Un-freakin-believable

Well, the trip to the Dumbass lawyer’s office was un-fucking-believable. I thought we had come to some sort of agreement, but oh hell to the fucking no, apparently, I was totally mistaken.

Ok, remember when I mentioned that the allegations and demands in the original purposed parenting plan were so utterly unbelievable, and ridiculous I couldn’t even wrap my mind around them? Yeah, well I got my mind wrapped around them in a goddamn hurry today. He damn near got his ass handed to him on a silver platter today with my size 8 shoved squarely in it. I would have gladly sacrificed a shoe (they were old shoes) just to have the satisfaction of kicking him square in his lazy fat ass and hoping his over inflated ego would deflate. I refused to sign anything until I agreed to it. I was prepared to walk out and actually got halfway out of the office twice. He’s yelling at me, "you’re going to back out of our agreement?" uh no, I’m not agreeing to this bullshit. I’ll stick to our agreement; this isn’t even fucking close.

And just because I love you guys so damn much, I’ll share with you the delusions C1 lives under on a day-to-day basis. It’s amazing. It’s a fucking wonder he can function in life, with an ego as big as his, it surely must get in the way. I can’t imagine….oh wait, yeah I kind of can. I was married to that fucking ego 11 years ago. It has grown some since then, but yeah, you’ll get the idea. Read on…..

Father believes that joint physical custody is not in the best interest of the child for the following reasons.: Mother was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and has a history of not taking medications. (Yeah, good luck with that. You will never find any diagnosis anywhere in any medical files on me anywhere, ever, because, ah, yeah, it never happened. Just because you were a medic in the air force 20 years ago, does not make you MD.)

If mother’s actions and/or behavior warrant, father can change visitation to supervised status at any time. Any costs associated with supervised visits will be Mother’s responsibility. (Uh, excuse me, I have a question. Uh, who again determines if my actions and behaviors warrant this change? Oh, father gets to determine that? Like fucking hell, he does. He’s not playing god with my life and my visitation with my son. If I don’t kiss his ass, then my actions and behaviors warrant a change in visitation. It was fucking hilarious too, when the secretary the secretary at the law practice sat there and told him, "The court will throw that out. It will never make it past the judge. You can’t determine, change, stop, prevent, or deny visitation. Only the courts can do that." The secretary knew that. His lawyer actually thought he could put that shit in there and I would just roll over and say "Ok" and the courts would allow that shit? Oh hell to the no. I told you this lawyer was a Dumbass. And there was phone conversation in which C1 threatened me, "If you don’t agree to this I can make it so much worse for you. My lawyer says I could ask for so much more. I’m being generous and lenient." UH, yeah, you keep on trusting what your lawyer told you. You go ahead and ask for the moon and the stars. I won’t agree to it and neither will the court. I have managed to strip you of most of your power so far without a lawyer. Your lawyer hasn’t instilled a hell of a lot of confidence in me. He’s a freaking Dumbass, and you’re an idiot, both of which work in my favor.)

Father reserves the right and authority to cut short visitation if he feels visits are detrimental to the child and/or the child requests visits be cut short or cancelled. (Again with this determining bullshit. Who the fuck died and made you the fucking King of England? Uh, you will not be allowed to determine anything in regards to my visitation with my son, as you are unable to determine exactly why we are doing this. Surely not because you believe this is best for our son. You wouldn’t have the first clue as to what is in the best interest of our son. You don’t give a flying fuck about him. You’re just using this to make me fall into line and look, I’m not falling into line, and you’re not controlling me or manipulating me, or winning this battle.)

Father pays the cell phone bill and owns the cell phone provided to the minor child, and has final say on all matters relating to this phone and its usage. (We tried that, Bo went through 445 minutes in 4 days because I wasn’t allowed any say in the matter so I let him talk on the damn phone for hours at a time. That got dropped in a real fucking hurry.) If mother refuses to abide by this or problems arise due to mother being uncooperative, father has the authority to modify the visitation schedule accordingly. (Yeah, lets see, if I don’t fall into line and bow down and kiss His Royal Highness’s ass, and don’t allow Bo to use his cell phone, then I’m going to lose visitation with my son. Sounds to me, he’s trying to legally use Bo as a pawn to get me to fall into line. Again, this isn’t about Bo’s best interest at all, it’s all about controlling me and punishing me. He’s just using the only power he has, the courts. He does not have balls big enough to take me on any other way.)

At NO TIME will an adult, not married to mother, be allowed to spend the night at Mother’s residence unless it is a family member. (I guess all the men traipsing in and out of my life, through the revolving door I have on my apartment will now have to be referred to as Uncle. As IF…asshole) If father discovers this is occurring, he may, at his discretion change the visitation schedule to include discontinuing visitation temporarily until a satisfactory outcome can be achieved. (unless I decide to give him a cut of the $ I take in on those nights. Idiot) (Yup, there’s that discretion and control and punishment and playing GOD again. He really thinks he big shit. He is shit all right, and yes, he is big –fat- but he is a fucking moron. This totally was thrown out too. I told him he had no fucking right to dictate who and what happened at my house any more than I could dictate what went on at his house. I tried to go down the road, if it applies to me, then it has to apply to him. But I realized the futility of that, because there is no one EVER going to spend the night there with him. They would not only have to be married to him –and that ain’t happen, he’s been divorced three times, because we all got smart. I was the only one to have his baby- they would have to be blind and desperate.)

So what did we agree on?

Not much.

Try as I might he would not agree to the fact that he was doing this to punish me for wanting to get as far away from his crazy insane ass as possible. He thinks he’s GOD. Yeah, I can tell you, no body has ever confused him with the Big Guy, EVER.

We did agree on joint physical custody.

I will have temporary custody of him when he is with me. That means every other weekend, and specified holidays. Bo will come to my house every other Friday night. If he decides at any time that he does not want to be there, he can call his father and go back to his father’s house. His father has to come pick him up. I will not drive him back home. That means that when I move to Lincoln County, then I will pick him up at Kingdom City, and take him home. If he wants to go back to his dad’s, fine, his dad has to drive to my house in Lincoln County and get him. Period. The fun part of that is, I can pick Bo up, and head back home, Bo can call his father, and have him pick him up 2 minutes after we walk in the door at my house. That means his dad will have to literally almost follow us home just to get him. *Insert evil maniacal laugh here*.

The cell phone issue has been resolved in this manner. Mother has the discretionary authority in its usage, such as getting off the phone to do chores, homework etc. Taking the phone away or restricting it is usage as punishment is acceptable, as long as contact with the other parent is maintained and Father is notified of this restriction. (Yeah, when he goes through damn near 500 minutes in 4 days because I am not allowed any say in the matter, you can bet your sweet ass, you give that authority back to me. Otherwise, he’ll be on the damn phone all the time, and shit, I’ll be using it too, just because I can!)

Father will be awarded sole custody and will have final say in all matters. (Fine. I’ll agree to that. So, by having sole custody of our son, you will then be assuming all financial responsibility for him as well? Great. You will now be the one providing him with a car and insurance in two years. Good luck. I won’t be helping out with that little expenditure at all. Not smart enough to get that in writing right now, it’s never going in there. I don’t have custody of him. You will be providing him with a college education and paying all college tuition and expenses for the time he is in school? Great! I’m going to encourage him to go to Harvard or Yale and study to be a doctor or a lawyer, which ever has a longer course study. Again, you have sole custody of him, and have assumed full responsibility of him, both legally and financially. Good luck with that shit. He fucking hates it when I go after his money, and believe me I know how to go after his money and get as much of it out of him as I can.)

The good news, I can go to child support enforcement after this signed, and I can go back and get the past child support that he didn’t pay the first 5 years of Bo’s life. He’ll continue to pay me child support even though he doesn’t know it yet. Clear up until Bo is 18 I can claim that. He can’t prove he paid it, because he didn’t. I just have to claim I never got it. Send in copies of our divorce decree and bibidy bobidy boo, child support enforcement is on his ass. *more maniacal laughing here*.

The funny shit about all of this? Yeah, with a lawyer in tow, he tried to fuck me over, just like he’s tried to control and manipulate me all along. I went in without a lawyer and walked out of it just fine. Didn’t cost me a penny at all. Cost him plenty. And that’s the way I like it, and the way it should be.

As soon as we manage to get a court date (and I’m thinking I would have better luck at getting a court date when the judges are actually sitting on the bench than his Dumbass attorney) we will be done with this shit and I can get on with my life and pray to whatever gods are out there, that he falls off the face of the earth.

Not that I’m bitter or anything.

Almost there

In an hour and a half, I'm leaving work. 4:00. Out of here. Got to go to the lawyer's office. Not my lawyer's office. C1's lawyer's office. Yes, the dumbass.

Finally, he has the new parenting plan typed up, and put together. I just have to read it and sign it. After I look over it with a magnifying glass and a fine tooth comb. I'm sure they're going to try to slip something in there that is going to piss me off.

After I sign the papers today (if I sign the paper's today) his lawyer will have to get a court date. This has proved to be a challenge in the past. Actually, getting a court date is fairly easy. Getting one when the judges are actually sitting on the bench, however seems to be a real challenge for this dumbass.

This should have been over and done with months ago, but oh hell to the no, it's not. We're still dealing with total and complete incompetence. Of course, he's blaming it all on the fact that they had a paralegal quit. I'm sorry, did she run that law practice by herself? I'm thinking she may have been the only competent one there.

