Third time's the charm? or The Perfect Trifecta?

Remember this fiasco? How about this one? Well, apparently the dumbass lawyer and C1 are hoping that the third time is a charm. Anyone want to lay odds, they end up making it a perfect trifecta instead?

We have a court date, next week, (that nobody bothered to inform me about) Good thing I like to check into our on-line court database every so often 3 days. Otherwise I would have never known I was required to show up at court and testify to all this bullshit and get this finally over with.

Three months. It has taken them three months to get a court date. Now if there will be a judge sitting that day is anybody's guess, but we've got 50/50 odds. Which with Dumb and dumber running this dog and pony show it's bound to be a three ring circus.

Freedom

Freedom.

What a deliciously sweet word.

I went to the courthouse today, and on my way, I was remembering back to the last time I had been to this courthouse with The Slug. It would have been August 2004, when our divorce was granted. Funny, try as I might, I couldn’t remember that day, at all. I could remember the day I appeared before the judge in my divorce from C1, but my memory could not recall the day of my divorce from The Slug.

I take that back. I remember walking out of the courthouse afterwards. I remember the drive back to work, and the phone calls I made to all of my family and friends. I could not remember appearing before the judge. I could not remember sitting in that courtroom. It was if my mind had blocked it out, completely. Strange.

I got to the courthouse, his truck was there. I reminded myself, I have nothing to fear here, I have a lawyer, we have an agreement, nothing will change. This is just a formality. Still, I wondered, I questioned, I worried. Up the stairs to the courtroom, and then it hit me. All of the memories of that day. Sitting in that courtroom waiting for our case to be called. Being sworn in by the judge, taking the stand and testifying to all that we had agreed upon. Today would be much the same.

He sat waiting outside the courtroom, we chatted, mostly about the girls. The unspoken giant elephant in the room was the reason we were there. He was subdued, thoughtful, withdrawn, polite, sincere and contrite. All those things I know he is very capable of being for a short time. All those things he can pretend to be, to pull at the heart strings, and stir up the guilt.

I could see the guy I could be friends with. And now I have to find a way to be friends with him, to set aside the anger and pain, and do what’s best for the girls, always. He looked defeated, deflated. I almost felt sorry for him.

I had to remind myself of the hell he had made my life in the past. That no matter how defeated he looked today, there is a monster lurking underneath, and he can turn on my in a moment. I had to remember that I had to do this today, to be free, to move, to start a fresh new life. To be able to live a life I am unable to live here.

We walked in, we appeared before the judge, we testified that we agreed that the parenting plan we submitted was in the best interest of the girls. I testified that I would like the court to grant me permission to relocate to Lincoln County after the girls finish school. He testified that he would not contest it. It was straightforward, no surprises. Went off without a hitch. Except the hitch in my heart, seeing what this was doing to him. It was hurting him, more than he would let on. It’s hard to celebrate a victory at the painful expense of someone else. (The guilt he was inducing in me was powerful indeed.)

I knew I would walk out of that courtroom today, and look and feel unchanged. I also know that I am profoundly changed, I am just unaware of the changes right now. I know that the realization of all that has happened will hit in a day or two. But for now, this demon has been slain, and I am victorious. I am free. My life is now my life. The girls are now mine.

Freedom.

What a glorious sweet word.

24 hours

Tomorrow, at 9:00AM local time, is my court date for the girls modification.
Tomorrow.
My freedom is within reach.
Tomorrow.

What a bundle of emotions that stirs up. Hard to believe I will have it all tomorrow. 24 hours from right now.

If you look back through the archives of this blog, you can see the hell The Slug put me through since our divorce. When I went to my lawyer for our first meeting, I had gone back through all of my notebook journals and wrote out everything that he had done to make my life hell, and why I thought it was in the girls' best interest for me to have sole custody of them. It was 6 pages typed, single spaced. And that was just the past year. I could have gone back and listed everything he had done since the divorce, or even further and listed all he'd done while we were married too. And I would have, if it had become necessary. I just thought that 5 restraining orders in 2 years, and the fact that he couldn't keep a job or pay child support on time spoke for themselves.

