The kids come home tomorrow!

The kids come home tomorrow. It's been a week since I've seen them. We will be back on normal schedules now, and they will be home more than they are gone, at least until summer. I have really enjoyed the peaceful evenings being alone has given me. When I think about it though, I miss their laughter, their giggles, their yelling and even the arguments. It reminds me that I have 3 wonderful kids, and I've been very blessed.

Bo, will live with his father full time now. I have agreed to give him legal custody of him, and allow Bo to live with him. I think at 13 Bo really shouldn't be living with 3 females, he needs a man in his life. (Unfortunately he won't get that with his father either, but hopefully there are friends of his father around who are real men., but that's another post entirely).

2006 is gone, and with it, my past. I have let it go. I am embracing 2007 and my future. The girls are starting to get excited about moving to a new town this summer, meeting new people. Maybe it has a lot to do with I promised we would check into Girl Scouts, and gymnastics for them, as a way to make new friends and meet new people.

One more quiet night at home. Tomorrow the circus comes back around, and my house will be full of laughter, and noise, and kids. It will feel like home again.

Not Looking back, been there done that

2006 is almost over. Everyone (ok, a lot of people) will be looking back at the past 12 months. I don't want to. I don't want to look back and see the insanity, the drama, the crap, the chaos, the bullshit I have put up, lived through, dealt with this year. I don't want to go back through that hell again, not even in my mind. I am almost free of it's death grip on my life, and well, I don't want to remember or be reminded. I know that I am almost free. My nightmare is almost over. I don't want to remember how weak, how vulnerable, how gullable I was. I have found my strength. I will cling to it.

I don't want to look back at what I thought was love, but wasn't. I learned a lot from them, but I don't want to go back and relive it. It's important to learn the lesson, leave the baggage. I don't want to be reminded of how desperate I was to make something out of nothing.

I don't want to look back at what I once had, but no longer do. What we shared is over. It's not to say there won't be more, but what was is no more. It hurts to look back just yet. Maybe someday, but not yet. I focus on here and now, today, what I have right now. The hope and promise of tomorrow, the acceptance of today.

I don't want to look back over my shoulder at what was. It's not worth looking back at. Not when I have so much What Will Be to look forward too. The past is just a memory now, the furture holds promises of so much more, full of hope, and promise, and freedom. I'm looking forward to my future, my new life. I'm leaving this one behind. I don't need to look at where I've been, I know where I've been, I was there. I'm looking at where I'm going, what's ahead. It's so much brighter there.