Wednesday, January 31, 2007

We interupt your afternoon blog surfing to bring you this announcement

This just in......

Batman has informed me that he will be bringing his lap top on the trip to Daytona, so there will be blog posting allowed while on the road.

If I can remember my name and string words together into a coherent thought is another matter entirely.

That is all.

You may now return to your regularly scheduled goofing off while the boss is not looking.

Thank you.

This S@*T ain't funny

Ok, I had this weekend with Batman, and it was wonderful. When he left, he said "I'll see you Wednesday." Uh, Ok. We hadn't talked about it, but I guess it was in the plans. Who am I to say "No"? Yeah, not gonna happen.

So, does it come as a surprise to anyone that as I walked past the windows at the end of the hall and look outside, guess what I should see?

Yup. Mother Nature is at it again. It's snowing. Of course it is. I'm going to see Batman tonight, it's snowing. I checked. It's not supposed to amount to much (maybe an inch) but still, it's snowing. Everyone in the office thinks it's hilarious to stop by and tell me, "Hey, guess what? It's snowing." Yeah, I know, I'm still going. I'm like the damn postal service, nothing can keep me from my appointed rounds.

You know, I wonder if the Daytona 500 has ever been called on account of snow?

Just a thought.

My Fine? $750.50, What's yours?

I stole this from Junebugg. I have seen it before on other blogs, and wasn't going to do it. But hell, it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind isn't it? So here goes.

Below is a list of *ahem* activities, each awarded a penalty in dollars. You don't have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine.

Smoked pot -- $10
Did acid -- $5
Ever had sex at church-- $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you -- $40
Had sex with someone on MySpace -- $25
Had sex for money -- $100
Vandalized something -- $20
Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10
Beat up someone -- $20
Been jumped -- $10
Crossed dressed -- $10
Given money to stripper -- $25
Been in love with a stripper -- $20
Kissed some one who's name you didn't know -- $0.10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- $15
Ever drive drunk -- $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50
Used toys while having sex -- $30
Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20
Went skinny dipping -- $5
Had sex in a pool -- $20
Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20
Cheated on your significant other -- $10
Masturbated -- $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend -- $20
Done oral -- $5
Got oral -- $5
Done / got oral in a car while it was moving -- $25
Stole something -- $10
Had sex with someone in jail -- $25
Made a nasty home video -- $15
Had a threesome -- $50
Had sex in the wild -- $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars -- $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
Went streaking -- $5
Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
Been arrested -- $5
Spent time in jail -- $15
Peed in the pool -- $0.50
Played spin the bottle -- $5
Done something you regret -- $20
Had sex with your best friend -- $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $25
Had anal sex -- $80
Lied to your mate -- $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $25

My fine? A whopping $750.50 (so yeah, I peed in the pool. Com'on, I was 7. Who doesn't pee in the pool when they're kids?)

Helping out a fellow blogger

I am all for helping other people out, especially in blogland central. So, when I heard about Sugarmama's Going out of business sale, I wanted to pass the word on to my readers too.

Sugarmama and her best friend started their own business, Intimate Pursuits, 5 years ago. They saw time spent at home with kids and family, and money on the side. What they didn't count on was (to quote her) their "Pangs of greed". The more money they made the more they wanted. Once you get used to the money, it's hard to not have it.

The business took away from their families, unlike what they had hoped it would do (give them more time to spend with their families) and well, now they just want out. So, they are selling everything.

Go check out her blog, check out her Going out of business sale. If we can help out a fellow blogger, great. If we can get some goodies in the process, Awesome.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

One of life's mysteries

Why is it virtually impossible for two girls to put clean clothes away in their room? Why is it they are incapable of opening up a single drawer and dropping all of their clean socks in that drawer? Why is it that they think that it is more than ok to take the clothes that I have spent time washing, drying, and folding for them, and just throw them on top of the dresser, or their beds, or even on the floor?

Why do I have to litterally have to get the trash bags and threaten to throw everything away in their room that is not picked up and put away right? Why do we have to have this battle every single day? Why can't they understand that they would have less trouble finding something to wear in the morning, if they would just put all of their clothes away where they belong when I give them to them?

One of life's little mysteries........

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful

Hate me because, I'm Daytona 500 Bound.....

That is the Holy Grail of Nascar. That is the Granddaddy of them all, the opening day of the race season. It is the race that starts it all for the year.

And yes, I am going again this year.

Two rows from the track (2 rows closer than last year) at the exit of Pit Row. Pit passes are included, and that means we'll be there for the Pre-Race goodies, meet the drivers, walk around in pit row, go to Fan Zone. It's going to be amazing.

Oh, and yes, Batman is going with me.

And if something should happen and he doesn't get to go, I would consider seriously selling the tickets....I'm just saying

Monday, January 29, 2007

Right here, right now, what is was, what is wasn't

I wasn't going to blog about my weekend with Batman. I was going to take it for what it was, enjoy it, save the memories, keep them to myself, and just go on.

I had stopped obsessing about Batman. I had taken a step back, given up hope that we were slowly taking baby steps towards something. I realized, I had us (ok, him) virtually under a microscope, searching for hidden messages, hidden meanings behind everything he said and did. I was analyzing everything he said and did. I was desperately looking for any molecule of hope for a future with him. When in reality, a kiss is some times, just a kiss.

Kisses are not contracts, and presents are not promises, and company is not security. Love is not forever.

My sister wrote about Now, being in the moment, dealing, living, accepting, experiencing the right here, right now. I used to think this was just another wild tangent she was off and running with, until I started to 'hear' what she was saying, and then started to see how it worked in my life, and then a light went on.

I spent a lot of time remembering what used to be, wanting to go back to where we were. Trying to get back what we had. Living in the memories of days gone by. Wallowing in the sadness of things gone. My heart and soul were (to borrow her phrase) tied up in things that didn't exist. Yesterday is gone, never to return, and tomorrow isn't here yet, and we have no promise it ever will be. All we have is today, right here, right now.

I had this weekend with Batman. I wasn't sure I would get it, after all, the past had shown me that the best laid plans meant nothing. Plans get canceled, people get sick, Mother Nature is a bitch. I had asked for a sign from the Universe, and I got it. In spades. The difference this time, was that I got the sign and instead of reading my own interpretation into it, instead of taking it and running with it and making it so much more than it was, I just accepted it for what it really was.

I had a weekend. It was a wonderful weekend. It was everything I wanted it to be. The truth is, what I wanted it to be has changed. I accepted that it was, what it was, a weekend, spent with him. It wasn't a promise of a future, it wasn't a marriage proposal, it wasn't a reunion tour. It was 2 nights. It was fun, it was wonderful. It was what it was.

We talked about things we'll do together, I know there will be more weekends spent together, there will be more nights spent with him. There were things hinted at, future plans talked about. But nothing was carved in stone. It was a weekend, much like what we used to share, and yet, much different.

As it should be. We're different, things have changed between us. We are no longer the people we were before, and our relationship is no longer the same as it was back then. I have spent so many times trying to get back to where we were, trying to get back what has been lost, that I have missed out on what we have, and where we are.

I accepted that I had this weekend. I accept that it was a sign that he's going to be around in my life still. I've accepted that I don't know to what extent, and I've accepted that I don't know for how long. But I have right here, and I have right now. I had the weekend, it was wonderful, I have hope for tomorrow, I have the promise of Wednesday night this week. But today, right here, right now, I have wonderful memories, hopes and promises, and a wonderful man who is going to share these with me. I have nothing more than that.

Right now, right here, it is enough.

I popped two cherries this weekend

Does anyone really use that phrase any more?

It was a weekend of firsts for me this weekend. (OK, just 2)

Batman came to spend the weekend, (more on that, maybe, in a bit) and we had a wonderful time. I won't go into the nitty gritty details of the weekend, but it was....nice. It was more than nice. It was a whole lot of what I wanted, and had hoped for, and yet it was different than before. But I knew it would be, and I expected it to be, and well, I can accept what it was, and what it wasn't.

Saturday we drove to The Lake which is a crazy thing to do this time of the year. There is nothing going on there right now, except a whole lot of cold. Believe it or not there were a couple of boats out on the water. The Lake isn't a bad trip, if you want to go shopping, or you have a house there, or friends who have a house, or it's not winter and there is stuff to do. This time of year, there's nothing doing. But Batman had been cooped up inside his house for close to a month (yeah, sick, cold, remember all that shit?) so he was glad to be out, doing something.