The sad thing about the whole situation was my acceptance of it. He had stripped me of my self esteem (not that I had that much when we met) and my worth. He was abusive, mentally, emotionally, physically. And I stayed. Even after I left (ok, after I was thrown out) he stalked me, he harrassed me, he threatened me. His behavior cost me several jobs, and several relationships (although I think he may have been doing me a favor then). I just came to accept that he was always going to be a pain in the ass, and was always going to be a problem I would have to deal with. I would just have to accept it. I didn't realize how damaging his behavior was to my health, and my life. I just accepted it as a fact of my life.

Until this summer. Batman's Aunt passed away in October. He asked me to attend the visitation and funeral with him. (I was family, almost, at that point). I had asked The Slug if he could keep the girls for me one more night, so that I could attend both. He grudgingly agreed, so I went.

The day of the funeral, at 2:30, I get a voice mail message from The Slug saying "I'm not picking up the girls tonight. So you better get your ass home and get them. You don't need to be down there with your boyfriend any longer. You need to get your ass home to your kids." To make a long story, short, he said if I didn't get home he would have me charged with abandonment. Whether he could or not doesn't matter. I couldn't risk it, I couldn't risk the girls. I left. Made arrangements for the girls to be picked up, and I would get them as soon as I got into town. Apparently The Slug didn't want anyone picking up the girls but me (as if he had a choice) so he found them, and took them.

I had to get the police involved to get them back. Obviously he could have taken them that night (he did) and he just showed his ass to prove to me, to B, and to himself that he could still make me jump through hoops. He proved he could still control me, he could still call the shots in my life. He still had too much power.

Batman couldn't deal with the drama. It was too much. I was headed for another break down. If I let things continue I would be in the hospital again. The girls were being used as pawns. It was ugly. Batman said "You need to change this. You need to get away from him. You need to get him out of your life, and the girls' life. This is not healthy for any of you."

He was right. I couldn't make a life with anyone as long as The Slug had this kind of power over my life. I wasn't free to give myself to anyone else. I wasn't free to share my life with someone, because I didn't have my life. The Slug still controlled my life. I wasn't free of my past, no matter what the court papers said, the reality of my life was vastly different.

Tomorrow, at 9:00, the judge will rule on our modification. I will be granted sole custody of the girls. I will be granted the freedom to move, to relocate, away from The Slug, closer to Batman, as soon as the girls are out of school. I will have been given the greatest gift, I will have my life, and my girls' life. We will be free. No longer will he control me, no longer will he haunt me, no longer will he threaten me. No longer will he defy me, no longer will I have to fight with him over the simplest decisions. I will be free. I will be my own person. I will own my life. The girls will be mine.

Tomorrow. What a beautiful day.

Freedom. What a wonderful word.

Mine.
Tomorrow.

Some times, Fate smiles on me in such a way

As any of you who read this blog on a semi regular basis knows, I am dealing with 2 custody modifications for my kids. The girls’ has been settled, and we have a court date for the judge to rule on it, and we will be done. Bo’s on the other hand has been anything but easy.

When I was served the papers, and read them, I could have fallen out of my chair in total and complete disbelief. The accusations put forth in the modification were so completely absurd, they were beyond ridiculous. He was claiming that I was bi-polar with a long-standing history of refusing to take my medication. He claimed that I was physically abusive to Bo, and that Bo lived in constant fear for his life. There were more, lots more, demands and accusations. Crazy really.

I knew that fighting the charges and the allegations would take a lot of time, and a lot of money and would put Bo through a harrowing, nasty, bitter, ugly custody battle, where he would be forced to chose sides. All of which I didn’t have and didn’t want. So I set about trying to reach an agreement with Bo’s father.

He reached a quasi agreement, for 30 days, during which time we could hammer out the details of a new parenting plan. C1 readily agreed Bo should live with him for 30 days, but staunchly refused to discuss any terms of a new parenting plan.

