An Open Letter to The Slug

Dear Slug,

I’m going to try and explain this as slowly and calmly as I can, so that you can grasp the full meaning of what I am about to tell you.

I am not to blame for the problems in your life. You can not go around blaming me for the fact that your life is not going the way you want it to. You give me way too much credit. First, I don’t have any power in your life, I don’t control the things around you. Second, I don’t care enough to be that involved or that informed with your life. I just don’t.

Having said that, can I ask a simple question? Is it possible that CSE is garnishing your wages and holding your tax refunds because maybe you actually owe all that child support? Is it possible that when you don’t send the girls any money for a month, it’s safe to say no one else does either and therefore the child support goes unpaid. And is it also possible that every month that the child support goes unpaid, it adds up until you are over $2000 behind and I’m left with no other option but to get it from you before you spend it on yourself?

I will admit that I foolishly believed you when you told me you would send me money every Friday if I would not garnish your wages. I gave you the benefit of the doubt, even though my past experiences with you told me this was a trick and wouldn’t last. You foolishly didn’t listen and didn’t believe me when I told you I would not garnish your wages if you paid me every week, but the first time you missed a payment, the very first week you didn’t send money I would call CSE. You missed a week, I made a phone call.

You asked me today how I expected you to live on half a paycheck. Again, I’m sorry, but that really is not my concern, nor is it my problem. The truth of the matter is, you wouldn’t be in this predicament at all if you had just paid your child support on time, all along. How is this predicament my fault? Yes, I did call CSE, but you didn’t pay your child support.

I’ll even do you one better. That week you missed a payment? If you had called me a couple of days earlier and explained the whole situation to me, I would have been willing to work out some kind of arrangement with you. I truly meant it when I said I was done fighting with you and wanted us to find a way to get along and work things out. Instead, you called me after the payment was due (and not paid) and told me “I’m not sending any money, so do whatever you have to do.” You really left me with no choice but to hold up my end of the agreement. Don’t believe me that I would have worked something out with you? Did you not call me two weeks prior and ask me if you could send a reduced amount that week so that you could have gas money? Did I not agree to that without a fight, a fuss, or even pouting? I readily agreed, because you called upfront and asked without looking for a fight.

The girls get told, If you do that, this will happen. And we follow through with it. Same goes for you. I told you, if you do that, this would happen. I had to follow through. If I let is slide one time, you would try again and again.

I am sure you think that not paying your child support somehow hurts me. Frankly, not really. I manage to get all the bills paid on time, every month. I manage to make sure the girls have lunch money and clothes and shoes and everything they absolutely need. It’s the extra things, like a back up pair of shoes, or trips to the movies with their friends, or dinner out on special occasions, or movies and pizza nights on weekends, books from book clubs at school, the latest and greatest hair ponies, the things that make girls..well, girls that they don’t have because well, I don’t have the child support you’re supposed to be sending.

That money isn’t my money. It’s for the girls. Truth be told, you don’t even pay me enough to pay the sitter for watching them after school. The girls are truly missing out on a lot of things because I just don’t have the money for it.

So, do you see what I’m saying here? This predicament you’re in right now with CSE holding your tax refunds, and now taking half your paycheck isn’t my fault at all. You made this mess. You did this, in a misguided attempt to hurt me and make me suffer. I do not control your life, and I am not to blame for your unhappiness. I have my own life to live, I can’t be bothered with trying to control yours too.

Just pay the child support you owe your daughters, and get on with your life. Our life together is over. I’m never coming back. Stop hopping and dreaming I will. You have never given me a reason to consider coming back, but you continually remind me why I left. Let it go, move on, find happiness. It is not with me.

And pay your child support.

Calgon take me away.....

Is there a short bus to reality? Is there any bus to reality? Uh, could someone please get Slug a ticket?

I often wonder what color the sky is in his world. And how horrible it must be to live in a place where everyone is out to get you and screw you over and keep you down. Yes, The Man is keeping The Slug down.

I'm trying really hard (don't laugh...I am) to find sympathy for him, but uh, yeah, I'm falling a bit short. Ok a lot.

All of my bloggity friends know that he's behind in his child support. (Now $1638) From reading my previous posts here and here, we all know that Slug and I had and agreement that he would pay me every Friday. If he missed 1 payment I would call CSE and garnish his wages. He did. I did. Now he's pissed. Because apparently I wasn't supposed to really hold up my end of the agreement.

