Third time's the charm? or The Perfect Trifecta?

Remember this fiasco? How about this one? Well, apparently the dumbass lawyer and C1 are hoping that the third time is a charm. Anyone want to lay odds, they end up making it a perfect trifecta instead?

We have a court date, next week, (that nobody bothered to inform me about) Good thing I like to check into our on-line court database every so often 3 days. Otherwise I would have never known I was required to show up at court and testify to all this bullshit and get this finally over with.

Three months. It has taken them three months to get a court date. Now if there will be a judge sitting that day is anybody's guess, but we've got 50/50 odds. Which with Dumb and dumber running this dog and pony show it's bound to be a three ring circus.

Un-freakin-believable

Well, the trip to the Dumbass lawyer’s office was un-fucking-believable. I thought we had come to some sort of agreement, but oh hell to the fucking no, apparently, I was totally mistaken.

Ok, remember when I mentioned that the allegations and demands in the original purposed parenting plan were so utterly unbelievable, and ridiculous I couldn’t even wrap my mind around them? Yeah, well I got my mind wrapped around them in a goddamn hurry today. He damn near got his ass handed to him on a silver platter today with my size 8 shoved squarely in it. I would have gladly sacrificed a shoe (they were old shoes) just to have the satisfaction of kicking him square in his lazy fat ass and hoping his over inflated ego would deflate. I refused to sign anything until I agreed to it. I was prepared to walk out and actually got halfway out of the office twice. He’s yelling at me, "you’re going to back out of our agreement?" uh no, I’m not agreeing to this bullshit. I’ll stick to our agreement; this isn’t even fucking close.

And just because I love you guys so damn much, I’ll share with you the delusions C1 lives under on a day-to-day basis. It’s amazing. It’s a fucking wonder he can function in life, with an ego as big as his, it surely must get in the way. I can’t imagine….oh wait, yeah I kind of can. I was married to that fucking ego 11 years ago. It has grown some since then, but yeah, you’ll get the idea. Read on…..

Father believes that joint physical custody is not in the best interest of the child for the following reasons.: Mother was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and has a history of not taking medications. (Yeah, good luck with that. You will never find any diagnosis anywhere in any medical files on me anywhere, ever, because, ah, yeah, it never happened. Just because you were a medic in the air force 20 years ago, does not make you MD.)

If mother’s actions and/or behavior warrant, father can change visitation to supervised status at any time. Any costs associated with supervised visits will be Mother’s responsibility. (Uh, excuse me, I have a question. Uh, who again determines if my actions and behaviors warrant this change? Oh, father gets to determine that? Like fucking hell, he does. He’s not playing god with my life and my visitation with my son. If I don’t kiss his ass, then my actions and behaviors warrant a change in visitation. It was fucking hilarious too, when the secretary the secretary at the law practice sat there and told him, "The court will throw that out. It will never make it past the judge. You can’t determine, change, stop, prevent, or deny visitation. Only the courts can do that." The secretary knew that. His lawyer actually thought he could put that shit in there and I would just roll over and say "Ok" and the courts would allow that shit? Oh hell to the no. I told you this lawyer was a Dumbass. And there was phone conversation in which C1 threatened me, "If you don’t agree to this I can make it so much worse for you. My lawyer says I could ask for so much more. I’m being generous and lenient." UH, yeah, you keep on trusting what your lawyer told you. You go ahead and ask for the moon and the stars. I won’t agree to it and neither will the court. I have managed to strip you of most of your power so far without a lawyer. Your lawyer hasn’t instilled a hell of a lot of confidence in me. He’s a freaking Dumbass, and you’re an idiot, both of which work in my favor.)

Father reserves the right and authority to cut short visitation if he feels visits are detrimental to the child and/or the child requests visits be cut short or cancelled. (Again with this determining bullshit. Who the fuck died and made you the fucking King of England? Uh, you will not be allowed to determine anything in regards to my visitation with my son, as you are unable to determine exactly why we are doing this. Surely not because you believe this is best for our son. You wouldn’t have the first clue as to what is in the best interest of our son. You don’t give a flying fuck about him. You’re just using this to make me fall into line and look, I’m not falling into line, and you’re not controlling me or manipulating me, or winning this battle.)