While we were there, we drove past a Starbucks. I mentioned I had never been to a Starbucks. Still a Starbucks virgin. He was determined to change that. (Guys are always determined to get a girl's virginity). We stopped, and I chickened out. I ordered something I knew I could order correctly, without looking like a total Starbucks illiterate. I ordered a Grande Chai Tea Latte. (which btw, if very, very good). He, of course, got a grande double chocolate chip mocha frapichino. (gets his chocolate and his caffine fix all at once).

I am no longer a Starbucks Virgin.

Saturday night, looking for something to do, since some pseudo plans we had fell through, we decided to go to a club in CoMo. But not just any club, B wanted to go to a 'gentleman's club'. Yeah, you guessed it. A strip club. Actually, he was looking for a lesbian bar, but I vetoed that, (mainly b/c I don't have a clue where one is) and convinced him a strip club would be just as much fun. (I'd never been to a strip club, but I at least knew where one was).

We ended up at Club Vogue which is apparently under new management since the previous owner was such a stand up guy. You could tell, that even though the name was still the same, this was virtually a new club. There wasn't much of a crowd (but to be fair, we were there really early) and that was just fine with me.

The girls left something to be desired, and I can only hope their performances improved as the crowd grew bigger as the night wore on. I don't know. But it was interesting. The girls would dance on the stage, and even though Batman was right up at the stage, they wouldn't exactly dance for him, they kept looking back at me. Finally I just went up there with him, and told one of the girls, "Look, it's ok, dance for the man" and then I sat with him, yes, at the stage. I'm sure the other guys in the club were hoping she would dance for me. But I thought that's just one show I'm not willing to give them. It was a fun night, not all that we had expected or hoped, but it was a good starter trip for me. Apparently the clubs in Illinois are much better, bigger, more dancers, more risque, and now that I know what to expect, I expect we'll be making a trip to one or two of those sometime.

So, I am no longer a strip club virgin either.

(this post should show up on a few Google searches, doncha think?)

Friday, January 26, 2007

Would you rather

Just because I have nothing else to blog about this after noon.....(but rest assured, there will be plenty to blog about on Monday. Many things are afoot at the Circle K. Posts will probably not be happening this weekend, I'm just saying................)

Would you rather

Be able to change genders at will


Be able to change height at will

My Friday afternoon

Friday afternoon. A quiet afternoon. Nothing going on. Skeleton crew here, at best. Why? Uh, did I mention it's Friday? Yeah, I did, huh?


Did I mention the sun is shining outside? No? Oh, well, yeah, it is. Did I mention that it's 55 degrees outside too? No? Yeah, well, it is absolutely beautiful outside. Finally caught a break, and really, just enough of a break to get just a sample taste of spring fever.

What I wouldn't give to be outside, right now. I'd love to be home enjoying this weather, but I'm stuck at work, in a building that is too hot (we have windows and doors open) in an office without a window (which is both a blessing and a curse), with nothing to do, because, as I mentioned, nobody is here.

And did I mention the van? Yeah, I did. It's out of commission. The only place it goes now, is to Dad's work. That's no fun, and no place to hang out.

So I sit. In my office. Without a window. In an almost empty building. That's too damn hot. Trying to ignore the beautiful weather outside. For another 2 hours.

Wish me luck.

By George

On our way to school this morning the girls and I were discussing money.

Tate: Hey Mom, who's on the one dollar bill?

George Washington.

Tate: What's Lincoln on?

The Penny.

Newt: Hey Mom, who's on the two dollar bill?

(for this I haven't a clue) George Bush

Newt stops for a second, deep in thought, and then, you can see the light go on, and she looks at me in the mirror and says "By George, I think you're right."

Protect and Serve?

Four more hours till the weekend. Wahoo! Let's see if I can get some posts up on this blog.

So, I went out today at lunch, nothing exciting, just cashed a check, and picked up some goodies for the weekend, and was on my way back to work when all of a sudden "POW!" from under my hood, and then *knock* *knock* *knock*, well yeah, you get the picture... Not good. I'm on the phone with B and I said "Oh shit, I'm dead. Let me call you back." Uh, yeah, just a note here, don't ever say "Oh shit I'm dead" right after a really loud "Pow!" especially when you're talking to someone on the phone. They tend to panic a bit.

To make a long story short, (and a boring story,'s still boring) I called my step-dad, and he came to take a look. Turns out a spark plug had 'popped' out, but in the process, the threads were striped. It's fixable, right now it's loud and sounds like it's about to explode, but it's not obliterated.

What gets me is that the whole time I'm sitting there waiting for Dad, then waiting for Dad to run back to his work, get parts, and come back again, no less than 5 of Our Town's Finest drove by, each one slowed down, looked, almost seriously thought about stopping, and then drove on. Not one of them stopped to see if I was ok, not one of them rolled down the window to ask if I was ok, not one of them bothered to see if I needed help.

Protect and serve? As long as it doesn't interfere with lunch or cruisin.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Thursday Thirteen

13 Things I will Not be doing this year

1. I will not be getting married this year. Or next year, or the year after that, or the year after that. Ok, I can only say for certain, I will not be getting married this year. (Check back in December, make sure I hold to this. The only exception to this would be if Orlando Bloom were to ask. Ok, and maybe Johnny Depp)

2. I will not be taking over any small countries, or large ones for that matter. I am doing good to take charge of myself and my kids, ain’t no way I can run a country (unless you want me to run it into the ground. That I can do)

3. I will not be performing on American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, So you think you can Dance, uh, Who Wants to be a Millionaire, Deal or No Deal, or any other reality/game show on television. I don’t want, nor do I need my 15 minutes of fame.

4. I will not be photographed sans underwear a la Britney Spears. Whether or not I’m wearing any is none of your business. I just like to think I’m a little more classy, and a little more refined, and I know how to get out of a vehicle without flashing my vajayjay to the entire world, or even the guy on the street.

5.I most definitely will not be giving birth to any children this year. I can say that with the utmost certainty for several reasons. First, it is impossible without medical intervention, and sex. Enough said.

6. I will not be running for president, or any other public (or private) office. (see item #2) As you may have noticed, I am not a leader. I am content to let someone else lead. (and when we’re lost they can catch hell for it). Seen that job, don’t want it.

7. I will not be buying a pair of Christian Loboutin shoes (the ones with the famous red soles) As much as I LOVE LOVE LOVE me some Louboutin shoes, I just can not justify paying twice my rent for a single pair of shoes. Besides, where would I wear them? They Daytona 500?

8. I will not be accepting the Nobel Peace Prize, the Pulitzer, an Academy Award, a Grammy or even an Emmy. Probably won’t be winning any blue ribbons (or any other color) at the county or state fair either.

9. I will not start smoking this year. Seems that there are bans on smoking just about everywhere now. In fact, the only place you can safely and legally get away with smoking is in the privacy of your own bathroom, as long as no one else sees you. I just can’t be that dedicated to something that means I have to stand outside in the cold or the rain to enjoy it. Sorry.

10. I will not be giving up drinking however. I am very fond of that little habit of mine, and I seem to be getting better at with practice. I haven’t practiced as much as I would like to recently, but eh, my liver says Thanks.

11. I will try to care less about what people think of me. I live my life for me and my kids, and as long as I know the truth, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks or believes. Just because they believe it, doesn’t make it true.

12. I will not be getting gastric bypass surgery this year. I wanted Nicole Richie’s hair, not her body.

13. I can almost with absolute certainty, promise you all here and now, I will not be appearing on television, on a local newscast describing what the tornado looked like, sounded like, felt like or what I thought at the time. If/When that damn thing touches down, and the news crews show up for the story, I will be hiding out, letting some other more deserving crack head appear on the news. It gives

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Alexis Jacobs
Amy the Black

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Trusting the universe

No matter what the outer situation is like, your inner compass always tells you the right direction. It might take a little time and effort on your part to see which way it's swinging, but once you do, you're set.

There is my horoscope for today.

A few days ago I posted this. I had been on the brink of something and just really wanted to make sure of the decision, the direction, the choice I was going to make. I was giving myself time to think it through, and to be sure, before I posted about it.

I talked about a make or break kind of deal, things promised, hinted at and talked about would factor greatly into the decision made, and the course taken.

This past weekend, I talked to Batman on Friday. He was finally back at work, and was feeling better. We talked Friday night on our way home. He mentioned that he was feeling much better, and that maybe we should get together this week, Wednesday was looking good for us. I, of course, readily agreed.

But then the weekend passed without a phone call from him, which is odd, but not so much. He was tired, he had his kids, they would wear him out. Still, a phone call? Not too much to hope for.

So, the kernel started in my mind Saturday. Maybe, stupid, the Universe has been trying to tell you all along, you've just been to stubborn to listen. I mean after all, how many more signs do you need, to get the message? There was snow, there was ice, there was more snow and ice, there was schedules, there was a trip to the hospital, there was pneumonia. How many more signs do you need?


