It is what it is

I guess that sums it all up for me. I can’t change my past. I can’t change his past either, neither can he. I have to accept that our pasts have made us what and who we are today. So, no matter how painful our past may have been, it still brought us together and that’s not bad.

We both have to learn to accept our past, but not let it affect us, and control us. We need to learn the lessons but let go of the baggage. My insecurities about his feelings and our future are residue from my marriage. By allowing my insecurities to affect my actions and reactions, that is still giving my ex power in my life that he doesn’t deserve.

By pulling away, and holding me at arms length out of fear of getting hurt again, he’s still giving power to his ex. She hurt him, and he’s allowing his fear of being hurt again to keep him prisoner.

By giving our past power in our lives we are missing out on the full potential of what we could be. By remaining guarded, we’re short change each other. We rob each other of the chance of real happiness. We’re not giving our relationship 100% of ourselves and that’s not fair to either of us, or to us as a couple.

It is what it is. That’s some deep wisdom passed on to by my sister. It is what it is, nothing more, and nothing less. The problem is I don’t know what it is. I could spend so much time trying to figure it out, beating my head against a brick wall. But in doing that, in trying to figure out what we are, and trying to define our relationship so that I’ll know if we have a future, I run the risk of missing out on today and the joys of the here and now.