Father pays the cell phone bill and owns the cell phone provided to the minor child, and has final say on all matters relating to this phone and its usage. (We tried that, Bo went through 445 minutes in 4 days because I wasn’t allowed any say in the matter so I let him talk on the damn phone for hours at a time. That got dropped in a real fucking hurry.) If mother refuses to abide by this or problems arise due to mother being uncooperative, father has the authority to modify the visitation schedule accordingly. (Yeah, lets see, if I don’t fall into line and bow down and kiss His Royal Highness’s ass, and don’t allow Bo to use his cell phone, then I’m going to lose visitation with my son. Sounds to me, he’s trying to legally use Bo as a pawn to get me to fall into line. Again, this isn’t about Bo’s best interest at all, it’s all about controlling me and punishing me. He’s just using the only power he has, the courts. He does not have balls big enough to take me on any other way.)

At NO TIME will an adult, not married to mother, be allowed to spend the night at Mother’s residence unless it is a family member. (I guess all the men traipsing in and out of my life, through the revolving door I have on my apartment will now have to be referred to as Uncle. As IF…asshole) If father discovers this is occurring, he may, at his discretion change the visitation schedule to include discontinuing visitation temporarily until a satisfactory outcome can be achieved. (unless I decide to give him a cut of the $ I take in on those nights. Idiot) (Yup, there’s that discretion and control and punishment and playing GOD again. He really thinks he big shit. He is shit all right, and yes, he is big –fat- but he is a fucking moron. This totally was thrown out too. I told him he had no fucking right to dictate who and what happened at my house any more than I could dictate what went on at his house. I tried to go down the road, if it applies to me, then it has to apply to him. But I realized the futility of that, because there is no one EVER going to spend the night there with him. They would not only have to be married to him –and that ain’t happen, he’s been divorced three times, because we all got smart. I was the only one to have his baby- they would have to be blind and desperate.)

So what did we agree on?

Not much.

Try as I might he would not agree to the fact that he was doing this to punish me for wanting to get as far away from his crazy insane ass as possible. He thinks he’s GOD. Yeah, I can tell you, no body has ever confused him with the Big Guy, EVER.

We did agree on joint physical custody.

I will have temporary custody of him when he is with me. That means every other weekend, and specified holidays. Bo will come to my house every other Friday night. If he decides at any time that he does not want to be there, he can call his father and go back to his father’s house. His father has to come pick him up. I will not drive him back home. That means that when I move to Lincoln County, then I will pick him up at Kingdom City, and take him home. If he wants to go back to his dad’s, fine, his dad has to drive to my house in Lincoln County and get him. Period. The fun part of that is, I can pick Bo up, and head back home, Bo can call his father, and have him pick him up 2 minutes after we walk in the door at my house. That means his dad will have to literally almost follow us home just to get him. *Insert evil maniacal laugh here*.

The cell phone issue has been resolved in this manner. Mother has the discretionary authority in its usage, such as getting off the phone to do chores, homework etc. Taking the phone away or restricting it is usage as punishment is acceptable, as long as contact with the other parent is maintained and Father is notified of this restriction. (Yeah, when he goes through damn near 500 minutes in 4 days because I am not allowed any say in the matter, you can bet your sweet ass, you give that authority back to me. Otherwise, he’ll be on the damn phone all the time, and shit, I’ll be using it too, just because I can!)

Father will be awarded sole custody and will have final say in all matters. (Fine. I’ll agree to that. So, by having sole custody of our son, you will then be assuming all financial responsibility for him as well? Great. You will now be the one providing him with a car and insurance in two years. Good luck. I won’t be helping out with that little expenditure at all. Not smart enough to get that in writing right now, it’s never going in there. I don’t have custody of him. You will be providing him with a college education and paying all college tuition and expenses for the time he is in school? Great! I’m going to encourage him to go to Harvard or Yale and study to be a doctor or a lawyer, which ever has a longer course study. Again, you have sole custody of him, and have assumed full responsibility of him, both legally and financially. Good luck with that shit. He fucking hates it when I go after his money, and believe me I know how to go after his money and get as much of it out of him as I can.)

