An Open Letter to The Slug

Dear Slug,

I’m going to try and explain this as slowly and calmly as I can, so that you can grasp the full meaning of what I am about to tell you.

I am not to blame for the problems in your life. You can not go around blaming me for the fact that your life is not going the way you want it to. You give me way too much credit. First, I don’t have any power in your life, I don’t control the things around you. Second, I don’t care enough to be that involved or that informed with your life. I just don’t.

Having said that, can I ask a simple question? Is it possible that CSE is garnishing your wages and holding your tax refunds because maybe you actually owe all that child support? Is it possible that when you don’t send the girls any money for a month, it’s safe to say no one else does either and therefore the child support goes unpaid. And is it also possible that every month that the child support goes unpaid, it adds up until you are over $2000 behind and I’m left with no other option but to get it from you before you spend it on yourself?

I will admit that I foolishly believed you when you told me you would send me money every Friday if I would not garnish your wages. I gave you the benefit of the doubt, even though my past experiences with you told me this was a trick and wouldn’t last. You foolishly didn’t listen and didn’t believe me when I told you I would not garnish your wages if you paid me every week, but the first time you missed a payment, the very first week you didn’t send money I would call CSE. You missed a week, I made a phone call.

You asked me today how I expected you to live on half a paycheck. Again, I’m sorry, but that really is not my concern, nor is it my problem. The truth of the matter is, you wouldn’t be in this predicament at all if you had just paid your child support on time, all along. How is this predicament my fault? Yes, I did call CSE, but you didn’t pay your child support.

I’ll even do you one better. That week you missed a payment? If you had called me a couple of days earlier and explained the whole situation to me, I would have been willing to work out some kind of arrangement with you. I truly meant it when I said I was done fighting with you and wanted us to find a way to get along and work things out. Instead, you called me after the payment was due (and not paid) and told me “I’m not sending any money, so do whatever you have to do.” You really left me with no choice but to hold up my end of the agreement. Don’t believe me that I would have worked something out with you? Did you not call me two weeks prior and ask me if you could send a reduced amount that week so that you could have gas money? Did I not agree to that without a fight, a fuss, or even pouting? I readily agreed, because you called upfront and asked without looking for a fight.

The girls get told, If you do that, this will happen. And we follow through with it. Same goes for you. I told you, if you do that, this would happen. I had to follow through. If I let is slide one time, you would try again and again.

I am sure you think that not paying your child support somehow hurts me. Frankly, not really. I manage to get all the bills paid on time, every month. I manage to make sure the girls have lunch money and clothes and shoes and everything they absolutely need. It’s the extra things, like a back up pair of shoes, or trips to the movies with their friends, or dinner out on special occasions, or movies and pizza nights on weekends, books from book clubs at school, the latest and greatest hair ponies, the things that make girls..well, girls that they don’t have because well, I don’t have the child support you’re supposed to be sending.

That money isn’t my money. It’s for the girls. Truth be told, you don’t even pay me enough to pay the sitter for watching them after school. The girls are truly missing out on a lot of things because I just don’t have the money for it.

So, do you see what I’m saying here? This predicament you’re in right now with CSE holding your tax refunds, and now taking half your paycheck isn’t my fault at all. You made this mess. You did this, in a misguided attempt to hurt me and make me suffer. I do not control your life, and I am not to blame for your unhappiness. I have my own life to live, I can’t be bothered with trying to control yours too.

Just pay the child support you owe your daughters, and get on with your life. Our life together is over. I’m never coming back. Stop hopping and dreaming I will. You have never given me a reason to consider coming back, but you continually remind me why I left. Let it go, move on, find happiness. It is not with me.

And pay your child support.