Saturday, April 29, 2006

The beginning of a dream come true

I have never really told anyone this before, but I have always wanted to be a photographer. I dated a school yearbook photographer in college and fell in love with life behind the lens. It allowed you the freedom to get into forbidden places, and it allowed you too look closer at people, sometimes into their private times, without intruding. It opened doors and yet kept you hidden. People seem to open up and let you in when you hide behind a camera.

So, today at a yard sale I happened across an Olympus OM10. I don't know jack about what's new, what's old, what's good, what's not. But the price for the camera AND 3 lenses and a case was unbelievable. It was too good to pass up. Even after you factor in it is not a digital camera, but a film camera (and I will have to buy film and pay for processing) the price was still unbelievable. Especially for someone just starting out. No point in going full guns and buying top of the line when I'm just learning. What if I find out I suck? Then all of that money will have been wasted. I know, that if I do find out I suck, I can sell this set up for what I've got in it, or maybe even a bit more. The risk appeared minimal, and the draw, the pull, the yearing to try my hand, to explore a dream was just too great.

I have found an owner's manual online and downloaded it, so that I can study how to use this new toy, but I know for the most part, this is going to be trial and error and learn as I go. I am hoping to tap into M's wealth of knowledge and get help and advice from her.

I am sure my kids are going to get tired of looking at me behind the camera, and they will undoubtedly get tired of being subjects of photos, but please, let them be willing subjects for just a small bit of time. Maybe if the first roll of pictures doesn't turn out altogether unfortunate then, just maybe, they will be more willing subjects for subsequent rolls of film.

I have taken the first step towards achieving a dream. Wish me luck, as I'm sure I'm going to have loads of fun on this little journey of mine.

Friday, April 28, 2006

Summer's coming, Hold on to your hat.

Well, once again I was right.  I felt a shift, but I chose to ride the ebb and flow out and see where the tide took us before I started to panic. In the past things have always seemed to work out for us, and this time was no different.

Wednesday/Thursday Boo spent a grand total of 28 straight hours here at work, dealing with a broken water main and the subsequent flood that resulted from it.  With that kind of drama and mess, there is little to no time for socializing.  I knew he was busy, so I didn’t worry about us, (I worried about him though, what he was dealing with was not pretty or nice).

Last night we started talking about summer plans, who’s coming to visit, when, what are we going to do this summer, what trips is he taking and of course the subject of races came up.  Today, we decided on 3 more races we’d like to go to this year.  The first one being the 3M Performance 400 on June 18th, the second race being the Allstate 400 at the Brickyard, on August 6th, the third is the Banquet 400 on October 1st.  Of course, none of them are nearly as big as the Daytona 500, but The Brickyard comes close.  The Brickyard is a historical racetrack and it would be beyond awesome to see a race there.  So, that’s the plan right now, work on getting tickets to those 3 races.

Plus, there are the baseball games we want to go to this summer.  With 81 home games, we won’t have any trouble getting tickets to any home game we chose to go to.  And we can take a day and go, not have to plan a whole weekend roadtrip.  That makes it much easier.

But with all these trips planned for us, we still have to schedule around his work trips, and his family and friends coming in for a visit.  N and J will be here a couple of times this summer, Boo is thinking of going home to LA for Memorial Day. His brother is bringing Mama up from VA soon.  Summer is going to be a very busy, busy time.  I don’t care how busy it gets, as long as we’re in it together.

Say a prayer, offer a sacrifice, whatever it takes

7:30 AM
I don’t do this often, but something could happen today that could change my life forever. I am praying things work out for everyone involved, but I know that now it’s out of my hands in the hands of someone higher up, a higher power.

I am not at liberty to say anything more specific than that, and I’m sorry it’s so vague. I’m just asking that good thoughts be offered up and good vibes be sent my way. Say a prayer, offer a sacrifice, whatever it takes, please.

I should know more this afternoon, and I’ll keep you all updated.

11:35 AM **Update** All is well that ends well. Things are going to be ok, and as far as I can tell, my life isn’t going to change that much at all.

To All the kids born in the 60's and 70's

    First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes. Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored  lead-based paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and
when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat. We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.  They actually sided with the law!  

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.    We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS! You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the  government regulated our lives for our own good. And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were. Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Put your music player on shuffle. Press forward for each question. Use the song title as the answer to the question. Post on your blog. Comment back if you post it on your site. No comment regarding whatever songs that might come up. Stolen from LOTS of bloggers.

Will I get far in life? Why Can’t I – Liz Phair

How do my friends see me? Wish for you – Faith Hill

Where will I get married? You belong in the Sun – Jo Dee Mesina

What is my best friend's theme song? You May Be Right – Billy Joel

What is the story of my life? You’re the Inspiration – Chicago

What was high school like? World on Fire – Sarah McLachlan

How can I get ahead in life? You’re not Free – Uncle Kracker

What is the best thing about me? You Give me Love – Faith Hill

How is today going to be? Written in the Stars – Elton John

What is in store for this weekend? Will you Still Love Me? – Chicago

What song describes my parents? Wish you were here – Mark Wills

My grandparents? Wrapped around your finger – The Police

How is my life going? The Fool – Lee Ann Womack

What song will they play at my funeral? Happy – Five for fighting

How does the world see me? Down to the river to pray – Alison Krauss

Will I have a happy life? Amazing - Madonna

What do my friends really think of me? St Elmo’s Fire

Do people secretly lust after me? Love Ain’t like that - Faith Hill

How can I make myself happy? Happy Now? – No Doubt

What should I do with my life? Fly Away – Black Eyed Peas

Will I ever have children? Still holding out for you – SheDaisy

What is some good advice? Further Down the Road – Uncle Kracker

What is my signature dancing song? Nothin’ ‘bout love makes sense – LeAnn Rimes

What do I think my current theme song is? Explain it to me – Liz Phair

What does everyone else think my current theme song is? Speechless – Michael Jackson

What type of men/women do you like? Human Nature - Madonna

Shifts, waves, tides, ebbs and flows

Shifts in relationships are natural, even though they may not feel that way at first. Remember, if things don't evolve, they die. Don't immediately assume that this change is for the worse. Just let it happen.