I sat down, and asked my higher power, "I have believed from the beginning that we were meant to be together. That was impressed upon my heart clear as day, early on. I believed it. I also believe things change. I have laid our relationship at your feet or in your hands and left the course up to you. I don't want to believe I was wrong, but I will accept it if I was. I am once again, leaving the choice to you. I am asking for one last sign.

If we are meant to be, if that is the course you've laid for me, if he is to be in my life, someday, I am asking for Wednesday night. He's hinted at it, but I know things can happen and plans get cancelled. If he's meant to be a part of my life, then please, let me have Wednesday night with him. If we're not meant to be, if I am to give up hope, let him go, walk away, then don't give me Wednesday. If things fall through, and plans get cancelled, I will accept that as the final sign that I should give up, and walk away. I am just asking for one more sign."

I was ready to lay it all down for him, let it go, give up, walk away, and be alone.

So, Monday morning dawns. I check the weather for the week, and look, they're calling for snow on Wednesday. Great. Well, just flurries, so hopefully nothing serious. I'm still planning on going to see him.

Tuesday morning, I get to work, my cell phone rings. It's Batman. My heart sinks. He hasn't called me in the mornings since we broke up. An early morning phone call, is never good news. This was no exception. He was calling to tell me that his cell phone was not working, so if I tried to call his phone, he really wasn't ignoring me, it's just not working. I took the chance and asked him "So, we're still on for tomorrow night? Right?"
Unless you've changed your mind.
No chance in that. Have you changed yours?
No. I want to see you.

Wednesday morning. The BIG DAY. 6:45AM my phone rings again. Again, it's Batman. Again, early morning calls are never good. I almost didn't answer it because I didn't want to hear. But I couldn't not answer it, because if he was cancelling our plans, then there was something seriously wrong, and I needed to know what it was. So, I answered the phone. And we talk, he sounds fine, upbeat actually. I can't figure it out. I keep waiting for the bomb, that never comes. I can't stand it, so I bite the bullet, and ask "You're not calling with bad news are you?"
NO, why?
You're not backing out?
I'm still coming to see you tonight?
Oh thank god.

I went 'home' last night. I was met in the driveway by him. I walked into the house and was greeted with open arms, hugs and kisses.

I took that as my sign, that while I don't know where this path will lead us, I know that he's going to be a part of the journey for a while longer. I've learned to trust that the universe will lead me down the right path. I have learned to listen to my inner voice, my gut, my instincts. I've learned to trust my inner compass, it will lead me in the right direction. Unfortunately sometimes it takes longer than I want it to, and I have not learned patience yet. But I will.

My drive home this morning

I hate idiots on the roads. I especially hate idiots on the roads who damn near kill people. I really especially hate idiots on the roads who damn near kill people that is ME!

Having said that, there was a white Stratus that damn near took out a whole lot of people this morning, and I was one of those people.

Driving home this morning (from none of your business) cruising along at 80, (shut up, it was early, no cops) when I come up behind two semi trucks side by side, doing 70-ish. Then Mr. Dodge comes up beside me. So, we're two semi trucks, and two dodges traveling in a quad down the highway. Up ahead, in my lane, is another semi with his hazzards on.

So, Mr UPS truck in the left lane, slows down enough to let the truck in front of me get over to go around Mr Flashing lights. Then Mr. UPS truck speeds up (asshole) so I can't get in front of him. I have to slow down to get behind him and go around Mr. Flashing lights. I slow down, and get behind Mr. UPS asshole, but in front of Mr Dodge Stratus.

As I'm going around Mr Accident waiting to happen with his flashing lights, apparently Mr Dodge Stratus decides he's in too big of a hurry to wait and decides to go around the whole lot of us on the shoulder. (dumbass)

About the time he gets around the whole mess of people, and starts to get back on the actual highway, is about the same time Mr. UPS truck decides to get over in the right hand lane. So, we have asshole Mr Stratus, and Asshole Mr UPS both trying to be in the same place at the same time. Not gonna happen.

They of course, come to the appropriate same conclusion (HOLY SHIT) at approximately the same time. There's swerving and brake lights, and I'm sure a whole lot of "Oh shits" (I know there were a few said in my vehicle) on the highway.

I didn't need this crap at 6:00 AM.

5 Little Known facts about me

Dixie tagged my me. I'm supposed to come up with 5 little known facts about myself. My life is an open book here, there's very little you guys don't know. So I'll see if I can make some....come up with something.

1. I have a specific order in which I eat peanut M&M's. I eat them by size biggest to smallest leaving all the greens ones till last. Then I eat those biggest to smallest. Don't ask, I don't know why.

2. I have been engaged to three guys with the same first name. I married and divorced two of them. I will never again date a man with that name. No matter what.

3. I don't have faith in organized religion, or in my ex husbands, but I do have faith in my higher power. I am just really learning how to trust in that faith.

4. My best friend is younger than I am, by more than 5 years. If you saw us together you wouldn't believe we're friends we are so different.

5. My oldest daughter, Tate, has the same size waist as I do (26") and she's almost 10. There is something wrong with that picture.

Now I have to tag 5 people.....

Lil Sis
TN Becky
My Girl T

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

A day in the life

Have I mentioned that the girls always come back from The Slug's place bitching and moaning about how they hate it there? It's not so much their father they hate, it's TFC he lives with that they can't stand (and her fucking brats, but that's another post entirely)

So, the other night, they (Tate, Newt and The Slug) got home after TFC. They walked in the kitchen door and into a daycare nightmare.

Oh, not little kids running around. Apparently TFC thought they were the little kids. She had put signs (8.5X11 signs) on all the chairs

"This is a chair. Not a coat rack, not a book shelf, not a bookbag holder. This is a chair where you sit to eat your meals."

On the kitchen table:
This is a table. Not a bookbag rack, not a coat rack, not a bookshelf, not a toy box. This is where we eat our meals.

On the kitchen floor.
This is the kitchen, your shoes, your coats, your bookbags, your stuff do not belong on the floor in here.

If I know my kids (and I think I do) and if I know Slug (and I think I do) that didn't go over well. I would say, like a ton of bricks.

Wonder when she's gonna whip out the Time Out Chair?

Closing a Chapter

Ok, maybe I was wrong, and maybe I'm being a little too sensitive here (me? Wrong? Nah).

I've been cleaning out the apartment, and cleaning out my life, letting go of the baggage, from my past, both physical and emotional. Saying goodbye to a lot of things, and people from this life, getting ready for a new one.

So, last week, cleaning out my closet, I came across two shirts of Boo's. I forgot I had them. They were hanging in the back of the closet and well, there they were. I've been approaching this whole process as just that, a process.

Those shirts were Boo's and not mine to throw away. So I bagged them up and was just going to leave them hanging on his front door of his house. But he was home. I made the choice to give them to him directly. My way of closing that door for good. So I rang the door bell. He answered.

I can't stay, but I found these shirts and they're yours and I wanted to return them.
Uh ok.
They weren't mine to trash, so here are your shirts.
Uh ok. So, how are things?
They're good. How are things with you?
Good. I gotta run.
Uh, ok, thanks.

I know it was awkward for him, I mean, I just dropped of shirts I know he probably forgot about, but they weren't my shirts, and well, we used to be friends. I just gave him his shirts and left. Never stepped into the house, never touched him, just quick, like 2 minutes, gone.

That was last week.... Today I get an email from him: Thank you for dropping the 2 T-shirts in my house the other day. by the way if you find anything else for me, can you please trash it. I hate for you to come all the way to my house and drop anything. As you know I'm a married man now. and you can't just come to the house and drop T- shirts you know. but thanks again.

It would have been one thing if I had showed up in a skirt and heels and a low cut top, but I was in blue jeans, my Kasey Kahne hoodie, and a ball cap. I didn't go in the house, I didn't touch him, I just gave him a bag with his shirts and left, basically. Apparently, now that he's married, he can't have any female friends.

I sent an email back to him that said, Look I was just returning things that were not mine. Period. Now that I have your permission, I will throw away anything else that is yours, including the picture of you in Jeff Gordon's car (which I found 2 days later and is the only copy of it). I didn't want anything from you other than to return your stuff and to finally close that chapter in my life. I promise you I will never make that mistake again. You know, I moved on long before you did, when I met B. I wanted nothing more than to return your things and close that chapter in my life for good. Now I have.

