Third time's the charm? or The Perfect Trifecta?

Remember this fiasco? How about this one? Well, apparently the dumbass lawyer and C1 are hoping that the third time is a charm. Anyone want to lay odds, they end up making it a perfect trifecta instead?

We have a court date, next week, (that nobody bothered to inform me about) Good thing I like to check into our on-line court database every so often 3 days. Otherwise I would have never known I was required to show up at court and testify to all this bullshit and get this finally over with.

Three months. It has taken them three months to get a court date. Now if there will be a judge sitting that day is anybody's guess, but we've got 50/50 odds. Which with Dumb and dumber running this dog and pony show it's bound to be a three ring circus.

Un-freakin-believable

Well, the trip to the Dumbass lawyer’s office was un-fucking-believable. I thought we had come to some sort of agreement, but oh hell to the fucking no, apparently, I was totally mistaken.

Ok, remember when I mentioned that the allegations and demands in the original purposed parenting plan were so utterly unbelievable, and ridiculous I couldn’t even wrap my mind around them? Yeah, well I got my mind wrapped around them in a goddamn hurry today. He damn near got his ass handed to him on a silver platter today with my size 8 shoved squarely in it. I would have gladly sacrificed a shoe (they were old shoes) just to have the satisfaction of kicking him square in his lazy fat ass and hoping his over inflated ego would deflate. I refused to sign anything until I agreed to it. I was prepared to walk out and actually got halfway out of the office twice. He’s yelling at me, "you’re going to back out of our agreement?" uh no, I’m not agreeing to this bullshit. I’ll stick to our agreement; this isn’t even fucking close.

And just because I love you guys so damn much, I’ll share with you the delusions C1 lives under on a day-to-day basis. It’s amazing. It’s a fucking wonder he can function in life, with an ego as big as his, it surely must get in the way. I can’t imagine….oh wait, yeah I kind of can. I was married to that fucking ego 11 years ago. It has grown some since then, but yeah, you’ll get the idea. Read on…..

Father believes that joint physical custody is not in the best interest of the child for the following reasons.: Mother was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and has a history of not taking medications. (Yeah, good luck with that. You will never find any diagnosis anywhere in any medical files on me anywhere, ever, because, ah, yeah, it never happened. Just because you were a medic in the air force 20 years ago, does not make you MD.)

If mother’s actions and/or behavior warrant, father can change visitation to supervised status at any time. Any costs associated with supervised visits will be Mother’s responsibility. (Uh, excuse me, I have a question. Uh, who again determines if my actions and behaviors warrant this change? Oh, father gets to determine that? Like fucking hell, he does. He’s not playing god with my life and my visitation with my son. If I don’t kiss his ass, then my actions and behaviors warrant a change in visitation. It was fucking hilarious too, when the secretary the secretary at the law practice sat there and told him, "The court will throw that out. It will never make it past the judge. You can’t determine, change, stop, prevent, or deny visitation. Only the courts can do that." The secretary knew that. His lawyer actually thought he could put that shit in there and I would just roll over and say "Ok" and the courts would allow that shit? Oh hell to the no. I told you this lawyer was a Dumbass. And there was phone conversation in which C1 threatened me, "If you don’t agree to this I can make it so much worse for you. My lawyer says I could ask for so much more. I’m being generous and lenient." UH, yeah, you keep on trusting what your lawyer told you. You go ahead and ask for the moon and the stars. I won’t agree to it and neither will the court. I have managed to strip you of most of your power so far without a lawyer. Your lawyer hasn’t instilled a hell of a lot of confidence in me. He’s a freaking Dumbass, and you’re an idiot, both of which work in my favor.)

Father reserves the right and authority to cut short visitation if he feels visits are detrimental to the child and/or the child requests visits be cut short or cancelled. (Again with this determining bullshit. Who the fuck died and made you the fucking King of England? Uh, you will not be allowed to determine anything in regards to my visitation with my son, as you are unable to determine exactly why we are doing this. Surely not because you believe this is best for our son. You wouldn’t have the first clue as to what is in the best interest of our son. You don’t give a flying fuck about him. You’re just using this to make me fall into line and look, I’m not falling into line, and you’re not controlling me or manipulating me, or winning this battle.)

