Some people just don't get it

I have a friend who lives several hours away. We worked together a year ago, and while we were on friendly terms, we both agreed we would never date. We just don’t have that kind of relationship. While I think sometimes he would like to change the rules and make a go of it, I just don’t have those kind of feelings for him.

Whenever he comes to town, he tries to call and say Hey and see what my schedule looks like. Do I have the kids, can we find time to get together for a movie or just to hang out and visit? So, when it was determined I would not have any kids on the 25th and 26th and I was fairly certain he would be in town, I called him. Could we get together for a movie or something over the holidays? I suggested the 26th after he had done the whole family thing on the 25th. He suggested the 25th after the family affair. Fine. I had no plans.

He called me at 5:30 on the 25th, ‘I’ll be there about 7:30 or 8:00 if that’s ok. Find out when The Producers is showing, we’ll go see it.’ Turns out the movie was showing in Columbia only at 9:55. He agreed that would be fine.

At about 8:15 he shows up at my place, with bag in hand. By bag, I mean suitcase. And a bottle of Captain Morgan (which is my drink of choice, but he’s an alcoholic, I don’t drink around him) WTF?!?! What is this? Who said anything about an overnight visit? When I explained, “Uh…I didn’t know you were planning on spending the night here. I have plans tomorrow morning.”
‘Oh really, what plans?’
“I was going to hit the After Christmas sales, I want to be at Wal*Mart by 8:00”
“What do you need at Wal*Mart? I thought we’d lay around in bed and snuggle and cuddle and then go to the Lake to hit the outlet mall in the afternoon.”
“Uh..No.”

To skip a bunch of boring mumbo jumbo, we go to the movie, (his choice, not mine. I hated it. Fell asleep in the middle of it. Couldn’t stay awake) and by the time we got back to my apartment, it was almost 1:00 AM. He claims he couldn’t stay at his parents’ house because it was crowded what with his brother and his family and such. So, to avoid an argument and a scene, I let him stay. I even gave up my bed. I put him in my room, and told him. “Look, I’m sort of involved with someone, as you know, and out of respect to that relationship, I’m sleeping in the girls’ room.” And left it at that.

The next morning, I was up at 7:00, made a pot of coffee (a new thing, thanks to my new relationship) and read a book, enjoying the peaceful quiet of the early morning. When Cranky comes grumbling out of my room at 8:00, he said “Did you sleep well? I hope the fuck not, I kept waiting for you to come join me in bed and snuggle up behind me. I hate your pillows, by the way, I was cold and uncomfortable. I was horny too and you did nothing to help that out either.” Well, there’s a fine Howdya do. I could have/should have sent his ass packing the night before.

After his shower, and subsequently mine, I am greeted to this “Would you mind not going to the Lake with me today? I really want to go to the Lake, and go home. I’m in a real funk about last night and I don’t want to hear about your wonderful new man all day.” Then has the nerve to ask me “Why exactly did you call me?” (Not to get naked with you, that’s for sure)

Fine by me. Go away pissed off you didn’t get laid last night. I don’t remember ever asking, suggesting, hinting, implying, or hoping or wishing you would/could spend the night here. You just invited yourself over, left me little choice but to be a gracious host and allow you to stay. I gave up my bed for you, and I’m already late to my sale this morning. I don’t want to go to the Lake with you today. I will talk about my new man if I want to, he’s pretty damned important to me. I’m sorry the night did not play out the way you had planned it. (I can only assume the Captain Morgan was a ply to get me drunk so I would sleep with him). If you had clued me in to your hopes and dreams earlier, I could have prevented the disappointment. I would have canceled our get together all together and avoided seeing you. And thanks to this that is exactly what I will be doing in the future. I will not be calling you, or accepting any of your phone calls. That way there will be no confusion in the future.

Can’t see the forest for the trees? All the signs and signals were there, you threw me for a loop, and you weren’t getting laid. I told you about the new man in my life right up front. I talked about him as much as you talked about the girl you’ve been dating. I told you, as well, that I didn’t expect you to stay the night. I am not sorry for the way the night went down. I was true to me.