Thursday, January 25, 2007

Trusting the universe

No matter what the outer situation is like, your inner compass always tells you the right direction. It might take a little time and effort on your part to see which way it's swinging, but once you do, you're set.

There is my horoscope for today.

A few days ago I posted this. I had been on the brink of something and just really wanted to make sure of the decision, the direction, the choice I was going to make. I was giving myself time to think it through, and to be sure, before I posted about it.

I talked about a make or break kind of deal, things promised, hinted at and talked about would factor greatly into the decision made, and the course taken.

This past weekend, I talked to Batman on Friday. He was finally back at work, and was feeling better. We talked Friday night on our way home. He mentioned that he was feeling much better, and that maybe we should get together this week, Wednesday was looking good for us. I, of course, readily agreed.

But then the weekend passed without a phone call from him, which is odd, but not so much. He was tired, he had his kids, they would wear him out. Still, a phone call? Not too much to hope for.

So, the kernel started in my mind Saturday. Maybe, stupid, the Universe has been trying to tell you all along, you've just been to stubborn to listen. I mean after all, how many more signs do you need, to get the message? There was snow, there was ice, there was more snow and ice, there was schedules, there was a trip to the hospital, there was pneumonia. How many more signs do you need?

ONE MORE.

I sat down, and asked my higher power, "I have believed from the beginning that we were meant to be together. That was impressed upon my heart clear as day, early on. I believed it. I also believe things change. I have laid our relationship at your feet or in your hands and left the course up to you. I don't want to believe I was wrong, but I will accept it if I was. I am once again, leaving the choice to you. I am asking for one last sign.

If we are meant to be, if that is the course you've laid for me, if he is to be in my life, someday, I am asking for Wednesday night. He's hinted at it, but I know things can happen and plans get cancelled. If he's meant to be a part of my life, then please, let me have Wednesday night with him. If we're not meant to be, if I am to give up hope, let him go, walk away, then don't give me Wednesday. If things fall through, and plans get cancelled, I will accept that as the final sign that I should give up, and walk away. I am just asking for one more sign."

I was ready to lay it all down for him, let it go, give up, walk away, and be alone.

So, Monday morning dawns. I check the weather for the week, and look, they're calling for snow on Wednesday. Great. Well, just flurries, so hopefully nothing serious. I'm still planning on going to see him.

Tuesday morning, I get to work, my cell phone rings. It's Batman. My heart sinks. He hasn't called me in the mornings since we broke up. An early morning phone call, is never good news. This was no exception. He was calling to tell me that his cell phone was not working, so if I tried to call his phone, he really wasn't ignoring me, it's just not working. I took the chance and asked him "So, we're still on for tomorrow night? Right?"
Unless you've changed your mind.
No chance in that. Have you changed yours?
No. I want to see you.

Wednesday morning. The BIG DAY. 6:45AM my phone rings again. Again, it's Batman. Again, early morning calls are never good. I almost didn't answer it because I didn't want to hear. But I couldn't not answer it, because if he was cancelling our plans, then there was something seriously wrong, and I needed to know what it was. So, I answered the phone. And we talk, he sounds fine, upbeat actually. I can't figure it out. I keep waiting for the bomb, that never comes. I can't stand it, so I bite the bullet, and ask "You're not calling with bad news are you?"
NO, why?
You're not backing out?
No
I'm still coming to see you tonight?
Yes.
Oh thank god.

I went 'home' last night. I was met in the driveway by him. I walked into the house and was greeted with open arms, hugs and kisses.

I took that as my sign, that while I don't know where this path will lead us, I know that he's going to be a part of the journey for a while longer. I've learned to trust that the universe will lead me down the right path. I have learned to listen to my inner voice, my gut, my instincts. I've learned to trust my inner compass, it will lead me in the right direction. Unfortunately sometimes it takes longer than I want it to, and I have not learned patience yet. But I will.


3 comments:

Dixie said...

Hooray!!!! That is great!

Maybe waiting for the signs will help you in your quest for patience.

Sudiegirl said...

What dixie said.

It's tough to wait, but I hope things work all right in the end. Maybe the FWB route will gradually turn into what you want.

Manic Mom said...

OK, can you please just go to my site, get my email on my profile page and email me with the abridged story of your life so i can catch up?? I feel like I'm reading a novel and I can't wait to find out what happens next, but that I missed the first few chapters!!!