Thoughts on Temper Tantrums

After the marathon phone call from hell yesterday, and replaying parts of the conversation in my head, a thought occurred to me. (several actually, but most of them weren't pleasant and centered on where to hide the dead body).

If I go back through the history of my life with Slug, I can see a pattern emerging. It seems that as long as my life is quiet, and single, Slug leaves me alone. He only acts up, really acts up when there is someone in my life, a male someone. The degree of Slugs temper tantrums are in direct proportion to the degree of importance that person has in my life. Or, actually, the degree of importance the Slug perceives that person to have in my life.

His biggest temper tantrums come at times when he feels the person in my life have the most significance to me. The temper tantrums he threw and the hell he made my life when I first moved out, were the direct result of the fact that he truly believed I left him for another man, Knucklehead 1, to be specific. The fact that Slug told me to get the fuck out of his house, and out of his life, are pointless. I'm sure he's completely forgotten those conversations (yes, he said it more than once). The fact that Knucklehead was in the process of his own divorce prior to me meeting him, and was already involved with the woman who would become his 2nd wife, are also meaningless. The truth in Slug's mind is I left him to be with Knucklehead 1.

There was a period of about 6 months when Slug and I actually tried to work things out and tried to get back together after the divorce. He was, by that time, already involved with TFC. She didn't understand his wanting to try to put his family back together. He apparently didn't understand that in order to do that, he couldn't bring TFC along for the ride. I had, by that time found my back bone (or at least part of it) and was standing for none of this shit. I ended the reconciliation attempt when I discovered it was just too damn crowded with three adults.

The other temper tantrums along the way, have been minor and annoying at best, but I have learned that if I continue to ignore them, they will escalate until I react. Then it gets really ugly. So I usually get higher authorities involved to stop them before they get to that point.

This past September the temper tantrums got out of hand yet again, but looking back, I realize it's because I was (am) involved with Batman, and Slug realizes he matters to me. A great deal.

It all boils down to this. In a nut shell, Slug still sees me as his possession. (wife, girlfriend, bitch, slave, whatever label he choses). Slug is jealous. I have someone in my life that matters. That treats me the way I deserve to be treated, and is wonderful to the girls. In fact, he's better to the girls than Slug. And instead of changing his ways, the Slug just choses to blame me and Batman for the the fact that his life is less than he wanted it to be.

Slug refuses to step up and take any responsibility for anything in his life. He refuses to admit his part in the failure of our marriage. He refuses to admit his responsibility in the fact that I have had to get restraining orders against him, and the fact that I have garnished his wages to get the child support he should be paying. He's unhappy with TFC, she treats him like a child, and treats my daughters like red-headed step-children. Cinderella had it nice compared to the girls.

When you understand the source of the temper tantrums, it's easy to not take them personally and to see they are not personal attacks on me. They are just him lashing out at me because I have everything in my life that he wants in his. He just refuses to see that I had to work hard to get here. He's not willing to do the work.

If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you always got.