with Batman. I can tell you there will be an update of sorts, later. Right now, let's just say that I'm very happy, I'm content, and satisfied, and secure. I don't know any other way to put it right now. And I don't want to over-analyze things. I just want to savor my memories, a little while longer.

Thursday, February 8, 2007

Did you notice?

The Perfect Trifecta today

3 months

3 weeks

3 days...

I'm also just saying... I leave tomorrow to spend the weekend with Batman, so blog posts will be minimal if at all, there will be updates on Monday.

Have a good weekend ya'll, I know I will!!!!!

Thursday Thirteen #4

13 Reasons I love Batman
(The LeMay Ferry kind, not the superhero kind.
Batman is the nickname I've given my honey on this blog. )

1. He gets me. He completely understands me.

2. We share the same dreams for the future.

3. He's a great dad to his kids, and a great friend to mine.

4. We can talk about everything under the sun, and absolutely nothing at all.

5. He sees life in 'frames' like I do, because of my photography. I can start to describe a photo I see in my mind's eye, and he completes it. He sees what I see.

6. We don't have to agree on things, we can respect each other's different opinions.

7. He's calm with I'm raging. He's rational when I'm emotional. He keeps me centered and balanced.

8. My passions are his passions, we both love baseball and NASCAR.

9. Being with him feels like home. I'm safe there, I can relax, and breathe and just be.

10. He pushes me to be a better person. He expects me to find better solutions to problems in my life.

11. He shows me that I am worth being loved, and loved right, and loved well.

12. He's really, really good in bed.

13. He is everything I ever wanted and all I ever dreamed of, but never thought I'd find

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
(leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

2.The Rock Chick

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Asking another favor, but not for myself.

Excuse me, I'm going to preach for just a moment.

I believe in Higher powers. Some call it God, some call it Elvis, some call it the Universe. It doesn't matter what name you chose to give it, there is a higher power.

I believe in the power of prayer. If you are willing to humble yourself and ask for what you want, and accept the answers you get (even if they are not the answers you want) prayers are heard and answered. I've seen evidence of this too often to doubt it. In the Bible it says "And all things you ask for in prayer, believing, you will receive."

I do not believe that pray is some magical answer to all our problems. I believe that you have to ask, and you have to wait, and you also have to work. I don't believe that prayer is like a magic spell that can be cast and poof you get what you want. I believe that you have to humble yourself and allow the higher power to answer the prayer with what you need. And there is a difference.

Having said that, and knowing that I have friends out there who have offered up more than one prayer for me recently, I am asking now for a friend. The other day I wrote a blog post about a friend of mine struggling with some issues in her life. Through some conversations we've had, it's become apparent these issues have deep roots.

I'm not going to go into details, because it's not my story to tell. She has just asked me if I could offer up a prayer for her. I do, nightly, anyway, she's my friend. But I know if one prayer is heard, then several will be heard as well. She is lost and searching for answers. She is hurt and wants to stop the pain. I'm asking, those of you who do pray, to please keep her in your thoughts and your hearts and your prayers too. I know she would appreciate it.

Sermons over. *stepping down from the podium*

I'm sorry, I had to mention it.

It's official.

I have Thursday afternoon, Friday, and Monday off next week. Cleared it all with the powers that be and got the ok.

I have the girls squared away, with people to pick them up, squire them around, and places for them to sleep while I'm gone.

I got the Pit Passes yesterday. So, we have tickets and pit passes, we can get into the Speedway, and FanZone, the Pits and the Garages.

I know which dresses I'm taking (thanks to all that voted, and if you missed it, go here. You can at least see what I had to chose from, and still throw in your 2 cents worth) and yes, without a doubt #3 will be going. It was hands down the favorite, and what the hell, I'll throw the other three in for good measure.

I'm going shopping in St. Louis this weekend, so we'll see what I find to take along on the trip.

I need to make a few more visits to the tanning beds. I'll probably hit the one Batman uses in St. Louis, because they have awesome beds there, and I can tan darker faster. (yes, I know the health issues. I'm going to die anyway, I intend to look good while I'm breathing.)

Still need to map-quest from St. Louis to Orlando, and find hotels along the way (I'm thinking Nashville Thursday night?) We'll see.

Saturday, I take B's car in to have the XM stereo hooked up, while he's in a managers meeting. (and for those of you reading between the lines, yes that does mean I am spending the weekend with him at his place.) Monday the car goes in the shop to see if they can fix the vibration in the front end. (not a pretty story there).

Tonight, I have parent/teacher conferences for the girls, and the Slug will be there. Oh joy, oh please let the games begin. Actually, I'm going to be very adult and mature about the whole situation *said with a very straight face, while laughing hysterically inside*.

After those games are finished, it's home to do laundry, and pack my suitcase for the weekend with Batman. SSHHH! Don't tell, anyone, don't want to jinx things.

Ok, guys, that's the plan. Wish me luck.

