Friday, January 20, 2006

L Bug

L   Bug:

God knows I love her, and I’ve been where she is. I know what my answer would be. She’s just not there yet. Not ready to commit to that answer, take the first step down that path.

She just called to vent.  This is happening with more regularity lately.  Not that she doesn’t have legitimate reasons to bitch, he’s giving her plenty.  His dad is seriously ill, and in the hospital.  So, being the good son that J is, he stayed up until 3:00 this morning getting drunk with the intention of calling in this morning.  Oops!  Forgot a major important meeting scheduled for today, with a major client.  Oh well.

He stayed home today, hopped up on the ‘candy’ and the beer and gambled away over $5000 of their money.  Their entire tax refund and then some.  They were going to use that money to pay off a lot of their bills and maybe get ahead, but because he was pissed, and drunk, and fucked up, they are now screwed over.  He tells her  “I realized today what I lost”. Great. Any ideas on how to get it back?  It’s not like it was there to lose.

The house, the car, his motorcycle, all of the utilities, everything is in her name.  She can’t afford to leave him or kick him out, because she can’t make the payments on it all without him (although, with him gambling away all their money, I don’t see how he’s contributing to the payments.).  She’s at her wits end.  She doesn’t know what to do, where to go.  All she knows is she doesn’t want to go home, ever.

I know I can’t make the choice for her.  Just like she couldn’t make the choice for me.  She was ready to move me out long before I was ready to move out.  And now, I’m ready to move her out but she’s not ready.  She can’t see the way out yet, and she won’t until she’s ready.  I know, I’ve been there.  I have the scars to prove it (emotional, not so much physical).  At this point, all I can do is listen, and love her, and support her decisions, whatever they may be.

That’s the glory of our friendship.  We may not always agree with each other, but we always support each other 110%.  I may not agree with her choice, her decision, the path she’s taking, but it’s her life, and she has to live it not me.  All I can do is offer unconditional love and support and be there to help pick up the pieces and clean up the mess, (and bury the bodies if need be).

Someday you’ll see the way out of the forest and you’ll find the sunshine again.  I know, because I traveled down my long dark scary path for far too long before I found my way out of the darkness and into the light.  I will be there beside you all the way, holding your hand, wiping away tears, cussing him out with you, reminding you what a rat bastard he was today.  When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad. I will be there with a shovel to help bury the bodies and I will provide you with an unshakable, air-tight alibi.  I love you.  There is hope.  I know you’ll find your way.

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