It's all good for me, if this guy is a dumbass, (and his track record says he just might be) it works in my favor.

I really just want this over. This is the last hurdle here. The last residue of my past. The last little bit of the forces of evil hanging around my neck. Once this over, I can breathe, really breathe.

More whining and bitching, sorry

I look out my window and there is this bright light in the sky. It looks vaguely familiar, like something I remember from a dream. Then I remember...it's the sun. I remember the sun. Back in the days when it was warm, and there was no freaking snow and ice on the ground. Back when it wasn't painful to walk outside because the temperatures were normal and there was no such thing as a wind chill factor. Yeah, nice of you to come back around.

Of course that Bitch Mother Nature is going to chase you off again, look at this shit. I swear to god, I'm going to pack it all up and head south, far south, like Bahamas south, where the sun is warm, the beaches are plenty, the rum flows endlessly, and the cabana boys are half naked. Where shit never freezes, and they have no freakin idea what a wind chill factor is. Snow is just a figment of someone's imagination.

Yeah, that's where I want to be. I am sick and tired of freakin winter. Tired of being cold, tired of being home bound, tired of trying to entertain myself and the three kids. Tired of listening to them argue because they are tired of being stuck inside. (never mind they haven't been home for 2 days, they will be tonight and the arguements will start. I promise you.)

I know the snow and ice means there will be fewer bugs this summer, and believe me I'll be glad for that this summer, but right now, summer is....well, a wish.

I know I whine and bitch and moan about the weather a lot, but damn, I hate winter. This time last year, I kid you not it was 70 degrees in February. We were wearing shorts, insane. I know February isn't here yet, but damn it it's close and the temperatures outside are nowhere near close to 70. I know this is normal weather for this time of year, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

I'm sick of cold, I'm sick of snow, I'm sick of ice. I'm sick of winter.

Just takin care of some business

Once again it is Friday. I have gloriously survived another week at work. The kids have been gone for two nights now, and will all be home tonight. Sounds like a pizza and movie night to me. Of course, Mother Nature is about to shit on us yet again, and well, she can take a flying leap, I hate that bitch.

Talk to Batman this morning, and well, he's finally made it out of bed and found his way back to work. First day this week, and the BIG WIGS are in the store. Not a fun day for him. Being at work is going to wear him slick, and wipe his ass out. Then he has to pick up his kids tonight after work for the weekend. He'll be dead to the world by 8:00 if not sooner. But at least he's up and around.

My girl lilcali2mama has been chatting with me today, and I just have to say, she blows me away. She found my blog quite by accident one day and stops by often. She has told me that I am helping her through a really rough patch in her life. And then she shared with me some of her story, and frankly, she's way stronger than I am. She has been through way more than I have and that girl has kicked ass the whole way. I am amazed by her, and so glad she found my corner of the world. (Now, get those poems of yours on your blog, as I'm sending friends over to visit, and those are powerful beyond measure!)

To TN Becky, I know things seem overwhelming right now, but believe me you know that God is not going to give you anything that you and He together can not handle. Take it in stride, a bit at a time, and you'll get through, He will provide. Done preaching.

Syd, can I just say thank god for your place? No matter what kind of day I'm having I know I can stop by there and walk away with nothing less than a smile, but usually I'm doubled over laughing my ass off. And really, not that I'm counting or anything, but we are a month away from Daytona, and Nascar, and frankly, I'm ready.

Dixie, in response to your email, I haven't read that book yet, but my mother has it and is reading it now. I will ask to borrow it when she's done. My sister has verbally kicked my ass more than once about how complaining about a situation isn't going to change it, and if you're doing nothing to change it, you're as much a part of the problem as the problem itself. I just got tired of getting my ass kicked. Now, I'm going to kick some ass.

MS thanks to you I have a gazillion posts on my blog already for the month of January. I am constantly churning out new posts just to keep you entertained while you work some crazy long hours with some cranky ass people who don't understand "Go away and leave me alone" does not mean "Come back in my office and bother me some more". I'm there for ya, and doing all I can to get you through the days. Glad I could help. Oh, and I've got a dozen more ideas for Thursday Thirteen, if you would just let me write them for ya.

I can not say Thank you enough to all the people who stop by and read this little corner of the world. I appreciate all the supportive emails and comments I get from all of you. I am sure there are lurkers who haven't come up and said Hello, and that's ok. I hope someday you will. In the meantime, pull up a chair, grab a drink, get comfortable and stay and visit awhile.

New Question and Answer.

Dixie has asked me “If you could do one thing, for someone else that would change their life for the better, who would it be and what would you change?”

Damn. That’s tough. There are so many people I would do things for. I don’t know that I could pick just one person to do one thing for.

I think if I could, I would give everyone I know peace in their lives. We are all fighting our own personal battles. Some are bigger than others, some are harder than others, some have taken longer than others, but we all face our own personal demons. If I could give anyone anything to make their life better, I would want to give them the strength and the courage they need to fight those battles, and to win.

I’ve had to stand up and face a lot of demons this past year. I have also had to stand up and take responsibility for the power those demons held in my life. I allowed them that power, I gave them that power. I had to take a stand and take back my life. I had to take back the power I had given them. Not an easy thing to do.

I know that I have friends out there who have given away their power too, maybe without realizing it, and they are fighting personal demons in their lives. I don’t claim to have the answers, I don’t claim to have won every battle. I just know how good it feels to win one, and to know I have people supporting me every step of the way.
I would give that to everyone I know. The strength to face what life throws at them, the courage to fight for what they want, need and believe in, the joy of the victory, and the support of friends and family.

One Word Only

I copied and pasted this from Hot Dr. Wife. I thought I'd play.

This Moment: Blogging
Your Shoes: Old
Craving: Sex
The State of Your Home: empty
Annoyed By: Winter
Noise In the Background: radio
Really Want To: leave
Thinking About: weekend
Smelling: candle
Favorite Product In Office Supply Aisle: pens
Don't Ever Want To: hurt
Your Eye Color: blue
The Weather: cold
Have Never Tried: Starbucks
Think Everyone Should Try: something
Last Vacation Destination: Daytona
The Last Thing You Had to Drink: coffee
Your Bad Habit: cussing
What You're Going To Do Now: Post

Reminder: Questions still welcome, don't be shy, ask whatever you want, I'll answer.

Just ask, I'll tell

I have hit the proverbial Blog writers Brick wall, and am coming up totally dry, empty, I got nothing to blog about.

I have several new readers, (Love you guys, bring your friends) and I'm sure they haven't spent hours just pouring over the riviting archives that is the past year or so of my life. (I don't blame you, really).

So, I thought I would open the floor to all my readers and entertain questions. Ask anything you would like to know, I'll answer as best, and as honestly as I can. I'll post questions and answers here.

Who has the first question?

Next Question

Silent One ~D~ has asked me What is your count down for? Starting over ... as in how?

Good question.

The Count down at the top of my blog, counts down to June 1, 2007, the day I have every intention of being moved into my new home, in my new town, ready to start my new life, away from the forces of evil here.


I have been married and divorced twice. Both ex's live close by (for the kids). Even though the state, the laws, the courts, almost everyone recognizes that my divorces gave me the freedom to live my life free from control, harrassment and interference from them, the ex's didn't get the memo.

I've been on my own for 3 years now (almost to the day) but I've never been free of them. They have stalked me, harrassed me, cost me jobs, cost me relationships, and made my life hell. I just always assumed they would be a fact of my life until the kids turned 18.

Batman opened my eyes and showed me it was possible to get free of them. He encouraged me, he showed me it was possible and so I did it.

I took them back to court and changed the parenting plan we had for the kids. I got sole custody of the girls, (9 and 7 Father is The Slug) and gave C1 sole custody of Bo (he needs to be with his father at 13). I was granted permission to relocate.

I am moving far enough away the ex's can't screw with my life. I can get a great job with great benefits and I can finally have my life, free from them. They would still see the kids.

This town, and the ex's have just become such a dead end for me. I'm going no where, I have no hope for a bright future. I have grown stagnant here. So, I'm starting over. I'm packing it all up, and leaving all that I know, and moving on to find my place in this world, my own place. To stand on my own two feet. Free from the forces of evil.

Where did Batman get his name?

Lilcali2mama has asked the first question: Why do you call Batman Batman?

Batman and I met on line, and he lives almost 2 hours away from me. We would chat on line a lot during the day, and at night, but there were times neither of us were near a computer, or we just wanted to talk, so we would call each other. (obvious, I know)

We would talk for hours. Seriously, hours, about everything, and nothing. Free nights and weekends are nice, but sometimes you just want to talk to that special someone during the day. In the first week after we met, we had burned through over 1000 minutes, and we were going through his roll-over minutes, and my cell phone bill was out of this world. (we weren't using the same provider)

So, two weeks after we met, he just added me to his phone plan, and got me a phone. Now we could talk to each other all day, every day whenever we wanted for FREE! And free is always good. I joked that I had never had my own personal hotline before. And he said, something about well, now you have a Batphone. I can call you whenever.

And since it was the Batphone, he obviously became Batman.

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things I will do this year

1. I am going to work harder at my photography. I am going to put in more time, more practice. I am going to pick up my camera more often. I am going to feed the creative side of me that I’ve been ignoring because it was too painful to explore.

2. I am going to explore more things around me. I am moving to a new town in a few months and I am so excited about the possibilities it offers. There are some amazing malls around us, there are awesome parks, St. Louis is less than an hour away from there. I am going to get out and do more, have more fun, laugh more.