Then I get a letter from his attorney stating we have a court date. WHOA! WTF is this? I’m being set up, I’m being ambushed. So I called C1 and for over an hour we fight over the phone about the modifications. During the course of the fight, he told me, “The only reason I am doing this, the only reason I filed this modification is because when I asked you about how serious you were with Batman, you told me it was none of my business. Had you just talked to
me, I would have been glad to work with you. As it is, I’m not willing to work with you at all.” Hey, as long as you’re doing this because you truly believe this is in Bo’s best interest, and not because you want to prove to me how big of a dick you can be, great. At least Bo’s best interest is at the root of this shit.

Then he told me, “Look, I’m not going to agree to what you want. If you think the stuff in this modification is over the top, you should know, that I’m being extremely generous here. My lawyer told me, nay advised me to ask for much much more, and demand much more. I’m being lenient at best. And if you want to fight this, I promise you I will be a bigger ass and I will ask for the moon and the stars, and I will make your life a living hell.” Ok, well, there’s a not so subtly veiled threat.

Finally I told him, Look, if you want this settled and done, this month, then you will accept what I’m agreeing to, have your lawyer write up a new parenting plan, and I’ll sign it. Done. We reached an agreement that was far from fair, but I love my son more than his father, and I took one up the ass to prevent Bo from being drug through a bitter nasty custody battle, because that is exactly what his father was promising was coming. Not because it was in Bo’s best interest, but because he wanted to get back at me.

So, today was our court date. The lawyer still has not drawn up the new parenting plan that we’ve agreed to. I still have no papers to sign, and I went to the court house today, ready to explain to the judge, C1 and I had an agreement (and I had the email to prove it) but the attorney hasn’t drawn up the papers yet. I was hoping the judge would listen and an agreement would be reached.

Funny thing. I got to the courthouse, found the courtroom, and it was dark, empty. No one was there. Uh, we have a court date in 5 minutes, shouldn’t people be here? People like a judge, the stenographer, uh, some staff? So, I find the judge’s secretary, and she tells me that Judge J will not be in today. That C1’s attorney had scheduled a court date on a day when the judge was not even in court. (This attorney is sounding like a regular Einstein).

So, there was no court date today, the judge can not, will not rule on it today. In fact, it won’t be heard this month or this year. So, that means, that come January 1, C1 will have to pay me the full child support amount because there will not be a new court order with a different amount. HA! Gotta love that!!!!!

I asked God/Fate whoever ‘Please don’t let me get ambushed or screwed over today in court. Please let things fall into place, let the agreement we’ve reached stand. Please let things go my way today.’ Yeah, I think they went my way, and then some.

9 Days

I just found out that I have a court date with The Slug. January 4th. We have to appear before a judge and testify under oath that we agree to the proposed parenting plan we submitted to the courts. It should take no more than 15 minutes, and then, it will all be done.

It was 3 years ago I finally accepted that my marriage was over, there was nothing more I could do to save it, and trying to was killing me. My weight had reached an all time low of 98 pounds. And while a small part of me rejoiced in the fact I had finally 'made it' below 100, the logical survival part of me got scared and realized I had to change my life, or I wouldn't have a life to change.

The divorce was granted the following July, and even though the court granted me the freedom to live my life free from control, interference and manipulation from him, the reality of my life was far from that. He used the girls as pawns to control me, my actions, my life. He stalked me and everyone involved in my life. If I dated, he had them investigated, he drove by their homes, he watched and he waited. He made my life hell. and I was embarassed by him. I couldn't ask someone to take on his insanity, the drama he brought to my life, just because they had the misfortune to want to date me.

Batman changed that for me. He was worth fighting for. He mattered, he still matters. I couldn't allow The Slug to chase this one away. Plus, Batman could see him for what he was, and he showed me that while I had come to accept The Slugs behavior as a part of my life, I didn't have to. I could and needed to, put a stop to it. If I didn't I would lose Batman for sure. But beyond that, I needed to get my girls out of the hell their life had become.

9 Days left of this life, 9 days until I am given my life, the life I should have had all along. 9 Days and then they are mine, all mine. 9 days to freedom.