Maybe it was presumptuous on my part to just return the shirts, especially to his house, but I thought better there than at work, where other people would see it. I thought I'd at least give him a little bit of privacy and respect. And maybe it was selfish of me to return them, and not just throw them away. Or maybe I should have just been rude, and hung them on the door, rang the door bell and left. Who knows.

Frankly I don't care anymore. I've returned his things. I've had my goodbye. I'm done with him. That chapter is closed. For good.

But That's Gross!

God Lord above what a morning today has been.

My mornings are never quiet peaceful times, no matter how early I get up. Today, it was 4:30 (big brewing's going on today, too excited to sleep, will share later). Got a pot of coffee started, and got in the shower. All is good.

Start to get dressed, and there is where the hold ups start. What to wear today. Something cute, something dressy, something warm, something not completely covered up looking like a berka. Pants and sweater? Nah, I've worn them too many times. Something new, something different. Skirt and sweater? Cool, long or short? Obviously long (warmer) Black or brown? Brown. My new 'Go to' ensemble. The one I get so many complements on. Bingo. Perfect.

I'm doing my hair, when the girls have to get up. Newt is always up first, Tate lollygags around, until I've yelled 3 times. I'm thinking today should be an easy day for them. They go to Slug's tonight so they have to wear Dad's clothes. Should be no arguments there. And that's where I went wrong. Should be, and reality are always a world apart.

I'm finishing my hair, and make up, I've changed clothes 4 times, I'm gathering up all I'm going to need today, and later tonight, and trying to get the girls to get dressed. And Newt is crying, whinning, and throwing a fit.

What's the matter now?
Sister is wearing the same socks she wore yesterday.
OK, so why are you crying?
Because it's gross! They're dirty, she shouldn't be wearing them!
Ok, but they are her nasty socks, on her nasty feet in her nasty shoes....
But it's still gross.
I agree, but it's not hurting you. It's her feet, babe, let it go.

Then I realize I've got movies to return. So now I've got to leave earlier than I had planned. And I've still got crying Newt pissed off and grossed out by Tate's nasty feet and socks. Load everyone up in the van, out the door. Drop the movies off, and head out to school. Still about the socks....let it go.

I love my girls, and I'm sure I'll be glad someday that Newt is so worried about cleanliness. I'm sure I'll wish she was as worried about her own as she is about her sister's, but I can't pick every battle.

I'm just glad they'll be at Slug's tonight. Let him sort that mess out. Sheesh

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Mending fences, and making peace

Mend fences with someone from your past. That doesn't mean you two necessarily have to be friends again. (Heck, you may not even have to contact them directly.) But you do have to make peace with what happened.

Mend fences with someone from my past. I'm not sure who really. Believe me there are an abundance of people I could mend fences with, not counting the Forces of Evil.

There is the young Knucklehead. He's called twice now, in a month, and I haven't called him back. I know what he wants. He wants to get together, throw back some Morgan, and catch up on old times. The problem is, I don't. I probably would, except that I realize now he has way more issues than I ever did, and well, I just don't want to have to deal with them. Not any more. There was a time, I could bury my head in the sand, and pretend they were just his issues and had no bearing on me. I realize now, they did effect me. I always wanted to 'fix' him and he never realized there was a problem, because to him it was never a problem. To me it was always a deal breaker, ultimately.

There is CW, who tried to see me earlier this month when he was in town, but because of an exchange of emails we didn't get together. I still stand behind my decision, and will continue to stand behind my decision. I wonder if maybe I could have been a little less forceful, and rude, and been a little more polite about voicing my displeasure, and my decision.

As for making peace with what happened? Do I have anything in my past that I haven't made peace with? I'm not sure. I can't think of anything right now. I don't have any unmended fences that I need to mend and make peace with. At least none that I can think of.

Except Batman.

Mended fences. Our fences are not what they used to be, but they aren't broken either. I have to make peace with the fact that my actions caused things to change between us. It was one of the catalysts, not the only one, and maybe not the defining one, but it was a major one. My actions caused doubts and destroyed trust. I have to make peace with the fact that I'll never get to go back there, to what we had, ever again. What we had is gone, and what we have now is vastly different.

I've apologized for what I did, and he's accepted that apology and he's admitted that he knows the truth about the other incident as well. But too many things have happened and we can't go back to where we left off. Maybe we can find a new starting point, some where down the line.

But for now, I need to make peace with where we are.

Apparently the law just doesn't apply to them....

The sun is shining today. It's actually 37 degrees outside (only 23 in CoMo where my sister lives, 40 minutes away) and the snow is melting, like the wicked witch in the Wizard of Oz. Things are looking brighter for me today than yesterday. And I'm not just talking about the weather outside.

I did find out something interesting from the girls this week. I picked them up Friday from the sitter, after being with The Slug for two days. The ride home after they come back is always interesting, because it's always a bitch session about all the things TFC and her brats have done to make my girls life a living hell. I've just learned to listen and let it go. I can't make them treat the girls better, I can't make them treat them fairly, I can't make them realize that the girls are unhappy. All I can do is listen and if it's serious, take it up with The Slug. Which is beyond useless, because well, he always takes TFC's side.

On our way home Friday, the girls are bitching and moaning about how unfair TFC is to them and how her girls are the biggest spoiled rotten brats they've ever seen, and I'm just letting them blow hot air. We drive past a gas station and they say "Oh, we can't go there today, Uncle X is there."

I know that the law says he can not be around anyone under the age of 18, especially girls. He can't be around my girls until The Slug passes this course and the test at the end. If Slug fails the test, the girls will never see Uncle X. Now, if I believe the girls, (and I have a tendency to do that) then they have seen Uncle X, quite a bit actually.

It seems that they have 'run into him' at the antique shop in town. Ok, now, The Slug, and Uncle X are twins. Those two don't take a shit without calling the other one first. They don't make decisions without consulting the other one. So, if The Slug is going to the Antique store, I can promise you that Uncle X knows it and there is a plan underfoot to meet up there, 'quite by accident' *wink wink*

I can't do anything about it, because, I can't prove that this is planned. They can claim it was just a coincidence, and well, you try and prove it wasn't. Does it matter that I was married to one, and I know these guys, and I know this was not an accident? I mean, they both know he's not supposed to be around the girls, so if one pulls up and the other's vehicle is there, shouldn't that be a clue to leave and come back later? Yeah, well, once again, they all believe they are above the law, and once again, they have managed to find a loophole, and find a way around the law.

Only four months
1 week
2 days
and I'll be gone.

Would you Rather

Hit every red light at every intersection?


Always be wrong?

2007 Edition, Getting to know your friends

I got a slightly different version of this via email this morning. I found this version on-line and thought I'd post it here.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 5:00 AM
2. Diamonds or Pearls? Diamonds
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Cars
4. What is your favorite TV show? The Class
5. What did you have for breakfast? Coffee
6. What is your middle name? Denise
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Depends on what mood I'm in
8. What food do you dislike? Liver, coconut
9. Your favorite chip? Usually Bar-b-que
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Back to Basics
11. What kind of car do you drive? Dodge Caravan
12. Favorite Sandwich? Bacon Cheeseburger
13. What characteristics do you despise? manipulation, jealousy
14. What are your favorite clothes? blue jeans and Kasey Kahne hoodie
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation? Ireland
16. What color are your eyes? Blue
17. Favorite brand of clothing? Tommy
18. Where would you want to retire? some place with no snow, ever

19. Favorite time of day? Don't really have one

20. Where were you born? Kansas
21. What is your favorite sport to watch? NASCAR
22. Pepsi or Coke? Pepsi. Coke is only good in Captain Morgan
Cats or Dogs? Dogs
Are you a morning person or a night owl? Depends who I'm with, but usually morning
25. Pedicure or manicure? Can I have both?
Do you prefer funny or mushy cards? Funny
27. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone? Nothing new, it's all laid pretty bare here.

28. What did you want to be when you were little? grown up

29. What do you have in your trunk right now? I don't have a trunk
30. What is your best childhood memory? I have so many, hard to choose
What are all the different jobs you have had in your life? Seriously? I'm a jack of all trades, master of none.
32. What is your favorite Holiday? Fourth of July
33. What is your favorite dessert? anything chocolate, or with cream cheese
Favorite Get away? In books
35. Ever been to Africa? No
Glasses or Contacts? Contacts
37. Ever been toilet papering? No
38. Been in a car accident? Yes
39. Favorite day of the week? Monday
Favorite restaurant? Red Lobster
Favorite flower? Roses
42. Favorite movies? I don't know, I have so many
Favorite Past time? Reading
Favorite ice cream? Peanut butter 'n' chocolate, Baskin Robins
Favorite fast food restaurant? Sonic
46. How many times did you fail your drivers test? Once
47. From whom did you get your last email? MS
48. Sandals or tennis shoes? Sandals
49. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? TJ Maxx

50. If the speed limit is 60 what is the fastest you will drive? 65

51. What is your bedtime? Varies
52. Whose response to this are you most curious about? anyone's
53. Last person you went to dinner with? Batman
54. What are you listening to right now? Back to Basics

55. What is your favorite color? Green

56. How many tattoos do you have? None

Monday, January 22, 2007

For what it's worth

I still love you, more than I can put into words.

