What I don't want in a man

I have been reading ‘The best of Craig’s list’ (craigslist.org) to kill some time because I’m bored at work. Sometimes it just amazes me what people will put in personal ads, looking for someone else to connect with on some level in some meaningful-to-at-least-one-of-them way.

So, while looking through all of these random postings by anonymous people looking for someone or something, I thought I’d make a list of things I DON’T want in a man. Everyone is putting out there what they are looking for, I thought I’d make a check list of things I don’t want, eliminate the unworthy before they even contact me.

Here’s my list:

• If you own a cowboy hat, keep it at home, I don’t want to know about it.
• If you don’t own a suit and tie, don’t bother with me.
• If your idea of dressing up is tucking in your shirt, wearing clean jeans and your ‘not work boots’ you’re wasting your time and mine.
• If your idea of eating out at a ‘nice restaurant’ is eating at Long John Silver’s or Cap’n D’s, forget it.
• Rednecks and goat ropers need not bother, find yourself a redneck woman, I’m not your girl.
• If you drive a truck, if that truck has a lift kit and or a gun rack in the back window, keep on driving.
• If your name is Chris, I’m sorry. I’ve had my fill of Chris’ and I’m not interested. Sure I may be missing out on some great men that way, but I’m not willing to risk it.
• If you think that 8 seconds is a long ride, I am sorry for you, and whoever you end up with, but I’ve seen snowballs in hell with better odds than you have at this point.
• If your belt buckle is bigger than the belt it is attached you, you have serious size issues.
• If you believe a woman’s place in the kitchen, let me be the first to put you in your place.
• If you believe that give and take means one person does all the giving while the other does all the taking, it’s no wonder you’re alone.
• If you believe you are God’s gift to women, chances are, you’re not, unless it was a gag gift.
• I will not date men who are pretty than I am. I tried that once, his ego got in the way.
• If you think Homer is only Bart’s father, go back to school.

I want someone who not only owns a suit and tie but also wears them on a regular basis, preferably to work. I want someone who not only wears the look of success, but also carries the aura of success with him everywhere. I want self- confidence without being cocky, success without bragging. I want respect, both for himself and for others. I want someone who can laugh at himself, who offers support without judgment. I want someone who is willing to open himself up and feel real feelings. I want someone who will talk with me about any number of subjects, who is not afraid to listen to my feelings. I want someone who knows how to have fun, and how to be serious. I want someone who will ride a roller coaster with me, or go to ball games with me. I want someone who looks as yummy in a suit and tie, a tux, or blue jeans or shorts and feels comfortable in any of those. I want someone who looks well put together but is not afraid to get mussed up.

I found my man of my dreams once, but he was in my dreams. He was all of the above and so much more, and he only exists when I’m asleep. If he is real, I haven’t found him yet. Maybe my expectations are too high, maybe the only man who can meet all my needs can only exist in my dreams. I would be happy to just find someone close.