There it is in black and white.  Things are shifting again, the difference this time is I’m not stressing, obsessing, over analyzing, or over thinking things. I have just let things go.  In the past I’ve worked myself up to a real good worry, and sometimes tears, all for nothing.  This time I’m trying to avoid the drama, and allow things to take the course they are destined to take.  I can be present in the moment, in the relationship and react to what’s going on, but I can not control the course we’re on.

If we don’t constantly change the dynamics of our relationship, it will never grow.  It has to give and take with the ebb and flow of life.  I have to learn how to ride the waves.  I have to trust that things will work out the way they were meant to be, and accept what ever that is.

May or May not be Louisiana, Welcome anyway!

Maybe, (Ok, without a doubt,) I jumped the gun yesterday.   I have a visitor somewhere out there, but they may or may not be in Louisiana.  Turns out that when I post something to my blog from my work, (which is in Mo) it shows up as a visitor in Bethlehem, PA. (Our headquarters) When I post something from home, it shows up as a visitor from Cordova, TN. (My internet provider’s headquarters).  It also happens that when my cousin’s wife visits she appears to be from Amarillo, TX (also the headquarters of her Internet provider).  

So, I got all excited and worked up about a visitor from Louisiana, and that being Boo’s home state, for nothing.  Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to have a regular visitor out there whom I’ve never met, and would enjoy getting to know, but they may or may not be in Louisiana.  

Which is somewhat of a relief.  That means that nothing I post here will get back to Boo, at least that way.  Not that I have anything to hide from him. There is nothing posted on this blog that he doesn’t already know about.  He just is completely unaware that I have a blog and post my life on the web for anyone to read.

So, where ever you are from, I welcome you.  Pull up a chair, grab a cup of your favorite brew and stay awhile.  Glad to have you.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Welcome, Louisiana

I have a web counter on my website, that tracks the number of visitors I have each day, and the general area of the world where their ISP is located.  I have no way of knowing exactly who each visitor is, but it’s fairly easy for me to guess some of them.  I know the ISP in Kansas is my cousin’s wife, whom I count as a dear friend, and I’m glad to see she visits often.  There is also the ISP in Ireland, and I’m guessing, assuming that that is my sister’s friend whose blog I visit on a regular basis.  

Then there is the regular visitor from Louisiana.  Great!  Someone I don’t know, and have never met is reading my blog on a regular basis. I have a fan!  And I’m totally cool with that. (Please don’t let this post scare you away).  What I find kind of humorous is that Boo is from Louisiana, and still has family and friends who live there.  

Now I believe it’s a vast and large world, but I also know that world can get incredibly small in the blink of an eye.  Take this as proof of that.  So, while I don’t believe for much more than a second that my ‘fan’ knows Boo, I don’t completely rule out the possibility.

The odds of that being true though are like a gazillion to one, at best.  I mean, how many possible blogs are there, just on Blogger alone?  Then there are hundreds of other blog-hosting websites out there, for example, Typepad, or MSN Spaces.  So the odds of someone who knows Boo randomly finding me are, like I said, a gazillion to one.  Besides, there is nothing terribly identifying on my blog, aside from pictures.  I keep things as general as I can, I don’t use anyone’s real name, ever, and try to avoid using specific locations when I can.  Anyone looking for Boo’s real name would never come across my blog, and they would have no way of knowing that I call him Boo, or Hondo.

Still….it is possible.  Almost anything is possible.

Having said all of that, I am totally jazzed to have a fan in Louisiana. Hell, I’m jazzed to know someone besides family is reading the blatherings I post here on a daily basis.  Knowing someone out there is actively interested in my blog makes me want to take great care and actually write something meaningful instead of just a boring diary of my boring so called life.

I would like to extend the invitation to my reader in Louisiana to please introduce his/herself.  If you would rather maintain your anonymity, I completely understand. But please feel welcome to continue to visit.  I’m glad you’re here.

As if I need another reason to hate his guts as much as I do.

Remember when I said the system works?  Yeah, well, the freakin’ joke’s on me.  It works alright, to help screw over the people it’s designed to help.  And it helps the enemy continue to screw over the victims.

Child support enforcement just cut a check to my ex husband in the amount of $431.00 as a refund of an overpayment.  The problem with that is he still owes me $450 for this month’s child support.  Hell, 2 freaking weeks ago he was $965.00 behind and now all of a sudden he’s current and deserves a freakin’ refund when I haven’t seen a payment in 3 freakin’ weeks now!  How the hell is that even remotely possible? What alternate universe are they living in where that makes perfect and logical sense?  It’s got to be the same alternate universe where it’s logical that my first ex husband is dating my second ex husband’s mother, where normal isn’t normal any more.

Seems to me he’s once again learned how to play the system and manipulate things in his favor and he’s managed to screw me and his children yet again out of money we need and deserve.  How is it our divorce has been final now for 2 years and yet he still gets the pleasure of screwing me?  And nothing’s changed from when we were married. It’s still all about him, it’s never any good, I never get to enjoy it, it’s over with almost before I’m aware of it, and it leaves me pissed off at him.  

God, when, when when do I get my life back?  When will he ever go away?  When will he ever stop fucking my life up?  When will he stop making my life miserable, impossible, and difficult?  Why am I destined to continue to clean up the messes he makes of my life and how is it he continues to get away with doing this to me without any repercussions at all?  How the hell does he manage to do that?

I hate him, now and for always.  I despise him, I wish with every ounce of my being that he would somehow just disappear from my life.  I hope he suffers a long and painful death to make up for the pain and suffering he’s put me and our children through.  No, I don’t wish him a long and painful DEATH; I wish him a long, painful, lonely, miserable life, somewhere far far away from me and my children.  Somewhere along the lines of hell.

And that’s another thing. I love my children, and I don’t regret them for a minute. My only regret, and trust me it’s something I regret clear to my very core, is that he’s their father.  I hate him, now and for always.  Trust me, if there was a way to get him out of my life and their life forever, I would be the first one to jump on that bandwagon.  He’s horrible to them, horrible to me, and frankly we all would be so much better off and happier if he would just drop off the face of the earth forever.  Or do us all a great big favor; get run over by a train.

I hate him with a rage that burns hotter than a thousands suns, a rage that consumes every cell in my being, a rage that transcends life and reason and logic.  

