My horoscope today

You need to tie up loose ends before you can move on to the next situation. It's tempting to try to shove everything under the rug, but you'll just end up tripping on that unsightly lump until you get it out of the way.

Batman and I were talking about this yesterday on yahoo:

Beckyhd35: I am not going to beat my head against a brick wall. I've got my own things to deal with
batman: I agree
Beckyhd35: so..how do I take that?
Batman: take what I was agreeing with you on what you said
Beckyhd35: never mind
Batman: on not to beat your head against the wall
Beckyhd35: I am hearing things you didn't say.... Like when I said "I've got my own things to deal with" and you said "I agree" I hear...Yeah, you've got a lot of shit to deal with
Beckyhd35: my internal dialog trying to take over... I'm just going to go turn it off...OK?
Batman: ok

I still have an internal dialog that runs in my head, that fills in the blanks, and causes doubts. I know this, I am aware of it. For the most part, I can go turn it off, and ignore it. Sometimes I don't. Because of all the shit I've been through in my life with the Forces of Evil, there is a part of me that still believes, I don't deserve someone like Batman. Regardless of what Batman and I have been through since November, before that, we were great together, wonderful together. He really was(is) all I ever wanted and all I've ever dreamed about. My problem is, my demons don't want me to believe I deserve someone as good as him. I know they're wrong.

I still have residue from The Slug to deal with. Once again, it doesn't matter what the law says, or the courts, or even the state, he's proving them all wrong. I may be free, and I may have custody of the girls, but he's still going to find ways to tarnish and spoil my happiness and cling to my life. I need to find a way to be free of that, and I am hoping the move will help take care of that issue.

I know that in order to be completely happy with B, I need to let all of my past go. I need to not only turn off the negative internal dialog, I need to unplug it, and throw it out the freaking window. I know that I will never change the Slug's behavior, but I can change mine, and when I don't behave or react in the way he's accustomed to, or in a way he expects, it forces him to change his behavior.

I'm working on these and more. Batman is aware of it.

Batman:you sometimes still get some of those urges.
Beckyhd35: sometimes, but not as often, and I can recognise them.
Batman: but I know you are working on them

I'm not sticking my head in the sand on this one, not sweeping it under the carpet. I'm facing this head on, I'm dealing, and I'm finding new answers, new solutions to old problems. I'm changing my stars, accepting my past and changing my future.

Mold and holes, and crap like that

A little over a year ago, I moved into the apartment I am currently living in, because the one I was in was being infested with mold. Apparently the apartment above mine had been leaking into my apartment and the landlord just ignored it. I let it go until it was so bad he had no choice but to deal with it.

A month ago, I noticed the same tell tale brown stain on the ceiling of my bathroom in this new apartment, and I told the landlord about it. "Oh we know all about it, we've already redone the bathroom above yours. It shouldn't be a problem. It's all taken care of." Yeah, except it wasn't. The spot grew, and grew, and the dry wall and plaster started to fall off the ceiling. Then it started to drip into my shower, and water started to run down my wall. So I made another phone call, and got the same song and dance.

Until Monday, when I came home to this....
You guessed it. The leak finally got so bad it busted through the ceiling. I had chunks of stuff in the bathtub, and a huge gaping hole in my ceiling.

So I called the landlord again. Uh, that leak you guys supposedly fixed? Uh, yeah, My guess is, it ain't fixed. I have a huge hole in my ceiling and a mess in the tub, and well, I want to know what you're going to do about it.

Well, the guys were working in the apartment above yours (I think) and I'm sure they just busted through your ceiling so that the leak could dry. We'll check it tomorrow unless there is water coming out of the hole now.

No, no water, and I want this shit fixed tomorrow. Period.

True to their word, my ceiling was patched. Hole covered, and painted, looks like crap, but better than a hole.

Guess what? I looked up there this morning? Yup. Already got that tell tale brown stain coming through the new stuff.

This is not looking good at all

Random Observations

*Apparently socks, shirts, jeans, and underware become completely invisible to the naked eye under the age of 10, the minute they hit the floor. My girls will walk over their dirty clothes on the floor for days and never notice them. That is until they have nothing to wear.

*I know that the clothes that are laying on the bathroom floor after their shower will not magically get up and find their way to the laundry hamper in the middle of the night. The girls apparently still believe in magical clothes, or Laundry Fairies.

*Egg salad sandwiches taste better when made with Ranch salad dressing instead of miracle whip. (At least that's what Newt thinks) Whatever gets her to eat is fine by me.

*Grilled cheese sandwiches should always be made with bacon, according to Tate. But then again, according to Tate, everything tastes better with Bacon.

*Bo's dad sent me an email yesterday telling me Bo is working up a really good sinus infection. I sent him an email telling him, If I remember right, YOU have sole custody of him, YOU now get to make all the decisions regarding him, YOU need to take him to the Doctor's office. I love it when his plans bite him in the ass.