3. I am going to let go of all the demons from my past. It is time to stop allowing them to cripple me and hurt me and control and ruin my life. It is time I stood up and took full responsibility for all aspects of my life.

4. I am going to try very hard to stay connected more to my family. We are spread out over several states and it’s easy to not stay in touch with them. It’s also really easy to send an email, or make a phone call too. They are worth the effort, and the time.

5. I am going to read more books this year, and not just the fluff and stuff books that I love to read. I have a lot of books that I really should read, or I want to read but have never gotten around to reading them because, well, they’re not stories, they are self help, they are inspirational, they are improvement, change your life kind of books.

6. I am going to listen more to my heart, to my instincts, to my higher power, and follow where they lead, instead of where I want things to go. When I try to take the wheel of my life, I always run it squarely into a brick wall. There is always carnage and bodies and a bloody mess left in my wake. Let someone else drive for a while.

7. I am going to laugh more, and play more, and have more fun with my kids. We are moving to get away from the drama of my life, and if there is less drama, there has to be more fun and laughter.

8. I am going to go to at least 1 NASCAR race this year, and hopefully I will go to more than one. I am also going to take in at least one Cardinal’s Baseball game (Third year in a row, if I make it).

9. I am going to embrace life. Looking back at where I’ve been and where I am now, I am damn proud of the things I’ve survived and the place I am. I know that I am not done, and I will only get better, grow stronger, learn more. I have survived a lot of things. I’ve walked through the valley of the shadow of death. The key word there, is through, not into, but through.

10. I am going to accept things as they are instead of hoping they would change. It is what it is, nothing more, nothing less. Accept it.

11. I guess I am going to have to gain that dreaded 5 (actually 7) pounds, not because he wants me to, but because it’s the healthy thing to do. Then I guess I am going to have to make friends with those damn 5 (7) pounds. ARG!

12. I am going to try to be a better person. Forgive The Slug for all he’s done, (he can’t help it, he is what he is, and we all have our opinion of what that is) and move on.

13. I am going to get rid of all the baggage in my life. If it’s not working for me, if it’s holding me back, slowing me down, keeping me from being all that I can be, then it’s out of here. Junk, baggage, things, people, beliefs, everything holding me down, is gone.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
(leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)
1. Chickadee
2. Sweet Kitty
3. JohnH985
4. Rashenbo

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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My mantra

I swear to god, Mother Nature is a cold hearted bitch. Look at that shit. Yeah the temperatures are above freezing, which in my book is a very good thing. But they are calling for more snow this weekend. I've heard as much as 3-5 inches.

I hate winter. Have I mentioned that? I have, haven't I?

Never gonna believe it

I got a marriage proposal today. Ok, a proposal of sorts.

A man claiming to be cousins (doubtful) with Gary Coleman(Diff'rent Strokes), and Vince Coleman(St. Louis Cardinals) told me "You are a very beautiful woman. That outfit looks wonderful on you. Please don't tell your husband. Oh, maybe there isn't a husband, I don't see a ring."

"Thank you. And No, no husband." (Damn, wonder if I should start wearing a damn ring.)

"Well then, I'm going to run off with you. Let's go."

Uh, no thanks.

Overheard at Wal-M...well you know where

The chick checking me out last night (the check out chick, not checking me out as in "Damn she's hot" or "Damn she's a freak") was talking to the girl in front of me about her two year old son. Who just happened to damn near burn their house down earlier this week.

Uh, hello? How does a 2 year old almost burn a house down?

Well, apparently he puts the dust pan in the broiler drawer of the oven while Mommy is cooking dinner and not paying close enough attention to the two year old.

100 Things about me the 2007 Edition

I have done this list before, but it was a year or so ago. I thought I would updated it a bit.

1. I will be closer to 40 this year than I’m comfortable with (39).
2. I was born in Kansas.
3. I am the oldest of 3 children.
4. I moved to Missouri when I was 6 months old.
5. I have lived in 11 different towns in my life.
6. This summer I will make that an even dozen.
7. I have managed to move to a new address every three years (sometimes more often) all of my life.
8. I have 3 kids, 1 son, 2 daughters.
9. I am fiercely proud of them all.
10. I have two ex husbands. They have the same first name.
11. I will never date a man with that first name ever again.
12. I filed for divorce both times.
13. Both times it was the best thing I could have done.
14. I am not sure I loved either one of them, really loved them.
15. I am sure I married both of them for the wrong reasons.
16. I am not sure I can be friends with either of them, even for the sake of the kids.
17. I have lived alone for the past 3 years now (with the exception of my children)
18. That fact makes me proud of myself.
19. I am currently single in the technical sense of the word, but in my heart, I’m not.
20. I am not sure I will ever get married again.
21. I have been the victim entirely too often in my life.
22. I am tired and done being the victim.
23. I admit I allowed myself to be that, and sometimes took pleasure in the attention being the victim got me.
24. I have 6 piercings (both ears twice=4, my left upper ear=1 and my belly button=1)
25. I don’t have any tattoos.
26. I want one, but have never gotten it. That tells me it’s not important enough to me yet.
27. I have a college degree that I find is completely useless.
28. It looks good on paper. In real life, it’s worthless.
29. I feel like I wasted my time in college.
30. I was too immature and insecure to get everything out of college I should have.
31. I want to go back someday, and get a degree in business finance.
32. I have a younger sister who is just about as opposite of me as you can get and still share DNA.
33. I don’t always agree with her, and I don’t always like what she says or does, but I trust her implicitly, and ask her opinion often.
34. I have a younger brother.
35. I found out he is a great sense of support and advice and encouragement and is one of my fiercest defenders.
36. I have a brother-in-law and sister-in-law.
37. I think both of them are pretty cool people. They have to be to be married to my sister and brother.
38. I am a huge NASCAR fan.
39. I wasn’t a year ago.
40. I went to the Daytona 500 last year and LOVED it.
41. My favorite drivers are Kasey Kahne and anyone who can put a Bush brother into the wall and take them out of the race.
42. I think Michael Waltrip is brain damaged and shouldn’t be behind the wheel of a car going over 100 miles an hour.
43. I love the St. Louis Cardinals.
44. I have managed to get tickets to a game the past two years.
45. I hope to make it three years this summer.
46. I have never been to a professional football game.
47. I have never been to a professional hockey game either.
48. Every once in a while the red in my neck shows, and I try desperately to hide it.
49. In just over four months I will pack up my life, leave behind all I know, and move on, and try to find my place.
50. I am both terrified and excited about this.
51. I am halfway through with this list.
52. I am sure that while my mother supports my decision, and voices that support, she’s worried and scared for me all the same. And hasn’t voiced that.
53. I am thankful for both of those things.
54. I am a natural red head
55. I am blonde by choice.
56. I like being blonde much more.
57. I look more high maintenance than I really am.
58. I have been told more than once I am beautiful.
59. Sometimes I actually believe it.
60. Most of the time I think I’m just not altogether unfortunate looking.
61. I discovered photography fills my creative need.
62. I am not as good as I want to be, but I am better than I used to be.
63. I love to read, and am always reading something, even if it just the cereal box at breakfast
64. I love coffee
65. I didn’t a year ago
66. I used to drink it only in the morning before 10:00. Now I can drink it in the morning and at night.
67. I love chai latte too.
68. I am a Starbucks virgin.
69. I haven’t been because I don’t speak the language.
70. I love white chocolate much more than milk chocolate
71. I don’t like dark chocolate at all
72. I hate coconut
73. My best friend used to be Captain Morgan
74. Now it’s Jose (in a margarita)
75. I am an internet junkie. I love blogs, email, and IM’s.
76. Sometimes I think it’s a good thing I don’t have internet at home right now. I wouldn’t have much of a life if I did.
77. I didn’t talk to my father for the first 10 years of my son’s life.
78. I have finally forgiven him for not living up to my expectations.
79. I have worked for a temporary employment agency for the past year and a half.
80. I have just started my final ‘new’ job in this town.
81. I am the only grandchild on my mother’s side of the family to graduate from college.
82. I do not have the best job nor do I make the most money. (told you that college degree was worthless)
83. I am the only one of us three kids to hold a college degree.
84. Again, I am the least successful. (worthless degree)
85. I believe there is a man out there who is everything I ever wanted, and all I’ve ever dreamed of.
86. I am afraid I have already loved him, and blown it, and won’t get the second chance.
87. I won’t give up hoping for that second chance.
88. I appear braver on the outside than I ever feel on the inside.
89. I am afraid someday someone will realize I have bluffed my way through life.
90. I want to go to Ireland someday.
91. I had hoped to go for my 40th birthday.
92. I’m not sure I’m going to make it.
93. I would love to see the Smithsonian too.
94. I look back at where I’ve been and compare it to where I am and I am damn proud of what I’ve survived.
95. I have friends who love me enough to kick my ass when it is needed.
96. Lucky for me they remove my head from my ass before they kick it. Avoids more brain damage that way.
97. I am stronger, and braver than I thought I was.
98. I know now that I can face and handle whatever life throws at me.
99. When my world falls apart around me, I don’t fall apart.
100. I believe 2007 will be an amazing year for me.
     

I'm an idiot

I'm an idiot.

Chatting with Batman today (I LOVE TRILLION!!!) and he goes silent. Ok, he's at home, he's got cable. He's got pneumonia. (bitch)

ME: Did you pass out?

*wait a minute for reply*

Me: Stupid question. If you did, how would you answer me?

