Monday, July 24, 2006

The last word on Mr.Wonderful

Ok, I’m done thinking about it. He walked out the door Friday night and never looked back and has refused to speak a single word beyond ‘Goodbye’. He has not uttered a single word. Turned his back, walked away and shut the door. The End.

I don’t know what, if anything, I expected him to say. He said “Before we end up hating each other, I’m walking away.” Well, I guess for him it was too late. I don’t know. I’m not sure exactly what I was expecting.

The girls were ok with it for the most part. Megan was listening to a CD this weekend that the girls (all 3 of them) used to listen and dance to and it brought on tears. I think they are more hurt over the thought of losing their friends than anything. It breaks my heart to see my girls in pain over losing friends. It hurts too to think about how hurt his kids will be when they are told what happened.

The irony is, even though I wanted this, I was still miffed that he ended it. He sat there and told me he always worked, and worked hard, for what he wanted, and he wanted us. And then the next day, he walked away, turned his back and shut me out completely. It only hurt for a minute, and then I moved on. Occasionally this weekend, I would remember something he said or did, and it would make me stop. I even shed a couple of tears, but nothing dramatic. I threw away the roses, all the roses he gave me. I guess I need to throw away the birthday card too. (Although, I doubt I will. It’s the only thing I have as a reminder of the fact that he loved me once.) I have pictures (several rolls) from family get togethers with his family that I have to decide what to do with.

I hurt to think he was at G’ma W’s yesterday and had to tell the family what happened. I know (ok I hope) it was difficult for him, it was difficult for me, and I wasn’t there. We had such hopes for the future for us, and he just walked away from it all, without trying to see if there could be some way to compromise on our differences.

I’m not sure we could have reached a compromise, maybe we could have. Doesn’t matter now, we’ll never know. It is what it is, and it is over. That just means he wasn’t/isn’t The One, so there is someone else out there I’m supposed to meet still. I just have to find him, or allow him to find me.

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