Monday, October 30, 2006

Progress Report

There is hope. I won’t go into a lot of great, boring details. Suffice it to say he still calls when he says he will, he sounds more relaxed, less stressed. He hasn’t walked away.

Because there is still hope, and because our last few phone calls have been less stressful and more relaxed, (although we deliberately avoid talking about the Pink Elephant that is sitting between us), I feel less desperate, less overwhelmed.

I got through my worst day of the week yesterday. Yes, the tears were at times just under the surface, threatening to spill. But I got through it.

The two ‘best friends’ demons that have been hanging around, are slithering away, losing their power over me. They are not nearly as enticing, their promises ring hollow to me. I am finding strength in myself, and finding that I don’t need them, or want them around, like I thought.

We are nowhere through the woods. I can accept not being able to see him this Wednesday night, but I still panic at the thought of having to stay away next weekend. Especially without my children to distract me and keep me busy. I am praying things change significantly by Friday that I can spend the weekend there with him.

One day at a time. My mother tells me ‘Remember in the dark what you have learned in the light.’ And I cling to that. I tackle what I can handle, and nothing more. One day at a time. I talked to him this morning. I know I will talk to him later today, (not sure exactly when), and for now, that’s enough. Maybe tonight, after he’s home, after dinner, we can talk more. I’ll just play it by ear, and see what happens.

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