Promises

Sorry posts have been few and far between lately. I promise, next week things will pick up again.

Today, I met one of my Knucklehead's for lunch. We didn't have the chance to get together over the holidays, and catch up, and yesterday found us both available for a bite and a bit of gossip and pseudo therapy.

I realized something though today. I had made a promise to myself, to the girls, and in a way, to Batman. Today that promise was tested. When it came down to it, I discovered that I couldn't break that promise. I didn't want to break that promise. But I also discovered that it wasn't necessarily something I chose, it chose me. I don't know that I have a choice in this matter. This is just the way my life is right now, and how it will continue to be.

I called Batman and tried to explain it to him. (I'm sure it was kind of hazy, I was being kind of vague and there was a couple of beers involved too.) But it was a truth of mine. He would be the only one for me, for the rest of my life. Him or no one at all. I knew it in August, I know it now.

It's not like B asked for this promise, and it's not like I'm in a committed relationship with B, so I am free to do what I want, see who I want, be with who I want. The thing is, I'm not free to do any of that. The only one I want is B. He's it.

So, while I accept he needs to do what he feels he needs to do, I am bound by a promise made to myself, and others. And I'm ok with that.