No matter what.

Can I just say....

That today I have had to laugh to keep from crying?

Need details?

See posts below.....

And can I also just say,
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
for all the support and wonderful comments and emails I get from everyone who reads my blog? It means so much to me to know there are people out there, many of who I have never met face to face, who still care about me, and come back daily to check in and who offer support and encouragement. Your comments/emails and friendships mean a lot lot me.

Tide has turned

I guess life was going my way just a little to long, a little too sweet. Now it's time to test the backbone, test my strength, test my mettle.

Slug just called and told me he didn't send child support this week. Uh, wrong answer asshole. "Well, I don' t know what you want me to do, I don't have it to send."
Uh, get mommy to pay it. I would tell you to send TFC out to the street corner to earn it but hell I don't have time to wait that long. She would just whine and cry about it being cold.

I called DSS and found out Slug is $1188 behind and well, we're going to garnish his wages. I told him if he missed a week, I was going after his paycheck, and well, now I am.

It may take a week or two, but damn it I'm getting paid.

Fuck him.

Junebugg: Get me the information, I think I'm ready.

Would you rather.....

Marry an ugly billionaire
Marry a hot poor person

Uh, let's see. With an ugly billionaire, you could always talk them into plastic surgery. As for the poor person? Looks fade in time, so then you're stuck with an ugly old poor person.

Laughs from a Gmail Chat Covo today

My friend lilcali2mama and I were chatting today about guys in general and a few in our lives in particular.

We have decided that because C1 was in the Air Force, and because of this shit he tried to put in the new modification, we should change his name to Major Asshole. Captain Shit for brains would be good too. Although both names are being overly generous. In reality, he never ranked more than Sgt Fucktard. So, C1 will be getting a new moniker on this blog, please vote for your favorite. Or if you have another one, please offer suggestions. The winner will be announced later this week.

We have also decided that he suffers from RDD, Reality Deficit Disorder. I thought he could take the short bus to a nice little place the rest of us like to call reality since he's really never been there, but lilcali said that he can't get out of his stretch limo to Loserville.

We have a new phrase for men who have *ahem* shortcomings.... His package was a few stamps short of deliverable or a few stamps short of enough postage to deliver.

Yeah, you can tell it's Monday, and well, it's good to be back at work, and online again.

Don't Forget to vote!

Horoscope: HUH?

Anxious feelings don't have to run your life. Sit back and watch your thoughts instead of jumping in to 'fix' them. Think of your mind as a public access channel run slightly amok. Choose to be amused.

Ok everyone. There is today's horoscope. Have a field day with that one. Anyone care to speak up and try and tell me what they think it means?

My mind is a public access channel run slightly amok? Hello I think my life is a reality tv gone terribly wrong, but for the viewers, it's vastly entertaining.

Maybe my life is Fate's personal fucked up playground right about now. Either way, I'm not having any fun.

Someone has to die

I can not possibly believe this shit. I swear Mother Nature hates me, and believe me the feeling is mutual.

Batman called Friday, and said he was feeling better and we should get together soon. "I'm thinking Wednesday would be good." So, I'm all excited, I'm thrilled.

Yeah, until this bullshit.....Seriously, can this really be happening to me? I mean, this isn't even funny any more. I'm not even laughing at it anymore. I just can't believe this is happening to me. Seriously, it was funny for a while, it was comical, and it was ironic, now, it's just unbelievable. This is just vindictive, and cruel, and mean, and hateful.

It's the Ultimate Blog Party! You're invited!

Ultimate Blog Party
The Ultimate Blog Party is coming to blog near you! Christmas is over, and spring is well, who the hell knows where or when Spring is.

This is a chance to get out there and meet and greet a lot of new people out there (and you all know how I love to meet new people). It's a chance to let new people meet you, and make new friends (and really who couldn't use a few more friends? We all need just one more person to tell us "No, your butt does not look big in those jeans, now shut up and let's go!")

It's a week long party, and I know that sounds like a long time, but really, a week long party? Didn't we all dream of being invited to one of those once upon a time? Well, now you are.

There could be prizes involved too! And that's always a good thing. If you don't win, eh, that's ok too. I mean after all, you were going to blog that week anyway, now you could actually win something for blogging! Wahoo!

So click on the banner on the right there, yes, the one at the top, and bookmark the page. Don't forget to sign up and link to your blog the week of the party. Then clean up the joint, get out your party dress (or clean jeans...whatever) and your dancin' shoes, get your hair done (or not) and don't forget to buy plenty of beer (and margarita's for me, you know I'll be stopping by), and let's have us a freakin' good time!

A decision of sorts, coming down the line, stay tuned

I think I've made a major decision in my life, one that's going to change things yet again for me. It's not easy, and it's painful, but I think ultimately it's healthy and the best thing I can do for me right now.

I'm not quiet ready to talk about it, but it's been brewing in the back of my mind. This week, things promised, talked about, hinted at, will make the decision finally for me. It's a make or break kind of deal.

I will blog about it when I know for sure what I'm doing and where I'm heading. Just stay tuned.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Snow Bunnies

Ah yes, my mortal enemy, Mother Nature struck again this weekend. Althought not with the vengence she has used in the past. I think she's heard I'm a little pissed off at her, and she's running scared. Yeah, that's it.

We got somewhere around 2-4 inches of snow Saturday night, but no ice. It was really wet heavy snow. And the road crews were out at 2:30 AM clearing our road, and someone was clearing our parking lot at 3:00 AM, so I wasn't snowed it at all! Yesterday it was warm enough most of it melted away.

So, yesterday, since it was 'warm' (as if 37 is warm, but compared to 2, it is) I took the girls out and played around with the Nikon.

Saturday, January 20, 2007


Well, the trip to the Dumbass lawyer’s office was un-fucking-believable. I thought we had come to some sort of agreement, but oh hell to the fucking no, apparently, I was totally mistaken.

Ok, remember when I mentioned that the allegations and demands in the original purposed parenting plan were so utterly unbelievable, and ridiculous I couldn’t even wrap my mind around them? Yeah, well I got my mind wrapped around them in a goddamn hurry today. He damn near got his ass handed to him on a silver platter today with my size 8 shoved squarely in it. I would have gladly sacrificed a shoe (they were old shoes) just to have the satisfaction of kicking him square in his lazy fat ass and hoping his over inflated ego would deflate. I refused to sign anything until I agreed to it. I was prepared to walk out and actually got halfway out of the office twice. He’s yelling at me, "you’re going to back out of our agreement?" uh no, I’m not agreeing to this bullshit. I’ll stick to our agreement; this isn’t even fucking close.

And just because I love you guys so damn much, I’ll share with you the delusions C1 lives under on a day-to-day basis. It’s amazing. It’s a fucking wonder he can function in life, with an ego as big as his, it surely must get in the way. I can’t imagine….oh wait, yeah I kind of can. I was married to that fucking ego 11 years ago. It has grown some since then, but yeah, you’ll get the idea. Read on…..

Father believes that joint physical custody is not in the best interest of the child for the following reasons.: Mother was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and has a history of not taking medications. (Yeah, good luck with that. You will never find any diagnosis anywhere in any medical files on me anywhere, ever, because, ah, yeah, it never happened. Just because you were a medic in the air force 20 years ago, does not make you MD.)

If mother’s actions and/or behavior warrant, father can change visitation to supervised status at any time. Any costs associated with supervised visits will be Mother’s responsibility. (Uh, excuse me, I have a question. Uh, who again determines if my actions and behaviors warrant this change? Oh, father gets to determine that? Like fucking hell, he does. He’s not playing god with my life and my visitation with my son. If I don’t kiss his ass, then my actions and behaviors warrant a change in visitation. It was fucking hilarious too, when the secretary the secretary at the law practice sat there and told him, "The court will throw that out. It will never make it past the judge. You can’t determine, change, stop, prevent, or deny visitation. Only the courts can do that." The secretary knew that. His lawyer actually thought he could put that shit in there and I would just roll over and say "Ok" and the courts would allow that shit? Oh hell to the no. I told you this lawyer was a Dumbass. And there was phone conversation in which C1 threatened me, "If you don’t agree to this I can make it so much worse for you. My lawyer says I could ask for so much more. I’m being generous and lenient." UH, yeah, you keep on trusting what your lawyer told you. You go ahead and ask for the moon and the stars. I won’t agree to it and neither will the court. I have managed to strip you of most of your power so far without a lawyer. Your lawyer hasn’t instilled a hell of a lot of confidence in me. He’s a freaking Dumbass, and you’re an idiot, both of which work in my favor.)

