Friday, January 27, 2006

You have the right to your opinion

In the past day or two I’ve had to have several conversations with my ex. Not pleasant conversations to say the least. (do we ever have pleasant conversations anymore? Did we ever in the first place?)

He starts out talking to me about the girls, (there always seems to be a problem he can’t handle) and then it escalates from there. This one happened to come ‘round to his new living arrangements. C asked me ‘What’s your problem with my living with her? You’re living with someone.” WTF? Whoa! Did I miss something? I am living with my kids, and nobody else. Z has his own place, I have my own place, and we are NOT living together. There was no explaining that to C. He of course, knew better. He was smarter and wiser, and way more informed when it comes to my life and living arrangements than I am. When I explained we were not living together, all of a sudden it switched to ‘Oh, yeah, probably because he’s still married.’ Where did you get this garbage? You’re out of your tree. Christ.

I finally realized that I didn’t need to be goaded into an argument with him. There was no reason. I know the truth, Z knows the truth, the kids know the truth. Why should I care what C thinks? His opinion doesn’t matter, and he can’t do anything. I’m not doing anything wrong. Why do I still feel the need to defend myself, my choices, my life to him? Why do I still think it’s so damned important that he know the truth? He never bothered with the truth before, it’s always been totally irrelevant in the past. Even when faced with the truth (and always the proof to back it up) he didn’t believe it, because his truth, or the reality he created in his mind was much more interesting and created bigger fights.

When I stopped arguing with him, I got a text message, ‘I feel sorry for Z because he’s with you.’ Wait a minute buddy. You feel sorry for Z because he’s with me? I’m sorry, but correct me if I’m wrong. Weren’t you with me for 10 years? And you had no intention of leaving. Every time you threatened to leave, you changed your mind and stayed. Even after I left you, you begged and begged me to take you back and try again. Not once, but twice. So, if it was really that bad with me, why the fuck did you try to so hard to stay?

He, of course, had no answer to that question. When faced with an undeniable truth, his answer is ‘Fuck you’ which has always translated into ‘You’re right and we both know it and I have no way to win this argument.’

After 10 years with him I have finally learned all I have to remember is “I know the truth, and it really doesn’t matter what he thinks. He can’t change the truth.” He can think whatever he wants, be as wrong as he wants, it doesn’t change the fact and the truths of my life.

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