Father pays the cell phone bill and owns the cell phone provided to the minor child, and has final say on all matters relating to this phone and its usage. (We tried that, Bo went through 445 minutes in 4 days because I wasn’t allowed any say in the matter so I let him talk on the damn phone for hours at a time. That got dropped in a real fucking hurry.) If mother refuses to abide by this or problems arise due to mother being uncooperative, father has the authority to modify the visitation schedule accordingly. (Yeah, lets see, if I don’t fall into line and bow down and kiss His Royal Highness’s ass, and don’t allow Bo to use his cell phone, then I’m going to lose visitation with my son. Sounds to me, he’s trying to legally use Bo as a pawn to get me to fall into line. Again, this isn’t about Bo’s best interest at all, it’s all about controlling me and punishing me. He’s just using the only power he has, the courts. He does not have balls big enough to take me on any other way.)

At NO TIME will an adult, not married to mother, be allowed to spend the night at Mother’s residence unless it is a family member. (I guess all the men traipsing in and out of my life, through the revolving door I have on my apartment will now have to be referred to as Uncle. As IF…asshole) If father discovers this is occurring, he may, at his discretion change the visitation schedule to include discontinuing visitation temporarily until a satisfactory outcome can be achieved. (unless I decide to give him a cut of the $ I take in on those nights. Idiot) (Yup, there’s that discretion and control and punishment and playing GOD again. He really thinks he big shit. He is shit all right, and yes, he is big –fat- but he is a fucking moron. This totally was thrown out too. I told him he had no fucking right to dictate who and what happened at my house any more than I could dictate what went on at his house. I tried to go down the road, if it applies to me, then it has to apply to him. But I realized the futility of that, because there is no one EVER going to spend the night there with him. They would not only have to be married to him –and that ain’t happen, he’s been divorced three times, because we all got smart. I was the only one to have his baby- they would have to be blind and desperate.)

So what did we agree on?

Not much.

Try as I might he would not agree to the fact that he was doing this to punish me for wanting to get as far away from his crazy insane ass as possible. He thinks he’s GOD. Yeah, I can tell you, no body has ever confused him with the Big Guy, EVER.

We did agree on joint physical custody.

I will have temporary custody of him when he is with me. That means every other weekend, and specified holidays. Bo will come to my house every other Friday night. If he decides at any time that he does not want to be there, he can call his father and go back to his father’s house. His father has to come pick him up. I will not drive him back home. That means that when I move to Lincoln County, then I will pick him up at Kingdom City, and take him home. If he wants to go back to his dad’s, fine, his dad has to drive to my house in Lincoln County and get him. Period. The fun part of that is, I can pick Bo up, and head back home, Bo can call his father, and have him pick him up 2 minutes after we walk in the door at my house. That means his dad will have to literally almost follow us home just to get him. *Insert evil maniacal laugh here*.

The cell phone issue has been resolved in this manner. Mother has the discretionary authority in its usage, such as getting off the phone to do chores, homework etc. Taking the phone away or restricting it is usage as punishment is acceptable, as long as contact with the other parent is maintained and Father is notified of this restriction. (Yeah, when he goes through damn near 500 minutes in 4 days because I am not allowed any say in the matter, you can bet your sweet ass, you give that authority back to me. Otherwise, he’ll be on the damn phone all the time, and shit, I’ll be using it too, just because I can!)

Father will be awarded sole custody and will have final say in all matters. (Fine. I’ll agree to that. So, by having sole custody of our son, you will then be assuming all financial responsibility for him as well? Great. You will now be the one providing him with a car and insurance in two years. Good luck. I won’t be helping out with that little expenditure at all. Not smart enough to get that in writing right now, it’s never going in there. I don’t have custody of him. You will be providing him with a college education and paying all college tuition and expenses for the time he is in school? Great! I’m going to encourage him to go to Harvard or Yale and study to be a doctor or a lawyer, which ever has a longer course study. Again, you have sole custody of him, and have assumed full responsibility of him, both legally and financially. Good luck with that shit. He fucking hates it when I go after his money, and believe me I know how to go after his money and get as much of it out of him as I can.)

The good news, I can go to child support enforcement after this signed, and I can go back and get the past child support that he didn’t pay the first 5 years of Bo’s life. He’ll continue to pay me child support even though he doesn’t know it yet. Clear up until Bo is 18 I can claim that. He can’t prove he paid it, because he didn’t. I just have to claim I never got it. Send in copies of our divorce decree and bibidy bobidy boo, child support enforcement is on his ass. *more maniacal laughing here*.