Yes, I am an idiot.

I hate pneumonia

I hate pneumonia.

And I don't even have it.

Not even the sniffles.

Nothing.

Batman does though.

It's kickin' his ass.

Hard.

Bitch.

He's so sick right now, he can't get out of bed. Which, to me, sounds perfect, as that's right where I want him. But right now, he can't do a damn thing. Too weak to get up (yeah, I went there. Deal.)

I hate pneumonia.

The kids are coming this weekend. Mine to my house, his to his house. He needs his strength for them. I can wait. What's another week, or 10 days, when I've waited a month?

So, I wait.

I hate pneumonia.

Almost as much as I hate winter storms.

Better check your local listings, I'll bet we get nailed again with another winter storm a week from Friday.

Why?

Next possible weekend I can spend with Batman.

Watch, I'll have pneumonia.

I hate winter.

I hate pneumonia.

Calvin and Hobbes

Yeah, I'm reaching here. I got nothing today, but I love me some Calvin and Hobbes. They rock.

I am in heaven, I am in love, my life is wonderful

Ok, maybe that's all over the top.

I am hooked up! I am connected! I am back among the land of the living yet again.

I have not been able to get to any of my IM programs in months, and so, have been relying on email to chat with friends. Which is fine and good, but cumbersome. Until today.

Trillion saved my life. I couldn't install MSN, I couldn't install Yahoo. Damn computer kept telling me I needed administrative rights to do that. Then I remembered Trillion. And for some crazy ass blessed reason, Trillion is able to get around the administrative rights on this computer, and there I am. Connected. On line, chatting with my friends, back among the living. I can talk to my friends again! I'm so damned excited! I'm in love!

I am such a geek.

Addicted to tanning

I'm watching the news the other night, and they pop up with one of those teasers, you know right before they go to commercial? "Is is possible you're addicted to tanning?"

(OOH! Pick me!)

Is that possible?

Turns out, it is. A new study shows people who use tanning beds could become addicted to the ultraviolet rays. Wake Forest University researchers say frequent tanners experience a high similar to drugs like heroin. They are claiming now that the ultraviolet rays cause the body to produce and release endorphins, causing the tanner to experience a 'high' similar to heroin.

I seriously thought it was just my mood, my self image, my ego if you will that made me feel better after tanning. Uh, apparently not. Apparently there is some fact behind my feeling better after I tan.

Does this change anything for me? Uh, nope. I'll still be laying in a bed 3-4 times a week. But I'll look good, and apparently I'll feel good too. LOL

Blog Stalki...uh...Surfing

I am totally blog surfing (stalking, lurking whatever you want to call it) today. I have a rather long list of blogs I love to read daily over there on my side bar. Sure, take a minute, go check it out, go visit a few. I'll wait.






Yeah, pretty cool places huh? I like them. Some of them I even consider friends.

So, today I found a few more places I really like. Now, mind you, I haven't formally introduced myself to these people just yet, so don't show up on their doorsteps announcing "We're here for the party!" like a bunch of goobers. At least be cool about it and bring some beer. I knew ya would.

Go check out Steve Stacy Steph (Oh shit, I didn't realize they all start with 'S', crazy, huh?)

Go check 'em out. They grabbed my attention, and I'll be going back to read more.

A Countdown of sorts

10 Favorites
Color: Green
Food: Steak
Month: December
Song: Too many right now
Film: Can’t decide
Sport: Baseball or Nascar
Season: Summer
Day of the week: Friday
Flavor ice cream: peanut butter ‘n’ chocolate, Baskin Robbins
Time of day: 20 minutes I'm laying in a tanning bed

9 Currents
Mood: Melancholy
Taste: Huh?
Clothes: LEI tan pants, white shirt
Desktop: The Beach
Toenail color: Coral
Time: 9:09 AM
Surroundings: Office at work
Thoughts: Wonder if I'm going to get to see him tonight. Hope he emails soon
Company: Nobody

8 Firsts
Best friend: Dawn Watson, Dixon Mo.
Kiss: I seriously think it was Chris Ramsey, I was in 8th grade
Lover: Lost my virginity to Mark Weldon, but we only had sex once. Chris Canada would have been the first guy I had sex with long term.
Screen name: Beckyhd
Pet: First ones I remember would have been Sparky (cocker spaniel in Linn) and 3 fish, once of which I named Larry after my dad.
Piercing: Ears, when I was 17.
Crush: Jimmy Warman, or Alan Koch, or Johnny Thompson, all were WAY older than me (I was 8, they were in high school or older)
Cd: I don’t remember

7 Lasts
Cigarette: never smoked
Drink: I'm drinking a RockStar right now, I had coffee this morning. Last alcohol I drank? Bud Select at Applebee's a week ago
Car Ride: Dropped the girls off at school, came to work
Kiss: Megan kissed me this morning. B was the last man I kissed.
Film seen: Pirates of the Carribean, Dead Man's Chest
Phone call: B, last night
CD Played: Christina Aguilera’s Back to Basics

6 Have You Ever’s
Dated one of your best girl/guy friends? Yes
Broken the law? Yes
Been arrested? Yup
Skinny Dipped? Yes
Been on TV? Not that I can remember
Kissed someone you didn’t know? No

5 Things
Thing you are wearing: socks
Thing you’ve done today: wrote in my journal
Thing you can hear right now: Couple of guys talking in the hall
Thing you can’t live without: Coffee
Thing you do when you’re bored: Write

4 Places you’ve been today
1. Bed
2. Bathroom
3. Kitchen
4. Living room

3 People you can tell anything to
1. My sister
2. MS
3. I am trying to include B in this list,

2 choices
Black or white? Black
Hot or cold? Hot

1 thing you want to do before you die
Go to Ireland

Something

Something has been nagging at me all day, in the back of my mind, the pit of my stomach, all around my heart. I'm not sure what it is, but I know I'll figure it out, once I get home. Maybe it's just the need to be home again, surrounded by my things, safe under my roof, warm in my own bed. Home. Maybe it's something deeper, bigger. I don't know. If I make myself available, and allow myself to be lead, it will come to me. If I settle tonight, and get quiet, inside my head, and just listen instead of thinking, it will come to me.

Something needs my attention, something needs me to listen, and hear, and think. I just don't know what it is.

Mullinax Crushing Orlando

That is the phrase that pays folks. Ok, that's the phrase, that when typed into Google search engine, caused someone from Georgia to find their way to my blog.

I have cousins with the last name Mullinax, and believe me, when you type that name into Google, you are more likely to end up at one of their sites, than mine. After all they are child photographers in the midwest, and damn good ones. Their websites are linked in my sidebar.

So, how someone searching "Mullinax Crushing Orlando" would end up on my site, is a bit confusing. I'm sure they didn't find what they were looking for.

Now, here's where it gets even stranger. When I search "Mullinax Crushing Orlando" my blog shows up on the 2nd page, but only because I have a post about Orlando Bloom, and crushing presents under the Christmas tree. It just happens to be a fluke that Mullinax is my cousin's last name.

Of course, now that I've not only titled my post Mullinax Crushing Orlando, but have referenced that phrase no less than 3 times in this post, I'm sure when they search again, I'm going to top the list!

Going home tonight, MY home

There is our five day forecast this week. At least the temperatures are looking better than we've seen. Not so about the rest. Who would have thought that 38 would feel like a regular heat wave?

I went home at lunch, and we have electricity and water, so after work, I will pick up the kids, and we will all go home tonight, eat dinner in our house, sleep in our own beds. Oh don't get me wrong, I love my family, I love my mother, and I was so grateful she had heat and spare beds, and provided for us last night. But truthfully, there is nothing better than sleeping in my own home, under my own roof, in my own bed, knowing my babies sleep close by in their own beds.

I love/hate the internet

I love the internet. Love it. It's wonderful. I can connect with all my friends from around the world, I can find tons of useless information, and some of it I can blog about. I can find a picture of just about anything my head can imagine. I can find movie times, I can find song lyrics, I can even find margarine ads from the 80's. How cools is that shit?

Unfortunately I can find that someone has been somewhere I didn't think they ever went. I can find out too much information, that I really didn't want and don't need. I can find that pages thought long forgotten actually aren't as forgotten as I had believed.

It's my own damn fault. I followed a link that I could very well have ignored. I thought it was safe. I should have been safe. I should have ignored it and avoided temptation. My fault. I'm not positive what I saw is what I think it is. And I have learned this lesson before. What you see isn't always what you think it is.

There is a picture there. I'm not sure who it is, and I don't want to know. I know what I think, but I don't know if I'm right. Either way, I don't want to know. I can pretend I didn't see it, but it doesn't mean it's not there. I can ignore it, and trust what I do know beyond all doubt, and let the rest take care of itself.

I hate the internet. I can get too much damn information, and yet, even that isn't enough. It's really only half the story.

Happiness Fairy

I swear this is just about all I have today.

It isn't nice to fool Mother Nature

I've been reminded time and time again, about the old saying "It isn't nice to fool Mother Nature."
(click on the quote, see the full ad)

I'm just saying, I'm not fooling around here, I think she's a cold hearted bitch with a sick and twisted sense of humor and frankly, I don't like her screwing around in my life.

Update of sorts

I drove by the apartment this morning before going to work, and it looks like we might have electricity. I'll know for sure at lunch when I go home to make sure my pipes haven't froze and busted.

While I love my mother, I love being in my own place, in my own bed. And that's where I want to sleep tonight. If I can't sleep in my bed, the only other bed I want to sleep in is B's.

