Wednesday, November 16, 2005

The ugly duckling becomes the swan

In my lunch time surfing I found a blog written by a woman going through a divorce.
To make a long story short, he’s moved on; she’s taking on all the blame, all the responsibility of the failed marriage. She’s feeling terribly sorry for herself, in the grips of a great depression, she has given all of her power away, feeling hopeless, worthless, and useless. I could relate, I’d been there, not all that long ago. I felt compelled to leave her a comment, offer a bit of encouragement. Just let her know she was not alone, other people had been where she is and they have survived, she will too. Life will get better; she will smile again, laugh again, and probably even love again.

I shared all of this with a very dear friend who had done the same for me. He had offered support and encouragement (from Baltimore) when I was feeling my lowest. But he also planted a seed, suggesting I find a support group, or some other way to share my story. Sharing my story would not only offer hope and encouragement to others, but would also be healing and freeing for me. I wrote and told him what I had done. Below is his reply:

Hey! I swear I was just thinking about you today on the way to work. It’s funny how the world works if you're kind of connected. I am so very happy for you, and I am glad that we got a chance to connect in the first place.

You didn't choose to go through those years of pain just to be in a position where:
a) When you read my email, you responded

b) When you read home girl’s blog you responded

But what you did do was take the position you found yourself in and you made something of it. And you're a better woman, a better mother, and a better friend/confidant because of it. You're probably more beautiful and sexy than you've been in years.

Thank you for sharing yourself with me, and thank you for reaching out to someone else. This is truly what we're here for. And though we don’t talk as much as we used to, know that I am thinking of you.

I've found pictures to be VERY cathartic for me. Send some, but TAKE MANY!

It made my day that he ‘gets me’ and understands. It’s always nice to be able to say to him, I heard what you said, I listened, I acted on it and you were right. I responded to a person I didn’t know, not because I hoped to get something out of it, but because I felt moved to do so. I hope that I can offer her the support and encouragement that was so important to me. In offering her hope, support and encouragement, in offering to help her, I have once again, helped myself. In giving to her I am finding out that I am getting as much out of it. It continues my healing process, using this ugliness that was my life and making it something useful, helpful and beautiful.

You have opened my eyes and my mind to the bigger picture. You have taught me how to see myself in the world around me and in the grand scheme of things. I have taken the hell I went through and found a way to use it and do something good with it. I have to say thank you to you for making me aware that it was possible and opening my mind to that idea and making it all possible. You did nothing more than to point me in the right direction and make a few suggestions, I took it from there, but you planted the seed. I nurtured it until it grew and bloomed into something beautiful. For all the ugliness in my life before, you are part of the beautiful now.

I feel as if I have come full circle.

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