You know, 2 years ago when he tried to kill himself and he called me to come pick up the girls so he could do it?  I am so eternally sorry that I didn’t drop everything, and drive like a bat out of hell to get the girls.  I will be sorry for the rest of my life that I stopped him, that I talked him out of it, that I helped him change his mind.  I will regret that decision until my dying day.  Because of my stupidity, he’s been walking around, living, breathing, and apparently screwing me over for the last 2 years.  We all would have been better off if he had just followed through with it and if I had let him.  Unfortunately, I will never get that chance again.  Damn, a missed opportunity.

I hate him, now and for always.

Happy Birthday Stealth!

Image hosting by Photobucket Birthday wishes go out to one of the loves of my life, my awesome nephew Stealth. This little angel turns 4 today. What can I say about this little guy, that hasn't already been said? He heals my heart with just a smile. His hugs and kisses are rarities, and treasured more than gold. He's all boy, and worships the ground his brother and g'pa walk on. He is innocent and yet wise beyond his years. He already has seen and known great things and great people. He will walk in the footsteps of great men, changing the path just enough to make it his own. This child is special beyond words and description. He is loved beyond reason or explaination.

I can not adequately put into words the magic that is Stealth. I can not even begin to explain or describe how this child has touched, changed and sometimes saved my life. I know that is a huge burden to place on a child of 4, but he is completely unaware of it. He has done all of that just by simply being.

Happy Birthday my little Monkey Butt. I can not tell you how much I love you. You are an amazing person, who will do amazing things. 4 is just the beginning.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

A Saturday night race can sure screw up a Sunday afternoon

NASCAR Bush Series and Nextel cup races are held every weekend, save 2. They take the day off for Jesus (Easter Sunday) and Mama (Mother’s Day). The normal schedule is Bush series races on Saturday and Nextel races on Sunday. With the exception of a couple night races. This weekend happened to be one of them.

Nextel raced Saturday night, which was different; I’d never seen a night race before. The problem with this was, I fell asleep before it was over. The other problem was how to fill a Sunday afternoon that I usually filled with racing?

Sunday’s with Boo are lazy, lay around do a whole lot of nothing days. Maybe do some laundry, and straighten up the house, but by 1:30 we’re parked in front of the television, glued to Fox sports to watch NASCAR racing. That fills our entire afternoon, and early evening.

This weekend, Nextel saw fit to throw our whole routine into helter skelter, by scheduling their Sunday afternoon Nextel Race on Saturday night. What were we going to do with a free Sunday afternoon?

Then to top it all off, it rained Sunday, (which, thank heavens, we needed desperately). That threw a monkey wrench in our plans to plant a flower bed in the front yard. Now, what to do?

We somehow managed to stay busy, puttering around the house, hanging pictures, moving a desk, setting up his office, watching a couple of movies. We survived, but damn I’ll be glad Nextel is back on Sunday next weekend. (Although it won’t matter, I’ve got a 4 year old’ b-day party to attend).

Friday, April 21, 2006

And the reasons just keep on pouring in

Newt got sent home from school with Pink eye Wednesday.  No big deal, school called me, I called her dad, he said he’d go get her.  No arguments there. Oh no, they started later.

The sitter and he decided that she couldn’t go to school the next day (even though the school nurse, who is a nurse, something neither he nor the sitter are, said she could return after being on antibiotic eye drops for 24 hours).  I told him what the nurse told me and he got pissed off (his norm).

The next day I got the phone call bright and early, the pink eye had spread to both eyes, but since he wasn’t feeling good anyway, he would just stay home with her again. I have no problem with that.  I would have stayed home with her, but since he was sick he offered to stay home, fine. I’m not stupid. I went to work.

Of course, last night when I picked her up from him, he was a total and complete asshole (his usual self) calling me a ‘N*@ger Lover’ (I’m not sure what that had to do with anything, but it obviously made him feel better.  Besides, Boo is not African American, he’s Jordanian/American) and calling me names and cusing me out.  Then to add icing to the cake, he didn’t send her eye drops with her, so I had no medicine to give to her. (Let’s make the kids suffer to get back at Mom, great dad he is).

Then today the school calls again.  She’s fine to stay but she needs her eye drops b/c her eyes are itching and bothering her.  Well, the drops are at her father’s house and I can’t get them.  So I call him and he not only refuses to go get the eye drops for his daughter who is suffering, he tells me it’s my problem and calls me a fucking bitch and hangs up.

Why do I even bother with him?  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  I have an abundance of reasons why I left him, why I hate him, why I wish he would drop off the face of the earth.  I have no earthly reason why I even married him in the first place.  My knucklehead said “It couldn’t have been all bad; you got 2 beautiful daughters out of it.”  Yeah, you’re right, but I sure as hell didn’t need to marry him to get them.  2 minutes in bed with him was all that took.  Marrying him just set me up for 18+ years of hell and torture and frustration and abuse and anger and hatred.

I know all of those negative emotions are a waste; they are life sucking waste of time energy and emotions.  Giving in to them, even for a second is allowing him power in my life, power he doesn’t need or deserve.  

Once again, I’m swallowing those life saving, keep me out of jail, magical wonder pills.  Sometimes I wonder about their potency.  I mean, they keep people alive, in that they keep me from killing other people, but it doesn’t matter how many of them I swallow, people are still assholes, and my ex husband, C2, tops the list.  I’m sure it would be no problem to convince both judge and jury I had committed justifiable homicide. I wouldn’t get jail time, I’d get a congressional medal of honor.  All the women out there who had had any contact with him in the past would be eternally grateful to me for ridding the world of him.  

Kids are smart, I'm smarter

Ok, it’s a given, my kids are smart.  Sometimes they think they are smarter than they actually are.

Take this morning for instance.  Tate has a Sing-off coming up at school next month.  Her class is singing a song from High School Musical, so she borrowed a CD from a friend so she could learn the song.

This morning as we were getting ready for work and school, the tears started.  I just assumed it was because she didn’t like the clothes she had to wear to her dad’s this weekend.  That is the usual cause of tears for her.  

Nope, this time, it was because she had lost the ‘book’ from the CD with all the words to the songs in it.  She swore up and down that the last time she had it was in her room, on her bed.  And thus began the hunt for the CD cover.