The funny shit about all of this? Yeah, with a lawyer in tow, he tried to fuck me over, just like he’s tried to control and manipulate me all along. I went in without a lawyer and walked out of it just fine. Didn’t cost me a penny at all. Cost him plenty. And that’s the way I like it, and the way it should be.

As soon as we manage to get a court date (and I’m thinking I would have better luck at getting a court date when the judges are actually sitting on the bench than his Dumbass attorney) we will be done with this shit and I can get on with my life and pray to whatever gods are out there, that he falls off the face of the earth.

Not that I’m bitter or anything.

Almost there

In an hour and a half, I'm leaving work. 4:00. Out of here. Got to go to the lawyer's office. Not my lawyer's office. C1's lawyer's office. Yes, the dumbass.

Finally, he has the new parenting plan typed up, and put together. I just have to read it and sign it. After I look over it with a magnifying glass and a fine tooth comb. I'm sure they're going to try to slip something in there that is going to piss me off.

After I sign the papers today (if I sign the paper's today) his lawyer will have to get a court date. This has proved to be a challenge in the past. Actually, getting a court date is fairly easy. Getting one when the judges are actually sitting on the bench, however seems to be a real challenge for this dumbass.

This should have been over and done with months ago, but oh hell to the no, it's not. We're still dealing with total and complete incompetence. Of course, he's blaming it all on the fact that they had a paralegal quit. I'm sorry, did she run that law practice by herself? I'm thinking she may have been the only competent one there.

It's all good for me, if this guy is a dumbass, (and his track record says he just might be) it works in my favor.

I really just want this over. This is the last hurdle here. The last residue of my past. The last little bit of the forces of evil hanging around my neck. Once this over, I can breathe, really breathe.

24 hours

Tomorrow, at 9:00AM local time, is my court date for the girls modification.
Tomorrow.
My freedom is within reach.
Tomorrow.

What a bundle of emotions that stirs up. Hard to believe I will have it all tomorrow. 24 hours from right now.

If you look back through the archives of this blog, you can see the hell The Slug put me through since our divorce. When I went to my lawyer for our first meeting, I had gone back through all of my notebook journals and wrote out everything that he had done to make my life hell, and why I thought it was in the girls' best interest for me to have sole custody of them. It was 6 pages typed, single spaced. And that was just the past year. I could have gone back and listed everything he had done since the divorce, or even further and listed all he'd done while we were married too. And I would have, if it had become necessary. I just thought that 5 restraining orders in 2 years, and the fact that he couldn't keep a job or pay child support on time spoke for themselves.

The sad thing about the whole situation was my acceptance of it. He had stripped me of my self esteem (not that I had that much when we met) and my worth. He was abusive, mentally, emotionally, physically. And I stayed. Even after I left (ok, after I was thrown out) he stalked me, he harrassed me, he threatened me. His behavior cost me several jobs, and several relationships (although I think he may have been doing me a favor then). I just came to accept that he was always going to be a pain in the ass, and was always going to be a problem I would have to deal with. I would just have to accept it. I didn't realize how damaging his behavior was to my health, and my life. I just accepted it as a fact of my life.

Until this summer. Batman's Aunt passed away in October. He asked me to attend the visitation and funeral with him. (I was family, almost, at that point). I had asked The Slug if he could keep the girls for me one more night, so that I could attend both. He grudgingly agreed, so I went.

The day of the funeral, at 2:30, I get a voice mail message from The Slug saying "I'm not picking up the girls tonight. So you better get your ass home and get them. You don't need to be down there with your boyfriend any longer. You need to get your ass home to your kids." To make a long story, short, he said if I didn't get home he would have me charged with abandonment. Whether he could or not doesn't matter. I couldn't risk it, I couldn't risk the girls. I left. Made arrangements for the girls to be picked up, and I would get them as soon as I got into town. Apparently The Slug didn't want anyone picking up the girls but me (as if he had a choice) so he found them, and took them.

I had to get the police involved to get them back. Obviously he could have taken them that night (he did) and he just showed his ass to prove to me, to B, and to himself that he could still make me jump through hoops. He proved he could still control me, he could still call the shots in my life. He still had too much power.

Batman couldn't deal with the drama. It was too much. I was headed for another break down. If I let things continue I would be in the hospital again. The girls were being used as pawns. It was ugly. Batman said "You need to change this. You need to get away from him. You need to get him out of your life, and the girls' life. This is not healthy for any of you."

