Saturday, February 3, 2007

Am I Ever going to be free?

It was simple really. Or at least it should have been. For anyone else in the world it would have been a common everyday occurrence. For me it became a nightmare.

And at the heart of the battle?

A pair of gold earrings.

This past summer, when my life was full of love, laughter, sunshine and the promise of the future, Batman’s mother gave Tate a pair of gold earrings. Not Wal-Hell cheap gold earrings, because she doesn’t wear fake anything. These were solid gold earrings. Granted, they were earrings she never wore any more, but they were solid gold earrings. And they were a gift.

After Batman and I officially broke up, the girls haven’t been back to his place. Therefore, they haven’t seen his parents since October. And they miss each other. Especially Tate. She still draws pictures, and writes letters for them and I deliver them when I see Batman. Those earrings were her tangible connection to family she loves and misses and she has lost.

And that is the root of the problem.

Tate wore those earrings from the day Mimi gave them to her. Never taking them out, never changing them for another pair. That is, until Christmas, when The Slug’s father gave her a pair of silver earrings. That day she was forced to change the earrings. But Tate being Tate, and one who will avoid conflict at all costs never said a word.

But the earrings from Mimi never made it back here. They stayed at The Slug’s house. He refused to give them back to me, and refused to give them to Tate. Once again, he had decided what everyone around him needed and he decided Tate didn’t need the earrings, and I sure as hell didn’t need the earrings. He knew how important those earrings were, and exactly why, and he was having none of it.

Last night was more of the same. She asked for the earrings, he flat out refused. So I asked. And he refused. I tried to explain to him they weren’t his earrings and he had no right to them, and that keeping them from Tate was stealing them. He refused. He said she would never get them back because they weren’t hers.

So I made a phone call. To the police department. Just to see what could be done, if anything. I explained the situation. The earrings were a gift to my daughter from some very close friends of mine, and my daughter and I have repeatedly asked them to be returned, and he has refused. Was there any way, anything in my power that I could do to get her things returned? (By this time, I had learned from Tate that The Slug was also holding the necklace my brother and sister-in-law had given her for Christmas captive. He was refusing to give it back to her as well.)

They offered to help. They took down all the information, and said they would be in contact. OK, now this is ridiculous at best. I now have HS finest involved in getting a pair of earrings and a necklace. Christ, with all the crime in the world, we now have an officer involved in recovering property from an asshole who found an opportunity to control and manipulate my life. And all because The Slug refuses to return the jewelry to Tate, because the jewelry are gifts to her from people who are important to me. If they had been gifts from anyone else, we would have had them back already. But because the earrings were from Batman’s mother, Slug was not going to allow his daughter to have them. Because he hates Batman that much. Why? Simple. Because he matters to me.

The sheriff’s dept contacts me, asks me how I want to proceed. I just want my daughter’s jewelry back. Plain and simple. I’m sorry I have to waste your valuable time on something as trivial and stupid as this, but he has her property and is refusing to return it. "Are you willing to press charges if necessary?" If that is what it takes. (Ok, at this point, I realize I could have, should have probably walked away. This was getting way out of control and out of proportion for jewelry for a 10 year old. But in the back of my mind, was Mimi, who loves my girls very much, and while those earrings weren’t the most expensive earrings she’s ever owned, she did give them to my daughter as a gift. And I know that she would have been upset to learn that the Slug had not only taken them away from Tate, but was refusing to return them, solely because they were given to Tate by Mimi.)

The sheriff’s department contacted Slug, and then contacted me. Stating Slug had assured them, on the next visitation, the property would be returned to Tate. That was all I wanted. And that’s where it should have ended. Yes, I said should have.

I got a phone call from Slug, 5 minutes later. I’m not returning jack shit to you because it’s not yours. Those earrings aren’t even Tate’s. And at that point, I did just let it go. At that point, I realized this wasn’t about earrings, this wasn’t about Tate, and it was about controlling and manipulating me, and pissing me off, and hurting me. So, I just quietly hung up on him, and refused to answer the phone.

What I didn’t know, and couldn’t imagine, was what he was doing on his end. He wasn’t going to let this fight go. He was primed for a battle, and well, his opponent had literally walked away, refusing to fight. He wanted blood, and didn’t care whose. And since he could no longer hurt me or piss me off enough to make me react, he needed to up the ante.