Now, as I have mentioned before, the girls’ room is an accident waiting to happen, it is a death trap.  Whatever happens to go into that room somehow gets sucked into some kind of vortex and disappears (or manages to get lost under the bed or the clothes or any of the other crap on the floor).  I’ve been after them for 2 weeks to clean it up, and they will spend HOURS in their room, but you can’t tell it’s been cleaned at all.

The girls thought, this is cool!  We’ll ‘lose’ something in our room, and we’ll get mom to help look for it and in the process, mom will clean the room.  Ta-da!  Clean room and we got mom to do it!  Oh contraire Mon friar, I may have been born at night, but it wasn’t last night. I’m wise to your games.  They were right, in the process of hunting for her friends’ CD cover I did in fact start cleaning their room.  What they weren’t counting on was Mom cleaning their room with a trash bag.  Whatever I could lay my hands on (with the exception of books and clothes) went in the trash bag.  I not only cleaned, I cleaned out.

You’ve got to get up pretty early to fool me.

PS: the CD cover was in the kitchen all along.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Alfred Hitchcock is writing the story of my life

My life has the potential to get just absolutely beyond words weird. And when I say weird, I mean it in the biggest sense of the word.

Ok, while I’m not sure any of this is fact, aside from there were plans made for dinner consisting of 2 people from my past, none of what I’m about to write here is altogether impossible.

I found out tonight that my son was going to have dinner with my ex MIL. Let me clarify that. My son, was going to have dinner with my 2nd husband’s (not my son’s father) mother. It turns out, my 1st ex husband was having dinner with my second ex MIL. That alone is kind of creepy. It gets worse.

My ex, C1, didn’t even know X-MIL, J, until just a couple of weeks ago, when J just showed up at C1’s door wanting to see my son. She showed up unannounced, unintroduced, just barged into his life, knocking on his door, wanting to steal my son away for the day. Now, I don’t know what has transpired between them since that day. But let me just say this, they are both newly single (his divorce just final 4 months ago, she just recently broke up with the guy she had been dating and planning on marrying) so they both are feeling a bit vulnerable. C1 has a history of dating older, much older women (I was the exception to that rule) and J has a history of dating younger, much younger men (there was a time we were convinced she was dating or at least having sex with a friend of my ex – her son).

Can anyone see where this is going? It is not altogether impossible that they have been chatting and maybe even seeing each other on occasion, and that tonight they were going to have dinner, and my son, who’s at his dad’s tonight, was going too.

When I voiced my complete and utter displeasure at the knowledge Bo was going to see J, C1 asked me, “So, are you telling me I can’t see her?” Uh, no, you can do whatever you want, I just don’t want her near my son (for reasons that are way too long to discuss here). But what does he mean by “I can’t see her”? That little slip of the tongue didn’t go unnoticed by me. But I was just too creeped out by the possibility of what it could have meant, I didn’t pursue it, nor do I ever plan on pursuing it.

My life just got way too weird. Way way too weird. Now, like I said before, I have no proof of anything, and I have no knowledge of anything transpiring between these two, nor would I have any reason to have such knowledge. But OMIGOD! Of all the single people in this town, in this world, why did those two have to get together? What do they have in common besides being ex’s of some sort, of mine?

I promise you this, if they are dating, that is going to earn me a few more months on the therapist’s couch.

Let’s play this out, shall we, just for giggles. Let’s say they are dating, and let’s say it’s just not my year, and they end up getting married. (Heaven forbid) That would make my son, who’s 12, the step brother to my ex husband. That would then make him a step uncle to his own sisters. My son's ex-step-grandmother (if there really is such a thing) would now become his new step-monster, I mean, step-mother. My 1st ex husband would then become the step father to my second ex husband and the step grandfather to my daughters. The holiday’s just got way too weird. My life just got way too weird.


New Blogger Fun

I have a new favorite past time.  I used to kill a few unproductive minutes at work surfing through random blogs, clicking the NEXT BLOG button and letting Blogger decide where I went.  Doing this I found a few really cool blogs that I now visit on a regular basis, but for the most part I would find a bunch of crap, useless, meaningless, let than attention grabbing blogs.

Now, I pick on of my favorites and go to their Links list and visit all the blogs they like and recommend.  This ups my odds of finding blogs that I find entertaining and worth reading, at least now and then.  It sure reduces the number of boring, useless blogs that I used to run across by surfing random blogs.

Anything to kill a few minutes at work…..

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Yet another reason, in a long list of many, to hate my ex

Why the hell did he even have the kids if he never wanted them?

He makes it abundantly clear that they totally and continually inconvenience his life.  God I hate him.  Yet another reason I divorced him.  Add that to the ever growing list of reasons why I left and why I hate him.

What the hell does he have going on in his life that is so much more important than his children?  Oh, yeah, I know, his whole fucking entire life is way more important to him than his children.  They just get in his way, slow him down, prevent him from having fun and take his money.  Hell, they aren’t even good for tax deductions (to him).

God could I possibly hate him any more? I’m sure I could, but it would be completely and totally redundant and a waste of time.  After all hating him would just bring negative energy into my life and wouldn’t hurt or affect him at all.  

The Fool

How many times have I over analyzed everything, worried myself half to death, only to find out everything is fine and has worked itself out and there was never really anything to worry about?

And another question: How happy can I really be when I worry about every thing, and I am always scared he’s leaving, or we’re done? How secure can I be in us when I don’t trust and believe in us?

Why do I always think he’s going to shove me away, end us, walk away when he has absolutely no reason to do that?

Sometimes you have to wallow in your past feelings to let them go once and for all. Right now you're stuck in a weird loop that needs some serious attention before it will pass

That’s Boo’s horoscope for today.

I haven’t mentioned this yet, but I guess now’s a good time.

Sunday he asked me if he should call JC, his ex, just to see how she’s doing. It’s been a year since they’ve seen each other and 6 months since they’ve talked. We had spent the afternoon looking through his photo albums again, trying to find pictures he could frame and hang in the new house. How do you look through pictures of his past and not see hundreds of pictures of her, of them, when they were together for so long? The trip down memory lane just stirred up a lot of old feelings that he hasn’t come to terms with yet.

I asked him, “What exactly do you expect to gain from talking to her?”
He said “Nothing”.
Then he said “If I call her, I’ll probably just end up getting hurt.”
My response was “I can promise you, someone will definitely end up getting hurt.”
Yeah, me”
“Oh, probably not as much as you think.”

