Wednesday, December 28, 2005

It's Bud's Birthday

It's my brother's 35th birthday today. When did he get to be that age? And if he's 35, that makes me older than that (I won't tell HOW MUCH older, just suffice it to say, older).

My age doesn't bother me, really. I don't look my age. Everyone is surprised when I tell them how old I really am. They usually guess younger.

What bothers me more, is my brother's age, and my sister's age. When I stop to think how old they really are, it forces me to adjust the image I have of them in my head. Being the oldest of we three, they are still young in my head, and my heart. I age, but they don't.

When Bud went off to the 'giant sand box across the ocean', I worried. I had always gone ahead of him and cleared his path. I worked at the golden arches dinner club before him, and opened the door, and cleared his path so that he could get a job. I went to college before him, and hung out with a great group of guys. Again, when Bud followed me, I had cleared the way, found him a fraternity, and a ready made group of brothers who would step in and take care of him when I couldn't. So, when Uncle Sam called him up to do his job, I was worried, I couldn't go before him and clear a path and keep him safe.

I know at 35 he's more than capable of clearing his own path now. I know he can take care of himself. It's just the older sister in me who wants to keep him young, just like he still is in my heart. We're not a close as I would like us to be, our lives are different (I have kids, he has a dog, I'm divorced, he's married. I have hair, he doesn't, so much. He likes to pick bumps off of gourds, I don't.) but he's still my brother, and while he's not my LITTLE brother any more, he's still my younger brother and I still feel the need to clear his path and make life easier if I can. Problem is, I can't and he doesn't need me to anymore. I'm not sure he ever really needed me to.

Anyway, Happy Birthday Bud! I love you! Your presents in the mail. Have a good one, and throw one back for me tonight. I'll do the same for you here.

1 comment:

The Tuckered One said...

I know exactly how you feel. I am also the oldest of three. It blows my mind that my little brothers are now grown men who are taller than me, have jobs, girlfriends, ambitions, etc. And it makes me feel old!