Thoughts on Temper Tantrums

After the marathon phone call from hell yesterday, and replaying parts of the conversation in my head, a thought occurred to me. (several actually, but most of them weren't pleasant and centered on where to hide the dead body).

If I go back through the history of my life with Slug, I can see a pattern emerging. It seems that as long as my life is quiet, and single, Slug leaves me alone. He only acts up, really acts up when there is someone in my life, a male someone. The degree of Slugs temper tantrums are in direct proportion to the degree of importance that person has in my life. Or, actually, the degree of importance the Slug perceives that person to have in my life.

His biggest temper tantrums come at times when he feels the person in my life have the most significance to me. The temper tantrums he threw and the hell he made my life when I first moved out, were the direct result of the fact that he truly believed I left him for another man, Knucklehead 1, to be specific. The fact that Slug told me to get the fuck out of his house, and out of his life, are pointless. I'm sure he's completely forgotten those conversations (yes, he said it more than once). The fact that Knucklehead was in the process of his own divorce prior to me meeting him, and was already involved with the woman who would become his 2nd wife, are also meaningless. The truth in Slug's mind is I left him to be with Knucklehead 1.

There was a period of about 6 months when Slug and I actually tried to work things out and tried to get back together after the divorce. He was, by that time, already involved with TFC. She didn't understand his wanting to try to put his family back together. He apparently didn't understand that in order to do that, he couldn't bring TFC along for the ride. I had, by that time found my back bone (or at least part of it) and was standing for none of this shit. I ended the reconciliation attempt when I discovered it was just too damn crowded with three adults.

The other temper tantrums along the way, have been minor and annoying at best, but I have learned that if I continue to ignore them, they will escalate until I react. Then it gets really ugly. So I usually get higher authorities involved to stop them before they get to that point.

This past September the temper tantrums got out of hand yet again, but looking back, I realize it's because I was (am) involved with Batman, and Slug realizes he matters to me. A great deal.

It all boils down to this. In a nut shell, Slug still sees me as his possession. (wife, girlfriend, bitch, slave, whatever label he choses). Slug is jealous. I have someone in my life that matters. That treats me the way I deserve to be treated, and is wonderful to the girls. In fact, he's better to the girls than Slug. And instead of changing his ways, the Slug just choses to blame me and Batman for the the fact that his life is less than he wanted it to be.

Slug refuses to step up and take any responsibility for anything in his life. He refuses to admit his part in the failure of our marriage. He refuses to admit his responsibility in the fact that I have had to get restraining orders against him, and the fact that I have garnished his wages to get the child support he should be paying. He's unhappy with TFC, she treats him like a child, and treats my daughters like red-headed step-children. Cinderella had it nice compared to the girls.

When you understand the source of the temper tantrums, it's easy to not take them personally and to see they are not personal attacks on me. They are just him lashing out at me because I have everything in my life that he wants in his. He just refuses to see that I had to work hard to get here. He's not willing to do the work.

If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you always got.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Reality? Anyone know where it is?


Am I the only one living in reality? Or am I the one living in the alternate universe?

Slug calls today, looking for a fight. Yelling at me the second I answer the phone, pissed off because the world has turned against him, and everyone is out to get him and it's all my fault. I am not only leading the revolution, I'm to blame for the shit.

It's my fault that child support enforcement is now garnishing his wages. Well, yeah, I guess technically I am the reason they are going after his check. I did make the phone call, I did request the order of garnishment. Never mind the fact that he's almost $1200 behind, and missed a payment and told me I'm not sending you any money this week, do what you have to do. Yeah, that doesn't factor into the issue. His wages are being garnished, and well, it's all my fault. He has no responsibility in the matter.

It's also my fault that the police were called this weekend. OK, yeah, that's my fault. I did pick up the phone and ask them what my recourse was in getting back property that belonged to my daughter and he refused to give back to her. Of course, it doesn't matter that the whole thing could have been avoided by him agreeing to give Tate back her earrings. Period. Still, all my fault.

And did you know, that it's my fault there have been 6 restraining orders filed against him in the three years since I was thrown out of our house? And yes, I did go to the court house, and fill out the paper work, and yes, I did swear before a judge that everything was true in those papers. But it is all my fault he has those restraining orders, because yeah, he's not psycho at all. He's always calm and rational, and reasonable, and the good parent. and yeah, I had my hands up the judge's ass like a puppet making him grant all 6 of those restraining orders. All of them.

Oh, and just to set the record straight. Batman did call Slug the other night, after Slug called B's parents. B told him, "Don't drag us into your drama. Don't call here again." Ok, in the technical sense of the word, Slug did not call Batman's house because Batman does not own the house. He called Mimi's house, and talked to Mimi, and thanks to the first amendment, he has the right to talk to who ever he wants to. Batman on the other hand, does not have the right to call Slug and ask him to never call his family again. Batman apparently isn't covered by the first amendment. Ok, the first amendment according to Slug.