The good news, I can go to child support enforcement after this signed, and I can go back and get the past child support that he didn’t pay the first 5 years of Bo’s life. He’ll continue to pay me child support even though he doesn’t know it yet. Clear up until Bo is 18 I can claim that. He can’t prove he paid it, because he didn’t. I just have to claim I never got it. Send in copies of our divorce decree and bibidy bobidy boo, child support enforcement is on his ass. *more maniacal laughing here*.

The funny shit about all of this? Yeah, with a lawyer in tow, he tried to fuck me over, just like he’s tried to control and manipulate me all along. I went in without a lawyer and walked out of it just fine. Didn’t cost me a penny at all. Cost him plenty. And that’s the way I like it, and the way it should be.

As soon as we manage to get a court date (and I’m thinking I would have better luck at getting a court date when the judges are actually sitting on the bench than his Dumbass attorney) we will be done with this shit and I can get on with my life and pray to whatever gods are out there, that he falls off the face of the earth.

Not that I’m bitter or anything.

Almost there

In an hour and a half, I'm leaving work. 4:00. Out of here. Got to go to the lawyer's office. Not my lawyer's office. C1's lawyer's office. Yes, the dumbass.

Finally, he has the new parenting plan typed up, and put together. I just have to read it and sign it. After I look over it with a magnifying glass and a fine tooth comb. I'm sure they're going to try to slip something in there that is going to piss me off.

After I sign the papers today (if I sign the paper's today) his lawyer will have to get a court date. This has proved to be a challenge in the past. Actually, getting a court date is fairly easy. Getting one when the judges are actually sitting on the bench, however seems to be a real challenge for this dumbass.

This should have been over and done with months ago, but oh hell to the no, it's not. We're still dealing with total and complete incompetence. Of course, he's blaming it all on the fact that they had a paralegal quit. I'm sorry, did she run that law practice by herself? I'm thinking she may have been the only competent one there.

It's all good for me, if this guy is a dumbass, (and his track record says he just might be) it works in my favor.

I really just want this over. This is the last hurdle here. The last residue of my past. The last little bit of the forces of evil hanging around my neck. Once this over, I can breathe, really breathe.

More Christmas Miracles

When I went to the lawyer's office the other day to draw up the final papers for our modification, I was hit with some serious filing fees that needed to be paid. I had the money to pay them, but I had to rob Santa to do it. A sizable portion of the $$ I had set aside to provide Christmas for my kids, well, went to the lawyer. So, I was struggling with how to pay for Ho Ho's visit this year. I mean after all you can't tell a 7 year old that you had to steal from Santa in order to take her father out of her life. That just really ruins the whole holiday.

So, I had been stressing about it, a little, but not too much. I figured, so far everything has worked out for me, this would too. Even if it meant I would get the money on Christmas Eve and I would do my shopping then, at least it would be done.

Today, we went to my mother's to make Christmas cookies (yes, pictures will follow....tomorrow) and my father called. He needed to talk to the kids about what they wanted for Christmas this year, as he and his wife were on their way to go shopping. But he stopped to ask me first, "So, we were wondering, is there something special you would like for Christmas this year, or would you just like for us to send you some money to help pay for the kids Christmas presents this year? And would you like that in a check or on a gift card?" All I could do was cry. There it was, the answer to my prayers, the solution to my problem.

And there, my friends, is yet another miracle for me this year. Apparently, the faith the size of a mustard seed is still enough to move mountains. I, of course, jumped on the gift card so that I could shop for my babies, and there will be presents under the tree this year for them.

The Details

Ok, it has been a whirlwind of emotions. I have exactly what it is that I wanted in regards to the girls. And it happened without the fight I expected. Wow. Who can really wrap their heads around that?

We met, wrote up the agreed upon parenting plan, and he signed off on it. My attorney will file the papers with the court on Monday; we will get a court date. We will have to appear before a judge and testify that we agree to everything set forth in the parenting plan.

So, what did we agree to?

• The parties agree that mother shall be allowed to relocate the residence of the minor children to Lincoln County after the end of the 2006-2007 school year.


• Mother shall have sole legal custody of the minor children. Mother will make all decisions regarding the children with the exception that mother shall include father in the decision making authority with respect to any life threatening issues that may arise regarding the children.