And I don't see that happening soon. He's at home again today. The pneumonia is kicking his ass. I had a gut feeling this morning, and it wouldn't go away, and I couldn't ignore it. I called just to see how he was. He sounded so sick, and small, in that little boy voice they all get when they are sick. It's only cute the first day or so, then it becomes an irritating whine, but today, it was sweet and cute, and tugged at my heart.

Not much to write about right now. There will be more later. I'm sure. It was a boring quiet night. I want to go home.

More hurdles to jump

As you all may have guessed, our electricity went out this morning, shortly after I got home from picking up the girls. Yeah, about 20 minutes without electricity (heat/light/television) they were begging to go to grandma's. (She has heat, electricity, lights, television with sattelite and internet), so we packed up and headed to mom's.

That's where we are for the remainder of tonight. We'll go to school and work tomorrow, and check to see if we have electricity tomorrow when we get home. If not, well, we'll be back up here for another night.

Oh, did I mention Mother Nature is a cold hearted bitch? And did I mention I hate winter storms? Yeah, I thought I did.

Dear Electric Company that just told me it could be hours before we have power again at home,

Uh, have you heard a weather forcast today? Yeah, it's COLD outside, and no electricity means NO HEAT!

Love,
Becky

Dear Mother Nature

You are one cold hearted bitch.

Love,
Becky

My life is not reality tv worthy either. Sorry

So, now TN Becky says my life is more like reality TV. Uh, I'm not so sure about that either. It would be nice it it were, because truly there is always some HUGE monetary prize at the end. I could use it.

• We've covered the deserted island thing before. I have never had to eat live insects, or unmentionable animal parts. I shower on a daily basis, and I've never been voted off an island, out of the house, or Most Likely to be seen on TV.
• My life is hectic sometimes, with 3 kids that's to be expected, but I've never been eliminated just because I was a few minutes late. That's normal in my life.
• I've never been The Girl that guys have competed with each other to date. I have never had a house full of bachelors hoping they were the one I would chose. I can barely juggle my hectic schedule, let alone 25 guys all trying to date me.
• I've never been locked in a house away from the rest of the world, with 15 other strangers for 3 months at a time. I've been locked in a house with 3 strange kids (they are my own, I'm partially to blame for this) for like 3 hours at a time, but I've got TV, radio, and other things to distract me. I've never been evicted either.
• The Biggest Loser could be used to describe some of the guys who are living in that house vying for a date with me. Or one (or both) of my ex husbands. Yeah, not a show for me.
• Donald Trump couldn't be bothered to tear himself away from his thesaurus where he is diligently looking up new names to call Rosie, to take the time to look at me, let alone fire me.
• I may or may not have danced naked in the moonlight at some point in my life (I'm not telling) but I'm sure I've never danced with a star.
• My life is far from simple, and frankly, even though I did live on a pseudo farm at one point, it was more like Green Acres than the Simple Life. I was bucking hay bales in my Ralph Lauren Polo overalls, wearing my Tommy Hilfiger Tennis shoes, and a Guess tee shirt.

So, Nope TN Becky, it's not a reality tv show either. Really my life is fairly normal, with a little bit of crazy thrown in. I just write about the crazy, because who wants to read about normal?

My Weekend.

So, how do plans to spend a wonderful weekend full of wicked debaucery wearing nothing more than a smile, disappear in less than 24 hours? Let me tell you. Dad gets sick, a sinus infection returns, and Mother Nature is a cruel bitch. Period.

My weekend, such as it was, was so not everything I had wanted it to be. It wasn't anything like Batman had hoped either.

Thursday I get an email from him "May have to cancel this weekend, Dad is in the hospital. I'll let you know." I love his dad, and so this is a double whammy of bad news. Friday night is out of the question, maybe Saturday and Sunday, let's see what the doctors say.

Friday rolls around, and Mother Nature takes a swing at me. Yeah, the rain starts, and the temperatures fall, and jumpingelmoeatingcheesecake, another god damned winter storm. What is this, a conspiracy? Well, let's see what happens today and tonight. Maybe tomorrow still. I'll call you.

Saturday morning dawns. I'm up, showered, packed, loaded up. I venture out to the parking lot, where there is some ice covering my vehicle, but the ground is covered with sleet, not a solid sheet of ice. Great! There's hope! Awesome. I get in the van, start it up, let it warm up, clear all the ice off of it, and load up my suitcase and shit. And wait. And wait. I call B, no answer. Leave a message. And wait. I actually drive into town, just to check out the road conditions, and yeah, they're clear. No problem at all. Wahoo! I'm going, just need to find out when. The phone rings. "It's not a good weekend. We've got 2 inches of ice here, the roads are a mess, and I'm getting my sinus infection back. I'm sick as a dog (and he was) and it's just not a good weekend. I promise we will get together. Just not this weekend."

So, I call mom to see if I can hang out at her place, use the Internet, and watch cable, and basically keep myself entertained so that I don't think about the plans that just went up in flames (or down in ice and snot....whatever). "You can't get up here. The roads are terrible. We have ice everywhere, and they haven't touched the roads. We're shut down, completely."

Great. Someone out there just has it in for me, big time, and I'm not very happy at this point. Mother nature has a sick twisted sense of humor, dumping this second winter storm on us, and making sure it hits everywhere I want to be, leaving me the one person able to get out with no where I can go.

Batman did tell me, "This weekend sure as hell didn't play out the way I had hoped and was planning for it to." Yeah, tell me about it.

I fucking hate winter.

My life is NOT like a soap opera so much

Tennessee Becky sent me an email this weekend, in which she asked me "Could your live be any more like a soap opera?" And that got me to thinking. My life is not like a soap opera, at all.

I mean seriously,

• I have never suffered from amnesia (although there are a few things in my life I would like to forget. Apparently I'm not afforded that luxury.)
• I have never been kidnapped, or held hostage in cage, a cell, a cave, or a haunted mansion, or even a deserted island. (although the island is sounding pretty good right now, especially on a warm beach, lots of sand with a lot of rum and margarittas and a few cabana boys. Although then it wouldn't be deserted would it. Yeah, don't rush the rescue crew, take your time....)
• The paternity of my three children has never been in question. There has never been a doubt in anyone's mind as to who fathered my kids. Their mother's identity still remains a much speculated mystery, however.
• My sister has never married any of my ex husbands or boyfriends. I can say with almost 100% certainty, none of them have ever appealed to her. Same goes for my brother.
• I have never dated, slept with, or married any of my ex husbands' brothers, uncles, nephews, cousins, fathers, grandfathers or best friends. (with the exception of Batman, who happens to be The Slugs 2nd cousin, long distantly related, and neither claims the other)
• My mother has never married, dated, or slept with any of my uncles, or my grandfathers.
• I know who my parents are, and I know who my brother and sister are. I am fairly certain there are no unknown siblings running around in the world, but you may have to check with my parents about this.
• I have never been possessed by the Devil. I may have been married to him, or at least his brother, or close cousin, but never possessed.
• My identity has always been a sure thing. I have never needed to revert back to my dental records, or any tatoos I may have to determine who I may or may not be.
• I do not have a gambling problem.
• I have never been convicted of murder, kidnapping, embezelment, or any other serious crime.
• I have never been diagnosed with a very rare terminal illness and on the brink of death, only to have some mediocre doctor in some po-dunk hospital in the boondocks, come and heal me. Why he's working there instead of the Mayo Clinic is a mystery.
• I have never had a stranger blow into town, and wreck havoc on my life, only to discover they are the child I gave up for adoption (or was stolen, or who I thought was dead). Nope, I know every single one of my many tormentors, personally. Lucky me.

So, see, Tennessee B, you were so wrong. My life is not like a soap opera at all. In comparison, my life is realitively calm. What were you thinking?

National De-Lurking Week. Leave a Comment

Thanks to Dixie I discovered that it's National De-Lurkng Week. So, all you people out there lurking around here, leave a comment, say Hello, introduce yourself. I love me some new friends, and would love to meet all of you!

An Apology

I owe an apology to the universe, to Karma, to the internet gods, to the *ahem* people in The Slugs social circle who read this blog, and I guess to The Slug, X-BIL, and The Heifer.

I used the knowledge that I had peeping Tom's on my blog, reporting back to The Cove (Slug's family) to make pointed jabs at them, unnecessary pointed jabs. Even cruel pointed jabs.

I will not sensor myself, I will not edit my posts in the future, but I will do my best to refrain from making unnecessary pointed cruel jabs at them. (If they are necessary, or just to easy to ignore, then it's game on.)

Horoscope for today. Nailed this one.

You know you could manipulate the situation to achieve your desired outcome, but is that really such a good idea? Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. You're better off thinking before you act.


There's my horoscope today. I laughed so hard, I almost cried when I read it. I took today off, so that I could drive to LeMay Ferry and spend the afternoon with B (ya know, start the weekend early), and then yesterday happened. Ok, I'll roll with the punches. I still had today off, and had nothing to do today. I thought, what the hell, I can still drive to LeMay Ferry, spend the day at work with him and come home tonight. I won't get my weekend, but I'll have the afternoon with him.

So, I called him, left him a message, and took off down the highway. I got 20 miles down the road, and I heard a voice tell me, "Turn around, go home. If you go today, you won't get your weekend. Go home, and go tomorrow." While I looked for a place to turn around, he called me. "Today wouldn't be a good day, it's crazy around here. I'll call you later about this weekend. Still waiting to hear about Dad."