Father reserves the right and authority to cut short visitation if he feels visits are detrimental to the child and/or the child requests visits be cut short or cancelled. (Again with this determining bullshit. Who the fuck died and made you the fucking King of England? Uh, you will not be allowed to determine anything in regards to my visitation with my son, as you are unable to determine exactly why we are doing this. Surely not because you believe this is best for our son. You wouldn’t have the first clue as to what is in the best interest of our son. You don’t give a flying fuck about him. You’re just using this to make me fall into line and look, I’m not falling into line, and you’re not controlling me or manipulating me, or winning this battle.)

Father pays the cell phone bill and owns the cell phone provided to the minor child, and has final say on all matters relating to this phone and its usage. (We tried that, Bo went through 445 minutes in 4 days because I wasn’t allowed any say in the matter so I let him talk on the damn phone for hours at a time. That got dropped in a real fucking hurry.) If mother refuses to abide by this or problems arise due to mother being uncooperative, father has the authority to modify the visitation schedule accordingly. (Yeah, lets see, if I don’t fall into line and bow down and kiss His Royal Highness’s ass, and don’t allow Bo to use his cell phone, then I’m going to lose visitation with my son. Sounds to me, he’s trying to legally use Bo as a pawn to get me to fall into line. Again, this isn’t about Bo’s best interest at all, it’s all about controlling me and punishing me. He’s just using the only power he has, the courts. He does not have balls big enough to take me on any other way.)

At NO TIME will an adult, not married to mother, be allowed to spend the night at Mother’s residence unless it is a family member. (I guess all the men traipsing in and out of my life, through the revolving door I have on my apartment will now have to be referred to as Uncle. As IF…asshole) If father discovers this is occurring, he may, at his discretion change the visitation schedule to include discontinuing visitation temporarily until a satisfactory outcome can be achieved. (unless I decide to give him a cut of the $ I take in on those nights. Idiot) (Yup, there’s that discretion and control and punishment and playing GOD again. He really thinks he big shit. He is shit all right, and yes, he is big –fat- but he is a fucking moron. This totally was thrown out too. I told him he had no fucking right to dictate who and what happened at my house any more than I could dictate what went on at his house. I tried to go down the road, if it applies to me, then it has to apply to him. But I realized the futility of that, because there is no one EVER going to spend the night there with him. They would not only have to be married to him –and that ain’t happen, he’s been divorced three times, because we all got smart. I was the only one to have his baby- they would have to be blind and desperate.)

So what did we agree on?

Not much.

Try as I might he would not agree to the fact that he was doing this to punish me for wanting to get as far away from his crazy insane ass as possible. He thinks he’s GOD. Yeah, I can tell you, no body has ever confused him with the Big Guy, EVER.

We did agree on joint physical custody.

I will have temporary custody of him when he is with me. That means every other weekend, and specified holidays. Bo will come to my house every other Friday night. If he decides at any time that he does not want to be there, he can call his father and go back to his father’s house. His father has to come pick him up. I will not drive him back home. That means that when I move to Lincoln County, then I will pick him up at Kingdom City, and take him home. If he wants to go back to his dad’s, fine, his dad has to drive to my house in Lincoln County and get him. Period. The fun part of that is, I can pick Bo up, and head back home, Bo can call his father, and have him pick him up 2 minutes after we walk in the door at my house. That means his dad will have to literally almost follow us home just to get him. *Insert evil maniacal laugh here*.

The cell phone issue has been resolved in this manner. Mother has the discretionary authority in its usage, such as getting off the phone to do chores, homework etc. Taking the phone away or restricting it is usage as punishment is acceptable, as long as contact with the other parent is maintained and Father is notified of this restriction. (Yeah, when he goes through damn near 500 minutes in 4 days because I am not allowed any say in the matter, you can bet your sweet ass, you give that authority back to me. Otherwise, he’ll be on the damn phone all the time, and shit, I’ll be using it too, just because I can!)

Father will be awarded sole custody and will have final say in all matters. (Fine. I’ll agree to that. So, by having sole custody of our son, you will then be assuming all financial responsibility for him as well? Great. You will now be the one providing him with a car and insurance in two years. Good luck. I won’t be helping out with that little expenditure at all. Not smart enough to get that in writing right now, it’s never going in there. I don’t have custody of him. You will be providing him with a college education and paying all college tuition and expenses for the time he is in school? Great! I’m going to encourage him to go to Harvard or Yale and study to be a doctor or a lawyer, which ever has a longer course study. Again, you have sole custody of him, and have assumed full responsibility of him, both legally and financially. Good luck with that shit. He fucking hates it when I go after his money, and believe me I know how to go after his money and get as much of it out of him as I can.)

The good news, I can go to child support enforcement after this signed, and I can go back and get the past child support that he didn’t pay the first 5 years of Bo’s life. He’ll continue to pay me child support even though he doesn’t know it yet. Clear up until Bo is 18 I can claim that. He can’t prove he paid it, because he didn’t. I just have to claim I never got it. Send in copies of our divorce decree and bibidy bobidy boo, child support enforcement is on his ass. *more maniacal laughing here*.

The funny shit about all of this? Yeah, with a lawyer in tow, he tried to fuck me over, just like he’s tried to control and manipulate me all along. I went in without a lawyer and walked out of it just fine. Didn’t cost me a penny at all. Cost him plenty. And that’s the way I like it, and the way it should be.

As soon as we manage to get a court date (and I’m thinking I would have better luck at getting a court date when the judges are actually sitting on the bench than his Dumbass attorney) we will be done with this shit and I can get on with my life and pray to whatever gods are out there, that he falls off the face of the earth.

Not that I’m bitter or anything.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Almost there

In an hour and a half, I'm leaving work. 4:00. Out of here. Got to go to the lawyer's office. Not my lawyer's office. C1's lawyer's office. Yes, the dumbass.

Finally, he has the new parenting plan typed up, and put together. I just have to read it and sign it. After I look over it with a magnifying glass and a fine tooth comb. I'm sure they're going to try to slip something in there that is going to piss me off.

After I sign the papers today (if I sign the paper's today) his lawyer will have to get a court date. This has proved to be a challenge in the past. Actually, getting a court date is fairly easy. Getting one when the judges are actually sitting on the bench, however seems to be a real challenge for this dumbass.

This should have been over and done with months ago, but oh hell to the no, it's not. We're still dealing with total and complete incompetence. Of course, he's blaming it all on the fact that they had a paralegal quit. I'm sorry, did she run that law practice by herself? I'm thinking she may have been the only competent one there.

It's all good for me, if this guy is a dumbass, (and his track record says he just might be) it works in my favor.

I really just want this over. This is the last hurdle here. The last residue of my past. The last little bit of the forces of evil hanging around my neck. Once this over, I can breathe, really breathe.

More whining and bitching, sorry

I look out my window and there is this bright light in the sky. It looks vaguely familiar, like something I remember from a dream. Then I's the sun. I remember the sun. Back in the days when it was warm, and there was no freaking snow and ice on the ground. Back when it wasn't painful to walk outside because the temperatures were normal and there was no such thing as a wind chill factor. Yeah, nice of you to come back around.

Of course that Bitch Mother Nature is going to chase you off again, look at this shit. I swear to god, I'm going to pack it all up and head south, far south, like Bahamas south, where the sun is warm, the beaches are plenty, the rum flows endlessly, and the cabana boys are half naked. Where shit never freezes, and they have no freakin idea what a wind chill factor is. Snow is just a figment of someone's imagination.

Yeah, that's where I want to be. I am sick and tired of freakin winter. Tired of being cold, tired of being home bound, tired of trying to entertain myself and the three kids. Tired of listening to them argue because they are tired of being stuck inside. (never mind they haven't been home for 2 days, they will be tonight and the arguements will start. I promise you.)

I know the snow and ice means there will be fewer bugs this summer, and believe me I'll be glad for that this summer, but right now, summer is....well, a wish.

I know I whine and bitch and moan about the weather a lot, but damn, I hate winter. This time last year, I kid you not it was 70 degrees in February. We were wearing shorts, insane. I know February isn't here yet, but damn it it's close and the temperatures outside are nowhere near close to 70. I know this is normal weather for this time of year, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

I'm sick of cold, I'm sick of snow, I'm sick of ice. I'm sick of winter.