So, apparently it's my responsibility to make sure that B never calls Slug again. "OK, then don't call him or his house again."
"I didn't call him, or his house."
And here we are back at technicalities. Schematics. Splitting hairs.

Then he wants to bring up me fucking around with his friends. Ok, hold it right there. I'm not even going to justify that with a response. The two issues on the table today, are 1. CHILD SUPPORT and 2. THE EARRINGS. Now, that's it. You can't go back through the archives of our life and drag out all the dirty laundry you want to bring up. I'm not going to rehash shit that may or may not have happened prior to the divorce. Two issues. Stick to them.

Oh, and let's not forget the fact that he asked me to bring him back a blonde with big boobs from Daytona.
"You would do, but you're involved with someone."
OK, aren't you living with someone?
Yeah, but you know what I want.
Yeah, he went there. Nice. At least he didn't say You would do but you don't have big boobs.

I really just want to get back to reality, where ever the fuck it is. I miss it.

Another step closer

that's all I can say for right now. Don't want to jinx it, but damn, another step closer.

That is all.

Oh Look, JJ, another SHORT blog post.

Just for you JJ

Is this short enough?


I need your help!!

Ok, I was really good yesterday and didn't mention That place I'm going to in a week. But it's time to start thinking about what to pack. Batman and I are going to have two nights in This Place to enjoy the sites and the night life. So I need your help. I have 4 dresses I'm considering (Batman has seen none of them) and I can't chose, so I'm turning to you guys, my readers, and leaving the choice up to you. Please excuse the pictures, my girls took them, and well they were enjoying playing with Mommy's "big camera" entirely too they kept cutting off my head, or catching me making funny faces. Finally I gave up. After all, it's the dresses you're looking at. I know I'm cute!

Dress 1 is a cute little number, with a chiffon feel to it. I have had this dress (kid you not) for 5 years and have never worn it.

Dress #2, a cute halter, bright colors, I have worn this one on a couple of dates, none with Batman. I have really cute lace up my legs shoes (lace them up with ribbons to match the pink in the dress) to go with.....

Dress #3 is another halter but it's a little less fun and flirty, and a little more sophisticated. It's a dark red halter, and the material is a bit heavier than the floaty chiffon of the previous two.

The last dress is a tank dress, and it's shorter than the other three. Again, back to that floaty flirty chiffon stuff.....

OK, so, look 'em over, make your choice and let me know, which two I should take. I'm leaving the decision totally and completely in your hands guys!

My horoscope today

You need to tie up loose ends before you can move on to the next situation. It's tempting to try to shove everything under the rug, but you'll just end up tripping on that unsightly lump until you get it out of the way.

Batman and I were talking about this yesterday on yahoo:

Beckyhd35: I am not going to beat my head against a brick wall. I've got my own things to deal with
batman: I agree
Beckyhd35: do I take that?
Batman: take what I was agreeing with you on what you said
Beckyhd35: never mind
Batman: on not to beat your head against the wall
Beckyhd35: I am hearing things you didn't say.... Like when I said "I've got my own things to deal with" and you said "I agree" I hear...Yeah, you've got a lot of shit to deal with
Beckyhd35: my internal dialog trying to take over... I'm just going to go turn it off...OK?
Batman: ok

I still have an internal dialog that runs in my head, that fills in the blanks, and causes doubts. I know this, I am aware of it. For the most part, I can go turn it off, and ignore it. Sometimes I don't. Because of all the shit I've been through in my life with the Forces of Evil, there is a part of me that still believes, I don't deserve someone like Batman. Regardless of what Batman and I have been through since November, before that, we were great together, wonderful together. He really was(is) all I ever wanted and all I've ever dreamed about. My problem is, my demons don't want me to believe I deserve someone as good as him. I know they're wrong.

I still have residue from The Slug to deal with. Once again, it doesn't matter what the law says, or the courts, or even the state, he's proving them all wrong. I may be free, and I may have custody of the girls, but he's still going to find ways to tarnish and spoil my happiness and cling to my life. I need to find a way to be free of that, and I am hoping the move will help take care of that issue.

I know that in order to be completely happy with B, I need to let all of my past go. I need to not only turn off the negative internal dialog, I need to unplug it, and throw it out the freaking window. I know that I will never change the Slug's behavior, but I can change mine, and when I don't behave or react in the way he's accustomed to, or in a way he expects, it forces him to change his behavior.

I'm working on these and more. Batman is aware of it.

Batman:you sometimes still get some of those urges.
Beckyhd35: sometimes, but not as often, and I can recognise them.
Batman: but I know you are working on them

I'm not sticking my head in the sand on this one, not sweeping it under the carpet. I'm facing this head on, I'm dealing, and I'm finding new answers, new solutions to old problems. I'm changing my stars, accepting my past and changing my future.