And he did.

I got a text message from him.

I just had a nice convo with Mimi. The earrings aren’t hers. Now let me talk to

He called Batman’s parents.

He drug innocent people into a battle of wills that didn’t concern or involve them. He reached out and found the three people in the world I never wanted his poison to touch, and he touched them. He knew my Achilles’ heel, and he went for it.

Because it wasn’t about the earrings, it wasn’t about Tate. It was about me, my happiness, my future, and Batman.

He called Batman’s house, talked to Mimi. My drama, the poison of my life, that I have tried and tried and tried to get free of, had touched and tarnished my safe haven. My drama was now threatening, no, my drama was now affecting them. He called Batman’s parents, and threw his daughter under the bus. He told them that he had refused to give the earrings back to Tate, because he was sure she had stolen the earrings, and he wanted to return them to the rightful owner. Mimi. (yes, he did. He flat out accused his own daughter of theft. He called his daughter a thief, and a liar).

I learned my lesson from before, own up to the truth, be honest, tell the truth no matter what, no matter how ugly, no matter the cost, at the very least be completely honest about it all. So, I called Batman to be sure Slug really had called there, (there was a chance Slug was bluffing when he called. A slim to none chance, but a chance nonetheless) and to apologize for this, and explain what was going on.

Uh, yeah. He called there.

He talked to Mimi.

She was pissed.

So was Batman’s father.

But not nearly as pissed as Batman.

And I wanted to crawl into a hole. Mortified, humiliated, embarrassed, scared, worried, and apologetic. But determined to face the music, armed only with the truth, the whole truth no matter what the cost, and my love for Batman, and the hope that what we were rebuilding could withstand this. (And that hope wasn’t much, but it was something to cling to)

I explained the situation once again. All of it. Even admitting that I really should have let it go, before it got to this. I should have just walked away and forgotten all about the earrings. Chalked it up to lost, told Mimi the truth of the earrings and if they wanted to pursue it they could. I explained that in no way was it my intention to drag them into this mess, and that I was sorry beyond words, and humiliated by this whole mess.

Batman and I talked. I was afraid that once again, Slug was showing his ass and I was going to pay for it. Batman assured me that was not the case. He assured me he wasn’t mad at me, but that I had to take whatever steps necessary to make sure this never happens again. He did not like being drug into my drama with The Slug. (well, hell, I didn’t like being drug into this drama either).

I don’t know what to do. I’ve done all I know to do. Restraining orders, custody battles, court cases, police, lawyers. None of it matters. Slug and his poison still cling to my life and now are threatening to stain and ruin all that is good in my life. How do I ever get free from this? Will this residue always cling to my life, and tarnish all that is good in my life? This is the fact of my life, at least for now. No matter what I do, no matter how much I hate him, he won’t let go, he refuses to allow me the freedom to live my life, and it kills him that I have found my happiness. And it’s not him.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to make him go away. He lied when he said he didn’t want to fight any more, when he said he wanted to find a way for us to get along for the girls. I just want him out of my life. I want him to go away. I want my life free from him. How do I move on when everywhere I go, I have to drag him along too, because he clings, and won’t let go and move on?

When am I ever going to be free?


Dixie said...

You poor thing. I hate to hear that. Why do people have to be like that? Just remember there is a special place in hell for people with no hearts.

Beth said...

wow. wow, that's all I can say. The slug is one of the biggest jerks I have ever heard the really sad thing is, you'll probably never be rid of him. that's what's so sad, that and the fact he called his daughter a liar and a thief. I don't know your situation, but is it possible at all to move away from him? I know that sounds "easy" but, man, this sucks!

I hope Batman doesn't hold this against you....cuz that would be such an injustice. You've got to be strong for your girl.

Celebrate Woo-Woo said...

That 3 months, 3 weeks, and 6 days just can't pass fast enough, huh?

I'm sorry to hear all of this. The Slug sounds like one of the most awful men, and certainly like a terrible father.

I, personally, would have to pursue with pressing charges just to demonstrate to my child the prinicple of stealing being wrong.

Anonymous said...

I pray to the Big Man upstairs that someone takes the Slug's life (hopefully the Slug himself). He really should have been swallowed instead of given birth to. In the words of a realative of mine, "His mom should have taken a douche!"