Needless to say, I turned around. Then I got my horoscope. Yes, I could have manipulated the situation to get the outcome I wanted. I could have gone to him today and spent the day with him at work and come home tonight and had only this afternoon (instead of 2 nights) with him. But was it really a good idea? Forcing the issue? Just because I could, doesn't mean I should.

I'm at home, waiting for the phone call from him. I'm pretty sure I know what he's going to say, and it won't be what I want to hear, but there is comfort in knowing I didn't force the issue, I didn't push, and I didn't crowd him, even though I wanted to, and even though I started to, I changed my course of action today.

Road block, after road block, after road block

I'm here today, and maybe this whole weekend. It's still up in the air. Batman's dad ended up in the hospital yesterday for a bit. He's been fighting cancer, (a tumor around his vocal cords) and yesterday he couldn't breathe. They rushed him to the hospital, where they did some x-rays, and a scope, and put him on some medication. They are waiting to hear back from the doctors about the test results, and we'll see where we go from here. So, that cancelled tonight's plans at the least. There is still hope maybe tomorrow and Sunday.

But I'm thinking Mother Nature is a cruel bitch. Because now they are calling for rain, sleet, freezing rain and snow the entire weekend. Even if Dad is doing better, the damn freaking weather may keep me here.

Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something.

God Damn Horoscopes

Old resentments can go deep, and with good reason -- this person really delivered quite a blow. Forgive them. That doesn't mean you necessarily need to forget, but it does mean you have to consciously heal and move on.

There's today's horoscope. How truly fitting. Ok, he (The Slug) didn't deliver that big of a blow. It wasn't devistating. I had an idea he or someone in his life, was reading my blog. So what. The threats he made last night are idle threats, at least until I hear from an attorney.

Forgive him. What's there to forgive? He blew up, he yelled, he beat his chest, he roared, he barked. There's no bite in any of it. Let him beat his chest, feel like a man, make a lot of noise, ignore him and move on. Let it go, all of it.

I'm moving on with my life. Leaving him, his family (dysfunctional as it is) behind. Taking the girls and starting over far away where he can't reach me, where he can't harrass me, or stalk me. He claims he wants me out of his life, and he wants to stop fighting with me, for the girls' sake, but here we are, back at square one, nothing has changed.

Except me. I'm not going to get worked up over it. I'm not going to let him force me into hiding, or chase me underground. I'm going to live my life, continue to write on my blog, and go on. I am free now, it's my life, to live. I don't need his approval, and he would do well to figure that out. He doesn't have to approve of anything in my life. It's none of his business any more.

I'm letting it go, I'm moving on.

Till Tuesday....

I don't think there will be time tomorrow to get anything posted here, and well, I am going 'home' tomorrow for the weekend. And if you all think for half a second I'll be showing my face around here this weekend, think again. I love y'all, but well, I love me some big h*** p**** more.

So, if I come up for air, and come back to town early enough Monday there might be some goodies to share then. Otherwise, you will have to wait till Tuesday for the latest and greatest escapades in my life.

Ciao!

Snippets of a phone conversation

Conversation last night with B on the phone......

So, how much of me is on your blog?

Oh, hell, not much. Just the occasional shout out. Why?
(yes I know, I underexagerated there, but he can come read it for himself)

Nothing about our sex life?

Uh, no. My mother reads this shit, there are some things she doesn't need to know.

Oh, that's too bad. Slug would love that shit.

I could post one of the pictures you sent me (of his *ahem* junk) on my phone. Slug could sit in the corner and whimper like the pathetic dog he is. And TFC could see that and tell him, "Hell yeah, I'd leave your ass for that shit too!"


*yeah, in case you all were wondering, and worried, I won't be sensoring myself or editing for content on this blog, just because I have readers who have no sense of humor.
Thank You. That is all.

To the owner of the Key to the Clue Shack

You know who you are, and if you still read this blog, please call me! Much to tell, and well, you have been MIA too damn long.

My Mojo is back

I'll be honest, my camera (my Nikon especially) was seriously intertwined with my relationship with Batman. I got my Nikon the day before I spent the first weekend with him. I used it to capture Scooter at his race. My photography and my cameras have been a big part of my relationship.

So, when the relationship changed, so did my love affair with my camera. Oh, not to say I don't love my camera, I do. I just couldn't pick it up. I couldn't shoot with it. I just couldn't create, there was no magic there. The thrill that I found behind the camera was as gone as Batman. I just couldn't find the joy the passion, the thrill anymore.

Until last week. Newt was sitting on the floor watching TV and I picked up the Nikon and took just a few shots, nothing formal, nothing fancy, just popped off a few. Didn't think much about it.

Until I saw them. This on in particular. My magic was back, my mojo was back. I could take amazing photos again. I could tingle, I could light up, I was coming back. I was finding my way again, my vision, my art.

I am accepting the boundaries of my relationship as defined by him, defined by me, and defined by a higher power. I haven't lost him, and now I am finding to my own delight, I haven't lost my art either.

It never ends, he never goes away.

The fact that I'm even going to blog about this sort of pisses me off, but I'm doing it anyway. I hate to give them time and space on here, but this is just another example of how fucked up they can be, and how they still can't leave me the fuck alone. Can I just say for people who claim very loudly that they just want me to go the fuck away and leave them alone, they sure spend a hell of a lot of time and energy stalking me in real life and here on the internet. They are Obsessed with me. I have a bigger following than I originally thought. Funny, they don't have the balls to comment on here, just lurk, read, and get pissed about it.

I get a phone call from The Slug last night. Guess who has found my blog! Yeah, not him, but I'm sure it was the Heifer (and now that I know she reads this, I can let you in on a little secret. The Heifer is a cleaned up nickname for her. Usually I call her TFC - yes, you guessed it, That Fucking CUNT!)

Anyway, he's all pissed off about the posts I put on here about X-BIL. Oh cry me a fucking river. This is my personal blog, where I vent, rage, rant, cry and celebrate and occassionally make fun of people. But just because they all believe they are invincible and above the laws everyone else should have to live by, apparently X-BIL thinks he's going to sue me. WHATEVER. Oh, and to quote The Slug, what I write on this blog will come back and bite me on the ass. Sure.

So, for a second I thought about making this a private blog, where all of my readers have to register and sign in, and I thought Fuck that! I'm not going to let them drive me into hiding and make me go underground. Screw them. I stand behind everything I write on here. The are facts that can be supported (and are usually linked) but for the most part this is my personal blog, for my personal OPINIONS. And last time I checked, there was such a thing as freedom of speach, so I can think/say whatever I think/want.

There will be no criminal charges filed, as I have not done a damn thing illegal. At worst, well, they might make me take the blog down, they might make me remove the posts about him. Either way, who cares. I stand behind my right to voice my opinions. And frankly If you don't like what I write here, don't fucking read it!

So, I will keep you up to date on this latest drama. It's just another example of how they value privacy, THEIR OWN, but have no problem stalking me and harrassing me. Funny thing is, I still have a restraining order in effect and if he threatens or harasses me again, the cops will be called. Put that in your fucking pipe and smoke it.

My past and my future, standing in between

As I mentioned, I get to spend a long glorious weekend with B starting Friday (posts won't be happening this weekend, and the posts to follow next week, well, will be edited for content....)

Monday is Martin Luther King Jr Day, and I'm off work. So, while I'm in Lincoln County, and in the area, I thought I'd take Monday and check out the town that will be our home in 4 months. I want to drive around, look at apartment complexes, maybe houses, check out where the schools are, the neighborhoods. I just want to start making it our home.

Tate informed me this week, that she would really like to take piano lessons when we get moved. Thank god for Batman, he knows people. He knows someone who can teach Tate piano. He's offered to hook us up.

He's offered to help look at apartments with us. He's offered to help me find a great job. He's offered to 'be there' for us when we move, as any good friend should. He's offered a lot. I will be moving to a town where I know absolutely NOBODY. B doesn't even live in the town I'm moving to. (when I say start over, fresh, I mean start over, fresh. Everything is new. Including friends.)

So, maybe I will say good bye to a part of my past this weekend (I hope not, but it's possible) I will also be saying Hello to a part of my future. Looking back at what has been, and is no more, and looking forward at what will be and could be. It's going to be an exciting emotional weekend to say the least. The very least.

Going Home, sort of

I got the phone call I've been waiting all week for, last night.

Tonight, I will dig out the suitcase, the back pack, and I will start packing.

I'm leaving Friday afternoon, and I'm going home for the weekend. I get Friday/Saturday/Sunday night with him.

Things though have changed, sort of.

The post I put here Monday is similar to one I put on the blog I created for us. Same basic message, same picture, same theme. I got an email from him....

Becky right now I just can't there are to many things that have happened. Iam no saying down the road things may work out. But right now I just can't. I do want to be friends cause I do care for you. But Iam not in love with you. I know Iam breaking your heart but its the way I feel.

It was the response I half expected, so it wasn't the crushing blow it could have been. There is hope that he hasn't ruled out the possibility of someday down the road. That's an improvement over Thanksgiving week, when he wasn't talking to me at all.

Saturday, I took the state merit test. I wanted to call him when I got done, but something prevented me from calling. Every time I went to pick up the phone, I just couldn't bring myself to call him. I knew something was going on with him, and I was sure I had an idea what, and I was positive I didn't want to know what it was. He finally called me that night.
So, what did you do today.
I took the test, blah blah blah. How was yours?
Fine.
Do I dare ask what you did today?
Oh, you can ask, you probably don't want to hear the answer.
Do I know her?
No.
That's all I want to know.

Yes, he had a 'date' of sorts. I just knew, had a feeling all day. Yes, it tugged at my heart, a lot, when he admitted it. But I expected it. I had a feeling. I knew. (again, I knew. Why can't I know lottery numbers or something important? Why this?) It's a technicality, but he's not sleeping with her. That he's saving for me, for the time being.

I know he was with her Saturday, Sunday, and Monday evening after work. I got the phone call to come 'home' this weekend, and he didn't go see her last night. He's not going to tonight. I don't know what's going on, and frankly I'm not so much a glutton for punishment that I need to know, or want to ask.

Things have changed. There's still hope, but it's not in the near future. I won't have him back in my life before I move. I'm not sure I'll have him back in my life after I move. I know that the magical 3 words I want to say, and long to hear, are stuck in my head and heart right now. He doesn't want to hear what I'm dying to say, and he can't say what I long to hear.

I will go home this weekend. With mixed emotions. Thrilled to be home again, but knowing it's not really home any more, and afraid there will be a sense of finality to it. I don't want there to be. I know this may be the last time I spend any time with him for a while. Who knows. Right now I have no feelings, no instincts, no gut reactions. I'm flying blind.

I love him. Nothing changes that. I just know that right now, well, we won't be together for a while. We'll be friends, great friends, but other than that is anyone's guess.

Promises

Sorry posts have been few and far between lately. I promise, next week things will pick up again.

Today, I met one of my Knucklehead's for lunch. We didn't have the chance to get together over the holidays, and catch up, and yesterday found us both available for a bite and a bit of gossip and pseudo therapy.

I realized something though today. I had made a promise to myself, to the girls, and in a way, to Batman. Today that promise was tested. When it came down to it, I discovered that I couldn't break that promise. I didn't want to break that promise. But I also discovered that it wasn't necessarily something I chose, it chose me. I don't know that I have a choice in this matter. This is just the way my life is right now, and how it will continue to be.

I called Batman and tried to explain it to him. (I'm sure it was kind of hazy, I was being kind of vague and there was a couple of beers involved too.) But it was a truth of mine. He would be the only one for me, for the rest of my life. Him or no one at all. I knew it in August, I know it now.

It's not like B asked for this promise, and it's not like I'm in a committed relationship with B, so I am free to do what I want, see who I want, be with who I want. The thing is, I'm not free to do any of that. The only one I want is B. He's it.

So, while I accept he needs to do what he feels he needs to do, I am bound by a promise made to myself, and others. And I'm ok with that.

Take the Chance, you won't regret it.

You believed this once, and I know a part of you believes it still. There is a part of your heart that still loves me. It still speaks to me, reaches me across the miles.

You are listening to you head, and not listening to your heart. You're afraid of getting hurt again, and being betrayed again. I can understand and respect that. I have learned that lesson and so much more. Listen to you heart, feel the love that is still there.

Take the chance on us, I swear you won't regret it. We were good together once, we can be great together now. Don't turn you back, don't walk away, because you're willing to take the chance. I swear I'm worth the risk, we're worth the risk. You won't regret it if you take it. You will regret it if you don't.

The biggest regrets we have in life are things not done. Don't regret this, take the chance Batman. Know that I love you, and there is still a part of you inside that loves me. Listen to your heart, follow your heart this time. Just one more chance, a second chance is all I'm asking......

Power struggles

The truth I knew and feared yesterday is out in the open now. Last night, in a phone call, I found the guts to ask, to face it, if for no other reason than to strip the demon of it's power. It worked. It hurt, but not as bad as I had thought, and it's not as horrible as I had feared. It's not insurmountable either.

I took the demon's power away, by bringing it out into the open, finding out the truth. The truth, no matter how awful is better than a lie and better than not knowing. Not knowing meant my imagination could run wild and make it so much worse than it was. The truth, in the light, isn't as scary as the dark.

It's another hurdle to cross, another step in the journey. It's not defeat by any means, but it changes directions. There is still hope, but it's a step back too. Not as close as I once thought, but not down and out either. It just changes the game.

I'm not a quiter. I won't give up. I won't turn my back on what I believe to be true. I won't walk away. I'm a fighter, and I will fight for what I want and for what I believe in. I won't give up easily.

Truths and Demons

Of course, he didn't show last night. Bad day at work, late day at work, drama with the kids, too late to come up. Excuses. All of them believable, and all of them doubtful at the same time. But that is just the demons in my head talking.

The demons have been busy today, working hard to destroy what confidence I had in me, in him and in us. I'm sad to say they are winning, because what they are saying I have questioned myself for a while now, and it's believable. It's painful and it fucking messed up, and it's horrible, but it's believable and it's possible.

Funny, though, I knew before I ever left the house yesterday morning, he wouldn't show. I knew it all day long. I just kept hoping I was wrong, knowing I wasn't.

I still get a weekend, and it's possible it will be next weekend, even though we weren't sure. He talked to EW, and next weekend they will split it, meaning Princess and Scooter will be with him until Saturday afternoon. It is possible I will get to go there after he takes them home.

It's possible pigs will fly out of my ass too. Not bloodly likely, but hell, stranger things have happened.

There is another truth out there. I feel it, I know it. The betrayal of the act, and the betrayal of the lies kills me. I won't ask because I know that I could not stand in the face of the truth. And yet I hate being the coward with my head stuck in the sand. I just wish it was out in the open, and over and done with.

I want him. I want us. More than anything I want us. I have worked too hard, waited, and played by the rules, jumped through the hoops, I've come too far to lose it all.

Thank you for your concern, I'm going to be fantabulous

Can I just say Thank you to all of my readers out there who in the course of the past month or so have sent emails to me, asking me if I’m ok? I know that at times, my thoughts on here get pretty dark, and hopeless and depressing. But the thing I’m learning about me is, I’m a fighter. I don’t wallow in the darkness long. It’s no fun there.

I have been through hell in my personal life. For far too long I’ve been through hell. I have allowed too many people, too many unworthy, undeserving people to have too much power in my life. Made it easy to blame them for the shit going wrong in my life. But the truth of the matter is, it wasn’t their fault really. It was mine, my fault for not standing up and taking back my power, for allowing them to do what they did.

I have learned a lot lately. When my world fell apart I could have crumbled with it, but I didn’t. At times I stumbled, and tripped, but I picked myself up and kept going. I found a strength in my I didn’t know I had. My sister said at the time, that maybe we both needed to go through this, to learn some lessons. And if it was meant to be it would all work out in the end. I didn’t want to believe her then, but I see she was probably right.

I had to learn to fight my own fights, on my own, without having someone to lean on. If I leaned on him, he would have stepped up and helped, or fought for me, and it wasn’t his fight to fight. I had to learn to face my demons on my own, for myself. I also had to face my own responsibility, the part I had played in the path my life had taken. I had to own up to what I had done to end up where I was. That was not pretty, and it was not easy, but it was important and it was healthy.

I had to learn that if I allow them too, the demons in my head will continue to haunt me. I had to learn that they were voices from my past, and I am no longer that person. I had to learn how to wrestle the power away from them. I struggle with it still sometimes, but I am learning how to over come them.

I had to learn how to stay away from temptation. What you see isn’t always what it appears to be. I had to learn to trust what was said, verses what I thought I saw. Seeing was only part of the picture, the truth lies within the person. Sometimes too much information, interpreted the wrong way, is a very dangerous thing. I had to learn to not go looking for things because I would find what I wanted to support what I thought, instead of the truth. And the truth was all that mattered.

I had to learn to believe in what I know, trust in what I believe. I know in my heart of hearts some things are true. I don’t know how I know, but I know. Some things have just felt right from the very beginning, and things have fallen into place for those things to happen. Trust in life, trust in a higher power, trust in my heart, in my soul and in my instincts and I’ve been good so far.

I had to learn how to let go of the need to control life, and those around me, in my life. Ultimately I am the only one I can control, and the rest is up to the fates, to everyone else. Letting go and having faith go hand in hand. Hard lessons to learn, but I’m learning.

I’ve learned a lot. I’ve learned that even though I haven’t set foot in a church in a very long time, my parents did manage to instill a strong sense of faith in me. I have discovered the power of praying to my higher power. I have learned that faith is a powerful thing. I have learned that the answers to my ‘prayers’ may not always be the answers I want, but they are always the answers I need.

I have learned that promises made to myself are worth keeping. That promises I made to myself are hard to break. I have discovered that I don’t want to break them. I made a promise and I meant it when I made it, I mean it now. I made the same promise to Batman and to my daughters. It’s a promise I will keep until my dying day. No questions, no doubts.

I have learned to listen to my heart and my soul. That when I know that I know what I know, then it is usually right, even when I can’t explain it. I just have to trust my instincts, my heart.

I have learned to let the universe lead me where I need to be lead, and to let the universe get me there on it’s time, not mine. When I stop trying to control the world, life has a way of working out better than I could have imagined.

So, thank you for your concerns, and thank you for caring enough to ask. Yes, I’m doing ok, in fact, I’m going to be just fine. I’m just growing up. I am learning a lot of important lessons that will serve me will in the future. And I can pass them along to my daughters. I’m sure I will have more dark days, but I know there will be days of Sunshine too. It’s going to be an exciting journey, with a lot of lessons to learn. But I’ll be ok, in fact, I’ll be better than ok. I’m going to be fantabulous.

2 hours till the circus comes home

Two more hours of work, then it's off to get the kids and bring them home. The house will be full of noise tonight (and if Batman comes up, I'll be contributing, but that's never you mind). It will be nice to have them back again.

Ah the girls' room is spotless, save all the clean clothes that I have folded and piled on their beds. Tonight we will go in there, the 3 of us, and I will show them how to put them all away right. There should never be a mess in that room like there was a week ago. Oy!

Bo's room needs help, but I wasn't going to do it by myself. He's old enough to help, and if he helps, it will stay cleaner longer. That's tomorrow's project.

Tonight, it's laughter and fun and games, it's family. I will finally have my babies back, and now that the girls are mine, it will be even more special, for me at least.

Looking out for me.

Ok, I wasn't going to post about this, but it cracked me up, so I'm gonna share.

Batman has said that he's coming up tonight, to spend the night. (The weekend, next weekend has been postponed, long story, have EW to thank for that) So, I thought for sure I'd hear something from him today...a few flirty emails, some thing.

But NNNNNNOOOOOOO. It's been dead silence. And I've been driving MS insane with worrying about it.

So, finally there's an email from him. "It's been crazy around here I will call you later." and I told MS I got an email from her.

Her response? "That better mean while he's driving up here. "

That's my girl! Always looking out for me! Thanks MS!! (and yes, you're right, that beter mean while he's driving up here.)

And speaking of looking out for me, I was exchanging emails with Sudiegirl (who has an amazing blog btw, go check her out) and I was making the observation that I seem to have an every expanding audience. And should things not work out for Batman and me, then Batman had better run hide, because there will a large gathering of my readers out for his hide.

Patience

If the universe is trying to teach me patience I wish it would hurry the hell up.

Screwed up almost beyond hope

The saga of TD and my ex BIL continues....

Just to catch everyone up to speed my ex BIL was convicted of Sexual Misconduct and Asault for inappropriately touching his teen age step daughter (TD). He served 30 days in jail, is on probation, and has to register as a sex offender. (See here)

He can not live in the same house as TD, in fact he can not be around anyone under the age of 18 unless he is supervised by a court approved supervisor. His entire family has to go through training to become these court approved supervisors. It is a 12 week course.

In the meantime, his wife (TD's mother) is still married to him, and sticking with him. She's not going to leave him. In fact, TD is moving out of the house so that X-BIL can come home. Her (TD's) choice? Not entirely. Is X-SIL stupid to chose her man over her daughter? Oh without a doubt. But I'm sure she's chosing his paycheck over her daughter, and in her mind that makes it ok.

TD is dating. (I guess that's what she's doing). OK, she's seeing, messing around with, knocking boots with, bumping uglies with a new guy. Who is 29. Uh, since TD isn't yet 17, that still makes it all illegal. Are they going after this guy? I mean, they went after X-BIL, why not go after this numb-nuts? It's just as wrong for him as it was for X-BIL.

Apparently they are, or at least there is talk of it.

Here's the deal though. TD is just crying out for attention. X-BIL(J) and X-SIL(K) both left their daughters at home alone, more often than they were home with them. J and K both worked 2 jobs, and as much OT as they could. They were driven by the almighty dollar and the fancy toys the dollar could buy. The girls were left at home alone. A lot. They wanted attention, they needed attention and affection. They needed their parents. I told J and K once, those girls will find the attention and the affection they need and are not getting from you. I promise you, you won't like where they find it.

I was right. TD isn't in love with this guy, or any other guy in her world. She is just starved for affection and attention. She's been ignored most of her life, and well, she's looking for love in all the wrong places. Even now, no one is paying attention to her, at least no one in her family. They are still all too willing to throw her under the bus, and protect X-BIL.

I knew this family was dysfunctional, that's another reason I left. It's screwed up, beyond belief. I'm out of there, my girls are out of there. I only hope TD and her younger sister get out of there still somewhat whole, and they get the help they are going to so desperately need.

I hate waiting.

Some thing is going to happen today, one way or the other. It's 'the other' I'm afraid will happen. It's the 'one thing' I want, very much.

In the meantime, I wait, until it has been decided which way the wind will blow in my life. And I hate waiting, especially for this. Or that.

My Magic 8 Ball

Ok, I have something going on (or not) in my life in the next 24 hours. The plan is for it to happen, but there is always the possiblitly it will be postponed. So, to calm my nerves I went to the Magic 8 Ball I have on my Google Homepage and asked it a couple of questions.

Questions like "Will it really happen tonight?" The all knowing Magic 8 ball answered "Without a doubt". Another question along the lines of "Will I get all I wanted tonight?" and the Magic 8 ball answered with "Outlook Good"

So, if the Magic 8 ball says that it's all good, it has to be all good right? I mean, they didn't sell a bagillion Magic 8 balls that LIE, now did they?

Making Peace

I have struggled from time to time with the whole custody issue regarding my son. I have faced this with mixed emotions. Until yesterday, when a friend of mine put it in perspective for me.

Bo is 13, and he’s the only male living in a predominantly female invironment. 13 is a tough age for anyone, it’s exceptionally difficult for a 13-year-old guy living with him mom and sisters. He has no one there who understands him, no one he can relate to, talk to, and we just annoy him with our girly girl stuff.

For whatever the reason (and there are plenty, all of them suspect at best) his father wants custody of him. And I have struggled with that. I know that Bo has been unhappy at my house, and it will only continue to get worse as he gets older. I don’t know how to relate to him, and he doesn’t know how to talk to me. So, when this came up I faced it with conflicting thoughts.

My first thought was FIGHT. Fight this, because what kind of mother gives her child away, even just to his father? I wanted to fight this because, well, I wanted to fight. But I soon realized that wasn’t good for Bo, or for the girls or me actually.

My second thought was, if I don’t fight, would he think that I just gave him up, and abandoned him? Will he think I don’t love him as much as I love the girls? I fought for the girls, and won, why didn’t I fight for him?

Then I got this email from a friend of mine. She said Boys are tough to deal with when they get to the age of Bo. You have done a good job so let someone else deal with the difficult teenage years. And that’s what I needed to hear to make peace with the whole situation.

Bo really does want to live with his father. I think it’s because his dad has all the cool game systems, movies, computers and it’s a regular frat house over there. And that’s fine for a while, but eventually it will wear on him. Eventually his father will have to step up and become the disciplinarian and there will have to be rules established and followed. The fun and games of the honeymoon won’t last forever. Real life will set in.

I have been the primary home, primary parent, the disciplinarian in Bo’s life for 13 years. But now we’re knocking on the teen years, the difficult years. Isn’t it time someone else had a turn? Let someone (his father) step up and do the hard work, handle the difficult years. Let him fight the fights with teenage Bo, let him worry about the dates, the curfews, the phone calls, the homework, the baseball practices, football practice. Let him be the parent, the disciplinarian. Let him be/do all that I have been/done for the past 13 years.

And I will now get to be the Fun house, the Fun parent. I will only have him for short periods of time, so now it can all be fun. There won’t need to be fights, or arguments. My house will now be the fun house. And now, I can enjoy my time with my son, without always having to ride his ass about homework, grades, whatever.

That’s not to say I won’t care, and I won’t take an active interest in his life. I just don’t have to be the primary disciplinarian any more. I don’t have to be the perpetual bad guy. I can now, relax, and enjoy my son, and get to know him without the stress and drama that comes with the parent/teenager relationship.

Still, it’s not easy to let him go, but I think in the end it’s better for him. It will improve our relationship, and it will give his father an hands on idea what it means to be a full time parent. (He’s so clueless)

I am finally making peace with this decision. It’s been a slow process, but I think I’m getting to the point where it’s not so bad, and it’s really the best thing for everyone involved.

The kids come home tomorrow!

The kids come home tomorrow. It's been a week since I've seen them. We will be back on normal schedules now, and they will be home more than they are gone, at least until summer. I have really enjoyed the peaceful evenings being alone has given me. When I think about it though, I miss their laughter, their giggles, their yelling and even the arguments. It reminds me that I have 3 wonderful kids, and I've been very blessed.

Bo, will live with his father full time now. I have agreed to give him legal custody of him, and allow Bo to live with him. I think at 13 Bo really shouldn't be living with 3 females, he needs a man in his life. (Unfortunately he won't get that with his father either, but hopefully there are friends of his father around who are real men., but that's another post entirely).

2006 is gone, and with it, my past. I have let it go. I am embracing 2007 and my future. The girls are starting to get excited about moving to a new town this summer, meeting new people. Maybe it has a lot to do with I promised we would check into Girl Scouts, and gymnastics for them, as a way to make new friends and meet new people.

One more quiet night at home. Tomorrow the circus comes back around, and my house will be full of laughter, and noise, and kids. It will feel like home again.

January Daily Blogging

I surf a lot of blogs. Some I visit once, some I visit often. Along my journey, I ran across NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) which was November. It was a group of bloggers who had agreed to post to their blog every day for the entire month of November. I discovered it too late to join.

There was also Holidailies, which was posting to your blog every day for the month of December. Yeah, I missed out on that one too.

So, yesterday, surfing the blogs that were signed up with NaBloPoMo, I found January Daily Blogging. And guess what? I could still join! I found one just in time! WaHoo! They're going to let me play.

So, I will be trying to post something to this blog every single day of January. Of course, looking at the past few days, that shouldn't be a problem.

If you'd like to join, click on the picture in the upper right corner of my blog, and sign up there!