*I have parent teacher conferences for the girls tomorrow after work. Yes, they will be with The Slug. That should be more fun than any person has a right too. I'll be good, and I'll be nice, and I might even remind him that he told me once that he was done fighting with me, and wanted us to get along and try to be friends for the girls. We'll see if the earrings and the necklace come home tomorrow too.

Offended but for the wrong reasons

Apparently there are people in the world who are just not happy unless they are bitching about everything and anything under the sun. There are people who will look for the most obscure thing and pervert it, and then, well, bitch about it and then cause a major uproar and the censors will once again buckle down.

This picture of Prince is the latest example:Making this image phallic is stretching it a bit. Doesn't look like any part of anyone's anatomy I've ever seen. And really, people, it doesn't look like a penis..uh, because it isn't a penis. I looks like his guitar, because that what it is!

Seriously, if you want to be offended by something during the Super Bowl, get offended by the shit ass commercials they aired this year. They sucked.

Giving a shout out for a fellow blogger

Ok, I know several famous people. Well, famous if you follow a certain sport.

Just Jenn has a blog that I read daily. I love her sense of humor. I come away from her blog with a smile..never fails.

Well, now it seems, justJenn has a new line of greeting cards at Target!

So the next time you're in Target, check 'em out. I haven't made it there yet, but you can bet I will, and soon. Probably buy a few.

A Second One Word Meme

1. Yourself: Bored
2. Your spouse: none
3. Your hair: loved
4. Your mother: wonderful
5. Your father: distant
6. Your favorite item: camera
7. Your dream last night: weird
8. Your favorite drink: margarita
9. Your dream car: BMW
10. The room you are in: office
11. Your ex: asshole
12. Your fear: irrational
13. What you want to be in 10 years: free
14. Who you hung out with last night: girls
15. What you're not: coupled
16. Muffins: blueberry
17: One of your wish list items: weekends
18: Time: S_L_O_W
19. The last thing you did: email
20. What you're wearing: tank
21. Your favorite weather: warmer
22. Your favorite book: many
23. The last thing you ate: Reese's
24. Your life: better
25. Your mood: eh
26. Your best friend(s): on-line
27. What you're thinking about right now: trip
28. Your car: white
29. What you're doing at the moment: blogging
30. Your summer: moving
31. Your relationship status: undefined
32. What's on TV: unknown
33. The weather: springlike
34. The last time you laughed: today

My Love-Hate relationship with Mother Nature

It's coming. I can feel it. The first signs are already starting to be felt. I knew it couldn't be far off. I think I'm coming down with spring fever.

Today they were calling for a high of 38 (compared to 18 is a regular heat wave) but according to the local weather place, it made it as high as 60.

I'm ready to throw open some windows and let the stale winter air out and bring in the cool fresh spring air. Blow the stink out as my mother would say.

So, uh, don't mind me, I think I'm going to grab a chair and head outside and soak up some of this It-ain't-snowing-or-blowing-or-freezing-my-ass-off weather today. (I like this Mother Nature)

My preppy name

I don't know if anyone else remembers The Preppy Handbook? Yeah, I was in 7th or 8th grade when I saw my first copy of one. We lived in a suburb of St. Louis at the time. Just moved there from BFE, Mo, and well, I was as out of place as a Foxworthy and a Trump family gathering. I didn't have the right shoes (Nike), I didn't wear the right jeans (Levis), and I didn't own the right shirts (IZOD). And now the kids who were in the know now had a book to live, eat, sleep, dress and date by. It was the Holy Grail of my junior high years.

I was determined to fit in. I found families to babysit for. I was booked for all three nights of every single weekend for months at a time. I saved my money. I struck a deal with my parents, I want these things, you can't afford them. If you will pitch in what you would normally spend on my stuff, I'll make up the difference. (yeah, no go there...I was a working girl, and I had to pay my own way).

I bought the Levis. I got the Nikes (that later got stolen) and I one up'd the Izod with a new trend Ralph Lauren Polo.

I never got the Preppy Handbook.

But now I have a preppy nickname. And now? I'm too old to care.

Your Preppy Name Is...

Akeley Farnsworth Vail the Fourth But most people know you as Mimi

What's Your Preppy Name?

Struggles

A year ago, my sister, in her infinite wisdom, wrote this wonderful blog post. I am (was?) the person in her life struggling with love. It's hard to know real love, when you're sure you've never seen it or felt it.

I have a friend in my life now, who is struggling with some of the same issues I've dealt with. She's in a tough situation. I won't/can't tell her story, it's not mine to tell. I just know that she's struggling right now. I know where she is, and what she's going through, because I've been there myself.

It's hard for me because I want to make it right for her, I want to make it easy, I want to take away the hurt, the confusion, the frustration. The problem is, I can't. And even if I could, I wouldn't. Because she has to go through this and learn. Learn things about herself, that only she can find out for herself.

I know that when it comes to love I'm not an expert. I'm far from it. I know what NOT to do, I know how to screw it up. I am learning how to fix it, and I'm learning about love, real love, honest love. I'm learning patience and trust and communication. Things she still has to learn.