I knew if he called her, yes, he would probably get hurt, because he wouldn’t get the results he really wanted. But I was absolutely confident that if he called her, I would be hurt.

I know he’s still not over her, I know he still has feelings for her. It’s safer to cling to the memories of her, and cling to that love than it is to open his heart up to someone new and risk getting hurt all over again. After all, continuing to love her means he already knows just how much she can hurt him, because she already has. She can’t hurt him any more, she’s not a part of his life anymore. 10 years is a long time to share your life with someone. It would be easier for him to let her go and get over her if they had ended badly, but they didn’t. The relationship ended because they found a sticking point they couldn’t agree on, or compromise on. His heart is still hers whether she wants it or not, at least for the time being.

I know that he’s got to find a way to let go of his past, and stop letting it control his life. I’ve been there, it’s not easy. Sometimes even now, my past still creeps in and takes control of my head, my heart, my emotions, my reactions. I know that sometimes the only way to get over something is to completely submerse yourself in it until it no longer holds any power over you, until you no longer want any part of it. I know that the only way to let go of the past is to face it head on and deal with it, the good, the bad, the happy and the sad. I can’t do that for him. I’m not even sure I want to do that with him. But I will, if he asks me to.

I’ve seen umpteen million pictures of the two of them together. I know about the trips they took together. I know that when we went to Daytona it was not his first race, she took him to several races when they were together. I’ve seen (but not watched) video tapes of their trips together (although I have never watched a minute of them). I wanted to hate her for keeping his heart locked up, away from me, out of my reach. But it’s not her that has his heart locked away. She’s done nothing. It’s him, it’s his choice. I wanted to dislike her and be angry and in a way hate her, but I found that I couldn’t. I don’t know her so I can’t form any real opinions about her, but what I know, I couldn’t hate her. After all, she loved him once, and I can understand that. She is a part of his history, a part of his past, and she is a part of who he is today, she helped make him the person I know and love. I can’t be angry about that either.

The Fool
Lee Ann Womack

I know love is a fragile thing
And I’m trying hard to make it last
But it ain’t easy holding on to my dream
When he’s holding on to the past
Just one more thing before I go
I’m not here to put you down
You don’t love him and that’s a fact
Girl I’ve seen you around
But you hold his heart in the palm of your hand
And it’s breaking mine in two
’cause I’m the fool in love with the fool
Who’s still in love with you

Random Blatherings

We are going to be so damn busy this weekend.  Tonight, we have to go back to his empty apartment and mop the kitchen. Fine, shouldn’t take long.  Then, we’ll go home where we’re going to set up the spare bedroom and the office upstairs.   This weekend, we’re hitting garage sales in the area looking for more things for the house.  He’s already talking about spending the better part of the day outside on Saturday and Sunday both.   That means we’re going to be doing yard work.  The extended forecast is calling for mid 70’s and sunny both days this weekend, so it will be nice working outside.

My sister wrote this in her blog yesterday: Analyzing everything is just pointless and wastes time, energy, and emotion. Hell, even Freud took a day off. Give it a rest already!  She’s right. (I heard you Sis!  I know it’s me you’re talking to here.  You’re right and I get it.) I analyze everything, even when I don’t want to.  It’s second nature to me.  It is a waste and it’s pointless.  It totally makes my brain feel like peanut butter.  Besides, what do I get out of it?  I just need to relax and understand that Boo and I are fine.  Nothing has changed.  I continually analyze ‘us’ and then end up beating myself up for being insecure and paranoid.  Life is an ebb and flow, and so is our relationship.  Some days we’re close and some days we’re not.  Some days we talk a lot, some days not much, some days not at all, but ultimately, nothing has changed. I just need to relax and let go.

Today I was reminded, yet again, why I divorced my ex.  It seems to me that there is never a shortage of reminders of why I divorced him.  What I can not seem to find, anywhere, is a really good reason why I married him in the first place.  There are reasons, sure, but none of them good reasons.  I was pregnant with his second child, and we didn’t get married after the birth of the first.  After the birth of #1 we (he) promised his mother and grandmother we’d be married before we had any more children and #2 was on the way.  We were already living together.  Both wanted the party without the legal end of things, but couldn’t figure out a way to pull that off without offending the entire family (on both sides).

While I am loving the weather we’ve been having, I worry that it’s going to have serious repercussions later on for other people elsewhere.  The 70-80-90( days have been most enjoyable, but its way too early in the year for weather this warm.  It’s only April and we’ve seen 90 already.  We’re hurting for rain, and that will make the crops scarce, and prices go up, and some farmers go under.  The water temp in the ocean will begin to heat up, and when that happens, hurricanes are formed.  Boo and his brothers are already planning on keeping their mother up here, north of Louisiana for the summer to keep her out of the hurricanes.  It’s now starting to look like she may be here most of the year.  Who knew that hurricanes in the south could have such a direct effect on my life?

Every once in a while, the system actually works for me.  I got a check in the mail from child support enforcement yesterday.  That is not terribly unusual, considering we’ve garnished his wages; I actually get checks on a semi-regular basis.  What made this one different was the fact that it was from his tax refund, his state tax refund.  They were able to catch his refund and get it for me before it went to him.  I also happen to know that while the $275 I got yesterday was nice (and unexpected) I have another check from his federal refund coming to me in the amount of $533.  It only took them 2 years to catch up with him and block his refunds from going to him and taking them for his children, but it seems they were finally able to do it.  

Having high speed internet at home is wonderful.  I love being able to just go to the computer and look up whatever it is I want to know.  I can check the weather, my emails, the news, I can fire off an email to my brother, sister or mom whenever the thought crosses my mind.


Tuesday, April 18, 2006

That's my story and I'm sticking to it

Ok, he was gone a week. Part of it was business, part of it was vague. The part that was work related was important work. He learned a lot, a whole effing lot. Now, he's back and he's got to take what he learned and somehow get it out of his head, and into other people's head and put it all into practice to make our facility better. Not an easy job. On top of that, he has the usual work backlog that comes from being out of the office for a week, along with the usual office BS that comes in every day. Needless to say, he's working his tail end off and is busy, extremely busy.

At least that's what I'm telling myself. And so far, I'm buying what I'm selling. Good job Me!

