Monday, September 26, 2005

Here's a quarter, go buy yourself a clue

I got the following email on Friday from the guy I mentioned last week.  

Hey there sexy lady. Are you biting or just nibbling? (WTF is he talking about?  I’m sure I have no idea) So, how’s my head turnin’ pace maker breakin’, liver quiverin’, toe curlin’, breath takin’, earth shakin’, bronze beauty doing?  So, you want me to tell you more or do you just want to enjoy the moment?  So, do you miss me much? Cause I think I could use a Becky fix, just a little smile, a wink, and a shake, and I would be fine.  So, I got an excuse, I did hit my head, but I think these feelings were around before.  I hope you are OK, and you are doing well. I hope you have a good weekend. Miss ya. More later.

See how smarmy and cheesy, and utterly lacking in any taste and class this clown is?  There is now doubt he’s a used car salesman, because he’s waist deep in the bullshit.  

There is no doubt now that I have to put an end to his misguided delusion, and I can’t wait to do it politely face to face, it’s got to be done NOW, and the only way that will happen is via email.

It really bothers me that he came to me offering friendship.  I was adamant about it being that.  It bothers me that he’s been married for 25 years and he thinks this is ok.  I’ll admit, there was a time in my life when that wouldn’t have bothered me.  That’s not something I’m terribly proud of, but it’s there.  I have since come to change the way I feel.  I don’t care how bad he says his marriage is, I don’t care how ‘over’ he says it is, the fact of the matter is, he’s still married.

Even a change in that status wouldn’t change how I feel.  I am not in any way attracted to him.  Let me give you a brief description, he looks like a little yard gnome – short and fat.  He’s 45, but looks closer to 55, he’s got gray hair that is still 70’s long and feathered. (Feathered?  Who still does that?)  He has 4 false teeth (top front) which isn’t a deal breaker, but the fact that he doesn’t keep them in his mouth and is more likely to spit them into his hand and put them in his pocket IS a deal breaker.  He thinks he’s funny, charming and cool, when he’s just redneck, hick smarmy.

I was friendly with him when we worked together (I was friendly with most everyone) but because I once lived in his hometown, then he believes that gives him carte blanche to push the envelope.  He feels that gives us a history.  I was 10 when I first saw him, and I think I only saw him once, when he was getting married to his now wife.  
OK, my sister would say this to me “If you don't want it to happen, SAY NO. If you feel like it needs to be stopped, STOP IT. But, for the love of Elvis, don't just bitch about it and whine about it. DO SOMETHING. Don't expect others to fix it for you - and don't expect to take the glory of being a hero and acting all like a martyr if you don't act. Saying there's a problem isn't fixing the problem - and if you're not fixing the problem, you're part of it. There is NO middle ground. Words are NOTHING without a plan. HAVE A DAMNED PLAN and stop being so passive aggressive” and she would be right.  He’s not going to stop chasing me until I tell him to stop. Until I explain to him that his attention, no matter what his intentions, is making me really really uncomfortable and I want it to stop, it will continue.
Because I don’t have the luxury of meeting him face to face, unless it’s at my place (and I don’t want him at my home) I will have to send him an email.  Since that seems to be his contact medium of choice, it will also be mine.  I sent the following to him today:
I guess you have noticed I haven’t responded to your emails and your phone calls.  I’ve got some things I need to say to you.

It’s become apparent to me that you have higher and more expectations than you originally led me to believe.  You told me you were concerned about me and worried and as a friend, just wanted to be sure the kids and I were ok.  As long as that was true, your attention was fine.  Now, it seems to me that you want more than I’m willing to give you.  Your feelings are apparently more than friendship and I can’t return those feelings.  

I don’t know what I did to give you the impression this kind of behavior would be ok or what I did to lead you to believe that I was feeling things I wasn’t feeling and wanting things that I don’t want.  

I told you that nothing would happen between us and I feel like you’re pushing the issue and expecting to convince me to change my mind.  I though you understood we were just friends, but I get the feeling you’re trying to make it into so much more. The emails you send and the voice mail messages you leave are making me very uncomfortable, because they are so very way over the top.  They are just way way too much.

I spent two months in therapy learning I have worth and I deserve honest true relationships, romantic and otherwise.  You used friendship and our history as a guise to get close to me and try to get something more.  

There will be no more pizza parties, there will be no more ‘ice cream man’ visits.  The kids and I are doing just fine on our own.  You’ve seen that for yourself, first hand.  I’m making a safe and happy life for me and the kids and I am doing it by myself.  I will continue to do it alone, because that’s how I want it.  

I’m sorry.  I do care about you as my friend, but I don’t and can’t love you.  A line got crossed somewhere and I’ve got to put a stop to this or at least define the boundaries so that you know where I stand and you understand, don’t push the issue.  Nothing more is ever going to come of this.  We’re friends, that’s it.  Nothing more.  
I hope he gets the message.

No comments: