Monday, December 18, 2006


Small steps. That's what we're taking. Small steps back to each other, but not back to what we once had. That is gone. We will have to build new, start over, with the lessons learned from before.

Emails, phone calls, text messages, and now dates, real dates. He took me out to dinner last night. The last time we went to dinner, it was our last night 'together' as a couple. I knew that night it was going to end. Like I knew last night, we would start over.

We took the new car last night. He showed it off. Yes, it's not the Rocket, but it's nice, and it's B's car. I sat beside him, awkward, not sure what to do, what role I was expected to play. I wanted to reach over and hold his hand, or thread my arm through his, but was unsure if it would be awkward and forward and strange. He solved the problem, by reaching for mine, and holding it while we drove to town. "Thanks for coming down." he said, and gave my hand a squeeze. I smiled, and glowed inside.

We sat at the bar to eat dinner. We were the only 2 there for a minute, then an older gentleman sat down at the other end. His wife working behind the bar. We chatted with him, and the staff. Batman told them 'Thought I'd bring a good friend to dinner.', then leaned over to me and said "Is that ok?"
"Well, yeah, because it's kind of tacky to call me your piece of ass."
"Well, it's really more like I'd take my date out to dinner." he said.

He reached for my hand and held it until our dinner arrived. We ate, we laughed, we chatted with the staff. It was comfortable and familiar, easy and fun. He handed me the keys to the new car, said I could drive it home. I was reminded of the time he let me drive the Rocket for the first time. He told me then, "What's mine will eventually be yours, better get used to it. Drive it like you own it."

Last night was a mixture of the past, and the future mixing and mimicing each other. The past themes repeated in the future. Hope mixed with longing and memories. I'm not quiet ready to let go of the past, but I'm reaching for the future I see stretched out before us. I see him waiting there for me, to walk life's winding road, side by side. I know we will get there, a step at a time.


Junebugg said...

YOU'VE BEEN CHRISTMAS TAGGED! See my blog for details.

Celebrate Woo-Woo said...

These are wonderful stories to hear. It does seem like everything is working out for the best.