He was right. I couldn't make a life with anyone as long as The Slug had this kind of power over my life. I wasn't free to give myself to anyone else. I wasn't free to share my life with someone, because I didn't have my life. The Slug still controlled my life. I wasn't free of my past, no matter what the court papers said, the reality of my life was vastly different.

Tomorrow, at 9:00, the judge will rule on our modification. I will be granted sole custody of the girls. I will be granted the freedom to move, to relocate, away from The Slug, closer to Batman, as soon as the girls are out of school. I will have been given the greatest gift, I will have my life, and my girls' life. We will be free. No longer will he control me, no longer will he haunt me, no longer will he threaten me. No longer will he defy me, no longer will I have to fight with him over the simplest decisions. I will be free. I will be my own person. I will own my life. The girls will be mine.

Tomorrow. What a beautiful day.

Freedom. What a wonderful word.

Mine.
Tomorrow.

See things my way

Ha! Ha! I love it when karma comes back around and bites people in the ass. I love it even more when I have a hand in helping karma out.

Ok, so we all know about the court date fiasco of yesterday. Nothing like a unpaid hour of my day lost to put a great big smile on my face and charity in my heart. He did talk to his lawyer, and there were a few odds and ends that needed to be tied up so we handled that via emails. (always good to have shit in writting). So, I took that opportunity to broach the child support issue.

Me: ok, so, since we don't have a court ruling, or a new court order, child support will still be $350 for January b/c that's the court order we have right now.

C1: $350 for January and $175 from February 1st to May 1st. That is the equivalent of $175 a month for six months.

Me: We agreed to 6 months child support. It is not my fault your lawyer scheduled a court date when there were no judges sitting and the courts could not rule on the new parenting plan. Why should I have to pay for your attorney's screw up?

C1: This was not my attorney's fault. There were a lot of cases that got messed up, ours was not the only one. This was the court's doing not my attorney. What you asked for was 6 payments of $175 which comes to $1,050. However, due to the fact that I couldn't get a hold of my attorney before the 28th to get the papers drawn up, I'll go ahead and give you $350 in January and then 5 payments of $175 for a total of $1,225.


I so love it when things go my way. Of course, when you threaten to take a whole of their money and make it your money, ex husbands have a tendency to see things your way.

See, C1 didn't pay child support for the first 5 yrs after our divorce. I can go back and collect that unpaid child support clear up until the day Bo turns 18 (that's 5 years folks). AND at the time of the divorce the state said that he was to pay $612/mo for Bo, but we settled on $350. I reminded him that over the past 11 years, we can safely assume your income has increased significantly. Correct?
Yeah.
And can we also assume that over the past 11 years, Bo's expenses have significantly increased as well?
Uh, yeah, I guess.
OK, then, let's review, your income increased, and Bo's expenses increased, but my child support did not increase, correct?
Uh yeah.
I can go back and get those increases if you would like for me to. And I can drag this whole modification through the court system for months and months to come, meaning you would pay me at least $350/mo until it's settled, vs the $350 for January plus the $175 for the remaining 5 months.

When it's put that way, the $350/mo and $175/mo through June doesn't sound half bad.

Some times, Fate smiles on me in such a way

As any of you who read this blog on a semi regular basis knows, I am dealing with 2 custody modifications for my kids. The girls’ has been settled, and we have a court date for the judge to rule on it, and we will be done. Bo’s on the other hand has been anything but easy.

When I was served the papers, and read them, I could have fallen out of my chair in total and complete disbelief. The accusations put forth in the modification were so completely absurd, they were beyond ridiculous. He was claiming that I was bi-polar with a long-standing history of refusing to take my medication. He claimed that I was physically abusive to Bo, and that Bo lived in constant fear for his life. There were more, lots more, demands and accusations. Crazy really.

I knew that fighting the charges and the allegations would take a lot of time, and a lot of money and would put Bo through a harrowing, nasty, bitter, ugly custody battle, where he would be forced to chose sides. All of which I didn’t have and didn’t want. So I set about trying to reach an agreement with Bo’s father.

He reached a quasi agreement, for 30 days, during which time we could hammer out the details of a new parenting plan. C1 readily agreed Bo should live with him for 30 days, but staunchly refused to discuss any terms of a new parenting plan.

