Preparing

Even though he claims to still love me, and that nothing has changed, and that we haven’t broken up, and his feelings haven’t changed, I am bracing for just the opposite. I hope and pray we weather this, and things come out ok, and lord knows I’m willing to work towards that goal. I am just wrapping my head around being single again, just in case. It kills me to think this is how it’s going to end, and really, it may not end, but I have to be prepared nonetheless.

With or without him, I continue on with the plans I’ve started. It’s in the best interest of everyone (me and the kids) to get out of here, and find a place to start a life free from the drama and the trauma the dads insist on inflicting upon us. I whole heartedly believe that the only way I will be able to live my life without them both trying to control me via the kids, is to get the hell out of Dodge.

With or without him, I will still move closer to St. Louis, just because there are so many job opportunities there, and I am so familiar with the area, having lived there years ago. I have spent my life moving to new towns, new areas, meeting new people, making new friends, this won’t be any different.

Actually, starting over, completely over, doesn’t sound like a half bad idea, but that’s yet to be determined, exactly how completely it will be. Will it be a new home, a new town, a new job *and* a new man, or just the home/town/job?