Good things come to them who wait....

So, I’ve been trying very hard to embrace this whole ‘letting go, let it be’ mind-set. To use a quote from a review of a book my sister is reading. I am trying to “move beyond the overthinking mind” and trying to “flow with life, despite the waves of ups and downs.”

I know in my head that trying to control the people and world around me is crazy, and pointless. It’s insane. It’s impossible. It frustrates me to no end, and I never get the results I’m after. In the past, when I get to this point, and then just give up, let it go, then things seem to work out better than if I had been trying.

Take Z for instance. Yes, I’ve been having problems with this lately, worrying about tomorrow, next week, next weekend, instead of enjoying today. So, after this weekend, I have just backed off, let it go. He’s busy at work, he’s running around the factory most of the day. We haven’t talked much, I don’t see him much at work. When I relaxed and let it go, and stopped worrying about things, it all worked out.

He came over Tuesday for just about an hour. We watched TV, and when he said ‘Well, I’m gonna go home’ I let him go. I didn’t offer to let him stay, I didn’t ask him to stay. I just said “OK”. So, last night, he called and asked me to come eat dinner with him. We ate dinner, then decided to watch a movie, and I had been friendly with him, but not ‘touchy-feely’ or lovey. And he reached for me, wrapped me in his arms and kissed me. Not just my lips, but my heart and soul. Then he looked me in the eyes, “See how much sexier it is when you’re not trying so hard.” Uh-huh. I was gone.

I spent the night last night, and he held me all night. When I woke up hot, I sat up, trying to get my barrings, and he wouldn’t let go, and asked me over and over ‘Baby, are you ok? It was just a dream. It’s ok. Come here, I’ll make it better. You’re safe here.” Thanks, but I’m just hot, can I get a tee-shirt?

Ok, so, in truth, I probably do love him. I do love spending time with him, I do love being with him. But I also know, he’s not ready for that yet. So, I don’t say anything, I relax and enjoy our time together, and maybe, just maybe, this will turn into something serious.