Then I get a letter from his attorney stating we have a court date. WHOA! WTF is this? I’m being set up, I’m being ambushed. So I called C1 and for over an hour we fight over the phone about the modifications. During the course of the fight, he told me, “The only reason I am doing this, the only reason I filed this modification is because when I asked you about how serious you were with Batman, you told me it was none of my business. Had you just talked to
me, I would have been glad to work with you. As it is, I’m not willing to work with you at all.” Hey, as long as you’re doing this because you truly believe this is in Bo’s best interest, and not because you want to prove to me how big of a dick you can be, great. At least Bo’s best interest is at the root of this shit.

Then he told me, “Look, I’m not going to agree to what you want. If you think the stuff in this modification is over the top, you should know, that I’m being extremely generous here. My lawyer told me, nay advised me to ask for much much more, and demand much more. I’m being lenient at best. And if you want to fight this, I promise you I will be a bigger ass and I will ask for the moon and the stars, and I will make your life a living hell.” Ok, well, there’s a not so subtly veiled threat.

Finally I told him, Look, if you want this settled and done, this month, then you will accept what I’m agreeing to, have your lawyer write up a new parenting plan, and I’ll sign it. Done. We reached an agreement that was far from fair, but I love my son more than his father, and I took one up the ass to prevent Bo from being drug through a bitter nasty custody battle, because that is exactly what his father was promising was coming. Not because it was in Bo’s best interest, but because he wanted to get back at me.

So, today was our court date. The lawyer still has not drawn up the new parenting plan that we’ve agreed to. I still have no papers to sign, and I went to the court house today, ready to explain to the judge, C1 and I had an agreement (and I had the email to prove it) but the attorney hasn’t drawn up the papers yet. I was hoping the judge would listen and an agreement would be reached.

Funny thing. I got to the courthouse, found the courtroom, and it was dark, empty. No one was there. Uh, we have a court date in 5 minutes, shouldn’t people be here? People like a judge, the stenographer, uh, some staff? So, I find the judge’s secretary, and she tells me that Judge J will not be in today. That C1’s attorney had scheduled a court date on a day when the judge was not even in court. (This attorney is sounding like a regular Einstein).

So, there was no court date today, the judge can not, will not rule on it today. In fact, it won’t be heard this month or this year. So, that means, that come January 1, C1 will have to pay me the full child support amount because there will not be a new court order with a different amount. HA! Gotta love that!!!!!

I asked God/Fate whoever ‘Please don’t let me get ambushed or screwed over today in court. Please let things fall into place, let the agreement we’ve reached stand. Please let things go my way today.’ Yeah, I think they went my way, and then some.

9 Days

I just found out that I have a court date with The Slug. January 4th. We have to appear before a judge and testify under oath that we agree to the proposed parenting plan we submitted to the courts. It should take no more than 15 minutes, and then, it will all be done.

It was 3 years ago I finally accepted that my marriage was over, there was nothing more I could do to save it, and trying to was killing me. My weight had reached an all time low of 98 pounds. And while a small part of me rejoiced in the fact I had finally 'made it' below 100, the logical survival part of me got scared and realized I had to change my life, or I wouldn't have a life to change.

The divorce was granted the following July, and even though the court granted me the freedom to live my life free from control, interference and manipulation from him, the reality of my life was far from that. He used the girls as pawns to control me, my actions, my life. He stalked me and everyone involved in my life. If I dated, he had them investigated, he drove by their homes, he watched and he waited. He made my life hell. and I was embarassed by him. I couldn't ask someone to take on his insanity, the drama he brought to my life, just because they had the misfortune to want to date me.

Batman changed that for me. He was worth fighting for. He mattered, he still matters. I couldn't allow The Slug to chase this one away. Plus, Batman could see him for what he was, and he showed me that while I had come to accept The Slugs behavior as a part of my life, I didn't have to. I could and needed to, put a stop to it. If I didn't I would lose Batman for sure. But beyond that, I needed to get my girls out of the hell their life had become.

9 Days left of this life, 9 days until I am given my life, the life I should have had all along. 9 Days and then they are mine, all mine. 9 days to freedom.

Mixed Emotions

In the past 24 hours, Bo's father C1, and I have come to some sort of an agreement in regards to Bo's custody, and living arrangement. I wish I could say that it came about as easily as the girls' did, but that was not the case.