3:05 PM****UPDATE***** Just had this little convo with Boo....
Me: Hello?
Boo: hey
Me: Do you by chance have anything I can do? There is nothing up here for me to do for the next hour.
Boo: yeh im working on about 5000 projects today ...would u like to have 2500

While I'm not thrilled he's that busy, because that means he'll be tired and cranky when he leaves tonight, and this will go on for the remainder of the week, it's good to know I was right. He's just buried.

April showers bring.....Knuckleheads

April showers bring Mayflowers….or so the saying goes.  In my life, April brings Knucklehead 2 back around in my life.

2 years ago, we worked together and knew of each other.  In April, after he had left and found another job, we happened to run into each other, quite by accident, and we started dating.

His job took him away from me, and even though we talked on the phone quite often, he was still gone.  Until April again.  Once again, April last year, he found himself moving back home for yet another job, and back into my life.

This time it was my job that took me away, and we drifted apart, not really losing touch, just not making the effort to stay in touch.  That is, until April this year, when he picked up the phone and called me out of the blue.  

I used to think I loved him, I’m not sure I did.  I care about him, a great deal, but sure it’s not love.  Besides, I have Boo now, and I’m not willing to lose him for Knucklehead 2.  Knucklehead 2 and I are great friends, but that’s all we’re ever going to be.  That’s all we can be.

I’m glad we’re talking again.  I’m glad that he felt that our friendship was strong enough to withstand the distance, emotional distance, between us, even though we are in the same town.  It’s kind of nice to know we can pick up where we left off, (sort of) and know that we’re still friends.


Monday, April 17, 2006

Our deepest fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.  Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.  We were all meant to shine as children do.  It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone.  And as we let our own light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our own fear our presence automatically liberates others.

Our Bed, meant to be

I have no doubt that our wonderful walnut spindle bed was meant to be ours.  

As I stated I was ready to give up the whole yard sale deal on Friday, call it a day and go home.  One more, just one more, then we’re going home.  And lo and behold there was our bed.

I bought the bed that day.  When I picked it up, the family told me this bed had been passed between sisters and had been in storage at one house or another for years.  They had decided that if I didn’t come back for the bed they were just going to pack it up and take it back to storage.  Then, there I was, buying the bed.

When I went back on Saturday to get the springs to go with the bed, the man told me that not 20 minutes after I left with the bed, 4 people came by, said they had driven past earlier and were interested in the bed.  He had to tell them it was sold.

I have no doubt that Boo and I were meant to have this bed, but I am not sure exactly why just yet.  I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, even if the reason is completely unknown and unclear at the time. Reason will make itself known when the time is right.  As with this bed, reason will make itself known in time.

I think, for whatever reason, I was meant to be with Boo. Maybe not forever, but at least for a while.  I don’t think it’s a coincidence that knucklehead #2 told me just the day before I met Boo, that he was dating someone else.  I don’t think it’s a fluke that every time something looms on the horizon that could potentially tear us apart, or cause a rift in our relationship, it seems to work itself out, disappear or become a non-issue before any ‘damage’ can be done.

I will learn something from him and I’m sure he will learn something from me.  The who/what/when’s remain to be seen.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Hey Sis, Happy Birthday

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Today, my baby sister, OK my only sister, turns 30. She is surprizingly ok, hell better than OK, she's totally jazzed about turning 30. Time to leave her 20's behind her. 1 Corinthians 13:11 says "When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things." (Only she can completely understand the full extent of the irony in me using a Bible verse in discussing her birthday). That's what's she's looking forward to doing, shedding her 'child' and becoming a woman, an adult.

Last year on her birthday she was feeling the dread of her last year of her 20's. She was totally dreading this birthday. The upside was I was able to help lighten her mood, by pointing out she may be 1 year from 30, I was 3 years from 40 and she declared that I had, in fact, trumped her in the suckage department.

She has done amazing things in her life, with her life, and will, no doubt continue to do amazing things. She is an amazing person, but she always has been, from the get go. She will change the world, even if it doesn't want to change. She is fun, she is a light, a joy, she is energy personified, she is wise beyond her years. Even though we are sometimes so polar opposite anyone would have a hard time believing we even know each other let along that we share DNA, she is still my go to person when I need hardcore, truth and honesty. I count on her opinion more than I let on.

There are many people out there who love her, and count themselves blessed to consider her a friend. I am even more blessed, I can count her as a friend and my sister.

Oh, don't get me wrong, she is not up for sainthood. That would be the day. She has done great and wonderous things. She has also done great and wonderously stupid things, but who among us hasn't?

I love her, my kids think she's the bomb, and she thinks they are too. She gets my kids in ways I don't but they know that they can tell Aunt S anything, because she's been there, done that, got the tee shirt and a great story out of it.

Happy Birthday sis, I stand in awe of you. I love you

Friday, April 14, 2006

Living my dream

It was a holiday today, so I had the day off. I got to hang out with my girls today in the ungodly for April 90° heat.

The girls and I went out early this morning and hit some yard sales. At first we didn’t find anything, and I was getting rather exasperated with the whole deal. I was ready to give up, call it a day, go home, regroup, and try again tomorrow, when I drove by a house with a beautiful bed in the driveway. So, I stopped. The bed was a gorgeous, and they only wanted a very tiny fortune for it. I fell in love with it. It looks almost identical to the one here in the picture.

Now, Boo told me, go to the yard sales and buy stuff for the house. You know what we need, so get it, and I’ll get money to you. So, with that in the back of my mind, I start thinking this bed would look wonderful in his house. But do I spend that much $ without checking with him first? I’m a good girlfriend, of course I don’t spend a teeny tiny fortune without asking him first.

Thank the stars above, he said buy it! Oh my god, I love this bed. I loaded it up in the van, took it to Boo’s house and set it up in the first bedroom and I love it. I am having so much fun setting up his house, decorating it for him, buying things for him. It's awesome.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Get Smart's Cone of Silence

Ok, first let me start by saying I firmly believe in freedom of religion.  Everyone is entitled to believe in a higher power, whatever it is they chose that to be.  Fine. No beef with me there.

I also firmly believe in the constitutional right of freedom of speech.  Everyone is allowed to say whatever it is they want to say. They can spout all the bullshit they want to, no skin off my back.  I may not agree with them, but damn it I’ll defend their right to say it.