I love her, and I hope someday she finds what she's looking for. I hope someday she figures out what she's looking for and what it will be that makes her happy. I know this quest she's on is not easy. But I know she's strong enough to get through it.

Courage

Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all it's sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding; and that there is always tomorrow. ~Dorothy Thompson.

I found that quote today on Raggedy's blog. It gave me hope, it encouraged me. Peanut Queen left me a comment today that brought a smile to my face. It made me realize that through my blog, I have met a great many wonderful supportive people, who I count as friends, even though we have never met. I have good people in my life to counter balance the slug, and the assholes in my life.

I have courage. Sometimes more than I realized. I find that I can go on much longer than I thought I could. I find that I have the power to face the injustice, the unfairness, the drama and the stress of my life. and through it all, I continue to hold on to the belief that life is good. There is a reason for everything I am going through, there are lessons to be learned here. I just have to pay attention and learn them. All that I have been through and will go through will make me stronger, teach me much.

I have also learned that in telling my story here, I heal my heart, and my pain, and my past. But in telling my story, I hopefully have touched others too and given them hope and courage and strength to do what is necessary to claim their lives. In telling my story, and helping others, it is another step in healing me.

I know that because we share the girls, I will always have to deal with the Slug in some way. I can not change him. I can, however, change how I chose to deal with him, and react to him. I can change me. I can change my patterns, and hopefully, when he realizes his actions no longer get the usual reactions, then maybe, just maybe his actions will change. Probably not. But at least mine will.

Courage is nothing less than the power to keep going, to face all life throws at you, and overcome the obstacles, and continue to believe in the ultimate good, and that everything happens for a reason. Take the bad, and learn from it, turn it around and make it good.

I have courage. Even when I don't think I do.

Birthday Present

I am having this picture of Batman's parent's house, blown up to 10X15, printed on canvas, and stretched over a wood frame for Dad J for his birthday. It will be the biggest print of any of my pictures to date. I'm actually kind of excited about it. Hope he likes it.

Birthday Wishes to a wonderful man

Sending out birthday wishes to Batman's Dad, Mr J. Dad, hope you have a great birthday today! The girls and I love you and they miss you!

The unfairness of it all

3 Months, 3 weeks, 6 days....

right about now, it might as well be forever.

The girls,

Just a little fun this weekend, nothing exciting.

Bit of conversations on Yahoo today

Girl 1: Guy 2 just told Guy 1 that he wanted to mount you up that night

Girl 2:Oh yeah.

Girl 1: yeah but he knew he couldn't

Girl 2: Yeah well that's all done

Girl 1: I know I told Guy 1

Girl 2: Finished last night.

Girl 1: So he could fill Guy 2 in for ya

Girl 2: Thanks for not getting in the middle lmfao

Girl 3: Talk about romantic and they say romance is dead. They haven't talked to Guy 2 yet. Seriously with a line like that who can resist? Is he going to hog tie you first?

Girl 2: It's a thought. You know me.

Girl 3: ok, I just spit rockstar all over my computer screen

SSSHHHHHHH! Don't tell her

Yeah, check it out. I don't think the Bitch knows. There is no snow in the forecast for Wednesday.
Don't tell her.

View from our seats

I went to Daytona last year. It was my first NASCAR race. So, this year, I'm going back, and ironically I am sitting the time same section I sat in last year, same seats, two rows closer. So, here's the view from our seats.

Can you feel the love?

I will be the first to admit that I hate Valentine's Day. Probably because no matter where I was in life, or who I was married to, I never got anything for it. (Does that really come as a shock to anyone here? Yeah, I didn't think so.) Oh, I would buy cards, or candy, or cute little gifts, but I usually got ZILCH in return.

Ok, the year I left The Slug, he made my life a living hell that day, phone calls, threats, stalking me. Then he shows up with the girls and three long stem red roses. A peace offering. A gift to say He missed me, he loved me and he made a mistake (when he threw me and the girls out of the house). Three hours later he's calling me telling me if I didn't come over and f#@k his brains out, I would never see the girls again. (Guess he forgot how much he loved me.)

So, I try and skip Valentine's day all together. This year was going to be no exception. I was just going to skip right on over the 14th, shoot straight for the 15th and leave for Daytona. (yeah, funny how I can always find a way to bring that up, ain't it? Sorry.) (not really).

But things have been going SO good for me, for us lately, that I thought, a Little Valentine Bling can't hurt. Just a little. So, I bought me the cutest new latte mug.
Cute ain't it? I love it. $1.50 at the Wal-place. Of course, the first one I picked out was chipped, so take it back. The second one, the paint was peeling off of it, take it back. The third one was darker than all the rest, a total misfit, so took it back. Then this one. No chips, no peeling, and looks just like everyone else.

I love it. And that is as close as I'm willing to get to Valentine's day, on my own. Now, if Batman has other plans............well, who am I to say no to him?

Dear Unsorted Mail

This post is the best one I've seen here in a long long time.

Well done.

Love,
Becky

A message to Junebugg

Call Bubba, tell him to bring the biggest and best he's got. Spare no expense, we're not taking chances.

I'm ready.