I still believe, (regardless of how often or how loudly he proclaims otherwise) that C1 is doing this, and being the coniving, pretentious, controlling, manipulative asshole he has always been, not because he believes it is in Bo's best interest, but because he is using this as a way to control and punish me.

He yelled, he screamed, the threatened, he blackmailed. He has absolutely no qualms with dragging our son through a very bitter, very ugly, very tramatic custody battle, just to get what he thinks is best for our son. I happen to love Bo enough to roll over and play dead, and take it up the ass just to prevent him from having to suffer that kind of trauma and drama and emotional battery the court battle would put him through.

C1 was completely unwilling to bend on any given point in the modification and repeatedly threatened me with "If you think this is bad and unreasonable, you should see what I could have and should have asked for. I would have stripped you of every single right in regards to my son. You would have had nothing. I'm throwing you a bone by allowing you to continue to see him and have visitation."

Excuse the fuck out of me? Your son? I was there at the hospital when that child took his first breath and yeah, I don't remember it being your belly that was laying sliced open on that operating table. I don't remember you being the one to carry that baby around for 10 months. And I sure as hell don't remember you changing all that many diapers or feeding him all that many meals. So, don't go down that road, asshole, he's not just your son. I brought him into this world. Fuck you.

And really, you're doing me a huge ass favor by allowing me to continue to see him? Let me tell you, unless you can prove that I am completely unfit (and there is no fucking way in Hell you can) you can't keep me from seeing him.

Let me tell you want I have allowed you to do. I have allowed you to brainwash him so that he can no longer think for himself. He follows your lead, and does exactly what he thinks you want him to do. I have allowed you to teach him it is ok to sit around on your fat lazy ass all day doing nothing more productive than playing worthless mind numbing video games. (and believe me I remember the days of our marriage when it was just too much fucking trouble for you to turn the video games off, get up off your lazy ass, and take a shower, for days on end!!! You were a filthy nasty pig. And now, Bo seems to think it's ok to go DAYS without a shower or brushing his teeth or his hair. UGH!) And now it seems I have allowed you one more time to bend me over and fuck me (and it's still all about you, and it still sucks for me, but it's nice to know nothing has changed since we were married) and you get your way. The only (and I stress ONLY) reason this is going through without a fight, is because I believe Bo is in such a bad place emotionally and mentally I don't want to cause more damage to him, by dragging him through a bitter, ugly nasty court battle. But believe me, If it were just you and me, I would fight you tooth and nail on every single point, to the fucking letter, and I would win, I don't give a flying fuck how long it would take.

So, where does the mixed emotions come into play? Yeah, well, there is guilt that I didn't fight harder for my son. That I in effect just rolled over and agreed to give sole legal custody of him to his father. There is also guilt in the realization that in doing that I feel a sense of relief that things at my house will be less stressful, that everyone involved will be happier. There is also relief that even though I didn't get exactly what I wanted, this albatross that has been hanging around my neck for the past month has finally been cut free and I no longer have to carry the weight of this issue around with me anymore.

I just found that when face to face with this battle, it was going to bigger, uglier, nastier and longer than I was willing to put my son through, and therefore, I chose not to pick up the sword. A part of me feels defeated, a part of me feels victorious, b/c I loved my son enough to set aside my own wants and needs and did what I thought was best for him, and that was to avoid the emotional mess a court battle would have created for him.

And so, now, it is finished, except for the technical things, like getting a judge to rule on both modifications. Once that has been done, it wil finally be completely over. But for now the fight is over and done. It's just a matter of signing the peace agreement, cleaning up the mess, and going hom.

The Details

Ok, it has been a whirlwind of emotions. I have exactly what it is that I wanted in regards to the girls. And it happened without the fight I expected. Wow. Who can really wrap their heads around that?

We met, wrote up the agreed upon parenting plan, and he signed off on it. My attorney will file the papers with the court on Monday; we will get a court date. We will have to appear before a judge and testify that we agree to everything set forth in the parenting plan.

So, what did we agree to?

• The parties agree that mother shall be allowed to relocate the residence of the minor children to Lincoln County after the end of the 2006-2007 school year.


• Mother shall have sole legal custody of the minor children. Mother will make all decisions regarding the children with the exception that mother shall include father in the decision making authority with respect to any life threatening issues that may arise regarding the children.


• Mother and father will have joint physical custody of the minor children. Mother’s residence address will be the designated children’s address for mailing and educational purposes. The children will reside with the mother, with temporary custody/visitation with father as follows: Every other weekend beginning at 7:00 PM on Friday, through 7:00 PM on Sunday.