That having been said, neither of those two rights gives anyone the right to rape my ears with their Leave-it-to-Beaver sermonizing and preaching.  No one has the right to assault my ears with their Candyland version of how life should be.

We do not live in Leave-it-to-Beaver-ville, nor do we live in Candyland.  Life is as it is, not as it should be.  That means not all things are nice and neat and pretty and clean. Not everyone plays by the rules, and we don’t all get to start on an even playing field.  Just look at the Kennedy’s.  

I hate when people with holier-than-thou attitudes towards life start preaching about how morally bankrupt society is and how ‘absolutely Nobody has any real morals anymore’ and God will come down and smite us all with his mighty sword for living such sinful immoral lives.

Need I remind you people, that Jesus himself said “Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.”?  You’re throwing an awful lot of rocks around over there lady. Better watch it, God might start batting some of them back at you.

I have an upset stomach because my ears were assaulted today by unwanted, unsolicited preaching.  It was so far off the deep end, I could not sit there and let my cubicle neighbor continue to pass judgment on everyone in the world. I resent being lumped in with “Everyone” and “Nobody”.  Leave me the ef-ing out of your sermons, thank you very much.  It pissed me off so much that I wanted to rip her a new one, or totally go off on her.  While doing that would have been justified and totally satisfying it would have also left me unemployed and broke. The two just don’t offset each other.  It’s hard to feed my kids on my satisfaction and justification.  So, I popped a Dr. prescribed ‘happy pill’ hoping that it would somehow work like Imodium for her mouth.  You know, it doesn’t matter how many of those little blue and green pills I take, she still just keeps flapping her jaws and shit just keeps pouring out of her mouth.

Those magic little pills that kept her alive and kept me employed today, have managed to upset my stomach.  I guess that’s better than sitting in a jail cell for murder, no matter how much I believe it was justified, I’m not entirely sure I could convince a judge of the same.  (A jury of my peers, not a problem).

I’m thinking maybe I should take some lessons from my sister, who is finding peace through being Zen.  At least then you just don’t let other people’s lives negatively effect your life.  You let them live their lives, you live yours.  I’m thinking I’d like to be altered somehow, but I’m not sure Zen is enough to shut this unwanted assault out.  Maybe a brick wall between our desks would be good.  Or even Maxwell Smart’s cone of silence.

99 Where are you when I need you?

Monday, April 10, 2006

Killer and Penhead

As you can tell by the picture, Killer (right) and Penhead (left) have kissed and made up. At least for the time being. They, of course, do not have the pens back that caused the stabbing incident. Now they will have to find other things to cause bodily harm with. If you've seen their room, it shouldn't be hard. Walking in that room is enough to cause someone severe physical harm. It's a deathtrap waiting to happen.

My mother, and my sister for that matter, tell me that sis and I used to fight like cats and dogs all the time. It's what sisters do. I frankly don't remember it. I remember 1 fight, that was a doosy, and it was in the last house I lived in with her. Less than a year later I was married and moved out. I don't remember what the fight was about but I remember being so furious with her I actually saw red, and wanted her out of my life, in any way possible. I am totally embarassed and humiliated by the memory now, and regret it. I vaguely remember apologising to her for it, and I think, hope she forgave me for that awful night. I know I haven't forgiven myself for it yet.

I guess it's the stupid female competitiveness that makes us argue and fight like that. I don't know, I don't understand it. Sometimes Killer and Penhead are the best of friends, but I see signs of my temper in Killer. I used to get so furious at my hair, MY HAIR for god's sake, and I would yell and scream and throw the hair brush at the wall and try to pull my hair out of my head. I see that same anger and frustration in Newt. Yes, it's completely irrational, but it's very real too. I understand her need to vent that kind of rage, but she needs to understand my need to protect everyone around her when she's that mad.

So, for now, I will enjoy the peace and the laughter between them, but make no mistake, I am silently behind the scenes preparing for the next battle, the bloodshed and the aftermath. Such is the life of being a mom.

Friday, April 7, 2006

Dear Nameless/faceless Uknown Guy at Work

Don’t you think maybe we should at least know each other before you start spreading rumors we’re getting married?

Love (but not really)

Dear Cable TV and High Speed Internet

I am looking forward to a long and meaningful weekend with both of you.


Dear Sun

Why is it you insist on coming out to play only while I’m at work?



I’m feeling really down today. Maybe it’s because Boo is leaving for a week, maybe it’s because my mother once again jumped to the wrong conclusion and mouthed off proving to me that she believes I’m a total idiot and complete incompetent, which just set my day off in fine fashion. Maybe it has to do with the fact that Bo’s dad, who used to be so damned good about paying his child support on time is now giving me the run around every single month and dodging me and making it difficult for me to get the child support from him. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that my 12 year old son was going to walk out the door today wearing the same pair of jeans he’s worn every single day this week. This child has drawers full of jeans, and he wears 1 pair, every day and that is just nasty and gross and disgusting. No matter how often I say something I can not get this child to get any sense of hygiene. UGH!

So, while I am desperately looking forward to enjoying my peace and quiet this weekend, I am still kind of down, and bummed and I don’t really know why. Can’t put my finger on it and can’t shake it.

The next 10 days

Boo is completely out of his apartment, and everything is in the house, but a long way from being completely settled.  He is at a basic functioning level, which means he can shower, dress and have coffee.  Not much else.

Tonight, after work, he’s picking up the rental car, going home to pack and he’s spending the night at his brother’s, and he and his mother are leaving for VA tomorrow morning. Early. 4:30 AM early.  

He’ll be gone for 10 days (home on Easter Sunday).  I am looking at a weekend without kids, without Boo, without plans, but with internet and cable.  I am so looking forward to just hanging out at home, and vegging in front of the tube and enjoy the umpteen channels I am paying for.  And right now, until the cable company figures it out, I’ve got free Showtime and HBO (shhh, don’t tell, and don’t say it too loud, they might hear) so I’m going to watch as many movies as I possibly can, even the really bad ones, just because they are free!

I want to surf the web, and catch up with some long distance friends, hopefully we can chat through messengers, and I can catch up with everyone that I can’t chat with at work.

Oh yeah, and Sunday, I get to watch the races at my own home!  And call Boo and let him know how it’s going.

