Three Words

When I first met Batman, we spent the first week (?) maybe 10 days, talking on the phone, all the time. I remember when I fell in love with him. He had called me early one Saturday morning. He was camping with his kids, they were still asleep (I was too) but he called, said he wanted to wake up with me, start his day with me, even though we were over a hundred miles apart. We talked for 2 hours that morning. When I hung up the phone, I said to myself, "I love that man." and stopped dead in my tracks, because I never thought about it, I just said it, and knew it was true. I loved him.

It would be another 9 days before I would say "I love you" to him, but in those 9 days, the love I felt grew stronger, and I was never more sure of anything in my life. I would always think to myself after every phone conversation, "I love him".

Once we could say it to each other, I didn't have to think it, I could tell him, I could say it. And I did, tell him. I did say it. Often. Until things fell apart and he stopped saying it altogether. I continued to tell him for a few days, but it hurt too much to say "I love you" and have him answer with "I know you do." or nothing at all. So, I stopped. I stopped saying it, I even stopped thinking it. Those words ceased to exist for us, but I never stopped feeling it. The feelings never went away, just the words.

This week, things have changed again. I don't know how, I can't explain it, except that one night, (Friday, I think) after I got off the phone with him, I thought, "I love that man." all over again. The thought was just there, unprovoked, just there. It stopped me in my path, for a second. It was true, I was sure of it, but it was something that hadn't been there for a very long time. 'I love you' had come back into my thoughts.

I find myself now, telling him throughout the day, "I love you." in my head. I know that I can call him and tell him "I love you" and put voice to those words. I also know that he won't return the words. Maybe some day.

I would gain 10 pounds, 15 in necessary, without batting an eye, if I could just hear those words from him again. Not just once, but always. 3 words, 3 simple, impossible words.

My Holiday Letter to my Friends and Family.

The kids will be home tonight, we will go to sleep tonight knowing Santa will visit some time, and we will wake with presents under the tree. This year, Santa was poor, but will provide goodies for entertainment tomorrow and those memories will be better than anything we unwrap.

B is sick, sick, sick. Fever, chills, blah, sick. I'm thinking my Christmas Day with him, won't be happening, but not because he or I don't want it. The damn flu has him in it grip and I don't think it will be letting go any time soon. I'll wait. Believe me I'll wait.

I am visiting friends blogs today, and sending emailed Holiday Wishes to all my internet friends. May you find lots of goodies under the trees you visit this holiday season, but may the best gifts of all be the love and laughter and joy and memories from friends and family. Tell everyone you love, I love you, hug them a little tighter, laugh a little louder, smile a little bigger, and have another cookie. It's Christmas, a time for love and laughter, friends and family.

Happy Holidays to all my friends and family out there. I love you all. Thank you for all you have done for me and mine, for all you've offered, for all you've shared, for all you've given.

Christmas Wishes

I wish you could hear what you won't let me say,
I wish you could say, what I'd give anything to hear.
Three simple words, not much really, but would change my life.
All I want now is those.



*He called me Friday night after work, on our way home. We were talking about our weekend/holiday plans and schedule. I have my kids Christmas Day, he has his Christmas Eve. I told him he was welcome to come hang out with us, that he was always welcome anytime. He said he knew that, and that he just might come up Christmas Day. (And a chorus of Angels let loose with
Hallelujah! It's about time!)

Today he called, and said he was not feeling good, running a fever. You know what? It's all good. If I see him Monday, great, if not, well, it will be soon. We're dating after all.... LOL

Christmas Wishes

This summer, B and I were watching tennis. We were watching Maria Sharapova play, and I, of course being the girl that I am, noticed her earrings. Threader earrings with either diamonds or pearls at the end. I fell in love. So, of course, I mentioned to B, I would love a pair of them. "Well, maybe if you're good, Santa will bring them this Christmas."

That afternoon, we went to his favorite jewlry store on-line, and I found a pair I loved. (yes, see above) I bookmarked them, I showed him, I told him they were even on sale.

Yeah, I don't think I'll be getting them for Christmas this year. But a girl can dream.....