There are of course the normal provisions for child support, and tax exemption deduction yada, yada, yada. But none of that has changed significantly. The above points were the big ones, and the ones that I wanted more than anything.

It’s done, almost. The end is in sight. He’s agreed, and the papers will be filed. The girls will be mine.

So, what at first seemed so daunting and impossible and overwhelming boiled down to 2 hours in my lawyer’s office today. B once asked me, “Every time you’ve been to court with him, have you not gotten exactly what you wanted?” Every time I’ve been to court with him, I have walked out of there with exactly what I wanted. This was to be no different. I just didn’t believe it would be this simple. Although I really shouldn’t be at all surprised. Once the plan was made, every single step I took seemed to fall effortlessly into place. Everything worked out, every thing lined up; every thing fell into place just as it should.

I know, as well as I know B is my soul mate, this was the right thing to do, it was meant to be. Every obstacle I saw looming on the horizon seemed to virtually vanish when I came face to face with it.

• I got the restraining order, hands down, no problem


• I needed $$ to hire an attorney, and fast.


• Mom and dad gifted the van over to me, and I used it as collateral on a loan from the bank.


• Needed a lawyer, but every lawyer I talked to said it was highly unlikely we would win, and they wanted a huge retainer.


• Until I found this attorney. Her retainer was virtually half of everyone else’s and she offered hope that we could win this battle, but it would be hard. The good news was, she was willing to fight. She believed in what I was doing.


• My lease on my apartment ran out. Time to renew, but we had no idea how long this battle would take and how long I would be here, if I could even move.


• I was given the option to sign a month to month lease, so every month; we renew it for another month. That way, when it comes time to move, I’m out, free and clear.

Every step I needed to take on this journey, a higher power cleared the path. And now, what loomed before me a marathon, turned out to be short sprint to the finish line. My biggest fear, my biggest concern, is over. There is great relief.

Now, on to the next plan. And that my friends, is, in the next 6 months, I have to find a job that will support us all, and I have to find an apartment I can afford on the salary I’ll be making at the new job I’ll be getting. Then I need to start packing up, and planning on moving. But believe me, I’ve moved often enough in my life, this is the easy part of the plan.

Now, I need to figure out Christmas (I had to spend a big portion of the kids Christmas funds on filing fees I didn’t know about….) but somehow that seems manageable. Look what I’ve been through in the past month, and it worked out just fine in the end.

The Party will be here tomorrow.

I got everything I wanted today! I am going to go home and enjoy the sweet taste of victory. I will be here tomorrow to carry on with the party.

So, somebody get some damn margarittas, and some chips and salsa and let's party!

It is finished, and I am free

We sat down today, in my attorney's office, and drew up a new joint parenting plan. We sat there today, on the battle field, and shook hands and came to an agreement. The dragon that had loomed so large and forboding on the horizon of my life for so long, stood before me today, with an olive branch of peace, wanting to find a resolution.

We drew up the new parenting plan today, granting me full legal custody of the girls. I will now be allowed to make all decisions in regards to them, without having to run anything by him at all. I will be allowed to relocate at the end of the school year, and enroll them in school, daycare, and any other activities they so desire.

He gracefully bowed out of their lives and mine. Not completely, but in all things that matter. He has relinquished all responsibility for the girls. They are now mine. He has visitation and he still pays child support, but we are free now to live our lives where I want to. He no longer has power over me.

10 years, 2 children, numerous second chances, 5 restraining orders, and it all boils down to 2 hours in my lawyer's office. I was given everything I wanted today. I was given my life back. I am free now. Free of him.

There will never be anther phone call telling me to get my ass home because I don't need to be where ever it is I am. There will never again, be a fight because the girls want to join Girl Scouts or choir. There will never again, be any dispute about the girls. Because today, they are mine.

I am free now. I have finally freed myself from the tenticles of my past. He no longer has power or control over my life. There will be no more drama, no more threats, no more anything. I am free.

B knows. I called him, I told him. He said "It's over. Not the way we envisioned it, but better. It's over. I'm really proud of you for doing this. I'm glad you did this, and saw it through, and got what you wanted."

I got what I wanted, in part. Now that I have my life back and I have my girls, all I want now, is another chance with B. And if this miracle can happen, then there is hope for that one too.