Just takin care of some business

Once again it is Friday. I have gloriously survived another week at work. The kids have been gone for two nights now, and will all be home tonight. Sounds like a pizza and movie night to me. Of course, Mother Nature is about to shit on us yet again, and well, she can take a flying leap, I hate that bitch.

Talk to Batman this morning, and well, he's finally made it out of bed and found his way back to work. First day this week, and the BIG WIGS are in the store. Not a fun day for him. Being at work is going to wear him slick, and wipe his ass out. Then he has to pick up his kids tonight after work for the weekend. He'll be dead to the world by 8:00 if not sooner. But at least he's up and around.

My girl lilcali2mama has been chatting with me today, and I just have to say, she blows me away. She found my blog quite by accident one day and stops by often. She has told me that I am helping her through a really rough patch in her life. And then she shared with me some of her story, and frankly, she's way stronger than I am. She has been through way more than I have and that girl has kicked ass the whole way. I am amazed by her, and so glad she found my corner of the world. (Now, get those poems of yours on your blog, as I'm sending friends over to visit, and those are powerful beyond measure!)

To TN Becky, I know things seem overwhelming right now, but believe me you know that God is not going to give you anything that you and He together can not handle. Take it in stride, a bit at a time, and you'll get through, He will provide. Done preaching.

Syd, can I just say thank god for your place? No matter what kind of day I'm having I know I can stop by there and walk away with nothing less than a smile, but usually I'm doubled over laughing my ass off. And really, not that I'm counting or anything, but we are a month away from Daytona, and Nascar, and frankly, I'm ready.

Dixie, in response to your email, I haven't read that book yet, but my mother has it and is reading it now. I will ask to borrow it when she's done. My sister has verbally kicked my ass more than once about how complaining about a situation isn't going to change it, and if you're doing nothing to change it, you're as much a part of the problem as the problem itself. I just got tired of getting my ass kicked. Now, I'm going to kick some ass.

MS thanks to you I have a gazillion posts on my blog already for the month of January. I am constantly churning out new posts just to keep you entertained while you work some crazy long hours with some cranky ass people who don't understand "Go away and leave me alone" does not mean "Come back in my office and bother me some more". I'm there for ya, and doing all I can to get you through the days. Glad I could help. Oh, and I've got a dozen more ideas for Thursday Thirteen, if you would just let me write them for ya.

I can not say Thank you enough to all the people who stop by and read this little corner of the world. I appreciate all the supportive emails and comments I get from all of you. I am sure there are lurkers who haven't come up and said Hello, and that's ok. I hope someday you will. In the meantime, pull up a chair, grab a drink, get comfortable and stay and visit awhile.

New Question and Answer.

Dixie has asked me “If you could do one thing, for someone else that would change their life for the better, who would it be and what would you change?”

Damn. That’s tough. There are so many people I would do things for. I don’t know that I could pick just one person to do one thing for.

I think if I could, I would give everyone I know peace in their lives. We are all fighting our own personal battles. Some are bigger than others, some are harder than others, some have taken longer than others, but we all face our own personal demons. If I could give anyone anything to make their life better, I would want to give them the strength and the courage they need to fight those battles, and to win.

I’ve had to stand up and face a lot of demons this past year. I have also had to stand up and take responsibility for the power those demons held in my life. I allowed them that power, I gave them that power. I had to take a stand and take back my life. I had to take back the power I had given them. Not an easy thing to do.

I know that I have friends out there who have given away their power too, maybe without realizing it, and they are fighting personal demons in their lives. I don’t claim to have the answers, I don’t claim to have won every battle. I just know how good it feels to win one, and to know I have people supporting me every step of the way.
I would give that to everyone I know. The strength to face what life throws at them, the courage to fight for what they want, need and believe in, the joy of the victory, and the support of friends and family.

One Word Only

I copied and pasted this from Hot Dr. Wife. I thought I'd play.

This Moment: Blogging
Your Shoes: Old
Craving: Sex
The State of Your Home: empty
Annoyed By: Winter
Noise In the Background: radio
Really Want To: leave
Thinking About: weekend
Smelling: candle
Favorite Product In Office Supply Aisle: pens
Don't Ever Want To: hurt
Your Eye Color: blue
The Weather: cold
Have Never Tried: Starbucks
Think Everyone Should Try: something
Last Vacation Destination: Daytona
The Last Thing You Had to Drink: coffee
Your Bad Habit: cussing
What You're Going To Do Now: Post

Reminder: Questions still welcome, don't be shy, ask whatever you want, I'll answer.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Just ask, I'll tell

I have hit the proverbial Blog writers Brick wall, and am coming up totally dry, empty, I got nothing to blog about.

I have several new readers, (Love you guys, bring your friends) and I'm sure they haven't spent hours just pouring over the riviting archives that is the past year or so of my life. (I don't blame you, really).

So, I thought I would open the floor to all my readers and entertain questions. Ask anything you would like to know, I'll answer as best, and as honestly as I can. I'll post questions and answers here.

Who has the first question?

Next Question

Silent One ~D~ has asked me What is your count down for? Starting over ... as in how?

Good question.

The Count down at the top of my blog, counts down to June 1, 2007, the day I have every intention of being moved into my new home, in my new town, ready to start my new life, away from the forces of evil here.

I have been married and divorced twice. Both ex's live close by (for the kids). Even though the state, the laws, the courts, almost everyone recognizes that my divorces gave me the freedom to live my life free from control, harrassment and interference from them, the ex's didn't get the memo.

I've been on my own for 3 years now (almost to the day) but I've never been free of them. They have stalked me, harrassed me, cost me jobs, cost me relationships, and made my life hell. I just always assumed they would be a fact of my life until the kids turned 18.

Batman opened my eyes and showed me it was possible to get free of them. He encouraged me, he showed me it was possible and so I did it.

I took them back to court and changed the parenting plan we had for the kids. I got sole custody of the girls, (9 and 7 Father is The Slug) and gave C1 sole custody of Bo (he needs to be with his father at 13). I was granted permission to relocate.

I am moving far enough away the ex's can't screw with my life. I can get a great job with great benefits and I can finally have my life, free from them. They would still see the kids.

This town, and the ex's have just become such a dead end for me. I'm going no where, I have no hope for a bright future. I have grown stagnant here. So, I'm starting over. I'm packing it all up, and leaving all that I know, and moving on to find my place in this world, my own place. To stand on my own two feet. Free from the forces of evil.

Where did Batman get his name?

Lilcali2mama has asked the first question: Why do you call Batman Batman?

Batman and I met on line, and he lives almost 2 hours away from me. We would chat on line a lot during the day, and at night, but there were times neither of us were near a computer, or we just wanted to talk, so we would call each other. (obvious, I know)

We would talk for hours. Seriously, hours, about everything, and nothing. Free nights and weekends are nice, but sometimes you just want to talk to that special someone during the day. In the first week after we met, we had burned through over 1000 minutes, and we were going through his roll-over minutes, and my cell phone bill was out of this world. (we weren't using the same provider)

So, two weeks after we met, he just added me to his phone plan, and got me a phone. Now we could talk to each other all day, every day whenever we wanted for FREE! And free is always good. I joked that I had never had my own personal hotline before. And he said, something about well, now you have a Batphone. I can call you whenever.

And since it was the Batphone, he obviously became Batman.

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things I will do this year

1. I am going to work harder at my photography. I am going to put in more time, more practice. I am going to pick up my camera more often. I am going to feed the creative side of me that I’ve been ignoring because it was too painful to explore.

2. I am going to explore more things around me. I am moving to a new town in a few months and I am so excited about the possibilities it offers. There are some amazing malls around us, there are awesome parks, St. Louis is less than an hour away from there. I am going to get out and do more, have more fun, laugh more.

3. I am going to let go of all the demons from my past. It is time to stop allowing them to cripple me and hurt me and control and ruin my life. It is time I stood up and took full responsibility for all aspects of my life.

4. I am going to try very hard to stay connected more to my family. We are spread out over several states and it’s easy to not stay in touch with them. It’s also really easy to send an email, or make a phone call too. They are worth the effort, and the time.

5. I am going to read more books this year, and not just the fluff and stuff books that I love to read. I have a lot of books that I really should read, or I want to read but have never gotten around to reading them because, well, they’re not stories, they are self help, they are inspirational, they are improvement, change your life kind of books.

6. I am going to listen more to my heart, to my instincts, to my higher power, and follow where they lead, instead of where I want things to go. When I try to take the wheel of my life, I always run it squarely into a brick wall. There is always carnage and bodies and a bloody mess left in my wake. Let someone else drive for a while.

