Trusting the universe

No matter what the outer situation is like, your inner compass always tells you the right direction. It might take a little time and effort on your part to see which way it's swinging, but once you do, you're set.

There is my horoscope for today.

A few days ago I posted this. I had been on the brink of something and just really wanted to make sure of the decision, the direction, the choice I was going to make. I was giving myself time to think it through, and to be sure, before I posted about it.

I talked about a make or break kind of deal, things promised, hinted at and talked about would factor greatly into the decision made, and the course taken.

This past weekend, I talked to Batman on Friday. He was finally back at work, and was feeling better. We talked Friday night on our way home. He mentioned that he was feeling much better, and that maybe we should get together this week, Wednesday was looking good for us. I, of course, readily agreed.

But then the weekend passed without a phone call from him, which is odd, but not so much. He was tired, he had his kids, they would wear him out. Still, a phone call? Not too much to hope for.

So, the kernel started in my mind Saturday. Maybe, stupid, the Universe has been trying to tell you all along, you've just been to stubborn to listen. I mean after all, how many more signs do you need, to get the message? There was snow, there was ice, there was more snow and ice, there was schedules, there was a trip to the hospital, there was pneumonia. How many more signs do you need?

ONE MORE.

I sat down, and asked my higher power, "I have believed from the beginning that we were meant to be together. That was impressed upon my heart clear as day, early on. I believed it. I also believe things change. I have laid our relationship at your feet or in your hands and left the course up to you. I don't want to believe I was wrong, but I will accept it if I was. I am once again, leaving the choice to you. I am asking for one last sign.

If we are meant to be, if that is the course you've laid for me, if he is to be in my life, someday, I am asking for Wednesday night. He's hinted at it, but I know things can happen and plans get cancelled. If he's meant to be a part of my life, then please, let me have Wednesday night with him. If we're not meant to be, if I am to give up hope, let him go, walk away, then don't give me Wednesday. If things fall through, and plans get cancelled, I will accept that as the final sign that I should give up, and walk away. I am just asking for one more sign."

I was ready to lay it all down for him, let it go, give up, walk away, and be alone.

So, Monday morning dawns. I check the weather for the week, and look, they're calling for snow on Wednesday. Great. Well, just flurries, so hopefully nothing serious. I'm still planning on going to see him.

Tuesday morning, I get to work, my cell phone rings. It's Batman. My heart sinks. He hasn't called me in the mornings since we broke up. An early morning phone call, is never good news. This was no exception. He was calling to tell me that his cell phone was not working, so if I tried to call his phone, he really wasn't ignoring me, it's just not working. I took the chance and asked him "So, we're still on for tomorrow night? Right?"
Unless you've changed your mind.
No chance in that. Have you changed yours?
No. I want to see you.

Wednesday morning. The BIG DAY. 6:45AM my phone rings again. Again, it's Batman. Again, early morning calls are never good. I almost didn't answer it because I didn't want to hear. But I couldn't not answer it, because if he was cancelling our plans, then there was something seriously wrong, and I needed to know what it was. So, I answered the phone. And we talk, he sounds fine, upbeat actually. I can't figure it out. I keep waiting for the bomb, that never comes. I can't stand it, so I bite the bullet, and ask "You're not calling with bad news are you?"
NO, why?
You're not backing out?
No
I'm still coming to see you tonight?
Yes.
Oh thank god.

I went 'home' last night. I was met in the driveway by him. I walked into the house and was greeted with open arms, hugs and kisses.

I took that as my sign, that while I don't know where this path will lead us, I know that he's going to be a part of the journey for a while longer. I've learned to trust that the universe will lead me down the right path. I have learned to listen to my inner voice, my gut, my instincts. I've learned to trust my inner compass, it will lead me in the right direction. Unfortunately sometimes it takes longer than I want it to, and I have not learned patience yet. But I will.

My horoscope for today

It’s a myth that lightning doesn’t strike twice in the same place. Actually, lightning strikes twice all the time. You’ll experience multiple bolts from the blue in the form of inspirations that take you to the next level.
The dark days of the past are not going to come back to haunt you, so why are you afraid to start down a new path? There is a fresh idea coming into your life, and it will be burning brightly, illuminating the way forward – and showing you that you have nothing to fear. This is a time to trust other people, because they honestly do want the best for you. Your instincts have never let you down before, and they certainly aren’t going to today.

That’s my horoscope for today. I could write a really lengthy post about it, but hell, I’ve been a blabbermouth all day today, so I’ll keep it short and sweet.

The dark days of the past are not going to come back and haunt me. Tomorrow I will be free from him. I will be starting down a new path, full of hope, and promise.

There will be new fresh ideas coming into my life, showing me the way to go, leading me down the path the universe has laid out before me.

Trust other people because they want what’s best for me. I have put my faith and trust in several other people along this journey, and they have led me where I need to be.

My instincts have never let me down before, and they certainly aren’t going to today. I had a long conversation with Batman last night, about the future, both the immediate near future, and the distant future. The whole conversation had a very hopeful promising feel to it. I am sure of several things, if only in my heart and soul. But my instincts have always been dead on when it comes to B, and I have no reason to think otherwise of them now.

If this is a dream, let me never wake. If I am awake, then let my dreams be as true as this.

T minus 10 and Counting

So, I didn't get my smooch (over the phone or otherwise) at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve. That's ok. I think I got something a little bit better.

Batman and I did talk on the phone that evening, several times actually. I had sent him a text message earlier that morning, the scale had told me I had reached the magicall number of 120. I looked in the mirror, and noticed my stomach wasn't as concave as it used to be, the hip bones weren't protruding as distinctly as they had been. In fact, I was looking a lot less Nicole Richie than I had been in the past weeks.

I told him, "Look, I've carried out my end of the deal, kept up my end of the bargin. Now it's time for you to ante up. Make this worth my while, or it all comes off again."
Oh it will so be worth your while. But you can't get it this week.
Yeah, because you have the kids. Look, mine go back to school on Wednesday, don't yours?
Nope, I have them all week and weekend. They go home Sunday.
So, what you're saying to me is, the earliest I will get to see you is Wednesday, January 10th?
Uh, yeah, looks that way.
Well, Hell. But hey.......I would be willing to wait an extra 2 days, and come down on Friday the 12th, if you would give me the entire weekend. If you would let me spend the entire weekend, Friday/Saturday/Sunday night there, just like I used to.
Well, I think I can manage that.
So, I get the entire weekend, if I wait until the 12th?
Yeah, we can swing that.

In 10 days, (Hence the perfect blog title) I will leave work at 5:00 and with my bags already packed, I will head out of here, and go home again. Home. I haven't been home since October. Yes, I've spent the night there occassionally, but I haven't spent a weekend. I'm going home again.

And yes, I will find out exactly what was 'worth my while' that weekend too. You all know what I want.

We are making our way back to each other. It just seems to me that the universe has chosen to put us on the long and winding scenic route back together. And damn it I want to be on the Autobahn. Enough with the wandering around shit, let's get this show on the road, let's get back together so we can get on with our happily ever after.

Yeah, patience hasn't been one of my strongest virtures.