2006 The List

1. What did you do in 2005 that you've never done before?I sat 18 rows from the first base line at a St. Louis Cardinals game. I have never in my life sat that close to the field before.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for this year?I didn’t make any resolutions last year, so I didn’t keep them or break them. This year I resolve to be happier with myself, and a happier, healthier, better mom.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? I had 2 cousins have babies this year, but I can not say that I am particularly close to either one of them.

4. Did anyone close to you die? My ex-husband’s grandfather died, and a really good friend of my other ex-husband’s. As for me personally, I can honestly say I did not attend any funerals in 2005.

5. What countries did you visit? None, Just stayed in the USA. (I’m broke)

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? Less drama, more laughter, always more money, more sweaters and shoes,

7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched in your memory, and why? July 3rd and 4th. My 37th birthday, and the day I had my emotional breakdown. It was the catalyst I needed to get the help I needed to claim my life as my own, and to finally emotionally divorce my ex-husband, completely.
Also, Dec 8th, the day of our first real snowfall, it was the ‘ice-breaker’ I needed to start talking and flirting with Z. It was the start of something beautiful.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I survived the year, the kids are still alive, we have a place to live, nobody is in jail. I survived the holidays alone this year, including Christmas day without any kids. No tears.

9. What was your biggest failure? I gave too much time and attention to my ex-husband at the beginning of 2005. It took me until June to finally get it and understand that he was never going to change and be the man I wanted him to be.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Just an emotional breakdown, but it was minor, just my body and mind and soul crying out for help. My youngest daughter broke her arm.

11. What was the best thing you bought? My digital camera. I have always regretted not having more pics of the kids, now I have no excuse. Also, can keep my father and brother inundated with pictures of the kids.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My Newt, for starting school and being so brave and independent. Bo for doing so well in Jr. High that he is off of his ADD medication. Tate for discovering and exploring her inner artist.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My ex-husband, the girls’ dad. He threatened to kidnap the girls and move them out of the state so I would never see them again. A year after the divorce was final, we were back in court getting restraining orders and orders of protection against him. I won, all the way around.

14. Where did most of your money go? Living, rent, food, gas, bills.

15. What did you get really, really excited about? The St. Louis Cardinal game I went to this summer. It was awesome, and I went with a great guy (at the time)

16. What song will always remind you of 2005? Leave, Get out, by Jo-Jo. It was the ring tone on my phone for my ex. It served to remind me that it was over.

17. Compared to last year, are you happier or sadder? Happier.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Laughing, playing, going out, having fun, hanging with friends.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Obsessing over my ex, dealing with his drama, crying over ‘what should have been’ instead of accepting what was.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? With family.

21. Did you fall in love in 2005? I’m not sure yet, I may be in the process of falling, who knows.

22. How many one-night stands? None,

23. What was your favorite TV Program? Charmed on DVD, CSI (any of the 3)

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No, no new grudges. I’m not sure I hate anyone at all.

25. What was the best book you read? I’ve read so many books this year, I can’t really pick a best one.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Disney Mania for the kids, they love the series of CD’s

27. What did you want and get? Freedom, peace, and ‘I love you’ from one of my knuckleheads.

28. What was your favorite film this year? Phantom of the Opera. It’s always been a dream of mine to see the musical, if not live on stage, then the movie version worked.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 37, and went to a b-b-que with Mr. wonderful from the baseball game. He had too much to drink, decided he was going to be antisocial, and left for a while. Two hours later, when he’s supposed to come pick me up he calls and cancels, says he’s going to bed, he’s too fucked up. That disappointment along with all the disappointments I’d been through in the past year, was the straw that broke the camel’s back. It sent me over the edge. I just got tired of holding it all together and pretending things were fine when they weren’t. I spent the next morning in the hospital suffering from an emotional breakdown.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? I’m not sure, unless it would have been to find more time to hang out with my gal-pal Laci-Lu

31. What political issue stirred you the most? I try not to get too worked up over politics. That’s just something that has never interested me.

32. Who did you miss? I’m not sure. I figure people are in my life for a reason, and when that purpose has been served, they move on, move out of my life.

33. Who was the best new person you met? Any of the people I work with now. They are a good bunch of people, and I really enjoy working with them. I haven’t really met a whole lot of new people outside of work. Sad, isn’t it?

34. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005: Sometimes staying is worse than leaving. Staying to avoid being a ‘failure’ is a failure in itself.

35. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter,
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying.
An' he said: "Some day, I hope you get the chance,
To live like you were dyin'.