Observations I made this weekend

I have a wonderful brother-in-law who totally gets my son.  He understands Bo needs a strong, confident, cool, male role model in his life, and has gladly stepped up and become that for my son, without being asked.  He remembers how confusing it is to be 12.  He thinks Bo is the coolest kid around,(aside from his own two sons, who I have to admit, are the coolest kids I know and didn’t give birth to) and has, in his own quiet, unassuming way, stepped in and taken Bo under his wing when Bo needs a man in his life the most.  Uncle B takes the time to do the ‘manly’ things with Bo and have the man talks with him.  He spends time with him and understands him and relates to him in a way a mother just can’t.  Bo’s greatest passion is fishing, and so is Uncle B’s.  Bo’s father doesn’t fish at all.  Together Bo and Uncle B can solve all the problems that a 12 year old faces and mom’s just don’t understand.  I’m glad that they have each other.  Thanks B, for being the wonderful uncle you are and for taking the time to help nurture and raise my son to be a wonderful man.  


I finally got to talk to the young Knucklehead last night.  I got some answers that I desperately needed. They weren't exactly the answers I had hoped for, and they weren't as specific as I would have wanted, but I got some answers, and they were the best answers he could give.  His life is in a lot of upheaval now and he’s just as lost as I felt.  
In talking to him I realized that it wasn't him I missed so much as it was just the closure I needed.  I needed answers, I needed to know what happened and what was going on.  Were we finished for good? Was he completely out of my life forever, or was he just in his hermit phase and if I waited it out he would come back?  Had he completely written us off, or just dealing with a lot of other things? Was he still as infuriated at me as he sounding that night on the phone two months ago, or had he finally let it go?  Was it me he was really mad at that night, or did I just provide a convenient outlet for him to vent and he was now sorry for it and didn’t know how to come clean?  Now that I know, I'm fine.  We will probably never be as close as we once were, but at least we talked last night.  If we never talk again, I'm ok.  I can finally let go of it all with a peaceful feeling instead of an empty nagging feeling of things left unfinished.

I have come to terms and made peace with my ex-husband.  I no longer get this gut wrenching anger and pain in my gut when I think of him with his kind-of-part-time girlfriend.  I no longer feel the need to keep him from moving on with her just so I can say ‘I won’.   Mainly because I realized I wasn’t really winning.  In keeping him away from her I was keeping myself tied to him and staying in a destructive abusive relationship.  That’s losing all the way around.  I am no longer sick to my stomach when I think of him with someone else.  When we talk now, I don’t feel the love for him I once felt and thought I would always feel.  We have to continue to relate to each other as parents to our daughters, but we won’t ever relate to each other as partners/lovers/spouses again.  It’s easy to ‘fall in love’ with each other again, especially when things are going so well and easy between us.  One of us has to keep our eyes focused on the reality of the situation, and that is, as a couple, we are no good.  As two separate parents working together for the good of our daughters we are great.  I have finally found a way to let him go and move on, and hopefully I can move on with my life as well.