The Perfect Man

Saw this movie this weekend. Very cute. Very close to home. Could have become my life. Heather Locklear plays a single mother of two daughters and 'Jean' is desperate to find the 'Perfect Man'. In the course of finding him, she settles for anyone who pays her any attention, even is she doesn't like them. After all, she believes, any man, no matter how bad, is better than being alone. Then when she gets her heart broken, which always happens with losers, she packs up the kids and moves them to a new town, sometimes clear across the country. All she suceeds in doing is teaching the girls she doesn't respect herself, and that the best way to deal with problems in your life is to run away.

When her daughter wants to run away from her problems, it finally dawns on 'Jean' what she's been doing and she decides to set an example for the girls by sticking. Staying around, dealing with the problems, finding the answers, letting people in, getting close to people. Actually having a life.

It wasn't all that long ago, I was all too familiar with that desperation to find a man, any man. It's no secret in my family, I've never had any period of time in my life that there wasn't a guy involved somehow. After the divorce, that desperation was a part of my life. You get used to being part of a couple, and you miss having someone there. You miss the company, the belonging. It was hard to ignore the desperation and stay out of a relationship. I didn't always suceed, but I realized unhealthy relationships for what they were and got out of them, instead of staying.

It's been almost 2 years now since I left my husband. I've had a couple of 'not serious' relationships. They were fun, but they didn't last. They weren't meant to last. I could have very easily ended up like Jean but I chose not to run away, but to stick and face my problems, deal with life as a single mom, alone, without a man. I'm finding out I'm stronger than I seemed, and braver than I believed, and more complete alone, than I ever was when I was part of a couple.

If there is such a thing as a perfect man, I'll find him, or he'll find me, in the perfect time. Until then, I am living close to a perfect life. I'm teaching my girls to stay and work it out, that it's not ok to run away from your problems. I'm teaching them that it's ok to be alone. I can be enough, and they can be enough. It's never ok to settle for less than you deserve. That sometimes alone is much better than in a relationship, especially if it's unhealthy. I am learning to be true to myself.

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