Wednesday, July 19, 2006

It Is What It Is....which is pretty close to over

Oh my GOD! Mr. Wonderful, has fallen from grace. Yesterday I posted some of my complaints, well, let me add a few more!

Yesterday was a hectic day at work. A lot of driving around running errands, which is no big deal, but it was hot. A lot of what I did could have been accomplished in 1 trip versus the 4 that I actually made, but I was on the clock and being paid mileage, so WTH.

By the time I got to the sitters to get the girls, I was tired, hot and a little cranky. Now, while I love my girls, when they come back from a weekend with their dad, they are wild and wound up and loud and they were getting on my last nerve too. And I tried to let it go, but when Newt tried to tell me exactly what it was I had to do I had to draw the line and explain to her that she’s just 6 and not quite big enough to be in charge of me.

Add to this the fact that I am PMSing, and well, you realize people would have been smart to give me wide berth last night and steer clear of me for a while. I just wanted to be left alone to watch Big Brother and zone out on the internet at my favorite website or browse a few of my favorite blogs. But could Mr. Wonderful do that for me? Oh no.

I was honest and up front with him yesterday telling him I had a crazy day. And while I wasn’t exactly pissed off about all the running around I did that was completely unnecessary, I was a little bit miffed, and hot and tired and cranky. Then I told him about the girls, and while I love them, they were just on my nerve. I knew it wasn’t their fault so I was trying not to take my mood out on them. I was being honest with him in saying “Look, I’m pissy and bitchy tonight, so just leave me alone. It’s nothing personal, just give me some space.” Well, apparently that’s beyond him, he can’t give me space.

Later, he asked me “So, are you going to be pissed off at me all night?” First of all, I’m not pissed off at you yet, but if you want to make this personal, we can, and damn quick. Second of all, I seem to recall several Friday nights you would come over after having put in five 12-hour days at work, and you were tired and cranky and I just gave you some space and didn’t bother you. I’m not allowed to have a bad day and be cranky and want some space too? His response? “Well, I at least made the effort to show you some affection.” OMG! Can you really be that freaking needy? And made the effort? I didn’t ask you too, and if it was a real effort, don’t bother next time.

So, tonight, since I don’t have any kids, and he’s working until 7:30, I’m going out for some me time. Then, when I get home, we’re going to have a little talk. I just can’t go on like this. If he wants to continue to date, fine, but he can’t continue to stay at my place every night. I need some space. I knew there was a reason I didn’t want to get married again, and this is why. I don’t like someone coming in and taking over my space.

Every morning my alarm goes off at 5:00 and I lay in bed listening to Bob and Tom until 5:45, at which point I get up and start getting ready for work. Now, when my alarm goes off, BK shoves me “Turn your alarm off”. Uh, no. I’m listening to the radio. He came into my apartment and has taken over and is changing my routine in my house. It would be one thing if I decided to change things for him, because I wanted to, but to tell me and expect me to change my routine and life to accommodate him? I’m sorry but what exactly is he giving up for me?

So, here’s the plan. Tonight, when I get off work, I’m going out, either alone or with friends, and we’re going to go blow off steam. (IE get dinner a few drinks) then I’m going to go home (fully fortified with strength, courage and conviction courtesy of Captain Morgan) and have a nice little chat with Mr. Wonderful and tell him this. “There is a really good reason I’m still single and not married and don’t want to get married. I like my space, I like my time alone, I like my life. I feel married to you and I don’t want to be married. I don’t want to give up everything that you expect me to give up.”

After all, it is what it is, nothing more and nothing less. And right now it is not good, and it’s pretty close to over.

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