• Mother and father will have joint physical custody of the minor children. Mother’s residence address will be the designated children’s address for mailing and educational purposes. The children will reside with the mother, with temporary custody/visitation with father as follows: Every other weekend beginning at 7:00 PM on Friday, through 7:00 PM on Sunday.

There are of course the normal provisions for child support, and tax exemption deduction yada, yada, yada. But none of that has changed significantly. The above points were the big ones, and the ones that I wanted more than anything.

It’s done, almost. The end is in sight. He’s agreed, and the papers will be filed. The girls will be mine.

So, what at first seemed so daunting and impossible and overwhelming boiled down to 2 hours in my lawyer’s office today. B once asked me, “Every time you’ve been to court with him, have you not gotten exactly what you wanted?” Every time I’ve been to court with him, I have walked out of there with exactly what I wanted. This was to be no different. I just didn’t believe it would be this simple. Although I really shouldn’t be at all surprised. Once the plan was made, every single step I took seemed to fall effortlessly into place. Everything worked out, every thing lined up; every thing fell into place just as it should.

I know, as well as I know B is my soul mate, this was the right thing to do, it was meant to be. Every obstacle I saw looming on the horizon seemed to virtually vanish when I came face to face with it.

• I got the restraining order, hands down, no problem


• I needed $$ to hire an attorney, and fast.


• Mom and dad gifted the van over to me, and I used it as collateral on a loan from the bank.


• Needed a lawyer, but every lawyer I talked to said it was highly unlikely we would win, and they wanted a huge retainer.


• Until I found this attorney. Her retainer was virtually half of everyone else’s and she offered hope that we could win this battle, but it would be hard. The good news was, she was willing to fight. She believed in what I was doing.


• My lease on my apartment ran out. Time to renew, but we had no idea how long this battle would take and how long I would be here, if I could even move.


• I was given the option to sign a month to month lease, so every month; we renew it for another month. That way, when it comes time to move, I’m out, free and clear.

Every step I needed to take on this journey, a higher power cleared the path. And now, what loomed before me a marathon, turned out to be short sprint to the finish line. My biggest fear, my biggest concern, is over. There is great relief.

Now, on to the next plan. And that my friends, is, in the next 6 months, I have to find a job that will support us all, and I have to find an apartment I can afford on the salary I’ll be making at the new job I’ll be getting. Then I need to start packing up, and planning on moving. But believe me, I’ve moved often enough in my life, this is the easy part of the plan.

Now, I need to figure out Christmas (I had to spend a big portion of the kids Christmas funds on filing fees I didn’t know about….) but somehow that seems manageable. Look what I’ve been through in the past month, and it worked out just fine in the end.

It is finished, and I am free

We sat down today, in my attorney's office, and drew up a new joint parenting plan. We sat there today, on the battle field, and shook hands and came to an agreement. The dragon that had loomed so large and forboding on the horizon of my life for so long, stood before me today, with an olive branch of peace, wanting to find a resolution.

We drew up the new parenting plan today, granting me full legal custody of the girls. I will now be allowed to make all decisions in regards to them, without having to run anything by him at all. I will be allowed to relocate at the end of the school year, and enroll them in school, daycare, and any other activities they so desire.

He gracefully bowed out of their lives and mine. Not completely, but in all things that matter. He has relinquished all responsibility for the girls. They are now mine. He has visitation and he still pays child support, but we are free now to live our lives where I want to. He no longer has power over me.

10 years, 2 children, numerous second chances, 5 restraining orders, and it all boils down to 2 hours in my lawyer's office. I was given everything I wanted today. I was given my life back. I am free now. Free of him.

There will never be anther phone call telling me to get my ass home because I don't need to be where ever it is I am. There will never again, be a fight because the girls want to join Girl Scouts or choir. There will never again, be any dispute about the girls. Because today, they are mine.

I am free now. I have finally freed myself from the tenticles of my past. He no longer has power or control over my life. There will be no more drama, no more threats, no more anything. I am free.

B knows. I called him, I told him. He said "It's over. Not the way we envisioned it, but better. It's over. I'm really proud of you for doing this. I'm glad you did this, and saw it through, and got what you wanted."

I got what I wanted, in part. Now that I have my life back and I have my girls, all I want now, is another chance with B. And if this miracle can happen, then there is hope for that one too.