Tuesday, November 8, 2005

He never goes away

He never goes away. I have boundaries, and I maintain them. I keep my distance. I no longer fall victim to his games, but that doesn’t stop him from playing them. Does he hope I will cave someday? Does he hope that I’ll change my mind? Does he believe he’s so charming, and loving, and caring, that I can’t resist him forever?

My sister is right, some people just don’t get it, and probably never will. Although everything he’s trying is failing miserably. Nothing is working. He’s not getting the results he hoped for, he’s not getting me.

That doesn’t stop him from trying. Will I have to put up with this for the rest of my life? It’s not that I can’t deal with it, I can. I know how to maintain my distance; I know how to not react. I know how to keep my emotions intact. I just don’t want to have to continue this bullshit. I don’t want to continue the game. I don’t want to be stuck in this rut for the rest of my life.

He wants me, but he can’t let go of her. (It wouldn’t matter, even if he could) He has her, but he won’t stop chasing me. She’s desperate enough to hold on to him and keep him that she will put up with his bullshit and not bat an eye. She’ll turn a blind eye to his chasing me. But that’s her problem, not mine. He found what he wanted in her, a mealy-mouthed, insecure, timid, mousy, plain-Jane, unthreatening, desperate, pathetic girl who will allow him to do whatever he wants and just be glad for what little attention he gives her. I’m not that kind of person, at least not any more. Not after 10 years of playing that role for him.

I want him to go away. I’m done. I don’t love him, I don’t want him, I’m beginning to not even like him. I want him to go away. Thank God for restraining orders. I have one that is effective until August 2006. I can make him go away. One phone call is all it takes.

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