Gonna be a really good weekend and a good week, even without my Boo.  The time will fly by and he’ll be home before I know it.

Thursday, April 6, 2006

I think I'm going to love being connected

Well, we are live at home.  Tuesday the cable man came out and hooked us up with cable television and high speed internet.  God I love being connected!  I love internet that is always on, that it always connected and doesn’t take 6 months to download things.

The ironic thing about this situation is I haven’t been home since then to enjoy either of them. I’ve been at Boo’s every night helping him get moved to the house before he leaves town for a week.

Wednesday, April 5, 2006

2006 edition of Getting to know your friends

What you are supposed to do is copy (not forward) this entire email and paste it into a new one. Change all the answers so they apply to you and then send this to a whole bunch of people, including the person who sent it to you.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 5:15 a.m.

2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? The Producers

4. What's your favorite TV show? How I met your mother

5. What did you have for breakfast this morning? Coffee

6. What's your favorite cuisine? Anything with Shrimp or Lobster

7. What foods do you dislike? Liver, Kraut, raisins

8. What is your favorite chip flavor? Bar-b-que

9. What's your favorite CD at the moment? Keith Urban, Be There

10. What kind of car do you drive? Dodge Caravan

11. Favorite sandwich? Smoked Turkey or Cajun Chicken

12. What characteristics do you despise? Conceitedness, two-faced, fakeness, insencerity

13. What is your favorite type of clothing? blue jeans

14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Ireland, or somewhere with a beach

15. What color is your bathroom? White

16. Favorite brand of clothing? Tommy Hilfiger or Old Navy

17. Where would you retire to? I think I'd like to travel

18. Favorite time of the day? I'm not sure I have a favorite time of day

19. What was your most memorable birthday? Haven't had one, I've never done anything special on my birthday.

20. Where were you born? Parsons, Kansas

21. Favorite sport to watch? Does NASCAR races count as a sport? If not, then Baseball

22. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? Zack or my sister

23. Person you expect to send it back first? Who knows?

24. What fabric detergent do you use? Bounce

25. Were you named after anyone? Not that I'm aware of

26. Do you wish on stars? Nope

27. When did you cry last? I think it was last Tuesday, but I'm not sure

28. Do you like your handwriting? Surprisingly enough yes. My high school english teacher loved it and I have too since then,

29. If you were another person, would you be friends with you? Of course, well on a good day

30. Are you a daredevil? I'll try just about anything once, if you can promise me I won't get hurt.

31. Do looks matter? Mine always matter to me, and my kids matter to me too. Anyone else, not as much.

32. How do you release anger? Take a long walk

33. Where is your second home? My mom's place, or Boo's place.

34. What was your favorite toy as a child? Did I have a favorite toy? I don't remember

35. What class in High School was totally useless? Home Ec, or PE,

36. Favorite Movies? Oceans 11, Flight Plan, Forever Young, Legally Blonde

37. What are your nicknames? Either Hondo or Boo

38. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Always

39. Do you think that you are strong? Yes, both emotionally and physically

40. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Baskin Robins Peanut butter 'n' chocolate

41. What are your favorite colors? Purple, Blue or Pink

42. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? My insecurities and my hips and thighs

43. Who do you miss the most? I'm not sure.

44. Do you want everyone you sent this to, to send it back? Yes please.

45. What color pants are you wearing? I'm not wearing pants, today I'm in a yellow skirt

46. What are you listening to right now? The Steve and DC show on the internet

47. Last thing you ate? 1/2 peanut butter/jelly sandwich when I got home last night

48. If you were a CRAYON what color would you be? Aqua Blue

49. Last person you talked to on the phone? Laci

50. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Smile

51. Favorite Drink? Diet Dr Pepper or iced tea

52. Do you wear contacts? Yes

53. Favorite Day of the Year? My Birthday

54. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? Happy Endings

55. Summer or winter? summer

56. Hugs or Kisses? Both

57. What is Your Favorite Dessert? Cheesecake of any kind

58. What book(s) are you reading? Right now I don't have time to read, but this weekend I hope to get started on 'Everything Kama Sutra'.

59. What's On Your Mouse Pad? Don't have one at work, at home it's plain blue

60. What Did You Watch Last night on TV? Sex in the City

61. Favorite Smells? Baby Magic lotion, spring rain, freshly mowed grass, homemade bread and cookies,

62. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Beatles

63. What's the furthest you've been from home? Orlando, Florida or Estes Park, Colorado

64. Cats or Dogs? Dog

65. Favorite fast food restaurants? Hardee's or KFC

66. Siblings? Younger brother and younger sister

Tuesday, April 4, 2006

There you have it, and there you are

Duck's shirt says "I've decided to put myself in charge." and his expression conveys the same sentiment.

Look Out, American Idol is coming!

Get ready…

Tonight, (this afternoon actually) the cable company comes to hook up the cable and the high speed internet at the house.  We are going to be thrust into the land of many choices.

Tate is beside herself with excitement, because tonight American Idol is on and she was just sure this whole season would pass her by.  So tonight, I can promise you, we will all be parked in front of the TV watching American Idol.

I am looking forward to American Idol, E! True Hollywood Story, NASCAR Nextel races on the weekend, and being able to blog from home, where I do some of my best writing.  I am also looking forward to having internet access at home so that I can chat with friends on line and email my family on weekends instead of waiting until I get to work.


Yesterday I got a phone call from the school, the middle school.  Bo had fallen out of a chair, hit his elbow against the concrete wall and was in considerable amount of pain, could I come get him.

A year ago, Newt fell backwards out of a swing and broke her arm.  Now Bo fell out of a chair.  What is up with my kids that they can’t sit down without falling out?  Are they drunk?  Where are they getting it?

So, I call his father who picks him up from school and I rush to the hospital for x-rays.  Turns out, this time, we got lucky, no broken bones.  Just a very severe bruise that will hurt for a few days and turn lots of pretty colors.  He got a sling to kind of help keep his arm limited, but he’s thinking it’s going to help garner a lot of sympathy, especially from the girls.

Crash seems to be normal among my children.  Newt broke her arm last year, stabbed her sister in the head this year, and now Bo has bruised his elbow.  What’s next?  Do I want to ask?  Do I want to know?