My Brother is grown up, when the hell did that happen?

It's my brother's birthday today. Yeah, not sure what I'm going to get him, the brat just got a new truck for Christmas, how the hell do you top that? (oh, yeah, you get him a Dodge ---wingnut bought a...something else).

It's hard to believe he's 36 this year. That's a whole lot closer to 40 than I would like him to be (considering I'm between him and 40, that makes me tooo damn close to 40). Sometimes in my mind, in my head, and my heart, he's still my little brother, and I still feel the need (urge) to go before him and clear the path for him, like I did in college. Guess what? Bud doesn't need anyone to clear a path for him. (He's tall enough he can see over anything in his way....)

I'm proud as hell of him. His childhood, much like mine, was less than ideal. I don't know what he remembers of it, but I remember it being ok to call him names. Dad said it would make him stronger, tough, build character. Yeah, I see that it stole his self esteem. He went to college because Dad wanted him to, and he stayed in 4 years without a degree, because he didn't feel there were any options for him. But he hated it. Dad had spent Bud's life telling him 'No son of mine will go into the military.'

But when Dad broke one of his own cardinal rules (he had an affair, and ultimately divorced our mother) and betrayed Bud, well, Bud finally figured it was ok for him to break one of the cardinal rules too. As a way to get away from the mess of our parents divorce, and as an act of rebellion and defiance, Bud joined the military. In the 13 years he's been in, he's done amazing things. He has found his voice, found his worth, and found himself. It's funny, Dad never thought Bud would amount to much, and so Bud did exactly what Dad had spent his life telling him he couldn't do, and Bud excelled amounted to a hell of a lot.

I say the words every time we talk on the phone (and that has been with much more frequency lately, for which I'm very glad) but I want you to know that I really do love you, and I am terribly proud of you. You have been a wonderful source of support and understanding these past few months. You've listened without judging, you've offered adivice, you've offered to kick some ass, and you were there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on. Thank you for growing up to be a wonderful man, and for being not only my brother but my defender, my champion and my friend.

I love you S. A. Pecan W. (and you know what I'm saying here....)