7. I am going to laugh more, and play more, and have more fun with my kids. We are moving to get away from the drama of my life, and if there is less drama, there has to be more fun and laughter.

8. I am going to go to at least 1 NASCAR race this year, and hopefully I will go to more than one. I am also going to take in at least one Cardinal’s Baseball game (Third year in a row, if I make it).

9. I am going to embrace life. Looking back at where I’ve been and where I am now, I am damn proud of the things I’ve survived and the place I am. I know that I am not done, and I will only get better, grow stronger, learn more. I have survived a lot of things. I’ve walked through the valley of the shadow of death. The key word there, is through, not into, but through.

10. I am going to accept things as they are instead of hoping they would change. It is what it is, nothing more, nothing less. Accept it.

11. I guess I am going to have to gain that dreaded 5 (actually 7) pounds, not because he wants me to, but because it’s the healthy thing to do. Then I guess I am going to have to make friends with those damn 5 (7) pounds. ARG!

12. I am going to try to be a better person. Forgive The Slug for all he’s done, (he can’t help it, he is what he is, and we all have our opinion of what that is) and move on.

13. I am going to get rid of all the baggage in my life. If it’s not working for me, if it’s holding me back, slowing me down, keeping me from being all that I can be, then it’s out of here. Junk, baggage, things, people, beliefs, everything holding me down, is gone.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
(leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)
1. Chickadee
2. Sweet Kitty
3. JohnH985
4. Rashenbo

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

My mantra

I swear to god, Mother Nature is a cold hearted bitch. Look at that shit. Yeah the temperatures are above freezing, which in my book is a very good thing. But they are calling for more snow this weekend. I've heard as much as 3-5 inches.

I hate winter. Have I mentioned that? I have, haven't I?

Never gonna believe it

I got a marriage proposal today. Ok, a proposal of sorts.

A man claiming to be cousins (doubtful) with Gary Coleman(Diff'rent Strokes), and Vince Coleman(St. Louis Cardinals) told me "You are a very beautiful woman. That outfit looks wonderful on you. Please don't tell your husband. Oh, maybe there isn't a husband, I don't see a ring."

"Thank you. And No, no husband." (Damn, wonder if I should start wearing a damn ring.)

"Well then, I'm going to run off with you. Let's go."

Uh, no thanks.

Overheard at Wal-M...well you know where

The chick checking me out last night (the check out chick, not checking me out as in "Damn she's hot" or "Damn she's a freak") was talking to the girl in front of me about her two year old son. Who just happened to damn near burn their house down earlier this week.

Uh, hello? How does a 2 year old almost burn a house down?

Well, apparently he puts the dust pan in the broiler drawer of the oven while Mommy is cooking dinner and not paying close enough attention to the two year old.

100 Things about me the 2007 Edition

I have done this list before, but it was a year or so ago. I thought I would updated it a bit.

  1. I will be closer to 40 this year than I’m comfortable with (39).
  2. I was born in Kansas.
  3. I am the oldest of 3 children.
  4. I moved to Missouri when I was 6 months old.
  5. I have lived in 11 different towns in my life.
  6. This summer I will make that an even dozen.
  7. I have managed to move to a new address every three years (sometimes more often) all of my life.
  8. I have 3 kids, 1 son, 2 daughters.
  9. I am fiercely proud of them all.
  10. I have two ex husbands. They have the same first name.
  11. I will never date a man with that first name ever again.
  12. I filed for divorce both times.
  13. Both times it was the best thing I could have done.
  14. I am not sure I loved either one of them, really loved them.
  15. I am sure I married both of them for the wrong reasons.
  16. I am not sure I can be friends with either of them, even for the sake of the kids.
  17. I have lived alone for the past 3 years now (with the exception of my children)
  18. That fact makes me proud of myself.
  19. I am currently single in the technical sense of the word, but in my heart, I’m not.
  20. I am not sure I will ever get married again.
  21. I have been the victim entirely too often in my life.
  22. I am tired and done being the victim.
  23. I admit I allowed myself to be that, and sometimes took pleasure in the attention being the victim got me.
  24. I have 6 piercings (both ears twice=4, my left upper ear=1 and my belly button=1)
  25. I don’t have any tattoos.
  26. I want one, but have never gotten it. That tells me it’s not important enough to me yet.
  27. I have a college degree that I find is completely useless.
  28. It looks good on paper. In real life, it’s worthless.
  29. I feel like I wasted my time in college.
  30. I was too immature and insecure to get everything out of college I should have.
  31. I want to go back someday, and get a degree in business finance.
  32. I have a younger sister who is just about as opposite of me as you can get and still share DNA.
  33. I don’t always agree with her, and I don’t always like what she says or does, but I trust her implicitly, and ask her opinion often.
  34. I have a younger brother.
  35. I found out he is a great sense of support and advice and encouragement and is one of my fiercest defenders.
  36. I have a brother-in-law and sister-in-law.
  37. I think both of them are pretty cool people. They have to be to be married to my sister and brother.
  38. I am a huge NASCAR fan.
  39. I wasn’t a year ago.
  40. I went to the Daytona 500 last year and LOVED it.
  41. My favorite drivers are Kasey Kahne and anyone who can put a Bush brother into the wall and take them out of the race.
  42. I think Michael Waltrip is brain damaged and shouldn’t be behind the wheel of a car going over 100 miles an hour.
  43. I love the St. Louis Cardinals.
  44. I have managed to get tickets to a game the past two years.
  45. I hope to make it three years this summer.
  46. I have never been to a professional football game.
  47. I have never been to a professional hockey game either.
  48. Every once in a while the red in my neck shows, and I try desperately to hide it.
  49. In just over four months I will pack up my life, leave behind all I know, and move on, and try to find my place.
  50. I am both terrified and excited about this.
  51. I am halfway through with this list.
  52. I am sure that while my mother supports my decision, and voices that support, she’s worried and scared for me all the same. And hasn’t voiced that.
  53. I am thankful for both of those things.
  54. I am a natural red head
  55. I am blonde by choice.
  56. I like being blonde much more.
  57. I look more high maintenance than I really am.
  58. I have been told more than once I am beautiful.
  59. Sometimes I actually believe it.
  60. Most of the time I think I’m just not altogether unfortunate looking.
  61. I discovered photography fills my creative need.
  62. I am not as good as I want to be, but I am better than I used to be.
  63. I love to read, and am always reading something, even if it just the cereal box at breakfast
  64. I love coffee
  65. I didn’t a year ago
  66. I used to drink it only in the morning before 10:00. Now I can drink it in the morning and at night.
  67. I love chai latte too.
  68. I am a Starbucks virgin.
  69. I haven’t been because I don’t speak the language.
  70. I love white chocolate much more than milk chocolate
  71. I don’t like dark chocolate at all
  72. I hate coconut
  73. My best friend used to be Captain Morgan
  74. Now it’s Jose (in a margarita)
  75. I am an internet junkie. I love blogs, email, and IM’s.
  76. Sometimes I think it’s a good thing I don’t have internet at home right now. I wouldn’t have much of a life if I did.
  77. I didn’t talk to my father for the first 10 years of my son’s life.
  78. I have finally forgiven him for not living up to my expectations.
  79. I have worked for a temporary employment agency for the past year and a half.
  80. I have just started my final ‘new’ job in this town.
  81. I am the only grandchild on my mother’s side of the family to graduate from college.
  82. I do not have the best job nor do I make the most money. (told you that college degree was worthless)
  83. I am the only one of us three kids to hold a college degree.
  84. Again, I am the least successful. (worthless degree)
  85. I believe there is a man out there who is everything I ever wanted, and all I’ve ever dreamed of.
  86. I am afraid I have already loved him, and blown it, and won’t get the second chance.
  87. I won’t give up hoping for that second chance.
  88. I appear braver on the outside than I ever feel on the inside.
  89. I am afraid someday someone will realize I have bluffed my way through life.
  90. I want to go to Ireland someday.
  91. I had hoped to go for my 40th birthday.
  92. I’m not sure I’m going to make it.
  93. I would love to see the Smithsonian too.
  94. I look back at where I’ve been and compare it to where I am and I am damn proud of what I’ve survived.
  95. I have friends who love me enough to kick my ass when it is needed.
  96. Lucky for me they remove my head from my ass before they kick it. Avoids more brain damage that way.
  97. I am stronger, and braver than I thought I was.
  98. I know now that I can face and handle whatever life throws at me.
  99. When my world falls apart around me, I don’t fall apart.
  100. I believe 2007 will be an amazing year for me.