See, it turns out that the paperwork got put through the week after he missed his first payment. HMMM. I wonder why? Oh, yeah, The Man is holding him down. The Man is out to get him. The Man is screwing him over. Yeah, couldn't be b/c he's screwing his daughters (who, let's review...mean the world to him) out of money that is rightfully theirs.

He's going to call CSE today and chew their asses for holding on to his money. (I guess he thinks they will release it and he'll get it?) Which is fine. I hope he does call them, and gets them to release that $$, I'll get it that much sooner. He's going to chew their asses because they are taking half his paycheck to cover his child support obligation. He had the gall to ask me "How am I supposed to live on half a paycheck?" Uh the same way you have expected me and your daughters to live without any child support.

If he doesn't get the answers he wants at CSE, he's going to the State to complain.

I seriously don't know what he expects to get or what he expects to happen. The man OWES us $1600+ in child support. CSE is going to make sure we get it. All the bitching in the world isn't going to get that money away from CSE and give it to him. He owes back child support in the amount of $1638 and next week it will go up to $2088.

My horoscope today is: This situation should come labeled with a big Handle with Care sticker. Unfortunately, things are rarely that obvious. It's up to you and your amazing sensitivity to sniff them out and defuse things.

Why is it always up to me?

Tide has turned

I guess life was going my way just a little to long, a little too sweet. Now it's time to test the backbone, test my strength, test my mettle.

Slug just called and told me he didn't send child support this week. Uh, wrong answer asshole. "Well, I don' t know what you want me to do, I don't have it to send."
Uh, get mommy to pay it. I would tell you to send TFC out to the street corner to earn it but hell I don't have time to wait that long. She would just whine and cry about it being cold.

I called DSS and found out Slug is $1188 behind and well, we're going to garnish his wages. I told him if he missed a week, I was going after his paycheck, and well, now I am.

It may take a week or two, but damn it I'm getting paid.

Fuck him.

Junebugg: Get me the information, I think I'm ready.

See things my way

Ha! Ha! I love it when karma comes back around and bites people in the ass. I love it even more when I have a hand in helping karma out.

Ok, so we all know about the court date fiasco of yesterday. Nothing like a unpaid hour of my day lost to put a great big smile on my face and charity in my heart. He did talk to his lawyer, and there were a few odds and ends that needed to be tied up so we handled that via emails. (always good to have shit in writting). So, I took that opportunity to broach the child support issue.

Me: ok, so, since we don't have a court ruling, or a new court order, child support will still be $350 for January b/c that's the court order we have right now.

C1: $350 for January and $175 from February 1st to May 1st. That is the equivalent of $175 a month for six months.

Me: We agreed to 6 months child support. It is not my fault your lawyer scheduled a court date when there were no judges sitting and the courts could not rule on the new parenting plan. Why should I have to pay for your attorney's screw up?

C1: This was not my attorney's fault. There were a lot of cases that got messed up, ours was not the only one. This was the court's doing not my attorney. What you asked for was 6 payments of $175 which comes to $1,050. However, due to the fact that I couldn't get a hold of my attorney before the 28th to get the papers drawn up, I'll go ahead and give you $350 in January and then 5 payments of $175 for a total of $1,225.


I so love it when things go my way. Of course, when you threaten to take a whole of their money and make it your money, ex husbands have a tendency to see things your way.

See, C1 didn't pay child support for the first 5 yrs after our divorce. I can go back and collect that unpaid child support clear up until the day Bo turns 18 (that's 5 years folks). AND at the time of the divorce the state said that he was to pay $612/mo for Bo, but we settled on $350. I reminded him that over the past 11 years, we can safely assume your income has increased significantly. Correct?
Yeah.
And can we also assume that over the past 11 years, Bo's expenses have significantly increased as well?
Uh, yeah, I guess.
OK, then, let's review, your income increased, and Bo's expenses increased, but my child support did not increase, correct?
Uh yeah.
I can go back and get those increases if you would like for me to. And I can drag this whole modification through the court system for months and months to come, meaning you would pay me at least $350/mo until it's settled, vs the $350 for January plus the $175 for the remaining 5 months.

When it's put that way, the $350/mo and $175/mo through June doesn't sound half bad.