Thursday, September 14, 2006

Wait and see

There seems to be an increasing interest in my personal life today.  I don’t know what prompted it, I don’t know why, but apparently my personal life, and my future seems to be endlessly fascinating to not only my boss, but my ex husband too.

First of all, my boss and I were having our morning meeting, and that usually includes a lot of BS on his part.  So, I listen to him regale me with stories of tenants he’s had to evict from rental properties he’s owned in the past.  

Then, completely out of left field, we are on the subject of me.  And out of the blue, he says something along the lines of “Well, I give you 6 months, you’ll be getting married and moving away.”  Uh? Hello?  I don’t think so.  In fact, I can guarantee you I won’t be getting married in the next 6 months. I won’t be moving in the next 6 months. I won’t be leaving in the next 6 months.  I can almost guarantee you none of that will happen in the next 12 months.  Somehow I don’t think he believed me.  No matter. I know the truth, and I promise everyone here, I will NOT be getting married, nor will I be moving away in the next 6 months.

Then I get the following email from Bo’s Dad:  
I need to ask you a question. You seem to be spending quite a bit of time with this B guy from St Louis. How serious is this?

I respond with:  Why do you need to know?

I get this:  Well, you're driving down there a lot, you're going down for a family reunion this weekend and he's been up here a few times. Sounds like it's getting pretty serious and I would like to know how serious this is.

By this time I’m mad that he’s nosing around.  I mean, really, what business is it of his?  I can see if it affected him, but right now, my relationship with Batman does not affect him at all.  So, I respond: You know, all you really need to know is that Bo is fine.  Bo likes B, and B likes Bo, you could tell that by the way Bo jumps on the phone every night after practice and tells B all about it.  Really, my personal life is just that, my personal life.  If this gets to a point that it will effect Bo’s living arrangements, (and therefore your visitation schedule) then I will be sure to give you the required 30 days notice as stated in our divorce.  Until that time, if that ever arrives, my personal life is really none of your business. I do not owe you an explanation of any sort regarding my personal life. I don’t ask about your personal life, I would appreciate it if you would stay out of mine.

Why is it that my ex’s seem to have forgotten that the very same divorce papers that granted them their freedom to live their life the way they saw fit without any interference from me, also granted me the very same freedom?  Yes, I understand that I am the mother of their children, and they have a right to know that their children are being well taken care of.  The fact that I’m their mother should be reason enough for them to believe that.  I mean, doesn’t it stand to reason that if they honestly believed I could not take care of the children, they wouldn’t have agreed to have kids with me in the first place, and they would have taken full custody of the kids from me in the divorce?  

I am required by the divorce to give no less than 30 days, but up to 60 days notice of any change in residence, if at all possible.  That’s it.  And should Batman and I decide this is where we want to be and that the only place we can be together is away from here, then when we get to that point, I will let the ex’s know.  But until then, until the day I actually move away from here, my personal life, is just that,*my personal life*.

If/when B and I ever get to the point we want to make this legal, believe me we know there will be many hoops through which we will have to jump in order to combine our two families.  I have two exes who will undoubtedly have something to say about the matter.  Already, neither one of them can keep their mouths shut, and their nose out of my business.  B’s ex has already tried to convince him to move *closer* to her so that he can have the kids more often.  I seriously doubt she will be happy with the prospect of him moving closer to me.  And that is yet another thing to determine.  We don’t know if we will ever live together, we have to get to that point first.  Then we have to decide where.  

It just seems like there is a lot of undue pressure on me today, especially, to define my relationship with B and predict our future and defend our decisions.  Really, people, we’re the ones who have to make this decision, let us make it when the time is right *for us*.  Believe me, we will let everyone know, in due time.  Right now, we’re just finding out who each other is, and who we are together.  

We’ve just fallen in love; there are a lot of things we need to sort out along the way.  Things like: he likes coconut, and I hate it.  I like artichoke hearts, he doesn’t.  He likes Formula 1 racing, I’m clueless about it. (but I’m learning)  He likes the Rams, and I prefer the Chiefs.  He likes golf and tennis; I’m just learning to like them.  Naps are a luxury on the weekends that he insists on and I am getting spoiled by.  There is still the argument where he claims his jeans should fit me, and I think he’s bumped his head.  And that’s just the important stuff, we have yet to get into the trivial things like money, cars, cleaning the bathroom, does the toilet paper go over or under (Over buddy, don’t fight me on this one), dogs vs. cats.  

Yes, our lives, and our families blend beautifully… on the weekends.  But it’s a long way from weekends to every day.  There are many hurdles to be cleared just between the 2 of us, let alone the 5 kids involved.  And all of that must be settled before we can even begin to think about including other people, outside of our immediate family.  Maybe I’m wrong, but I think that bosses and ex-spouses fall somewhere outside of even that realm.  

I guess what I’m getting at is this.  Our relationship is still so new and there is still so much we don’t know yet about each other.  Asking me to define and defend our relationship right now is asking too much.  Yes, we’ve talked about ‘what if’ and yes we discussed different possibilities and options, yes we have looked down the road towards a future together, but we both know we’re not there.  We’re looking at where this could go, but we both know that our feet are firmly planted on the ground of today.  If this is truly meant to be, then there is no rush to make it permanent.  We know that we can take our time, get to know each other, let the kids form a family in their own way, on their own terms, in their own time.  Forcing it won’t work.  Same goes for you guys, forcing us into something we’re not ready for yet won’t work.  We want to work together to build a strong and solid foundation to build a life and a family on.  That takes time.  But it will be so worth it in the end.  Just wait and see.

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