Monday, January 1, 2007

Happy New Year! It's gonna be my year!

Welcome 2007!!!

This weekend has been so empowering for me, utterly beyond words. Saturday I woke with this need to have the holidays over and out of my house. I was done with Christmas this year. I had survived it with my kids, without Batman, and I was done with it. Friday night was my last Christmas celebration, the decorations disappeared from sight by 7:00AM Saturday morning. Time to move forward.

I spent part of Saturday cleaning my apartment, the living room, the kitchen. Basically just surface cleaning though. Not anything serious. Sunday, I did a a whole lot of nothing more than read an entire book. New Year's Eve, no date. He was with his kids. We talked on the phone around 9:45-ish, we were both calling it a night.

This morning, I woke to a new day, a new week, a new month, and a new year. By 6:00 AM I was in the girls' bedroom, stripping their beds, and throwing all the clothes that were on the floor, their beds their dressers, out into my living room. I spent 2 hours picking up toys, going through toy boxes, closets, dressers, throwing away things they no longer played with, wore or used. Purging. It felt wonderful. (Until I saw the 3 foot tall pile of laundry in my living room waiting for me).

I hit the kitchen next, throwing away old, getting rid of things I no longer need or use. Same with the living room. Papers, emails, pictures of old 'loves', reminders of my past, of the desperation to make something out of nothing. No point in holding on to reminders of things gone wrong. I've learned the lessons, I don't need to keepsakes, or the touchstones. I don't need the bagage.

It's now after 2:00 and I worked non-stop for 8 hours this morning. Throwing out old dead weight. I have taken 14 20-gallon trashbags to the dumpsters down the hill. I am sure the neighborhood thinks I'm a freak, or that I've chopped up a body and am disposing of it in seperate garbage bags.

With every bag I took down the hill there was giddy laughter tempered with sadness. Laughter at the freedom I felt and the knowledge that I was claiming more and more of my life as my own. Sadness because I once felt the need to cling to so much garbage. My happiness was not in these things. In fact, it was in the purging of the bad. With every load disposed of, I felt freer, lighter, happier. I was taking back my life, leaving the past behind. I have my memories, but I don't need the junk holding me down.

I have more to do, and I will get through it. Maybe not today, maybe not tonight, but I have all week. I have made a great start, much headway. All that I feel going through all that I am going through right now, sometime just overwhelms me. I cry tears but not of sadness, tears of too many emotions, feeling too much. Relief, joy, happiness, hope, freedom, strength, courage, love, you name it, I feel it.

2007, is going to be my year. I will have my new life, my new home, and god willing my man too. So, grab a comfortable seat, and a cuppa joe, or your drink of choice, and get comfy. It's going to be an exciting year!

Oh, and Yes, Tennessee Becky, I will be blogging about my great, exciting news....but it will have to be tomorrow. I have the perfect blog title for it, but it only works tomorrow. So, stay tuned.

1 comment:

Blogger said...

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