Thursday, December 29, 2005

Happy New Year

The New Year is right around the corner.  A time to reflect on where you’ve been, and plan, plot, dream about where you’d like to go.  Sometimes I think I still cling too tightly to the pain, anger, hurt and drama of my past two years.  Maybe after 2 years it’s time to let it all go.  And yet, I remember and reflect in an attempt to never forget.  I don’t want to forget how awful it was, it makes me better appreciate how good I have it now.

I talked to knucklehead 1 last night, about where we’ve been, how far we’ve come, how much we’ve changed and yet stayed the same in 2 years.  Lots of things to ponder, consider, and deal with in the New Year.  Some things will change, some things never will.  Hard decisions to be made in the year ahead, and a lot of love and respect are going into the making of those decisions, whatever they may be.  

The person formerly known as my husband seems to have ‘gotten it’ finally.  He refused to let go, and I had trouble creating and maintaining distinct boundaries.  Unfortunately it’s taken restraining orders to establish and help maintain the boundaries, but they are there now.  I’ve finally said my final good bye to him, and let it go.  I no longer wish we could have made it work.  I know now, it wasn’t ever going to work, not the way I wanted it to, not the way I needed it to.  He couldn’t give me what I wanted and needed.  Enough said.  He gets it now, I’m not coming back, we’ll never be close again, and we’ll barely be friends.  We will be civil for the girls’ sake, but that’s all.  I’ve moved on.  Maybe, hopefully, he has too, either way, doesn’t matter.  I’m over him.

Three weeks from Sunday will be the two year anniversary of the day I left my marriage.  The day I moved out of my house, took my kids and found us a new home, a new life.  I’ve been on my own, so to speak, since that day.  Pretty proud of the fact that I left that relationship and haven’t had a serious relationship since.  I have had casual things, a few ‘friends with benefits’ but nothing serious.  Maybe that’s about to change.

New Year, new start, new friends, new loves.   Time to let go of old hurts, old grudges, forgive past slights and sins. This time of year I am so full of hope, and expectations, and great plans and potential.  I’ve looked back at where I’ve been, the road I’ve traveled to get to where I am, and I am not looking ahead at the road in front of me, the path I chose to follow.  Maybe I’ll chose to make my own path.  So full of possibilities.

Happy New Year to Everyone!

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