Thursday, September 22, 2005

I hate men!

I hate men.  Not all men, and not one specifically, I just hate the species in general.  It seems they are ruled by the kindergartener in their pants.

I used to work at a car dealership.  Car salesmen are charming flirts, it’s how they sell cars, and they just can’t seem to turn it off.  After a while it becomes smarmy.  They get so used to selling cars; they sell everything, including themselves.  We had a saying at the dealership, ‘The buddy shit ends at the door’, we would work together, and the charm and the bullshit was thick in the air, but it was harmless flirting, joking around.  Everyone understood that when we went home at the end of the day, we left the shit at work.  

Apparently, someone there didn’t get that memo.  Now that I no longer work there, he obviously thinks that makes me immune to the ‘buddy-shit’ rule.  Guess again.  At first he would call once a week to ‘check on me’ make sure I was doing ok.  Claimed to be worried about me.  Since my life was a massive train wreck at the time, it was easy to believe.  Then the emails started, and they started out innocently enough, but now it’s getting too personal, too cheesy, and too yuck.  

Maybe I am to blame for part of the misunderstanding, because he called a few weeks ago and asked me if he could come over and see me.  Sure, we’re friends; I saw no harm in it.  He showed up with Dairy Queen for the kids, a huge treat for them.  He didn’t stay long, just visited with me, and left.

He called last week and wanted to come over again, and I refused.  I honestly had other plans and told him so.  End of story.

I got an email this week ‘Hey Sweet Thing, So, what does your week look like?  Any time for me?’  And at that point I went EEWW!  I politely told him, no there would be no time for him this week.  No point in being a bitch about it, and kind of unfair to handle this whole situation via email.

Last night he calls me and proceeds to tell me that he got hurt Tuesday, down at the farm and has a severe concussion.  He’s acting all goofy, and then throws out the kicker, ‘I’m not sure I’ll be able to drive home tonight, I’m not doing so good.  Kind of dizzy, blurred vision, you know.  May have to stay here in town….” He’s hinting pretty hard he wants me to offer to let him crash at my place.  I’m not biting.  He drove from the farm in Jonesburg home to Columbia, then to Kansas City to the auction and back to work in Jeff City.    He can drive home to Columbia.  If not, he can get a hotel, but I AM NOT letting him crash at my place. No way!

I’m offended and pissed off.  He lied.  He started this whole ‘friendship’ under false pretenses.  He knew my life was a train wreck and I was working very hard to get my life together and back on track.  He came to me claiming he was a friend.  Now, he’s hitting on me.  He got close to me and now the game has changed and I don’t like this game at all.  

Did I mention he’s older than I am, by 8 years?  I know that doesn’t sound like a lot, but in life experiences, it is.  His oldest son is 23, his youngest is in college.  My oldest is in 6th grade, my youngest in Kindergarten.  Did I mention that he’s married too?  Has been for 25 years.  Hell, my father performed his wedding, WHEN I WAS 10!  I am not the least bit interested in him in any other way than a friend, a casual friend.  

Yes, I will admit, I may have screwed up when I allowed him to come over the first time, but the kids were there, and it sounded innocent enough.  Maybe I’m just totally naive. Maybe I should have seen this coming.  I didn’t give him any encouragement; I didn’t lead him to believe it would be anything romantic.  I didn’t give him reason to believe there was hope for anything between us other than a casual friendship.  Now, he’s crossed the line and ruined even that casual friendship.  I want him out of my life now.  He’s smarmy, sleazy, underhanded, and a typical used car sales man.  YUCK!

I think I’m going to give up on all men for a while.  I’m better off without them, and apparently my men radar is way off.  Maybe the years I spent in an abusive relationship has skewed my view of men.  Maybe I’m stronger and healthier now, and don’t need to put up with any kind of bullshit.  Maybe I realize that I have worth.  Maybe I know now I deserve better and I don’t want to play these stupid games.  Maybe I want someone to want me for me, not my looks, not my body.  I may be a single mom of 3, and life may not be a walk in the park, but I’m doing just fine.  I don’t NEED a man to make my life easier, it’s not that difficult.  

Christ, I’m staying single forever!  It’s easier.

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